I live in an area that is commonly known as ground zero for lyme disease. Many people I know have had it more than once. My neighbor has had it four times. My dog has had it twice and she gets a lyme vaccine. For anyone that does an outdoor vacation in a lyme infested area, that possibility should be considered. Not just a camping vacation, either - golfing, taking a walk through the woods, backyards. Someone that has what they think is a summer cold or flu could have lyme. The ticks that carry it are so darn small that there’s a huge chance you wouldn’t find them in a head of hair.
DH has had Lyme once. He felt horrible and finally went to the doctor. She did a full-body exam and found the tick bite in his lower back. We’re thankful they caught it in time.
I realized I hadn’t posted about my parents in awhile. My dad is finally doing much better after his heart surgery in April. He is making it up the stairs to his office. He still has 24/7 caregivers, now paid for by longterm care insurance, but the nighttime person will be phased out soon. He and Mom have been offered a place in the independent living facility they’ve been waiting on for years. Wow, is it expensive. Million dollar buy in (they get back 90% when they move out) and almost $8k a month after that. I guess I’ll be living in a poorhouse at their age. 
Mom is still forgetful but she does sound better. I arranged for someone to take her for a hair appointment every couple of weeks and that has brightened her spirits a lot. Sometimes it doesn’t take much!
Dad will be inducted into the National Academy of Construction in Memphis in October. He wants DH and me to attend the ceremony, too. I’m hoping Dad will be up to the trip. I got us hotel rooms but I can cancel the reservations if I need to.
I think the difference might be that my dad was in skilled nursing. There was nothing close to a restraint in his memory care. Each facility is different and the states have different rules. The seat belt restraints I was talking about were not for people who might fall, but for the people who definitely would fall if they stood up even for a second. For many it was like a seatbelt that kept them from slipping in their chair and they didn’t mind. Some fought against it, but the law was that they had to be able to release it themselves. The velcro sound just gave carers an extra minute to check on them. Also, if someone checked on them quickly that avoided the alarm going off which would be very annoying to everyone.There were also special chairs that didn’t restrain patients but slowed them down if they tried to get up. Care people would also walk with those who could and then they would be less restless for a while.
Like SnLMom mentioned above, the aides were good at positioning the belt or chair so that patients would forget about the belt. That room full of seniors in the evening was like a orchestra with the aides conducting, keeping everyone safe and entertained when they all had different needs.
^^
This. I do not agree that his seat belt made him like an animal in a cage.
. . .
Dementia was his prison.
@momofsenior1 when my mother fell and hit her head, the visiting nurse trained me to do the wound care and only visited once or twice a week. I have always wondered what would happen if I lived further away. The PT also trained me, because there is no way my mother could remember to do PT or be able to remember how to do it on her own.
My mother removed bandages constantly. Is that a possibilty for your mom?
Concerning Lyme, people should at least get a Western Blot, not an Elisa, which has many false negatives. Most MD’s still use the Elisa to screen.
Then with the Western Blot, MD’s should look at bands that are specific for Lyme. THe CDC wants a certain number of bands but Lyme doctors go by the specificity for Lyme, even if there is only one band.
Also it takes some time for antibodies to form and many docs test too early,
It’s all very imperfect. My test turned very very positive after two weeks of antibiotics.
My mom is going to have a private duty caregiver 24/7 until the staples are removed. So far she’s leaving the wound alone.
We’re also in the process of getting our ducks in a row with a permanent caregiver.
@MaineLonghorn , I am in the construction business in Memphis! I am not a member of the Academy, but congratulations to your dad!
When my mother was in Memory Care, they assured me they could put bedrails on her bed to keep her from trying to get up in the night. I bought them, they sat in the closet (still in their boxes) until we removed them after her death. They put a foam pad of some kind on the floor, but if she had tried to get up she would have slipped on that and fallen for sure. I’m not sure how they kept her in bed, because she always got up in the night to go to the bathroom when she was living with me. I simply don’t understand why the at-risk seniors can’t be gently restrained in some way.
I have a friend who is a Certified Lyme Counselor; she is an absolute expert on the subject (she has a family member who contracted Lyme and she went to Hell and back in order to get a diagnosis). There is also a semi-local doctor who is a Lyme specialist. My friend travels to many conferences every year, and is constantly absorbing more information. Lyme is a very prominent disease, and there are specific tests for it but there aren’t many doctors who know how to test for it. One of the most prominent is in St. Louis. I also knew someone else who went to St. Louis to get her diagnosis. /Lyme soapbox
I have not been here as much recently due to lots of work and the revamp of the site making it a little less friendly to use on my phone. My parents are pretty settled in MC. They seem to be happy when I see them, they do the activities and no longer complain they are being treated like children. It was hard to watch them all struggle to do a jigsaw puzzle this week. The staff are wonderful and patient and I just have to consider that this is the best I can hope for and they are still around.
@MaineLonghorn congrats to your dad. And I hope the new facility is a great place for them - my parents were in a very nice place with a big buy-in and I was hoping they could stay there forever. The independent living side was fabulous - local university professors would come in and do lectures, they had famous music groups play etc. And I did eventually get the 90% back a year after they had to move.
The new format really is affecting me. Does anyone know if it is permanent?
Don’t know the answer but I find the new format terribly annoying. Maybe deserves its own thread.
I think it is permanent, or at least until we finally get used to it and then they will “upgrade” again. Lol.
They’re supposedly going to make changes based on user input.
I also hate the new format and can barely see the font.
My father passed away recently. I’m now in the thick of the Estate mess.
@chb088 I’m so sorry about your father. Settling estates adds so much stress on top of a very emotional time.
I’m so sorry for those who lost loved ones. It’s very difficult. One thing that helped us a lot was having a close friend (spouse of a cousin) handle the estate. The estate was large enough that we could pay his very reasonable bills and it was a win/win because he got some income and did a fabulous job of winding down the estate. If H or his brother were doing it. who knows how much longer it would have taken and it would have added a lot of extra stress to the family member handling it.
@chb088 So very sorry. It’s a marathon, not a sprint – both grief and the estate work. DH still making his way through his mother’s from early 2018. Hugs to you.
@chb088 Sorry for your loss, one thing I would suggest is that you try to relax and not stress getting every little thing done immediately. With my Dad, I had time as my mother was still alive, so it was not like it cost anything to have a house or car around, it was just a matter of pacing myself for sanity sake.
Guys, I have to tell you, this dying slowing is rough! My mother had her first seizure a bit over a month ago, then two weeks later a grand mal seizure when she was in hospice house for respite care. Two weeks after that another full eyes rolling back, body shaking grand mal seizure. Now today, about ten days after the last one, she has had two one early this morning and one just now.
I am glad she had one at hospice and I am glad the 3rd one happened when hospice person was here visiting, so a witness and helper. I know and have shared with my family who might be here for it that she has them, that we are not pursuing a diagnosis or treatment, there is no pressure or stress to do anything other than keep her safe, don’t let her hurt herself and then make sure she does not aspirate if she vomits.
But still, it’s a heavy responsibility to handle someone at a time like that.
@chb088 Sorry for your loss. My mom’s estate was fortunately, pretty easy with transfer on death to my dad on all her accounts. TOD is such an easy thing and makes life so much easier for the executor. But, it’s helpful that we sold all my parent’s property in the last 2 years.
@somemom Hugs. It was hard to watch my mom die a quicker death and also explain to relatives that we were not seeking reasons or treatments for her precipitous weight loss. Supporting the dying is something none of us are taught to do in our culture.
@somemom,
Since she is in hospice, do they no treat the seizures so she doesn’t have more? Would that not be considered comfort?
The seizures could be from the LBD, or a tumor, or what have you. But would an anticonvulsant be worth considering so she is comfortable (doesn’t fall, wet/soil herself , otherwise possible injure herself when she seizes?)
My parents are about to put their house, built in 1973, on the market. The first realtor they contacted suggested a selling price that’s about 60% of what we expected! It makes no sense. The comps she used were about 2/3 the size of my folks’ house, hmmm. And it’s not like their house is the biggest in the neighborhood. I told them to talk to other realtors. Sigh, I will be sad when it’s sold. We moved there when I was in fifth grade.