<p>You are not rambling, ChuckleDoodle. Your mother is being taken care of right now so get some rest if you can. I know it’s hard.</p>
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Chuckledoodle, to me it seems like a very natural thought. It’s probably one of many thoughts, circulating in your mind tonight. Please don’t beat yourself up over having that thought. Maybe you’re just trying out ideas in your head, to be prepared for many possibilities.</p>
<p>ChuckleDoodle: You’re not rambling. It’s such a surreal mental struggle sometimes, this dealing with aging parents. You’re not “bad” for wishing that it will end without her lingering in a state she’d hate to be in. </p>
<p>Hope the morning brings some answers.</p>
<p>Chuckledoodle- so much to wrap your head around. At some points, knowing what she would want is the greatest gift you have. Wishing you rest tonight. Nothing “bad” about caring and hardly knowing what to wish. Nature has ways; somehow the answers seem to reveal themselves as things unfold. Best to you and your family.</p>
<p>Good heavens, Chuckdoodle! As my 89 year old neighbor told me once, “At my age, you never know when you wake up in the morning where you’ll end up spending the night.” Hugs to you and your family.</p>
<p>Chuckledoodle, </p>
<p>Hugs to you! I’m so sorry about your mom… it is completely normal to feel that way. As you mentioned, your mom is a shell of who she was. You know her and know what she would have wanted. Travelnut is so right in saying that that is a gift. Let it give you peace.</p>
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<p>No. Absolutely not. You sense that she’s already lost and hovering between worlds, and you don’t want that, for her or for you. You want her to rest in peace now. That’s a loving impulse. </p>
<p>Hugs to you, dear. Keep us posted.</p>
<p>Hugs to you chuckdoodle. Please don’t feel guilty for your feelings. I know exactly how you feel. It can be so difficult to watch someone you love living a life that is not truly a life, and so stressful to not have anyone tell you anything concrete, and to be caught in that in-between place. I wish you peace. You have been a good daughter.</p>
<p>Hope today brings more clarity to you, Chuckadoodle. When my dad developed pneumonia and I knew we would not treat it, I felt a sense of relief that the end would come soon. You are not a bad daughter for having similar thoughts; that shows that you are kind and gentle and thinking of your mom.</p>
<p>Quality of life.</p>
<p>Chuckdoodle - I am so very sorry. You will be in my heart today.</p>
<p>Hugs to you all! Good luck in the next stretch Chuckledoodle. I think when we know our folks wouldnt want to live that way we wish them heaven instead. A loving impulse.</p>
<p>Chuckdoodle, you are in my thoughts today.</p>
<p>You’re a caring, compassionate human being, Chuckdoodle. Wishing you peace.</p>
<p>chuckdoodle - hugs to you. I shared a similar thought with my friend, a hospice nurse, near the end of my dad’s life (late stage Parkinson’s with dementia - he would have been horrified if he grasped his situation). She said to me, very lovingly “you have already mourned the dad you knew.” It released me from guilt. You are a caring person who wants the best for your mom. I echo those who have advised that you allow yourself a rest while your mom is where she needs to be. My mom’s last gift to my dad was the decision to allow only palliative care. Not an easy decision, but absolutely the best decision in this - and many other - situations. All the best to you.</p>
<p>Palliative care: a real gift.</p>
<p>chuckadoodle. hugs. It is hard.</p>
<p>I spent the week with my mom (400 miles distant) She could be happy in the assisted living place, but on clear days she wants to be home and wants to be in charge. She is still smart enough to cause havoc. She doesn’t mind causing havoc because she has always loved drama and being the center of attention. I am sad she isn’t who she was in some senses, although as someone else said, she IS MORE of who she was on the other hand. </p>
<p>I was in town for the memorial service for my Dad’s wife who had about a year of dementia before she passed away in a foster home environment. The assisted living places were too big and too busy for her; she was a bit of a hermit. Mom loves people so she is good where she is, if only she would accept it.</p>
<p>I tried to get the Dr. to give Mom something for anxiety, on the other hand, I don’t see the point in being drugged up and blurry. Is it maybe better to have the energy and will to pace and wear yourself out rather than sit in a drugged stupor? (Although, right now, pass me the whisky, I’ll take a stupor for a while) Better to wear out than rust out?</p>
<p>Chuckdoodle, your experience is what everyone dreads- finding our elderly parent in a health crisis with no warning. I think it’s safe to say we would all like to go fairly quickly, so when things start on a downward path with the inevitable end in sight it is natural to hope the time spent debilitated doesn’t last long. It is a wish rooted in mercy.</p>
<p>Thinking of you CD. Get some rest for yourself. And try to get some real food.</p>
<p>We are all thinking of you.</p>
<p>Sorry for your crisis, Chuckdoodle. It’s so tough to know what comes next.</p>
<p>Yesterday, I got a very upset call from my dad, saying, you HAVE to fix mom’s phone and HAVE HER CARRY IT. I calmly told him I was in a meeting & would get to her & them when I was done. On my way home from the meetings, I stopped by their house & tried to adjust her phone. I got home & got another upset call from dad saying her phone was still not working properly. After H & I ate dinner, we picked up mom & took her to Costco so we could buy her a new phone that should use. We wanted a DUMB phone and they had only two selections. Mom was agonizing about whether or not to get it but we told her dad would be FURIOUS if we came home without a new phone for her (true). She finally agreed to get a phone and they programmed it. All the way home we practiced having her turn it on, make phone calls and answer the phone. Finally, she was pretty sure she understood how to use her phone (after several hours). We will have to all call her regularly on that phone so she will remember how to use that phone. <sigh> </sigh></p>
<p>It’s a “dumb” phone, but it has more features than she knows what to do with. The other dumb phone looks like the one that broke after just short use and did not seem like a good option. Dad was estatic that she had a phone. It came with a case that she can clip on to her waistband so she can always have it with her. Seems like a very good idea (especially since she does off walking alone and out with friends and is hard to reach).</p>
<p>thank you everyone for the support. I showed up at work today and had my boss ask me what the heck I was doing there, but it seemed useless waiting at the hospital. Waiting for them to take her down for the MRI. I told my boss, leave me be, I just need to be busy. And dear God don’t be nice as that would be more than I can handle at this time. He was great- said 'fine, get to work!" I sent D to school for the same reason- she can mope there as well as at home. I emailed her teachers to let them know, so they at least would understand.</p>
<p>The not bad news- Mom is still in ICU and has stabilized. The not good news- She’s still not conscious. the MRI, cat scans, and xrays have ruled out stroke, heart attack and broken bones. Her white count is elevated- 30 which is higher then her normal of 15 that was found at her Friday dr appt. She has always had an elevated white count, ever since half her pancreas was removed years ago, so 13-15 is her ‘normal’.</p>
<p>Her breathing yesterday was very congested although her lungs and chest were clear, the doctor put her on lasyk (?) and today she has gone from the over the nose and mouth oxygen thing to the tube up your nose oxygen thingy. Sorry nomenclature has never been a strong suit for me.</p>
<p>They think mom has a UTI that came on so suddenly and severe it caused her to pass out.</p>
<p>H and I spent a few hours in ICU today talking to her and telling her nonsensical things like get up, you need to fix us dinner we’re hungry (something my dad when do when she felt ill), to let’s watch that MacGyver episode- she’s missing it, open your eyes. Hurry up and wake up or your other two kids will fly in and you know you don’t want that…</p>
<p>During this time she would open her mouth as if yawning - or silent screaming- you pick. At one point her left eye opened a sliver and it seemed like she was trying to ‘wake up’.</p>
<p>The nurse seems happy, thinks mom is doing ‘great’ and hopes that the strong antibiotics should help her within the next couple days.</p>
<p>I’m being cautiously optimistic and hoping for the best while praying that the worst does/doesnot happen. I hope when / if she wakes up that she’s ok but only time will tell.</p>
<p>thank you again for all you hugs, thoughts and prayers- you have helped me get through this difficult day.</p>