<p>Surfcity, I am sorry to hear about your family’s loss. I lost my dad in June 2013 and one brother and I were named as co-executors. My brother lives 10 minutes from my mother and close to the attorney, banks, court house, etc. I live over 2 hours away. Guess who did ALL the work? My brother went to one 30 minute meeting at surrogate court (which had to be arranged around his schedule). He didn’t even show up for the initial visit with the estate attorney. I set up a Google doc spreadsheet where I tracked every phone call, email, etc. My brother never even looked at it. </p>
<p>In your case, do all 3 siblings even want the responsibility? If everyone does want the responsibility, make sure to set up some sort of spreadsheet so everyone is clued into what is going on. Lots of luck (and hugs too).</p>
<p>Adding my condolences.
It can vary per state rules and customs, but some organizations will be satisfied with a Xerox of a death cert. And some funeral homes will arrange to get more if you need them, sparing the family having to deal with the local govt at this complicated time. There can be an order in which certain debts must be paid. The attorney can explain or you may find it via Google, for the state or municipality.<br>
Best wishes, through this time.</p>
<p>For us, we got someone who was willing and able to serve as executor instead of H and his bro. It worked well and he was very good at it, since he had served for other estates as well. I doubt the three want to all do this, as it IS a lot of responsibility and you have to keep spreadsheets of everything and share it with all the beneficiaries. Most places allow people to decline to serve as co-executors, leaving only one serving who is willing and able. That is the least cumbersome. In our case, H was given a checkbook for the checking account of the estate and the executor was given the other. H, bro and executor each had authority to write checks on their own signature only on that account and it was used as directed by the executor. It took 2.5 years to wind down the estate but went very smoothly and no drama.</p>
<p>No qualms about funeral directing collecting a certain amount ‘up front’ - I just was really pleasantly surprised when ours insisted not to bill for anything until much later.</p>
<p>I know we didn’t get enough certified death certificates with dad (I think we ordered 8). Ordered a lot more with mom’s death. Something funeral director took care of - we just told him how many to get.</p>
<p>Kind of ‘crazy’ about Comcast. People try to do the ‘right thing’ and the company makes it unpleasant or difficult. So at some future time you get them a certified death certificate when you want to cut off service altogether.</p>
<p>Sorry for your loss!
One note about funeral homes, might be too late for surfcity, but then maybe she can go back and ask?
When Dad was on Hospice, I called to learn how it would work & got pricing, the cheapest cremation was about $800. When I went in to pay and all, a few days later, the price was $2500. I asked about it, and got , “oh you did not say you called, then you get the telephone discount” Yikes! That was crazy and annoying & I was so glad I had called.
You might call that place anonymously to see what they quote over the phone.</p>
<p>Thanks all. I probably should have held my questions til he talked to the attorney. She suggested as some of you did, that DH be the executor and the others can “okay” him acting alone. Not a problem with the sibs. </p>
<p>I do think $4000 for a cremation is too high. In one of my other jobs I did bookkeeping for a cemetery/church and I saw the bills and so forth. There is no visitation at the home, so no need for those charges. The funeral home is basically handling cremation and the usual paperwork. There will be no interment til spring, so no staff needed for driving to cemetery etc etc. The plot is already purchased from FIL. I will see if DH got an itemized list of costs. Otherwise I am keeping my mouth shut. No need to look like the cheap DIL!</p>
<p>I was able to find some good checklists on the internet to keep me focused. And now I am motivated to update my file of this sort of info so DH knows where the safe deposit box is, what life insurance we have etc etc. I manage that so I would be okay if something happened to him, but vice versa would be a real challenge for him since he doesn’t know that stuff off the top of his head.</p>
<p>Oh my, I didn’t realize they were charging that for cremation, but I agree about keeping your mouth shut. I thought they were for up-front costs with casket etc.</p>
<p>Our city in AL had to put in limitations on city run cemetery because OOS w/o any relations here were burying here to save on costs. I found that weird, but it was happening often enough to change the statue.</p>
<p>The $800 cremation figure is something I have heard here. </p>
<p>Sometimes state regulations change how a cremation must be handled. I agree we’re short of options at these times. The cremation I’m familiar with was close to 3k, included charges for transpo, bringing remains to the services, DC copies and city filings, obit, etc.<br>
Glad things with the sibs are working out. </p>
<p>On a different past note- I came across this info when looking for what the renewal requirements are in Texas for 94 years old (H’s Dad). Illinois seems to be the strictest.</p>
<p>Wow thanks for that link rocky. Very interesting how the different states treat seniors. I live in a state that does nothing, so it was eye opening to me (no pun intended) to see some places require vision retest or road retests. It would be wonderful to have to road retest after a certain age, but i can also see how that would never get thru some state legislatures due to lobbying and the potential costs. I would be very curious to hear how those states got such measures passed.</p>
<p>Yes, Illinois requires a road test for seniors but they give you three chances to pass and you can get a different person to go with you each time. Mom passed on her third try; the office was very close to her condo so she only tested on familiar streets. She blamed her first two failures on the tester giving confusing instructions. :-/ My brother had even talked to her doctor ahead of time but Dr. couldn’t/wouldn’t request a restriction.</p>
<p>But last week, she somehow managed to get her car stuck in a bank drive through and took out her driver side window and mirror on a concrete pillar. The car is covered in dings and dents from the last several years, all from parking lots and tight spaces where she was barely moving, not any from the open road. Brother says the police are putting her in for a retest, and he is procrastinating on getting the car fixed. </p>
<p>Marilyn, from your description, it definitely sounds like she needs to be taken off the road. Scrapes and dings mean she doesn’t really know where the car is in relation to other objects.</p>
<p>Sorry to say it, but if the DMV and the doctor won’t do it, I’m afraid the family is going to have to.</p>
<p>LasMa, that sounds good, but physically, realistically, if a person can go buy a new car to replace the one you take, if the DMV allows a license renewal, if the doctors are supportive of driving, if peers of the oldster are against taking away keys and refuse to participate in an intervention, how does one actually prevent the senior from driving? Maybe for a few days when taking away the car, but if the person is in control enough to get to a car dealer and has the money, then he is going to get a new car and there is nothing that can be done, that I have figured out yet! But I am open to any and all ideas!</p>
<p>Yes, one of the issues is that there aren’t a lot of options for seniors (or others) who want convenient, inexpensive, quick transportation from where point to point. Cars allow that and giving them up is a HUGE lifestyle adjustment for most folks. If all places had good, inexpensive transportation, this would be a lot easier transition. </p>
<p>Driverless cars are quite a ways in the future, but could help provide more independence and mobility if they get all the bugs out.</p>
<p>Somemom, under all those conditions, there would need to be an adult child who lived in the area to make sure Dad didn’t go out and buy another car. If i recall, you have a situation where there’s no one to keep an eye on him, right? </p>
<p>How can one prevent another adult from buying and operating a vehicle? If person is an adult and has the resources and a valid driver’s license, plus hopefully gets and maintains a valid insurance policy, it can be VERY difficult to prevent another person from buying and operating the vehicle, no matter how near or far the relatives live.</p>
<p>If a person “needs” to live in a more supervised, supportive environment, how does one FORCE them to move from living alone? It my world, it’s tough to FORCE an adult who is legally competent to do or not do much, including moving from one living situation to another.</p>
<p>Persuasion can only go so far with a stubborn person.</p>
<p>Right, if the elder is stubbornly opposed, it’s hard. But if the elder is endangering innocent bystanders, the attempt has to be made. IMO. </p>
<p>You mentioned competence. Somemom, does your dad have any dementia? Or is he taking meds which impair him? Or does he have any physical conditions which are inconsistent with safe driving? </p>
<p>We thought we had FIL convinced to give up the DL based on some small strokes, with minimal residual weakness, but still he was about there, until he saw his neurologist last week who told him he was free to drive as much as he wanted and did not have to answer the DMV questionnaire about strokes as he “has no residual damage”</p>