<p>Eyes mom… I’d give you a clue bat for some of your family, but I don’t think mine is big enough!
…thanks iPad autocorrect, it WILL not fix your name!</p>
<p>I don’t have any suggestions because it seems like you are doing it all pretty well, and pretty well is very good in this place. </p>
<p>best advice I heard is DOCUMENT what you do, what you find out, what problems occurred. I started a google diary for myself because I lost track of days when things were busy, but then it was easy to keep sharing it with my brother. My brother is good, but had no idea about the daily tasks I took on until he saw it every day.</p>
<p>So is it not an option to say no to the niece? Is there some reason that sister can make the decision? Also, if Mom does move in the next few months, niece will have given up her apt so it may make it harder to get her out of Mom’s place. I somehow doubt her own mother will pay the rent. I’m sorry.</p>
<p>The problem is my mom is of sound mind. I signed the lease when my mom was in the hospital to get the ball rolling and get her a place to live. And we all agreed to not deal with the income issue for her since that held her up at other places. She pays her own rent. So if mom is okay with her moving in, and the niece is all for it, what else can I really do beyond voice my concerns to my mom and my sister? I did tell my sister - so you’re clear, if mom goes to AL or NH, that apartment will be cleaned out and put up for rent asap. </p>
<p>Good news! There is one place where she went to rehab that is literally next door to her. It’s everyone’s first choice, beautiful facility, the food is good, they’re very nice there. And they have the attached skilled nursing facility so when the time comes she can be moved over there. I’ve been in contact with them and while she doesn’t qualify for the more expensive unit a less expensive, smaller unit, but with a view of the water will be coming available in 4 - 6 weeks. So I’m having my brother pull together the banking information and we’ll get the ball rolling for the official approval. Once we get that we’ve all agreed to be in it together and tell her this is what she has to do. It’s either go to this nice, beautiful place now, or it will be a state run facility down the road. </p>
<p>Wow- sounds perfect! So good to have NH/SNF on site. Sending all good thoughts for this becoming a notion . Best with “making all roads lead to Rome”!</p>
<p>Darn, keeping up with my parents once a week does not seem to be enough. Coming over to my parent’s apartment today, I discovered, by accident that my mom has an appointment with a joint replacement specialist on Monday morning. This is certainly the first I heard of a problem. In the meantime, my mom is complaining of her back, not her knee (which is bothering her “a little”)! However, it seems she went to an Orthopedic clinic sometime last week and her knee was evaluated. All this information I gathered by looking at her chart online (I set up the user name and password) and saw the knee x-rays and googled the name of the surgeon she is seeing on Monday to see that he was a joint replacement specialist. Neither my mom or my dad have any idea of what was told to them this past week, why they are going to another Orthopedic clinic, and assumed it was for her back. My mom is sweet, compliant and will do anything the Dr. says. I just hope he’s not a surgeon who always recommends surgery. </p>
<p>I can’t go to her appointment on Monday with such short notice with work. I sent a message to the joint replacement surgeon asking to please refer to physical therapy and that doing a knee replacement on a knee that is bothering her “a little” will be sure to cause both my parent’s cognitive status to decline. Now I found out I am not supposed to use my Mom’s online chart to send a message, but I am supposed to sign a “proxy form” and get my own online account for my mom. Crazy. </p>
<p>Gt, it was Moms knee replacement that landed her in AL. She never went home from it after that surgery. I was not convinced she needed it either. She still complains about how much it hurts. Good luck!</p>
<p>Re: knee pain. I had an interesting consult with an orthopedist who explained why knee replacement can be a mistake. In part he said, without appropriate post-op physical therapy, the issue can return. In part he said it’s often not the panacea people are led to believe. I realize there are different sorts of this surgery. In my case and something for my mother, the advice was PT from the get go, to strengthen the muscles and tendons that allow the knee to function properly.</p>
<p>GT, did you have an option to cancel the appt? At least until you can be there?</p>
<p>Agree that PT is definitely the place to start. Surgery is truly something to consider carefully after exhausting other options and maxing out on PT.</p>
<p>Agree that a 2nd opinion (at a minimum) would be a good idea (where you can be present). Also agree that not all folks find their lives improved by joint replacements and it can actually make things worse for some folks. So many things to consider–don’t let things be rushed. Do you have medical power of attorney, GT? Sounds like it might be a good thing to get if you don’t already have it and use it to talk with these docs and others involved in the care of your folks.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine having a joint replacement at an advanced age for a joint that hurts “a little.” </p>
<p>Sorry, too late to edit. When your mom is at the surgeon’s office on Monday, she could sign a HIPAA form which would give you permission to talk to this doctor, even without a DPOA.</p>
<p>Thanks all, I have a medical power of attorney which hopefully is on file as their CCRC is connected with the hospital but who knows if it shows up in the “system.” I will make sure it is in the hands of the office she is going to. I suspect this all happened because my mom probably did mention knee pain to the primary who got the ball rolling with evaluating the knee. It might be the knee she actually had replaced about 6 years ago (she did fine). I assumed it was her other knee and I should have explored more. But the story in my mom and dad’s head probably changed to the back as that is what is really bothering her. Unfortunately, the cognitive issues keep her from explaining what is really going on and therefore, the orthopedic provider took the lead from the primary, evaluated the knee with x-rays and then referred to the joint specialist. </p>
<p>I thought of cancelling the appointment, but they did arrange for transportation, which is written on their board (I bought them a wipe board hung in a prominent spot which has helped so much. They will write appointments and reminders on it), which is how I found out about such an appointment. If she goes, I can at least figure out which knee they are looking at and get a referral for PT. I know I can prevent her from getting a joint replacement until other options are explored and exhausted. </p>
<p>As to joint replacements, I had my hip replaced at a fairly young age. It was a panacea. I am athletic and was able to return to all my sports except for running of course. I can run, but I don’t want to make the mistake of wearing out my replaced hip. Revision surgeries are much trickier and don’t have as good of a track record which is why I started wondering last night if it was her replaced knee that was bothering her. But she was sitting with her legs crossed (not replaced over replaced) so how bad can her knee be? </p>
<p>In the meantime, My parent’s have drastically cut back their morning walk from a little over a mile to about 1/2 mile. It’s not clear if it’s due to mom’s knee or her back. </p>
<p>Joint replacement for an active young person is (can be) a different matter than for an elderly person. I think you’re right to at least question the value of this surgery for your mom. </p>
<p>Glad to hear you have POA. You might want to take a copy to work with you tomorrow, then, so that when you call the surgeon first thing in the morning, if they don’t have it, you can quickly provide it. Now I’m remembering that for a while I just kept a copy of Dad’s DPOA in my car. On any given day, there was a chance I might be dealing with a new provider, and always having it with me saved me having to drive home on a number of occasions.</p>
<p>Oh boy GT - I sure hope the specialist isn’t surgery happy and is conservative with a plan for PT. My mil didn’t do pt much after her replacement and it’s still a mess. Her other knee is a mess too and I’m not even sure at this point if it would even be worth it for her. Everyone is correct, when your bones are young and healthy it’s one thing, when you’re elderly with other issues you can’t possibly do the work for a complete recovery. </p>
<p>Best tomorrow, GT. Makes sense to have your paperwork on file with each office your parents visit. Also, to speak with nurse or Dr. so professionals know just how little info is retained after the office consult. That may encourage them to go through you for major decisions, especially if they are aware that you are the one who makes it all function for them behind the scenes. I think carrying copies of all docs as others said, is a good idea, maybe even having scanned or photos of them on cell phone in case of the unexpected. </p>
<p>I just sent scanned copies of the documents and proxies for both my parents to the central office and will bring them to work. It’s now all on my emai… Of course it’s a terrible idea for my mother to get her knee replaced. I doubt she would ever leave rehab. I am just surprised that somehow she ended up with a joint replacement specialist without going to PT first. </p>