<p>Oh I am so sorry you are dealing with PITA brothers, and I SOOO get it. </p>
<p>And yes, eyeamom, UTI’s are nasty, nasty, and often asymptomatic in the elderly.</p>
<p>Given the horror stories I’ve heard and seen, I will never make my s’s co-trustees, even though they are very close. Just asks for trouble and inconvenience (like eso described)</p>
<p>I’ve been following this thread with great interest. This is not an easy time of life.</p>
<p>I have a general question about supplemental insurance for my in-laws. Dad is relatively healthy but mom (79) had an incapacitating stroke when she was 54. Did alright for many, many years but has really decompensated over the last three years. Multiple months long stays in nursing homes, etc. Dad is her caregiver and has never complained… a saint.
Their supplemental insurance provider is changing and they have to make some decisions re: where to go next. When I found out what they were paying monthly form her previous employer all these years, I thought I would faint. (Think COBRA-like levels.) She DOES require a lot of services, but I think they have ripped off immensely.
Could any of you tell me what your parents pay? She’s deathly afraid of paying for less service but I think it is astronomical.
Thanks!</p>
<p>Woody- are you talking about paying for MD help or paying for a caregiver to do ADL? My MIL is also incapacitated, has been for nearly 30 years. FIL has been the primary caregiver, but the last 10 years or so they pay cash for a person to dress & bathe her.</p>
<p>Thanks somemom - I meant what is the typical monthly cost of supplemental insurance.
H and I are paying out of pocket for a companion to come in and assist with bathing dressing, etc.</p>
<p>woody, my mom pays $247/month for her supplemental medical (Anthem). She also has a supplemental Rx plan which is $23/mo (Humana). This is all in addition to her Medicare premium.</p>
<p>ETA – I got a very nice, very apologetic email from my brother this morning. I accepted his apology, and then did as you suggested, ECmother – proposed that next time he’s here, we might talk about shifting some of this stuff to him, depositing checks, etc. There’s are BofA branches where he lives.</p>
<p>Not sure if they still have this available, but in your area, the dept of aging or maybe it was medicare had a web site where you could enter information and you could see what was the best coverage/pricing on a supplemental. Years ago we did this with my mom - based on the medications she regularly took etc, and we found the best supplement for her. She had private insurance, and when Medicare became primary, it was helpful in deciding which supplement to pick up.</p>
<p>I believe my mother pays less than that for supplemental via AARP/United. If your mother is paying “COBRA-like” rates, is her plan providing some greater than usual coverage? AARP can link you to a page where you can calculate rates by zip.</p>
<p>I just changed Mom’s supplemental (assuming you are talking medicare F?) Her old one was $350 / month moving up to $375. But she had an insurance agent that she had worked with that remembered her birthday and he called on her old phone number (that I’d transfered to google voice so I get email messages). He found her one for $250/month for the exact same coverage. This isn’t counting her pharmacy coverage which is also about $250 / month (plus $250 in pharmacy bills). I was thankful because it wasn’t on my radar to check that expense.</p>
<p>I am glad, over all that my brother is co-trustee. It is too much responsibility to make all the decisions in limbo. To have to come to an agreement isn’t so much trouble for us, it is the speed at which it happens that is my problem. I am not well know for my patience ::rolls eyes::. </p>
<p>I just picked up a copy of the “Saving the family cottage” book about creating a way to pass along a family property without getting mixed up in control from divorced spouses and the next generations. I am looking at it to save the family ranch on Dad’s side. Mom’s stuff I’d sell in a heart beat if there was any market for it in the small town. As guardian, i can’t in good conscience sell it at a loss while she needs the $$ for care, but when it is my inheritance (and bros so he gets some say), I am so getting rid of it at ANY price. </p>
<p>woody, Medicare Rights Center is a wonderful nonprofit that helps find the right plans for Medicare recipients. You call them and get to talk with a retired health insurance executive volunteer or staffer that can advise about every state.
<a href=“http://www.medicarerights.org/programs/national-helpline/”>http://www.medicarerights.org/programs/national-helpline/</a></p>
<p>Thanks everyone. I’ve got some homework to do…</p>
<p>Sounds like MIL has had a turn for the worse, but can’t figure out what’s going on yet. FIL called and wants DH to stop by after work, so I’m trying to reach him.</p>
<p>MIL had 2 falls we know of this weekend, maybe a third. Had a very rough night. Hospice is going to bring by a hospital bed tomorrow, and FIL wanted some help clearing out space in the living room. He said that one BIL/SIL said they would come by tomorrow to help, and that he told them tomorrow may be too late. So does she just need a bed, or did the hospice nurse that came by this morning tell him something more? Darn if I can figure out what he’s trying to tell me. </p>
<p>He doesn’t understand either. Hasn’t understood much about her condition since this started 3 years ago, and usually waits way too long to call in help. Most days, she is the one with the clear head, but when her condition deteriorates so that she cannot guide him, he gets pretty lost and makes terrible decisions. Is this the end stage of the cancer? diabetes issue? UTI? They’d rather see DH, but if I don’t hear from him soon I’ll go over.</p>
<p>MomofJandL, I know it’s inconvenient but if I were you, I’d go now, and try to get your husband to go when he can. It sounds serious.</p>
<p>Call 911? It does sound serious.</p>
<p>MomofJandL, I agree with Cardinal Fang. Hugs and good luck!</p>
<p>I did get in touch with DH, and he is on his way over. No reason to call 911 since she’s on hospice and they won’t take her to the hospital. It’s a scary thing, but if this is the end it is the end. A nurse was there this morning, and was scheduled to come back. I have heard that the hospice workers are skilled at being able to tell when the end is near, but not sure what she really said. FIL has been known to panic then say all is well. She has been on hospice for 14 months.</p>
<p>The weird thing was the call. He went into great detail on the steps required to get the bed into the house, and to get her moved to it, and what time everything is supposed to happen. And then just dropped the offhand remark about tomorrow may be too late. What?? </p>
<p>It’s not really inconvenient for me to go, but they are more open with DH. If he thinks things are really serious, I’ll go over, to be there and to see if I can help. </p>
<p>Yes, they can be skilled at knowing and they have some very helpful printed info that helps families. It’s both frank and gentle. But can you also call hospice for today’s visit report? To add to what DH will hear from his parents? Best wishes.</p>
<p>MomofJandL- sorry for all your family is navigating. Hospice is usually good about keeping extended family members up to date, especially if requested. Additionally, once it is clearer what is going on, can bringing in more help day to day be arranged, assuming it is not in place currently? I have been on the front lines of implementing hospice care, pain kit, etc. for a friend. It is a lot of responsibility and judgment calls, med timing , etc. Additionally, getting a nurse to the house in a timely matter was sometimes an issue. It may be a time to up the support. All the best to you as this unfolds. </p>
<p>MomofJandL, I was in a rush and didn’t see that hospice is involved. Would they be willing to talk to you? That might be the only way you’ll get the straight story.</p>
<p>Keep us posted. This is rough. Sending strong thoughts your way.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the kind thoughts. MIL is surrounded by her family now, as she should be. Not sure how FIL will get through the next few days and weeks, but we’ll be with him on the way.</p>
<p>How good that the family is there. And that FIL did call for DH. Best to all through this rough time.</p>