<p>guilt is a weird thing. Yes, I have some guilt my mom is in AL, even though in my head I know it is the right and best option available at the current time. Still sad. Still that niggling guilt.
Then I have been fairly … well not proud, but sort of patting-myself-on-the back, anti-guilt (if that makes sense, I know it will to this crowd). So I have been anti-guilt by assuring myself that I am going up (400 miles one way) to see her as often as possible. almost every month. But then filling out the PHYSICAL guardian report (as opposed to the financial one I just got done); they have a block for How often did you see guarded person? 9 times. I went up 9 times in the last year, I skipped 2 months and my brother was there both of those. I haven’t been yet this month so that will be 10 times in a year. How does it seem so little? When the kids were small and she was OK, 3 or 4times a year was the norm. 9 just looks so … scant. I did put that each trip was 2 to 4 days sometimes more. But still feel that creeping guilt. </p>
<p>eso,
That sounds like patient abandonment <a href=“http://definitions.uslegal.com/p/patient-abandonment/”>http://definitions.uslegal.com/p/patient-abandonment/</a>
They can’t just close up shop and make no other arrangements for patients. If there are other drs in the practice you should be able to push to have your mom managed by one of them. I forget what state she is in, but take a look at the patient abandonment laws in that state.</p>
<p>esobay, try not to feel guilty. Yes, it’s hard. But it’s just a piece of paper you’re filling out, not 400 miles each way in the car and 2-4 days between each car ride.</p>
<p>We do the best we can, for our parents and for our kids. At least that’s what I tell myself!</p>
<p>eso, push back the creeping guilt. You are doing all that you can do, short of uprooting your life and moving. And it’s not reasonable for anyone, including you, to expect you to do that.</p>
<p>NY Times writer Joyce Wadler’s column about her mother’s stroke:
<a href=“My Mother’s Stroke - The New York Times”>http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/26/fashion/I-Was-Misinformed-my-mothers-stroke-.html</a></p>
<p>Wow. That’s amazing writing. She captures just what it’s like when dealing with your elderly parents, in one funny, touching column.</p>
<p>Of course she has only one slice of the sandwich–she’s single and childless.</p>
<p>Love her writing, hate the memories of mom’s stroke. </p>
<p>@esobay - I’m having the same issues. I’ve been going monthly to see my mom and honestly it’s too much. It’s 4.5 hrs each way. I also work. I’m going up tomorrow again for a few days. </p>
<p>Eso, what are the benefits of a pacemaker check? Try to find out how often it “really” needs checked. Can you ski a year? I think the check is merely protocol. Most primary care doctors don’t have the equipment needed for pacemaker checks so don’t get angry at the primary. </p>
<p>pacemaker checks are 4x a year … on the phone. Someone needs to read it and sign off. Her pacemaker records “incidents” ; I think it is arrythmia that it records. The hospital could do the checks. But mostly I am mad at the clinic that none of the existing Dr. won’t step up (so far). On the other hand, I don’t know what they might do if they see something, and that is one question I need to follow up on.</p>
<p>eyemamom, I couldn’t have done it and worked. So much stuff is “business” hours only. Unless you can work weekends I can’t imagine how you do it.</p>
<p>Well I own a business so I can technically take off whenever I want. But sometimes the demands on my time are greater than someone who works a regular job. I’ll have my cell and laptop and check in. It’s my big beef with my sisters who work p/t jobs for other people. It’s not that easy for me to be away. Especially as my business is going through a growth spurt. I’m really crabbing about it today, I spent the weekend going to see my daughter at college for her sorority weekend and I’m just turning around today and leaving. Then the guilt hits in, I know my mom is happy to see me. But when she was healthy and my kids were younger I didn’t see her this much. </p>
<p>You’re doing the best you can. That’s what brings us all here. We’re trying. I hope we all have moments when we give ourselves that credit.</p>
<p>Yes, eyemamom, it’s sort of sad that when we live far from our parents, we manage to see them when they really need us more than we did when the kids were younger. True, we had to work around kids’ school schedules and it was really expensive to fly us all, and a pain to drive. </p>
<p>Edit: Truthfully, though, it wouldn’t have hurt my parents to visit once in a while. They loved to travel, but we didn’t live in a place that was exotic enough for them. So I really don’t feel guilty about not seeing them more often. </p>
<p>I’m here now with mom. My sister and I are here and we just discussed her situation and options. She is agreeing to go to the place that’s next door with the best options. I’m waiting for the sales person to call back to see if we can go over today. I’m just going to push this along. She is grateful that we all care enough to make sure that she’s well cared for and I got to explain why she needs to go now while she qualifies. She needs help all day, a 3 x per week aide isn’t cutting it. </p>
<p>eyemamom, what a victory! Hope you hear from the sales person ASAP.</p>
<p>Eyeamom- so glad that all are on the same page and hope that it goes well. Great plan to “push it along” while there is momentum. Best with AL contacts.</p>
<p>Great news, eyeamom.</p>
<p>That’s real progress, eyeamom!</p>
<p>Huge progress. Let us know how the visit goes.</p>
<p>ETA- You’re doing great. The hardest thing is to get important people on the same page, and you’re there. The rest is just logistics and you can do that. One step at a time.</p>