<p>Do any of you know if a doctor can “pull” the prescription records of a patient? I.E. see what they actually filled vs. what they were prescribed? Mom does not take the meds she’s supposed to. She has an anti bleeding drug that’s supposed to be taken 4x/day so the Rx contains 120 pills; she gets it filled every 9 months or so. </p>
<p>That’s not including the heart medication(s) she doesn’t take as prescribed. Basically, she thinks taking meds is a character flaw. And if she takes 1 pill a week, and I ask her if she’s taking her meds, the one pill means she can legit answer me "yes. </p>
<p>I don’t really care if she doesn’t take her meds. This isn’t a new thing (when I was younger, if I got a headache, she’d tall me to drink tonic water because it contained quinine) but I keep telling her she needs to be honest with the doctors.</p>
<p>If she’s not honest with the doctors, they have no way of knowing if the meds actually work or not, and their subsequent decisions/calculations will be off.</p>
<p>I think doctors CAN find out, if they know which pharm. to call, but they don’t usually due to lack of time. I can see if it was a suspected case of narcotic abuse, an energetic doctor might do some detective work, but it’s not that likely.</p>
<p>Adults are expected to take their medications as prescribed. Unfortunately, the elderly often can’t or won’t take them.</p>
<p>When we visit her geriatric specialist, I position my seat so it’s slightly behind my mom & I perform an awfully good game of charades &/or eye rolling. She usually can catch me for a minute when my mom is occupied with the nurse, and I’ve told her that the meds are not being taken as prescribed. All her doctors use the same electronic records system, so they if they read her notes, they should know.</p>
<p>I have to walk a fine line. If mom sees me talking to the nurses/doctor when I’m not right next to her, she usually accuses me of “telling stories.” This isn’t a new behavior; basically she’s said this about anybody close to her going back to her teen years.</p>
<p>My mother was one who didn’t believe in doctors unless you were on your deathbed (that’s what being in a hospital meant…you were dying). I sometimes wonder if she would have lived longer if she had had a couple of things tended to as she got older. You just couldn’t make her go to a doctor, so I doubt she would have taken any meds anyway.</p>
<p>But she would <em>complain</em> about medical issues! “I’m so tired all the time.” Well, Why don’t you see a doctor and have it checked out? “No, I don’t need a doctor!”</p>
<p>:rolleyes:</p>
<p>So we never knew to take her complaining seriously or not.</p>
<p>^^^I hear you! My mom has a chronically running nose. Since forever (you can even hear her on our wedding video complaining about it.) I’m sure it’s allergies that could be easily controlled with an over the counter med. But it’s so much easier to carry multiple packets of tissues and complain about how embarrassing it is to have a drippy nose. </p>
<p>I think my reserves are low This is when I start dreaming about having an unknown sibling appear and tag off with me.</p>
<p>I get frustrated with my relative who doesn’t want to go to the doctor becacuse she doesn’t want to hear bad news. Except sometimes there might be a (relatively) easy fix, or a way to avoid WORSE complications down the road. </p>
<p>I just have no patience for people who don’t want to be proactive with their health :(</p>
<p>–surfcity- that was my dad. He was so afraid of bad news, by the time he was forced to see the doctor, it was too late. He had time for radiation treatment and then died within 6 months. But he had symptoms for almost 2 years. I still harbor resentment that if he would have just seen the doctor, he might have lived to see my kids today. Instead he died in his 50’s.</p>
<p>In today’s age, there’s no excuse. See a doctor, that’s why we have health insurance.</p>
<p>The other issue is seeing the doc but expecting him/her to read the patient’s mind and know what has happened since the last visit, how often they do/don’t take their med, whether they’ve had illnesses or complications since the last visit, what else is going on in their lives that is complicating their health. They say that “everything is fine” and then don’t understand why the doc didn’t fix things that weren’t even discussed! This makes me crazy!</p>
<p>Wow! So many of our parents are so similar!! The not going to the doctor, the saying everything is fine (when it is clearly not) and, RobD, the pride about not taking meds!! I JUST recently have been learning this about my mom. We are currently trying to avoid the $400 monthly medication fee at assisted living, so I fill her pillbox and prescriptions and check on her. Yesterday she told me if she misses a dose, she moves it to the next available day! And she also said she’s doing quite well with the meds, missing only about 2 days a week! I know she doesn’t want to pay the fee (and lose the independence) so I always have that card to play. She is only even willing to take meds because she feels like she’s at the end part of her life. So ironic. If my parents had seen docs earlier, they would be doing better now. I guess… dementia is insidious and can’t really be stopped. </p>
<p>Took mom to orthopedist last week because she could barely walk with right leg. I’ve known that a doc, some doc somewhere out there in the days when I was not involved in mom’s healthcare, had told her she needed 2 TKRs. She never did it. So I was there when this doc showed her the x-rays. Very severe arthritis, bone on bone, legs changing position… I STILL think she doesn’t totally believe it. He said she’s still a candidate at 84, but I don’t think she’d ever do it… Pride. She said “the girls at physical therapy all are so pleased with me and now what will they say?” For the first time in my life, I realized that it’s not that they just didn’t like doctors, but having an illness is a character flaw! RobD, you nailed it! Oh, and the eye rolling and motions to the doc are spot on! I always try to catch the doc outside without mom around, but it’s still awkward.</p>
<p>Even if a patient fills a prescription as prescribed, there is really no way to monitor, other than perhaps drawing blood levels for those meds that this would be meaningful, to assure that the patient is being medication compliant. Often older adults will try to save their pennies and will take half the prescribed dose of a medicine, or take it willy nilly rather than consistently as prescribed, and many meds must be taken consistently to be effective. Its frustrating. Non compliant patients are common, but hard to treat.</p>
<p>Today is the second anniversary of my dads funeral. Thought it was appropriate to stop in on this thread. Hang in there everyone.</p>
<p>My mother has been in a nursing home for almost 6 years and still waits for me to visit (which I usually do every other day, altho this snowstorm has meant I haven’t seen her since Thurs) to tell me when she’s not feeling well. It is not uncommon for me to sit down with her and have her tell me her stomach hurts (or she has a headache, or her back hurts, etc). When I ask how long, she’ll say since earlier that day. When I ask if she’s told anyone, she always says “no”. No matter how many times I remind her that’s it’s OK to tell the staff what’s bothering her and that she can’t just wait for me, she still follows this same pattern. As frustrating as it is for me, she’s not about to change now.</p>
<p>@my3gr8 … I had a fright about the TKR for your mom because I kept blaming mom’s sudden decline on having hers. But then I jerked myself back. I know it wasn’t the surgery, it was just that she got more addled from the surgery and it brought to light more of her dementia symptoms because she was in rehab being watched. It really has been downhill for us from the surgery though… Mom is 82 and healed up fine, hardly limps.</p>
<p>@jym , hugs and at least you didn’t have to worry about the roof this year. … gak is that insensitive? I am glad we don’t have to be sad for dad’s wife living with dementia anymore.</p>
<p>Other note about pills… the not taking correctly, the skipping etc. So Mom was on coumidin, forgot, or asked the Dr. to prescribe stronger doses so she could cut them in half. (I don’t know that he did, but I know she said she was asking). So the Dr. monitoring her (he had her coming into the office 2 or 3 times a week, mostly I think to remind her how many pills to take for the next few days)… was on vacation right after her knee surgery. She also did NOT get clearance from him for the surgery, but went to the heart Dr. where she lied and said she was so healthy… So after the surgery, when the rehab people were in charge of her meds, her blood got WAY too much coumidin in and when she went out for a drive (to prove how healthy she was) she got a bump that put her in the hospital for 6 days with 6 units of blood pumped in.
And now she won’t speak to me because I helped her move into a retirement home and hired someone to give her her pills which are locked up. I live 400 miles away. Mom thought she was just going there to get her strength back from the hospital, but I think she is going to move pretty soon into the assisted living side. … anyway, I think I’d said all that earlier! My point was that if there is surgery involved, ask that the meds be checked VERY VERY carefully for a week or so before and after. Mom had her surgery while I was out of the country because she knew I didn’t want her to have it. so we missed that step of checks. Brother took her, but he wasn’t as up on her sneaky tricks for meds so didn’t wave and roll eyes at the Dr. … Oh, and now I just call and tell the nurse, expect these lies, this is what has been happening.</p>
<p>So sorry for the continued challenges with your mom, eso, and thanks for the kind words. Believe you me (as my mom used to say) with all the storms this year (Sandy and now Nemo) I was happy not to have to worry about the house, etc. Not insensitive at all. Spot on!</p>
<p>One thing for everyone with parents struggling with cognitive issues. Even if they have many residual cognitive skills, we really can’t expect them to be reasonable and logical. They don’t think and process and problem solve and remember like they used to. They are not cognitively the way they use to be. Its hard for us children to cope with that. I guess the catch phrase could be “its not reasonable to expect to reason with them when we know they will be unreasonable”.</p>
<p>^^ jym, thanks for that reminder. I have had so many frustrating conversations with Mom (I don’t even try with Dad), and I later remember that she’s just not that person anymore. I need to lower my expectations, and we’d all be a lot happier.</p>
<p>I think it is especially tough on both the elder and their family members if the cognitive challenges are a bit fluid, as they often are. If there is a dementia/Alzheimer’s type of diagnosis, it is easier to remind yourself of where things stand. If due to various challenges/illnesses/med. compliance issues, etc., the cognition is more of a moving target, it is easy to view them as “being difficult”, as opposed to doing the best they can. We have one relative who can sometimes be spot on and yet at other times completely miss the boat. It is painful to watch, especially when she feels the decline and tries to save face (which I think is common and creates its own problems). </p>
<p>There can also be safety concerns for what can transpire before the dots are connected and relatives are assuming all is well. Another case for keeping track of little things that seem off over time, especially if the relative is not nearby. </p>
<p>Thinking of jym and others who have lost their parent/s. My mother has been gone for 7 years and while the acute grief phase does pass, there will always be times when I really feel the absence.</p>
<p>So true. My mom is extremely good at masking her cognitive disability. She’s gregarious and appropriate, and unlike my dad, never acts confused or uncertain. She fools almost everyone she talks to, even sucking me in sometimes. It’s only after we’re down the rabbit hole that I think, “Oh, wait a minute…”</p>
<p>And travelnut, you’re also right about the shifting challenges. I’ve learned to watch for the signs with my dad. His memory is MUCH worse when he’s stressed or bothered or in pain.</p>
<p>LasMa–my MIL was like that after her mild stroke. She had the hospital fooled so that they discharged her when she was NOT competent to live at home alone. They would ask questions and all her answers were, “Wonderful!” “Fine!” “Just beautiful!”</p>
<p>Again, you guys have all hit the nail on the head! The dementia is fluid. One day (well, never for a whole day!) can be fine, and the next very confusing (to me!) I get lost with what the next thing I should say is in response to her comments. And she knows she has memory problems, but I don’t think she is aware of the cognitive and processing problems. She just doesn’t get what feel like simple things to me. She’s not really understanding the severity of her arthritis or its implications. She says the knee still hurts and we have to have a discussion with the doctor about that… Eso, thanks for the advice, and your mom sounds like a real tough situation… My dad was on coumadin for about 20 years and it became so tough to monitor in the end. </p>
<p>Jym - two years… how does it feel at this point? </p>
<p>ShellFell, this may sound horrible, but what if you didn’t visit her as much? would she learn to rely on others there? Are her complaints real ailments, or just sort of general bellyaching? I get torn between how much to visit and how much to let her try to live her life a bit more independently. They were always independent before (though not always making the right decisions) and we weren’t terribly close, so it almost feels weird to have so much contact with her. She does appreciate it, though and always says, “what would I do with out you girls?” She actually has more attention at assisted living, especially to her health needs, than she ever had at home with my dad. So I try to call about 2-3 times a week and see her once to twice a week.</p>
This is when I start dreaming about having an unknown sibling appear and tag off with me.</p>