<p>Rocky- the first time I veered out of my comfort zone and mentioned the hoarding and memory issues to a trusted friend, she shared that she had a parent exactly like mine. Then I found out about another friend. It seems so much more common than I ever expected. I still feel horrible that she was living in those conditions but she did not want help and did not want to move or change. When we did try we were “awful kids throwing out all her good stuff”. Yep, yogurt containers and foil candy wrappers are priceless.</p>
<p>Psychmomma-She is in pain when she needs the do anything weight bearing. We are trying to get her from the hospital into an acute rehabilitation facility. We are learning a bad knee might have contributed to the fall. My mom is worried she will be “one of those women hobbling around”. Of course we have been trying to get her to exercise prior to this accident.
I brought some easy to prepare food to my dad. Even though he said he had plenty of leftovers. I told him his personal chef is in the hospital. It really isn’t a good idea for my dad to be at the hospital since his kidney’s can’t take any major illness.</p>
<p>A friend of mine found Schwan’s home delivery for her parents really savel lots of headaches. <a href=“Error | Schwan's Home Delivery”>Error | Schwan's Home Delivery;
<p>My H and I were trying to get my mother to use Schwans. Got her a order book and everything. She doesn’t know where she put the book now. She’s a hoarder, too.</p>
<p>Psychmomma, I read once an article that made sense- they cannot differentiate the value between a plastic mug and a diamond ring. They are the same value in their eyes.</p>
<p>Yes, very true. Also, they are afraid of making a wrong decision or mistake so end up never throwing anything out. Having their own parents who lived during the Depression doesn’t help either.</p>
<p>Love this thread! My mom is another hoarder. I finally got her house and into a senior residence since she no longer cooks or drives, but she gave her 30 day notice while I was out of town. Her house wasn’t empty enough to rent; in fact it still look occupied after she moved enough stuff to fill a one bedroom apartment. She plans to move back.</p>
<p>And don’t forget all the sweepstakes our folks enter! And the non-charity charities they support.</p>
<p>I sure hope I don’t put DD through all this in twenty or thirty years. . .</p>
<p>Jesuslover, I’m so sorry to hear about your Father’s Day gone bad. 
</p>
<p>You said you’re trying to get her moved from the hospital to skilled nursing. Are they saying she’s not ready to leave the hospital yet? Or are they trying to send her directly home from the hospital rather than to skilled nursing?</p>
<p>My hats off to all of you caring for aging parents. Ended up in this position somewhat this weekend.<br>
Neighbor’s elderly parent–and neighbors traveling to another country, not accessible by phone. The parent has been very fit, independent, feisty, etc. Lived with neighbors for a few years now. When they left on trip, I would call and check in on the Mom in a.m. and then go over for a few hours in evening to have dinner and socialize. All was good until this weekend, when I found her Saturday pm unable to get out of bed with hip pain and disoriented. Tried to help her up (yeah, dumb idea). Her dr not available. Ambulance to ER. Initial ER Dr. thought was broken hip? Stroke? UTI? She’s now scared and not too coherent.<br>
What to do??? Have not had to deal with this before. And since I’m not related, added issues. Luckily, I’d grabbed her purse/ID/rx’s–helped a bit. Add on Saturday night in ER…fun times it was not! I stayed with her while she was in ER TEN hours before being admitted! She was so exhausted. Xrays/MRI’s/CT/blood work…yikes.
Major UTI and dehydration. But so weak can’t walk/toilet. Case worker asking if I’m taking her home or to a care facility. Learned a bit about Medicare–and was told she was going somewhere within 24-48 hours! Scary.<br>
Luckily, her kids were scheduled to return today, and I’d been able to connect with them prior to their flights, so they knew what was up and came immediately from airport. They felt horrible for her…and me. And Mom is so much better today, but still little wobbly and in need of assistance.</p>
<p>I left her alone for 4 hours Saturday night and 8 hours last night–really felt it wasn’t the best idea to leave her to deal with hospital by herself. I must say I am utterly exhausted. And in awe of what some of those hospital aides do. And hats off and my utter respect and sympathy to those of you dealing with aging parents right now. It’s got to be sooooo physically and mentally demanding…and throw in insurance/Medicare issues…frightening and maddening.</p>
<p>Wow, Gosmom. You have been your neighbor’s Super hero.</p>
<p>gosmom, until we moved my parents into an assisted living near me, they lived 800 miles away. They had a neighbor who used to check on them, and a couple of times stepped in to help with various crises. I cannot tell you how reassuring it was to us, knowing that there was someone nearby who cared and could help if necessary. You don’t even know what a blessing you are.</p>
<p>Wow Gosmom, what a wonderful neighbor you are! Glad the kids are back home. </p>
<p>My mom loves to order from catalogs and fortunately my dad tempers that. It seems that hoarders are less common with couples? My father-in-law, also a catalog orderer, never did that till his wife died. </p>
<p>Can I classify my 22 y.o. son who also never throws anything away a hoarder ;/</p>
<p>laMas-My mom is either going to a skilled nursing facility or acute rehabilitation at a different hospital. It all depends on what she qualifies for. My sister Joan has been a career nurse and is in a related administrative field at a hospital in Tampa. This gives her all the resources of how it all works. My other sister Kathy has been in contact with the social worker. I’ve been joking they can do what is best for our mom, or we will have to “unleash the wolf”.</p>
<p>I feel badly for all of you going through these transitions with your parents. My mother is 91 years old, so she went through the Depression herself. I knew I couldn’t involve her in clearing out her apartment (fortunately not a house) when she moved to AL and then a nursing home, so DH and I made the executive decisions about what to save and what to toss. Compared to what so many of you are going through right now I realize how “lucky” I was to not have her there. She wouldn’t have let me get rid of anything. She kept and cleaned paper plates, baggies, foil, in addition to clothing, shoes and handbags she hadn’t used in ages.</p>
<p>It is heartwarming to hear from those of you taking care of friends and neighbors, that is a real gift to those individuals and their families.</p>
<p>If anyone is keeping count, you can add MIL/FIL to the list of hoarders. They used to just be pack rats with loose housekeeping standards, but the line has been crossed. Oh well, they can’t collect too much more.</p>
<p>We spent part of fathers day doing chores at MIL/FIL’s house while comparing notes with the other sibs on what to do next. FIL is having trouble getting Hospice services started, so the oldest BIL will step in and help. FIL is still in denial about MIL’s condition and is having trouble sorting through who is supposed to be doing what, or sorting out much of anything these days. He has always considered it wasteful to pay anyone to do things that he knows how to do himself, so he’s been doing the house and yard work, repairs, laundry, etc. He has no history of hiring out work when he was younger and able to think straight, so he has no skills to draw on to hire someone now, and things get put off. When hospice does start providing services, probably at a nursing home, he may be like jasmom’s dad and just fire someone every week or two. He’s got a history of becoming irate when some service (bank, hotel, department store) isn’t performed to his liking.</p>
<p>So far no one is brave enough to confront FIL about his declining competence. For those of you whose parents have had evaluations, did you tell them you thought they needed to be evaluated, or did you tell their doctor? Did they know they were being evaluated? It’s that first communication “dad, I’m worried, I think you need to have a cognitive evaluation” that no one can quite get to.</p>
<p>GT^^^ We found out how bad of a hoarder my mom was when my dad became ill. The house went downhill sooo fast. It was a double whammy since part of his illness made it difficult to walk, and mom started the papers all over the floor phase at that point in time. It was a huge mess. Then he died and the whole thing fell apart. Within months the junk was piled knee high throughout the house with piles of stuff on every surface, every drawer open and piled upon, etc. Two of my friends have a hoarder parent and a maintenance parent - once the maintenance parent was sick or died, their homes fell apart too. It’s really a horrible thing to deal with - obviously many other health issues are worse, but it is a really bad situation - a mental/behavioral issue affecting health and safety too.</p>
<p>CC - oh, the non-charities and sweepstakes entries I have intercepted!! If my mom gets to the mail first it is next to impossible to convince her a charity is bad (because it isn’t real!) or a sweepstakes prize is NOT really hers to claim. Sheesh.</p>
<p>Gos - you are a wonderful neighbor. Truly!!</p>
<p>Shell - my mom is now hoarding paper plates at her seat in the kitchen. She likes to reuse them and gets mad if we take them from her. She also writes herself little notes all over them.</p>
<p>As I’ve taken over my mother’s finances, I’ve been getting POA’s in place and changing addresses. I realized also that I needed to have her update her beneficiaries on several accounts. This is because in addition to a younger brother, I had an older sister who died in a car accident about 10 years ago. There is not a lot of money involved here, but I’m trying to make things easier in preparation for the inevitable. What I’m finding is that my mom’s beneficiaries are my older sister (of course), who needs to be removed, and my younger brother - not me. Especially after the last year of running myself ragged, I’m absurdly hurt. Now granted, some of the forms only had spaces for 2 beneficiaries, but still. Now I have to plan how to approach my mother to update the beneficiaries. Do I suggest she put me in place of my sister, or just remove my sister? We’ve always had a great relationship, so I don’t know what she was thinking and now she’s having a hard time expressing herself.</p>
<p>Preironic,
Can you approach your mother and tell her you found ‘Susie Sister’ listed as a beneficiary to start the conversation about her current wishes if something should happen to her.</p>
<p>Something to consider - did your sister have children?
My trust was set up “per stirpes” (sp?) to give any grandchildren their parent’s share if any of my children predecease me.</p>
<p>Mominva- I think for accounts that have beneficiaries, that money does not go through the will? The forms say that if one beneficiary is deceased, the other one (ones) share the funds. My sister had one daughter who was very cruel to our mother is the past (we think she must have some mental issues) and we are trying to have everything tidied up so that she can’t make trouble down the line. She is not to inherit anything. Believe me, this is just.</p>
<p>Do check that what you say is true for all of your accounts.
My father in law was to inherit some funds (along with his sister) but after he died his share of the funds were directed into his estate which my husband received.</p>