<p>surfcity, it’s good that your friend is coming over. They sometimes respond better to a professional, non-family-member. Just like kids. :)</p>
<p>Surfcity - I could write a book on the crazy things my dad did just to assert his independence. I got regular calls from Brethren Village informing me of something dad had been doing, “Uh, Mrs. WNP, did you know your dad was…”</p>
<p>It’s funny, but since he passed away, I have a better perspective on what transpired the last three years. I agree that many of our parents are determined to remain independent and steadfastly ignore all evidence to suggest they need more help - BUT (and this is where hindsight comes into play) I also believe that dad did have brain damage and his judgment was truly affected. Because he was such a stubborn old Irishman - it was hard to see that this was different. He really didn’t perceive things the way we were. </p>
<p>Your mom requires oxygen - I would be willing to bet anything that there is some minimal brain dysfunction. Maybe not to the extent that would show up on a CAT scan - but enough to interfere with normal judgment. I think of all the kids I have worked with over the years with learning disabilities who lack self-awareness and I realize they had a lot in common with my dad. If you can begin to see your mom as someone who might be affected this way, it will help you cope with her obstreperous ways.</p>
<p>Surfcity- we got mom a chairlift to get from one floor to another. It might be something you could look into if she’s adamant about staying where she is.</p>
<p>I’m hoping that someone on these boards has had some experience with this issue- mom is doing slightly better, but can’t swallow. She’s failed 3 swallow tests, so they have had her on liquid nutrition (temp feeding tube in nose to stomach) for about 4 days. The last test was yesterday and still no swallowing.</p>
<p>I spoke with the doctor and he says that if she can’t swallow then we’ll probably have to have her on a more permanent feeding tube.</p>
<p>Is there anything else that can be done- something that would help stimulate her muscles that would get her to swallowing again- or is this a lost cause?</p>
<p>Is there something else I should be asking the doctor? I hate having to trust them- nothing against them but it doesn’t matter as much to them as it does to me and mom.</p>
<p>The good thing- mom is more coherent and actually asked for a book to read and some word search puzzles, so I’m looking at this as the beginning of the long slow climb instead of the long downhill slide.</p>
<p>Not a lost cause. Are they having a speech therapist work with her? Most hospitals and skilled nursing units have speech therapists with specialized training. </p>
<p>Dad often had swallowing issues following surgery or other assaults to his body. A speech therapist worked with him several times over the last three years. They would do an eval and then follow up with therapy. Always got him back on track.</p>
<p>I agree with wnp2 that she should be seen by a speech therapist. My mother has had swallowing issues since a stroke almost 6 years ago. She never totally lost her ability to swallow and has been on a pureed diet and thickened liquids, but has been evaluated by and worked with a speech therapist periodically when there were concerns about how well she was swallowing. In fact, she was just referred for another swallow test since she has occasional problems with liquids.</p>
<p>Okay - true confession here!</p>
<p>I read all of your posts and my heart just aches for ALL of us. Unfortunately, I have trouble keeping everybody straight (and of course that makes me wonder when my child will be talking about my dementia). Anyway, am I the only one who needs a brief review/cheat sheet? </p>
<p>WNP - dad passed away in December after three years of assorted falls, brain bleeds, congestive heart failure, stoma surgery, aneurysm. Mom in AL for dementia. SEVERELY aphasic. Elderly friends (88 & 92) strokes, walkers, pacemakers - but living in home with help from Visiting Angels. MIL (87) Remarkably, remarkably healthy. Goes to the gym 3x a week, sharp as can be, easy to be around.</p>
<p>WNP - dad passed away in December after three years of assorted falls, brain bleeds, congestive heart failure, stoma surgery, aneurysm. Mom in AL for dementia. SEVERELY aphasic. Elderly friends (88 & 92) strokes, walkers, pacemakers - but living in home with help from Visiting Angels. MIL (87) Remarkably, remarkably healthy. Goes to the gym 3x a week, sharp as can be, easy to be around.</p>
<p>Somemom- almost 90 year old mother, spry & healthy, but lonely & unwilling to connect with others her age. FIL/MIL- 80s & 90s, she had a serious stroke years ago, needs major ADL help, he has done it for years with some help, but is wearing out and finally accepting assistance. He is in great health, but cannot walk as well, more skeletal pain, etc. Very frustrated with the limitations on life, no energy for travel or outings, yet angry at missing them</p>
<p>Am I sounding like a horrible person for saying this, in writing no less? I think way too many of these seniors are on way too many medications. </p>
<p>We don’t even know, truly know, how much good cholesterol medication does, but in the research I have seen it seems to have long term health results. So why is anyone 90 years old even on it? Why was my Dad with untreatable cancer and offers of Hospice on his BP & cholesterol meds to the end? I mean, really?</p>
<p>Why are so many people with dementia and Alzheimer’s on cholesterol and BP medications? I am pretty certain that if it were me or someone for whom I was responsible, I would stop all those “might help long term meds” and avoid the side effects, the expense, the hassle and the risks of seniors taking them inconsistently.</p>
<p>My Dad was very angry about his cancer and did not want to discuss dying so no one argued with him, but he really could have skipped the medication and drunk the grapefruit juice!</p>
<p>Right now, my aunt’s cardiologist, (whom I have known since he was a resident nearly 30 years ago), is furious that I won’t convince her to have a pacemaker. She is going on 96, early dementia, CVA, history of afib., severe macular degeneration, spinal compression, 6 UTI’s since Sept., venous stasis with cellulitis, etc,etc. He wants to keep her on Toprol, to prevent rapid a-fib. She had a run of rapid a-fib during a hospitalization for an electrolyte imbalance in Sept. She has not had one prior to this or since then to our knowledge. The Toprol drops her heart rate to the low 40’s. She refused the pacemaker and wants to die. My solution is to discontinue the Toprol, which is what was done when she entered rehab. 2 weeks ago. They will not discontinue the cholesterol or antihypertensive meds. I will try to see how much she understands the consequences of this when and if she is discharged home and let her decide. I would like to see her meds adjusted to decrease her anxiety and make her comfortable.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to all of you dealing with these difficult situations. It’s hard enough to determine the best course of action, but then we often have to deal with people second guessing us when they don’t have all the facts and/or don’t have to deal with the consequences.</p>
<p>Yep, SilPat, any of my family members who don’t want low levels of invasive treatment, no treatment once dementia has set in as well as full organ donation had better make their wishes clear before I am in charge.</p>
<p>I had a friend whose Dad was diagnosed with Alzehimers soon after a pacemaker was installed, she really struggled to get the battery disabled. I figure if the person is in good health and mentally all there, then they can make their own choices, so my mother can take all the needless medication she wants, but if some one has lost their faculties, then it’s time to stop at the very least the long term long life medications.</p>
<p>On the same page with you, somemom and silpat. We are using the experiences with our family’s elders to give our kids the same gift our parents gave us- clarity about what they want and how they think about the end of life issues. These frank discussions have made things much clearer and brought comfort when it was time to opt out of further treatment. Just as important, the opportunity to walk the “real” walk when the time comes can be very meaningful. For me, denial would be harder.</p>
<p>somemom, I never thought about that! Hmmm… both of my parents are on cholesterol meds (and a dozen others). And my 89-year-old mother was just put on a low-cholesterol diet! I think I need to ask their doc some questions.</p>
<p>Agree with you all about the meds. My dad was on nothing! I think it kept him going longer, but when he should have been taking something for his dementia, he refused. My mother is on a very low dose heart med that I don’t think she needs. I am hoping at her next physical the doctor okays stopping it. Otherwise, she takes nothing else. </p>
<p>It’s a lot of work to keep track of meds, plus all the side effects they can cause. Way too much treatment gets provided to our elders in the name of prolonging life. Is it really worth it when they are so old?</p>
<p>Excuse me, dentmom, but my father is of sound mind and on meds for his heart and his lungs, and he is 90 years old. If not for these meds, he would have been dead 10 years ago. He is “so old” because of modern medicine. We are grateful he has been around to see the birth of 2 great-grandchildren.</p>
<p>I understand if someone has dementia, it’s not worth the anguish to either them or their children to make them undergo expensive and painful treatments for other problems, but I wouldn’t use mere age as an excuse to not provide treatment.</p>
<p>Mommusic, I think there is a difference between meds that MIGHT help someone someday, like cholesterol, and meds that actually fix a current issue. There are meds that cause side effects and where the purpose of the med and efficacy of that med is tough to determine, like cholesterol meds for a 90 year old.</p>
<p>Then there is the important life altering med where the effect is obvious, say for an atrial fibrillation, etc. Two very different categories, I suppose our mission is to determine which is which.</p>
<p>Thanks for the clarification. I agree.</p>
<p>Thanks, mommusic, that’s what I meant, but I didn’t explain it as well as you.</p>
<p>My folks are amazing. They see their do. Twice a year and are in amazing health. Dad is likely to live for many more years we think. </p>
<p>It is tough to get them or our sibs to talk or think about any of these issues, sadly. I think it helps to have open conversations when everyone is pretty healthy but hard to push too hard.</p>