@MaineLonghorn why can’t they start out at the assisted living level? Is it full? We find a wide range of functioning at our AL.
Thanks to all for the input on lift chairs. They called me at 6:30 this morning and I popped in my car in my pj’s to get there by 7! She was asleep…her friends at the coffee table all came in to see it. Quite the excitement!
However, I have already called the furniture place to come pick it up tomorrow. Her short term terror and confusion (oh boy)will fade but I can see that she will never wait for the lift, she is too impulsive and quick. She already climbed out of the reclined position.
We can try training her but her personality won’t change
She had no understanding at all and the simple two buttons were too much for her. Granted, that might get better but I feel leery leaving her alone with the chair.
Also there is no actual comfortable upright position.
Sigh. At least I separated her from the grimy soiled floral chair that she is so attached to. I did actually try to get it back and then changed my mind. I will tell her I tried.
That’s just the way this facility is set up. I imagine they have enough of their current “independent” residents transitioning to “assisted” that they can’t handle more.
Ohhh of course, a CCRC. Is there a required time to be in independent before eligible for assisted living? Can an aide be hired to make independent living possible. Do you agree with the advocate? Boy oh boy, ML, you sure have your hands full these days.
We have noticed mom is SO much more alert and able to participate and interact when she’s wearing her hearing aids.
She finds out home much more comforting and easy to stay in than my sister’s much larger two story home. Our house is only one story and bathroom is right next to bedroom. We leave the bathroom on all night, so mom can see it and go in and out as needed.
My sister’s house has guest room on 1st floor and all other bedrooms are on 2nd floor. Mom said she prefers out house (layout more similar to her old home).
I believe the time period is three years, @compmom, at least without having to pay more.
It’s hard for me to know if they’re up to it since I’m so far away. My sister doesn’t seem to think they’re doing as badly as the advocate thinks. But when I hear things like, “Dad canceled his appointment with the vocal cord specialist this morning because he didn’t feel up to it,” that concerns me. He has wanted help with his vocal cords for many months now, so he must have been feeling pretty bad.
Dad will be allowed to have caregivers at the facility - they are bending the rules for him since he was on the Board of Directors. The clock won’t start ticking until he dismisses them.
If they could still get into Assisted Living, but just have to pay more, is that the end of the world? I would think the extra level of care, although more expensive, would take a lot of the burden off of you and your family. At least for me, when we got my Dad into Memory Care, it was a relief. I found myslef no longer flinching everytime the phone rang fearing another crisis.
For my folks, if they went into AL, they will have to be separated. They would not do well with that. We are told we can pay to have what help they need and OT and PT in their room.
We are having mom stay with us while dad is in hospital because she’s not used to being alone overnight.
My 81 year-old mother-in-law is having her hearing tested for the first time tomorrow. My sil (her daughter) is accompanying her to the appointment. She just turned 81, and pretty much dragged her feet as long as she could about having her hearing tested. It’s hard to know if her issues are related to hearing or lack of attentiveness or processing issues.
What have been your experiences with your aging parents wearing hearing aids? Fil got them, but then would not consistently wear them at all. He would only occasionally wear them if he were in a situation where he wanted to hear. Just blared the TV when at home. Always tuned mil out anyway.
Of course, we don’t know what the outcome of her hearing test will be - she may not need them.
It is VERY much better when we can turn the hearing aids on and get mom to wear them. She’s much more alert and attuned to what’s going on. The just spaces out and drifts without them.
@tx5athome the difficulty is my mom. She has technically qualified for independent living (simple memory test). But if we feel independent living is not right for her, she can’t start out at assisted living level, due to the facility’s rules. So it’s not just a matter of paying more, if that makes sense.
The decision will be if they will be OK in independent living with the 24/7 caregivers my dad is being permitted as an exception. My mom’s recent episode was bad enough she might not be (I don’t want to give details because they’re embarrassing).
Mom never remembers to wear hearing aids and doesn’t get that they have to be turned on. My sibs never remind her and never turn them on for her, so only when we see her does she wear them.
I’m thrilled—just called Costco Audio and asked about the tethers for hearing aids a friend’s folks has (like a eyeglass tether but clipped to shirt or clothing. I think it may reduce lost hearing aids (another problem). They NEVER mentioned it but ordered them at my request. They will be FREE when they arrive.
I asked why we were never offered them and they said we must have been but refused. I said nope but glad to be getting them now.
Wish I could train my family members to get mom to wear hearing aids—huge improvement and safety issue—she can’t hear warnings. Will keep trying.
@HImom Send your relatives article, like the one below, explaining that the brain is stressed when your. Mother doesn’t use hearing aids.
[quote]
One theory is that hearing loss leads to a decreased input to the brain, so there is less processing that occurs, which contributes to cognitive decline (a “bottom-up” approach).
Another theory is that early cognitive deficits may impact a person’s ability to process sound, and thus contribute to hearing loss (a “top-down” approach).
**Irrespective of which theory is correct, it is clear that the association between hearing and cognition is very real. **This association emphasizes the need to improve our approach to testing and treating hearing loss.
@MaineLonghorn my mother is in an assisted living that is not part of a CCRC. Residents can come in as independent and move to assisted while remaining in the same room, and spouses at different levels remain together from the start, and when one moves from independent to assisted, nothing changes.
There is a memory care unit upstairs and at that point, couples do get split up if one needs MC and the other doesn’t, but the spouse can remain in the original room and see husband or wife at meals and activities or just visit.
Is there anything like that that could help your parents?
My mother’s is really nice, even elegant, with activities that are pretty good too.
Three years seems like too long for your parents to make it in independent living before qualifying for assisted and at that point one of them might even need MC.
Yes, @SouthJerseyChessMom, I agree and have sent them the articles previously but only H and I appear to notice any difference when mom wears her hearing aids.
I wrote up a sheet initially explaining that the need to turn on the hearing aids and hand them to mom and have her wear them but honestly I think everyone is more focused on dad, getting his inhaled meds done, getting his O2 ready for him to go with them, etc.
Dad has been wearing his hearing aids but they’re rarely ever turned on and he just leaves them in his ears until they fall out, never charging them.
Right now, everyone is focused on dad in hospital so we’ve had mom at our home and noticed how well she’s been doing when she wears the hearing aids every day, all day. She’s still forgetful but at least is much more engaged.
Just saying, not sure you can initially tell if it’s the hearing aids, themselves, or the extra attention being paid to your mom now that she’s at your house.
Your sibs seem content with status quo, when it’s the rule. And less concerned about (subtle?) improvements in her QOL if the hearing aids are turned on. Is she more independent or just a little better engaged?
One thing this thread shows, over and over, is that the more concered child inherits the responsibility. If others disagree with the results or effort/ROI, it falls that much more on the one who does insist.
I get it, which is why initially I ended up taking dad to initial lung appointments, hearing aids at Costco, etc.
Mom and dad are pretty much 95% deaf without hearing aids so can’t hear a thing and only nod to be agreeable.
I prefer for them to keep whatever cognitive abilities they have. The CNA we hire just notes that dad has hearing aids in ears (never checks to see If charged or turned on & they are off and/or dead and need recharging).
Mom is very resistant and one has to insist she wear them do they don’t want to fight and say there’s no difference. She constantly wants to put them back in charger.
Jumping in here to ask advice, well, really to get confirmation of what I want to do. My Mom is in a memory care unit in a nursing home. She’s been in there since December and seems pretty content. Before that she lived with my sister for three years. My sister passed away unexpectedly on Monday. I’ve been planning to go see my Mom (she’s about an hour away from me) for the last few weeks but had a virus and then pneumonia so stayed away. We’re leaving for vacation this weekend so I want to see her as I won’t be able to go for another two weeks.
I am thinking of NOT telling her about my sister but I know she will ask about her. I think I can say something like she’s doing fine and how nice that she came to see you a couple of weeks ago. I’m kind of worried that I’ll burst out crying. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Any suggestions? Is there any reason to tell her? My sister said a couple of weeks ago that Mom was asking about her father, who has been dead for my whole life, so that’s an indication of where she is around the bend.
@walkinghome , I’m so sorry about your sister. And here you are dealing with your own grief while trying to think about how to help your mom.
I think there are several schools of thought on whether to tell your mom, but my own opinion is that lying is sometimes the kindest choice. Although, depending on your religious beliefs, maybe it isn’t a lie to say she’s happy and feeling good. If she asks more questions, can you redirect her? It’s a tough situation and if you start crying or she senses your sadness, you might need to tell her the truth, then pray she doesn’t remember.
