<p>GT - I am sorry for your loss. Good advice here; what a great group. </p>
<p>Martharap - I am glad you got what needed to be done taken care of. I am glad your MIL is on the mend and will have a safe place waiting for her eventually. </p>
<p>Just looking through the compassionate friends site and the discussion about siblings was so helpful. One of the support groups is near my parent’s and I can bring them there. But really, they are doing fine. My parent’s live in a moment to moment world and feeling the loss of not seeing their son when he visits every 3 months isn’t real. A cousin helped me realize that not being able to grieve with my parents, and them not responding the normal way parents do, does put some added stress on me that makes up for the decreased stress of their unemotional and matter-of-fact response. </p>
<p>martharap, whoa! What a gigantic job you had! Your head must be spinning, especially to need to squeeze it in on top of an international move! And yes, definitely a zillion times better to squeeze it all in now than after you were far, far away. Hoping it’s all (reasonably) smooth sailing from here on and that your MIL is settled in her new bed soon.</p>
<p>marthharap - Whew. even knowing it’s a big job ahead of time, never prepares you to the actual reality of cleaning out the place for an elderly loved one. So sad about the photo albums. </p>
<p>My brother scanned in all my mother’s extensive photos and gave us each a thumb drive. Since no one else had room for the albums (maybe 20?) I have them in bins.Maybe one of the nieces/nephews or their offspring will be interested in genealogy. Won’t be a ‘problem’ until we downsize and move, which is years away.</p>
<p>Water damage, fires, moving losses - can’t hang on to everything.</p>
<p>@martharap wow, what an arduous task. Hope MIL does well while you are overseas.</p>
<p>Life can be hard, but it beats the alternative. Just have to try to look for the silver lining every day.</p>
<p>With all the losses and stresses, I hope everyone can find some joy with Thanksgiving, however you celebrate it. Giving others joy even in a small way may be a way to experience some yourself. </p>
<p>martharap - as an only myself, I know the arduous task you and your husband had. DH and I cleaned out my mother’s apartment over a weekend. I took more than I would’ve if I had the time to really look through things, and probably threw out things I wish I’d kept, but I did the best I could given the circumstances. That’s all any of us can do.</p>
<p>There are definitely things I wish I had kept, especially now that my MIL has started telling us about certain special items in her apartment (items that we tossed). We’re just not telling her. Yep, we did the best under the circumstances.</p>
<p>Very happy day here. Took mom to MD. He gave her results of cardiac stress and holter tests–normal! Her exercise tolerance was excellent for her age as well. Yea! </p>
<p>MIL’s AL facility has a norovirus outbreak. No guests are allowed in, residents are encouraged to wash their hands, and they are scrubbing the place down. Residents are allowed to go out, but MIL is undecided if she will attend the family Thanksgiving dinner even thought she isn’t sick. Yuck.</p>
<p>I picked up a nasty GI bug from MIL earlier this year, and I don’t want a repeat of that. After reading about norovirus and how contagious it is and how long the virus lingers on surfaces and clothes, I secretly hope that MIL decides to stay home today. </p>
<p>Ugh, norovirus! cincy gal, I understand how you feel! We had an outbreak after a family get-together, during which time my brother was staying with me and my daughter in our 1-bathroom apartment. Not pretty!</p>
<p>A norovirus FYI, gel hand sanitizers are ineffective against norovirus, you must use soap and water with vigorous scrub.</p>
<p>Thanks mominva, I read that also. You can bet that if MIL joins us today that I will be washing my hands frequently and insisting she do the same.</p>
<p>We are all of us dealing with situations with our parents which are hard, aggravating, depressing, exhausting, discouraging, etc. But in the spirit of the day, let’s turn it around for a moment and share what we’re grateful for? :)</p>
<p>I am thankful that Mom is living in a nice place where she is well cared for. I’m thankful that for now, she’s medically stable. And I’m thankful for my wonderful sibling and sibling-in-law support network.</p>
<p>I am thankful for my 88 year old father, who feeds the mergansers twice daily. I am thankful for Thanksgiving with family. I am thankful for all the wise posts on this thread.</p>
<p>I am thankful my Mom was well enough to travel to see her greatgrandson, that my bro and his wife hosted a pre-thanksgiving, that my H didn’t fuss much for me to be gone for a week to get the trip done, that Mom didn’t do anything too weird while visiting, that my Dad is wonderful and pretty happy living with my bro. Mom didn’t fuss much going back to the AL place, although she was giving me driving directions to go “home”. </p>
<p>And just @BerneseMtnMom … Niece’s Bernese Mtn dog had her puppies just in time to see for Thanks. </p>
<p>And BOTH my kids are home for Thanksgiving, first time in six years. YAY. </p>
<p>I’m thankful my son has a full-time job. I’m thankful my niece’s cancer is gone. I’m thankful my mother is in good health for a 90-year-old. I’m thankful for CC.</p>
<p>Yes, this is the first time both my kids have been home for Thanksgiving in eight years! Both are healthy and happy, as are my folks and extended family, so truly have much to be grateful for!</p>
<p>I am thankful for this site, and esp. for this thread. It is where I came today after my mom shot the first arrow indicating she will resist going to assisted living. I knew I would have company for what I’m going through. This is the woman who gave her 30 day notice at the senior residence/assisted living while I was out of town and at my BIL’s viewing and we were arranging for his funeral. Mom had only been there 3.5 months. Her objection? Too many Republicans. </p>
<p>This time, Meals on Wheels called me saying she wasn’t answering her door or the phone. I wanted MoW not for the food, but mostly due to the daily contact. And the call. Hiring help/control issues IMHO are not the answer – she will just dismiss them. At age 61, getting up in the middle of the night to give my mom her pain meds is beyond what I can do other than this current episode. Since she is the non-compliant type, this is what I know has to be done. But there’s a reason why much younger women have babies; they are better able to get up at night!</p>
<p>This house with its flight of stairs and outside steps is not a safe place for a person with a wobbly gait. And greatly diminished executive function. And little short term memory. I hope I can find a place where it is much more difficult for her to give notice and leave. Because she will. And she has. She doesn’t even want to go to a place with respite care so our family can see my aging MIL. Well, I guess DH and DD can go. </p>
<p>I am very, very thankful that my mother has assets so she can live in a very nice place for at least five years before her house has to be sold. I think her assets could last ten years, and she’s near 90 y.o. I will not have such assets when I fall apart.</p>
<p>CCsiteObsessed, I sympathize and empathize. Sometimes a little scare is what they need, but that’s tough to engineer without serious damage! Plus ways to back into acknowledging their need–just a little while, let’s see what happens, we can always change it again. It’s hard to manage those boldface lies but they are acts of mercy.</p>
<p>I am grateful to have had this site during my dad’s final year. And now my stepmother is gone too but here I am, witnessing and trying to be helpful, as you all were here for me, even during the CC site transition when this thread disappeared during the worst week. Never mind, we figured something out and you were here for me. I will always be grateful.</p>
<p>GTalum – I am so sorry for your loss; this must have been a very unsettling Thanksgiving. I lost a sister on Thanksgiving weekend years ago, and while we’ve built new memories, there is always a reminder of the loss at this time of year. May his memory be a blessing.</p>
<p>I find this thread comforting in a strange way, reminding me that the challenging and crazy and sometimes absurd things I faced as my parents and in-laws aged were not unique. I also hope it is making me much more amenable to doing the right things as I age. I’m still working on the getting-rid-of-stuff stuff, but it is definitely better; cleaning out two houses certainly lent some impetus to that. I hope that I make smarter aging-in-place decisions than my folks made, but I suspect my daughter may someday be saying the same thing. </p>