Yes, one has to check the rules of the places where they are added to waitlist. Some places allow the pass of up to 3 times before the go to bottom of waitlist, done gave different rules.
One has to be able to qualify for independent living or whatever level they will be put into. In many ways it is a moving target as status of seniors can change rapidly and seemingly with little to no warning.
My grandmother was in good enough shape to live in several senior facilities. She moved when she liked someone or something else better (often, the food.) And it was a fork.of control, for her.
What we all saw was the quick welcome from others. Sure, there are busybody types. Or folks with other interests. But just as often, nice, caring folks who wanted to include her.
Nice to have that ready, when you need it, not be trying to establish a social presence when already incapacitated. Also, for MIL, these friends saved her, as her dementia progressed, got her to and fro.
@somemom I agree with your comment about what the senior wants, provided there are no cognitive issues. My MIL insisted on living on her own in a 2 story colonial, even though she had oxygen and partial foot amputation.
We were constantly waiting for a phone call that she had fallen down the steps or something. But it was her choice. She probably could have lived longer had she gone to AL but in the long run, would that be what she wanted? Hard to say.
Since we are currently talking about housing and living situations, I want to run something by this hive mind.
Fil passed away about a year and a half ago. Mil has remained in their one-story, 2,300 sq ft home. No mortgage and in a state with low real estate taxes - only about $2,400 per year. She pays about $1,000 a year in HO insurance. She has a housekeeper and a yard service. However, she seems to be easily frustrated with having to handle the “upkeep” of the house. She does not like to have to wait around on repair people, and even the smallest thing that she must deal with bugs her. There have only been a couple of items that have come up, and neither one was particularly significant. She did some cosmetic remodeling after he passed which also frustrated her, but those were HER choices to go though that process.
She went today to look at some senior apartments. The rent for the ones that are available (which are still 1.950 sq ft) is about $2,300 per month. Selling her home would likely net her 100 months of rent. Rent does not include electric or internet. The yard service would go away, of course. Rental insurance for contents other than HO insurance, but she isn’t going to see a huge savings compared to now paying monthly rent. Overall, dh believes it will cost her $18,000 - $20,000 more per year to live in the apartment than in her current home. Her health is currently good, and she is 81 years old. This is not a continuing care place or an AI place or anything like that. Just apartments designed for seniors.
She is very indecisive as to whether or not this is a change she wants to make. She likes her neighborhood and neighbors. However, some of them have made and are currently making the decision to sell and simply rent. There are currently three new units available as part of new construction at this complex she visited today, but pretty much someone has to die or have a significant health issue for one to open up otherwise. There really aren’t any other places that she is considering.
What sorts of factors should she consider regarding this? As others have indicated, seniors’ conditions can change so suddenly and quickly. If she moved there and stayed 5 or 6 years without issue, that would be great if that is what she wants. BTW, I am all for everyone having whatever they want - it’s just that she doesn’t KNOW what she wants. Fil made ALL the decisions in their lives, so she is not very good at being decisive. On the other hand, if she moved in there and had an issue after only 5 or 6 months after moving in, well, it would have likely been better that she stayed in her home. Where, oh where is the crystal ball of aging???
Some of our neighbors have rented places they thought they may want to move to, so they could try it out before selling their home. They decided they didn’t like the rental and were happy to move back to their home.
I believe they left their single family gone vacant while renting out and trying the place they were considering.
The people who sold the house we are living in rented out their place for a year and moved to another city to be nearer their grown kids. The wife wanted to remain there but husband wanted to come back to HI, so they divorced and sold the house as part of the settlement.
I guess I’m very cautious and would rent and be sure I really was happy with condo living before selling and moving permanently. There are definitely trade-offs.
My in laws kept the house and we rented it out for the duration of their time in IL/AL/SNF/BC, they liked thinking they could go back, though they could not due to the inability to deal with all the help needed 24/7. If the MIL has owned the house for a long time, there could also be capital gains taxes affecting her net funds available for rent.
@HImom - no possibility of a trial situation for this scenario. The units are too popular and in-demand. Plus, I’m not sure how practical that would be considering moving furniture/etc.
@somemom - I believe there is a $250,000 exclusion for primary residence sale before capital gains kick in ($500,000 for joint return). She won’t be able to sell it for that much more than they paid for it 20 years ago.
@Hoggirl — i guess it would be good to know whether she’s ever lived in a condo/apartment living situation and how she likes/dislikes it. If one has always lived in single-family home and never tax to contend with neighbors above, below, plus on all sides, it can be a big adjustment.
Does the place have any units for rent she could try, even for a month? It may give her a better sense of the trade-off.
@HImom - not in over 60 years! It’s set up as a four-plex.
I agree with you, but no, there isn’t a way. They are in high demand. Have to sign a 1- or 2-year lease.
@Hoggirl It seems like her current situation is unsustainable and she is not really happy there. Therefore, planning on selling the house and moving seems a good first step. She may not be happy at the new place, but trying it for a year doesn’t seem too onerous. If it’s not working, she can move on. Of course, some depends on finances and what she can afford outside the house value.
In my area, you need to get on a waiting list for the best CCRCs are 10 years. My parents place was less as it was a ownership model. They owned their condo and the disadvantage is it took 8 months to sell, and in the meantime, I had to continue paying monthly fees.
With such long waiting lists, my husband and myself have to figure out what we should do now. Our house is not really appropriate for aging in place. It’s too suburban and would need major modifications to accommodate handicaps. It’s hard because who knows what we would need/want 10-20 years from now?
I am wondering why she would want a place that is almost the same size as her house. That is a fairly big apartment. If she gets frustrated with upkeep, wouldn’t a smaller place work better? I downsized myself, a few years ago- rather dramatically- and life is so much easier.
What distinguishes the new place from the old? Are there services for seniors, or community activities? I think isolation can be the biggest problem for those remaining in their houses. Is this an issue in the new apartment?
@GTalum - you know, I think you are right about sustainability. Their current house is one-story, and they did build it with wide doorways for wheelchair accessibility, but I don’t think it’s as handicap-friendly as she perceives it to be. She knows she wants to make a change at some point, but she continues to say she’s “not ready.” She will toss out notions of staying put until she has to go to a “home.” Like you, I would rather she be proactive rather than our having to be reactive, but the only difference this change would make for her should she have a medical crisis is that her house we already be sold. She isn’t going to have to pare down her “stuff” much at all. There are no “services” at this place. It’s just a rental instead of ownership. She does have to sign a lease.
You are also right that if she hates it she can do something else. She is in a good situation with her finances.
I wish she were more decisive. As I wrote above, fil made ALL their major life decisions. Dh and his sister are reluctant to push her toward anything in particular as they want her to make her OWN decisions. She is just not good at that - not because of her age, per se’, but because she has never been “allowed” to have input into anything this major. When they bought their most recent house (they have been there 20 years), that was his decision. I’m sure she chose paint colors and what-not (she’s in a cookie cutter neighborhood), but the decision to move and sell their other home was made my him.
I’m not sure what will make her “ready,” though I speculate it will be the next time something goes wrong with the house, even if it’s really minor.
@Hoggirl does H or inlaws have any insight into what your FIL would have advised MIL to do? Any way to assure MIL that FIL would want her to take action?
@Hippobirdy - I think you are spot on with this, and I asked sil about it yesterday. I asked if she thought mil felt “guilty” about thinking about this change since their plan (whether realistic or not) was to age in place in their current home. Sil says she does not think so, but I am not so sure.
Fil was extremely frugal and staying where they are is definitely the more frugal choice to make. Not only was she unaware of their resources when he died, she really didn’t even know how much she received in her pension and SS (her SS was more than his!).
But, I think her pondering, “What would HE have done?” and trying to choose something he would “approve” of is definitely playing into it. He was very controlling.
I’m going to call her today.
@Hoggirl is it an either-or situation? Are there other housing options short of a “home?”
My mother’s in an apartment for disabled or elderly. There’s no care staff on-site. Building maintenance / cleaning / admin during the work day. After-hours contact info. VNA has a drop-in once a month.
There are emergency call strings to pull in each unit – one in bedroom, one in bathroom. It sets off a flashing light on main panel in lobby and in hall outside the unit, but not connected to any outside emergency services. The neighbors check on the tenant or call for assistance. There’s a combination lock box outside each unit for key access if needed; that’s what ambulance crew used when she broke her hip.
My mom is still able to do everything but drive, so she doesn’t need more than what her building offers for the time being. There’s just enough added access to assistance that it sets the right climate for her. She’s still independent but not responsible for even changing a light bulb. It’s just the right balance for now.
Does your MIL want someone to decide for her? That would be a tough one. It sounds as though having something go wrong with her house might actually be the best thing for her. Tough for those of you watching, waiting, and caring. Best of luck.
@HouseChatte - this is the only place she is currently looking at. She has a neighbor friend who is moving into a more service-oriented, but not care-oriented place. Dining and housekeeping are included at that place, but the units are smaller and not as upscale as the one she toured yesterday. She has said she does not want to be there.
She drives, volunteers, plays bridge, does Bible study, etc. She is very active and has no current limitations. I don’t think she would care for being in a place with “old folks.” Lol.
I did text her. Just keeps repeating that she is “not ready,” yet. She has decided she would rather be in one of the cottages at this place as opposed to a four-plex. None of those are available. She can’t view them IRL until one becomes available. Though she has a friend who has a friend who lives in the floor plan she thinks she would like best. That one is only 1,600 sq feet. While I am glad she is not being impulsive, I would prefer her to be more proactive than reactive. TBH, I think she just likes “talking” about it.
It sounds like, for now, she isn’t going to do anything. If a unit came open in the style she wanted, perhaps she will. No way to know when that will happen, though.
Thanks for the thoughts, all.
@Hoggirl based on my experience, I would look at places that can provide a continuum of care. I can foresee you moving her to the apartment but then she has a setback and could use the type of amenities like on site dining, or nurses available etc.
I ended up moving my parents 3 times because their needs kept growing. In hindsight, I would have researched what situations there first community could handle, since I thought that could handle everything from independent living to skilled nursing. (It just couldn’t handle a brain injured diabetic with a non-impaired spouse).
Regarding the money, that is always painful. It is WAY more money to live in the assisted living than in their home, even considering they no longer pay for utilties, dinners out, car maintenance etc. It just is. I have no idea what we would have done if they had not saved for years and had LTC insurance. They would be mortified to see their savings being depleted for routine care, instead of the travel and inheritances they planned on. But what is the alternative? They need to be safe and cared for and they could not live with me due to physical and medical needs.
I think that a move now may mean more moves in the future. And her current situation is indeed frugal. Eventually a smaller more manageable place may work better-? (I raised three kids in a 1400 square foot house so what do I know!) I am still unclear on the reason for the move. Does she have an emergency button around her neck currently?
My in-laws moved from their 2000 square foot one story house to a one story condo in a 55+ community and they love it. They said they felt like newlyweds! No yard to take care of, etc… The community has a lot of services, most of which they don’t use, but they really like it. It was also an opportunity to clean out the house they have been living in for 40 years, so that their children didn’t have to. They rented for about a year and then bought an updated unit when one came available.
No. She has no health issues whatsoever.
To me, going from 2,300 sq ft to close to 2,000 sq ft makes no sense whatsoever.
I, too, am unclear on the reason for a move. Honestly, I think it’s just something a lot of her friends are talking about so they are all feeding the fire. Not unlike the college admissions process - 
She is seemingly happy where she is there than being inconvenienced occasionally by home ownership issues. My late fil took care of all of that. My sil said she can’t imagine how she has lived so long and is just now realizing that repair people aren’t always punctual!
I think she will stay put for now, which I think is the best choice. I would rather see her wait and then choose something that will provide more options as she ages.