<p>Peace to you Bonnie, you did your best to help her when she needed you. We all hope we have someone who will help us die as peacefully as possible at home.</p>
<p>Bonnie, so sorry about your mom. So many of us have watched our parents struggle long and hard and have become so involved in the physical and emotional care. Take some time for yourself. Hugs and prayers.</p>
<p>Bonnie, I am sorry for your loss. </p>
<p>There isn’t anything wrong with mixed emotions either. As I think I posted, my dad’s wife of 27 years passed away this Jan after a year of really really bad paranoia and dementia. Dad had to move away and live with my brother. Her family took care of her but it was tough. At her memorial service one of my nieces sad that she felt terrible for feeling glad that Gma N had passed away. I said not to be glad she was gone, be glad she is not in anguish anymore. There were days when Gma N knew she was crazy and that made her even more angry. So passing in peace was a good thing. </p>
<p>Now I face it with my mom. Her paranoia was kicking up (thinking bro and I were stealing her bank accounts, etc, etc, etc) So the Dr. prescribed something to help. (I can’t remember the name because I was not where I could hear very well, I am getting the list from the AL place). He also said that it helps with paranoia, but sometimes shortens life. He knows my mom very well, who told him many times that if she had a stroke and lost her mind to not let her live. She didn’t apparently have a stroke, but her brain sure isn’t working. A short life but a merry one now is fine. She is 82. I am NOT telling my brother about the side effects though. Am I protecting my little brother ? Or am I protecting Mom, who I think would be on board with the med? Or myself because i don’t want her fighting and being angry? She can be a very mean angry person.
Mixed emotions are just part of the baggage. Every day.</p>
<p>Bonnie - So sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>eso - I don’t think anyone can say 82 is a short life. What you are giving her is peace. She sounds very unhappy, if the meds can relieve that it’s a good thing.</p>
<p>Bonnie- Sending condolences your way. It is hard, but peace is the best one can hope for at times. Take good care of yourself- you did so much for your mother. Mine has been gone for 7 years. Time passing does help, though there are always those moments you know would she would have loved to shared.</p>
<p>Mansfield- thinking of your family and hope the best for all. </p>
<p>Eso- sometimes, we all take the shortest distance between two points with this demanding role. Acting on your mother’s wishes is a gift to all. Few would want more time in constant distress as opposed to comfort. Sorry for these challenges. </p>
<p>GA2012Mom- that is a poignant story. Sometimes even when we know what road we are on, the abrupt ending can be extra challenging. There is often a lot of ambiguity with the course of these illnesses. Sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>I have been a caregiver for nearly 7 years. Hard to know where this next path will go.</p>
<p>esobay. i really almost demanded her doc try a med on my mother. she was miserable and frankly heading for a straight jacket so to speak. i called him and told him i give my permission to use antipsychotics regardless of risk because she was increasingly getting out of control with anger and paranoia that frankly we got used to but society did not accept. What is usually the problem is that the family comes back later and complains. I rx the stuff and know what pressure docs are under. I told my brother that we needed to try the med and it would be negligent if we did not try our best to bring a quality of life that was acceptable for her. Well we tried it, she tolerated it well, and now after several weeks there is a good improvement and she is now acceptable to society and can get along with people.She is much,much better.I regret not asking for this earlier. The underlying paranoia life long is still there but the overwhelming paranoia and agitation is not. She asked what it is and i told her her doctor thought it would help with her thought clarification. That is actually the Rx directions on the meds from the pharmacy.</p>
<p>rockymtnhigh- Thanks for sharing that information and glad that you are seeing the improvement. With my elderly parents, I was more concerned with daily quality of life than long term consequences of medication use (one had terminal cancer and the other continues to experience advancing dementia), though I might have been inclined to think that way even without those circumstances at their advanced ages.</p>
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<p>Yes, yes and yes. There is nothing wrong with protecting people, including yourself. </p>
<p>And this is just my personal opinion, but once someone gets into their 80s and is having problems, then quality of life is what counts, not quantity. She’s already lived a long full life. What she needs now is to be comfortable. You made a loving decision.</p>
<p>Bonnie, I’m so sorry. </p>
<p>It sure seems like we’re losing a lot of parents all of a sudden. :(</p>
<p>BonnieNJ: condolences on your loss.</p>
<p>So sorry for your loss, bonie and others who have recently lost loved ones.</p>
<p>Eso- Older adults with paranoia are often treated with one of the SGA’s (second generation anti-psychotics) [Re:</a> Second-generation antipsychotics | BC Medical Journal](<a href=“http://www.bcmj.org/letters/re-second-generation-antipsychotics]Re:”>Re: Second-generation antipsychotics | British Columbia Medical Journal). Some are better tolerated than others (Zyprexa, Abilify, Resperdal, etc). Geodon tends to cause weight gain, and this one, as some of the others, can lead to diabetes. Some cans also increase the risk of sudden death, but are all safer thant he first generation antipsychotics (haldol, etc).</p>
<p>Just joining this thread. Bonnie, so sorry for your loss. Eso, I’m in the same boat re: meds. Just agreed to start my 87 year old mother on serequel, despite all the black box warnings. Currently at the lowest dose. Helps her sleep. Not sure whether it will touch the other symptoms. But at least when the sleep is regulated, she’s less agitated and labile. The stress of this time is crazy.</p>
<p>I wish the AL place would send me the list of meds already! I have asked 3 times. They said they DID send them, but where, I have no idea. I will get them in a week when I am up there again to help Mom get her last 4 teeth pulled. Her toilet is leaking onto the floor, she says, and no one has come for the last two hours to fix it. I would rush over if I lived in her town, which would send my H over the edge, but it is hard to not be able to help.
And if I rushed over, I might find that nothing was wrong. Although it DID take them 3 days to fix her furnace when it broke a couple of months ago. </p>
<p>She is trading the anti-anxiety (sebural or something like that) med and the sleeping pill (tradazone) for this one other thing</p>
<p>Any comments on experiences with ARICEPT? I’ve just recently started reading this thread as my 93 yr old mother’s life drastically changed. Very helpful to come across a community of such enduring, wise and supportive (if battered…) people. My situation is not nearly as hard as many of yours - my mother just went into assisted living, which she has the savings to pay for till approx age 105. She needs a lot of the extra care services and seems to love the staff - and since she’s morphed from a fairly difficult and critical woman to a completely benign and adorable old lady, they love her back. She didn’t want to go, but seems now to be resigned, if not happy. Near-deaf, unsteady on her feet, increasingly forgetful and confused (vascular dementia, we think), but otherwise physically healthy. New doc, who I thought would be less aggressive, is pushing Aricept. I suspect it mostly benefits the manufacturer and don’t want to take a chance on the side effects. Agreed to start Namenda (not much faith in that either, but it seems more benign). Also, now that her meds are given to her, may be able to normalize her thyroid functions and B12 levels, which has some chance of improving her cognition.
Any perspective is much appreciated.</p>
<p>not sure which anxiolytic you are referring to, eso. Better to avoid the benzos, ans the can increase falls in oder adults.</p>
<p>Ruthie,</p>
<p>The biggest side effect for aricept is usually some initial GI distress. If you are worried about that, she can be tried on an exelon patch. Less side effects (other than possible irritation form the patch adhesive on the skin) from a dermatological transmission of meds.</p>
<p>Thanks, Jym. The GI distress would be very bad for her, if it occurred. The new doc (who I knew personally from another context) is a sweet decent smart guy, a geriatrician who really loves his old people, but he’s less concerned about multiple meds in the elderly than I am. My mother isn’t on that many meds as these over-90’s go - Synthroid, Ramipril, Metoprolol, and now the Namenda and B12 (just started).</p>
<p>Ruthie, I had a similar question a while back, and here’s what the CC parents had to say at that time:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1259129-dementia-elderly-mother.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1259129-dementia-elderly-mother.html</a></p>
<p>BTW, we decided against medication.</p>
<p>Bonnie, so sorry to hear about the death of your mother. My prayers are with you and your family. A big hug to everyone else who is dealing with changes and challenges.</p>
<p>Within an hour or so of my post on Thursday, my father really took a downward turn. On top of the rather sudden changes in his speech and motor skills, he scared us again. His caretaker left the room briefly and when she returned, he was shaking like crazy and holding on to the bedrails (seizures maybe). At this point, they called 911 and the ambulance took him back to the hospital (he’d only been home about 26 hours). At this point, I flew out of here and drove like crazy for 2 hours. Although he was conscious, he did not recognize anybody or anything. He was re-admitted and they started an intravenous antibiotic. The CT scan didn’t show anything; however, he is responding to the antibiotics. The hospitalist says he has a nasty UTI, which he linked to the catheter - which was only inserted after he arrived. If it is a UTI, it must have started before his first hospitalization on Monday. The new neuro and the hospitalist don’t agree on whether or not he had a TIA. BTW, we “fired” his regular nasty neuro when he asked my brother why we kept calling him and that he didn’t know what was wrong. His speech is much better, but he doesn’t have a good sense of reality. He can’t use his hands or even hold a newspaper (he reads 4 papers a day). He has to be spoon fed pureed hospital food (doesn’t that sound tasty??). He’s probably going to be released soon. We’ll have to line up in-home PT & OT. I asked the neuro today if he would ever return to his previous level of functioning. She wasn’t overly optimistic. Meanwhile, my mother is negative and nasty. </p>
<p>Thanks for listening.</p>