<p>Yesterday, our papers covered the story of a 84 year old man who accidentally hit the accelerator and hit the laundry room where his 79 year old wife was. She is now in critical condition in the ER/ICU. </p>
<p>Thanks to all who shared the info and resources on assessing driving ability, as well as those great tips about how to finesse an end to a dangerous situation. Agree that this is one of the most important issues in elder care. </p>
<p>My parents forgot my birthday. I’m not sure why it bothered me, but it was the first time. I didn’t expect them to plan (always just sent me a check in the past), get a card or present, but I did expect to get a call inviting me to the senior center for dinner. Especially since I took my them out for my dad’s birthday last weekend. I saw them today and didn’t mention it as my dad would blame my mother and we don’t need to go there. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, GTalum. It is definitely one of those aging symptoms. </p>
<p>GT- I understand your grief. It seems to be one of those marker events that is an indicator of shifting expectations, roles and possibilities going forward. </p>
<p>GT, sorry, I know what you mean. One of those signposts that the door is shut on you being the child and them being the parents. Oh, and happy birthday! (Ooops, jinx travelnut.)</p>
<p>Happy Birthday, GT. Yes, my mother used to always call on my birthday. When she stopped doing it, it wasn’t a surprise given her dementia, but it did hurt anyway.</p>
<p>Yea, mom always write checks for relatives Bdays. Now, she gets confused if she did or didn’t write a check and for which relatives. She only knows if she writes it in her register. </p>
<p>Thanks for the birthday wishes. You are right oldmom and travelnut, it is the last confirming sign that I am now “alone” with two parents to care for. </p>
<p>Happy birthday, GT! <:-P </p>
<p>My mom forgot all of her kids’ and grandkids’ birthdays this year. I’m the first on the calendar, so it stung, but by the time she’d forgotten her third child, I realized it was nothing personal, just one more symptom of the dementia.</p>
<p>A few weeks ago, I mentioned, very matter-of-factly, “I noticed that you didn’t remember birthdays this year. Next year would you like me to remind you as each one is coming up?” She gratefully accepted the offer, and no one will have to be disappointed in 2015. </p>
<p>Oh man, GTalum. Happy birthday. </p>
<p>Where I live, driving evals are done at OT programs, and also via this program <a href=“http://www.driveable.com/”>DriveABLE – Testing at-risk drivers; a computer based program done often in a neurologists office. Also fof course a good neuropsych eval will be extremely helpful. I’ve often had to be the one to be the bad guy, telling the driver and family of the test results, risks, concerns, and share a few bad outcome stories that usually put it in perspective.</p>
<p>Except you, LasMa 
. Nobody’s fault, but sad for the non-recipient, nevertheless (at least it was for me).</p>
<p>Nah, it didn’t bother me that much. It’s been a very rough year for her. But I did immediately go to ebags.com, and get the purse that I’m SURE Mom would have picked out for me if she’d thought of it. :)</p>
<p>What a great idea LM! I’ll try it. Happy Bday to all who need it. </p>
<p>As we face moving my mother again, this time to a much, much smaller place she really has to pare down her closet. She has now lost so much weight she can’t even fit in her clothes. She’s lost about 15 lbs in the past couple of months. I’d guess she eats maybe 500 calories a day. Maybe. We’re literally talking she takes a bite of egg in the morning, a few sips of soup and a bite or two of something at dinner. She keeps thinking she’ll be gaining this weight back and will be wearing these business/dress clothes again. Though she hardly ever gets out of her pajamas now. The problem is they will not fit in her one closet. So we suggested the aide help her go through them to make piles of give away, throw away, keep. She’s furious about it. So now it’s going to make moving day a headache. How have you all dealt with paring down during downsizing?</p>
<p>eyemamom, is it possible that she will eat more in the new place? Does the place provide meals?</p>
<p>Yes, happy birthday to all! </p>
<p>We ended up moving a lot of unnecessary things, but once we moved near me, I took the stuff to “keep at my house till you need them.” I then went to Goodwill. Just take your mom’s clothes and “store” them somewhere. You have siblings close by who could “volunteer.” </p>
<p>The new place has a continental breakfast and you can choose either lunch or dinner. Right now her aides cook her breakfast when they arrive, then lunch, and they leave her dinner for the evening. I even told her since she used to be my current size, I’d be happy to take the clothes and wear them. She has very good taste and expensive clothes. She’s also shrunk 4 inches so there is just no way she’ll be in those clothes again. She gave me a beautiful long black wool coat that I wore like crazy last year during the chronic polar vortex it felt we had. She was so happy when I’d call her and tell her I was wearing her coat that I thought she’d be happy the clothes would be worn. </p>
<p>Eyeamom- done this for 3 elders, two females. This issue can be all about loss of control , so finesse is key. Some elders are better off not participating directly (takes a lot of executive function to cull clothes). Just skimmed your latest post. Hard to be a fashionista who must down size in every sense of the word. Here are general thoughts to use as it fits the circumstances: </p>
<p>Ask for favorites.</p>
<p>Take the rotation approach if someone nearby can offer to keep a few extras or out of season clothes, to stir in if needed.
Not everything, but key items, perhaps for different purposes, in different sizes, or a particularly sentimental item. This can also buy time if something has been tossed, but is requested. Also, this can be “the best way to take care of your wardrobe”. This can be accomplished with a storage box at residence . </p>
<p>Eliminate all duplicates. </p>
<p>Keep only pull on pants, largely pull over tops and cardigans without long or draped sleeves that find all dirt or stray food. Limit dry cleanable items to outerwear. </p>
<p>Keep one special top per season, so the possibility of “dressing up” exists if it is important to elder. </p>
<p>Tell elder that it is important that her clothes are comfortable and fit. Reassure that if there are needs going forward, you will help get them met. Focus on present needs and surprise elder with a new comfy outfit. </p>
<p>It’s getting cold in many parts of the country, Some would be happy to know that their extras went to help those in need. </p>
<p>If day to day elder has what they need, the excess stuff is likely to become meaningless over time. If she wants a pink top and it was discarded, replace it with one that fits. </p>
<p>This is the hardest part as it can be the focus of a much bigger loss and grief. All the best. Your mother is lucky to have your support. </p>
<p>We will be facing this fairly soon. Mom has literally closets full of clothing and wears a minuscule portion of them–mostly same outfits repeatedly. Many of the garments are gorgeous and expensive but there is just so much! Hard for folks to part with “stuff,” even old socks!</p>