Those are the guidance policies on 3/16 and they were even stricter on 3/18 here in MA. It says no communal dining, meals in rooms, and no group activities. My mother’s AL Director doesn’t respond to my questions about this except to say they have social distancing for meals (two to a big table, two sittings) and activities (activities with less than 10 people). The pub, which is a sardine can, was finally closed yesterday. They are still allowing residents to go out with family.
I do not feel they are doing enough and don’t understand why they aren’t following state policy when they keep telling us the state is setting their policies for them.
I worry for residents but the bare minimum they are doing makes me nervous to go in.
I tried to call the Ombudsman but they are overwhelmed. I guess the policies in the link above are “guidance” even though it says “required.”
Some residents will go out of their mind in their rooms, especially with no visitors. It is not uncommon to visit daily. Many residents belong in memory care and family attention makes AL work. I truly believe AL’s need to be more careful about who is in AL versus MC but the business model creates this situation for financial reasons.
We had to take mom out of independent living and being her home because as of Monday, they handed out notices that effective Tuesday, NO visitors, including family. Residents could leave and be screened when they returned.
They also had take out food only and discouraged ANY groups, even card games, etc. We felt my mom would be utterly lost and prefer to be with family, so she’s at one of our homes for up to 3 days at a time before moving to next home.
The hospice nurse came today. She asked 4 questions to screen for the coronavirus, such as, “Has anyone (any of the caregivers) travelled to a foreign country?”. She is still planning on coming twice a week, but she acknowledged the questions might change. It is my understanding she will not come in the house if there are any red flags. We have implemented a temperature tracking system and other symptom tracking system for each care giver when they start or finish their shift. We are tracking this data. Hugs to everyone on both sides of this, caregivers and our elderly loved ones.
So my mom 90.5… Had a call from her nurse that comes just to take vitals to her house since she was in the hospital last month
That she is being tested for CV. I told my mom she doesn’t need her or the physical therapist (one session left) to come anymore last week
My mom has a automatic blood pressure cuff and checks it 3 times a day anyway. She actually feels great now. But wanted to know if she should go to the drive in CV check at her local hospital
I explained first she needs a referral. Then they are running out of tests and masks and the chance of her getting CV from the person taking the swab is probably greater then her just staying home and isolating. She is home anyway with my sister’s shopping, visiting her etc etc.
I personally think she’s bored and just wants to get out but won’t even go on her front porch or back yard… Lol…
I told her all non essential people except for me are to stay away from her. ?
My mom’s concierge PCP just called to see if she can do her Monday appointment over Facetime. This should be fun, but of course we said yes. We’ll take her vitals before the call.
Fun with social distancing at the CCRC. The 6 person tables are now 4 person tables, so someone doesn’t get to eat with the cool kids. That someone who was but no longer is at my mom’s table is not happy.
@MomofJandL Is the cool kids table a thing in all of these Retirement Community? When my MIL moved to her’s, she said the women acted liked middle school girls, leaving some woman out and fighting to get others to their table. MIL mentioned that she suggested to her regularly table that they rotate with others at least once a week to be inclusive; that didn’t go over well with her friends!
Currently their dining room is closed and food delivered to their apartments. We informed MIL that the person should leave her food at the door and she shouldn’t pick it up until they had left. She is 95, healthy and lives totally independently. She goes out to dinner and movies regularly, driving herself; she might outlive all of us!
@compmom - I’m so glad you’ve hired someone to change your mom’s stoma. I honestly don’t know how you’ve been able to do that on your own for so long. I’m sorry your mom is missing visits with you but can imagine the 20 minute changes and visits were just enough to get her upset. Can you try to get the hired nurse to do a trial FaceTime with you and your mom before you buy a phone? It might work and be great, or it might be too short of a time period and stressful for your mom that you are only in the phone and not there in real life.
My heart breaks for all who are separated from their parents in nursing homes and other facilities.
For all those in assisted living, including those with dementia, the changes in routines necessitated by this virus are so upsetting. It is hard to imagine the suffering, if these changes are long term.
Yesterday I felt critical of the AL we are dealing with. They are not abiding by the guidance policies of the state. Residents are not getting meals in their rooms and group activities for uder 10 people are continuing. However, today I am grateful that they are holding on to the last vestiges of normalcy and quality of life.
My mother calls every night now saying she wants to leave, that it isn’t the same anymore. She sits in the dining room but it is too far from the other person at her table to talk. She says “It used to be fun here.” I cannot get across to her why this is happening. She doesn’t understand.
My friend’s mother would never be able to tolerate being confined to her room. She wanders all day, downstairs. She is not able to answer the phone. Multiply that times thousands for the elderly in facilities like this.
My folks’ apartment building has a cool kids table, too. When they had potlucks, pre coronavirus, there was a scramble to sit at the cool table. The “mayor” of the building is my dad’s best friend from high school, a charismatic, handsome man. He has had a string of girlfriends since he moved in and his current squeeze is always the Most Popular Girl.
I am going to start writing letters to my parents and enclosing photos. It will be like we are back in the 70s or 80s and I would write from school! They don’t answer their phone and often don’t remember to call me or remember HOW to call me! I think on the AL side the facility is spreading out residents at meals and such, but I am not sure they are doing that on the MC side. And in a way, I am okay with this. At this point, quality of life is important to me and I cannot imagine my parents confined to one small room 24/7. There is no way to do that safely for someone who doesn’t understand or remember what is going on.
Turns out the woman upset about not being at the cool kids table is one of the younger residents, and has been getting out of the building daily and interacting with any number of people outside the community.
I can see how being limited by dementia can be frustrating for the more able. The interactions are different. But when it hits middle school or mean girls level, that’s not good. I’d hope the more able can choose kindness, eg, rather than have someone sitting alone.
Personally, I find these changes unhealthy for the most dependant. How do they say meals in their rooms and then go to an unreliable delivery schedule? Do they truly mean sit in your room all day, alone, or just limit the wandering? Of course, you can’t rely on the more needy to understand, but better would be some creative solutions.
It feels like facilities are choosing what’s most convenient for them- let the able go out with family, keep them satisfied (and with less work for staff,) while paying lip service to those who need more attention and support the most. Not good, not ethical.
I previously told my children that my preference is for a small ‘group home’ if I need help in the future. This wouldn’t work for rehab, or higher skilled needs, but they do seem to work well for the assisted living or memory care population. Basically a staffed home with 4-8 residents. Wonder if that paradigm will grow as a result of Covid-19. I don’t know the US statistics, but am curious if that means a home every square mile or so? Or clustered homes. Would you be willing to live next door? Or would that become a NIMBY scenario?
As I said, I can’t imagine leaving my mom, to be unable to have visitors just after we buried dad. The other day, she asked my sister where dad is.
She’s happier out of the CCRC with loved ones and with everyone pitching in to care for her, we are all able to do our best to keep her as safe as we can. If I were an only child it lived far away, we couldn’t do this.
If she gets covid-19 because she’s out instead of in the CCRC, so be it. It doesn’t seem the CCRC is all that secure, since the workers go out (and many have very young kids) and residents can go out as well.
Mom wouldn’t understand if we didn’t often see her and would be lost and feel utterly abandoned and wonder where dad is. She doesn’t have close friends at her CCRC and we are collectively her friend group.
Senior living facilities - IL, AL, Memory care, SNF, etc., are about to find out how much care has been done by families. Answer: a lot. I worry that banning families will increase the hospitalization and death rate at these places by phenomenal amounts.
Yes, I know our folks would have required MUCH more paid card if family members hadn’t stepped up.
Now, our hospitals are severely restricting visitors—NO visitors, but one if essential (eg to keep patient with dementia calm). It’s definitely challenging.
Many of us visited daily. And did everything from medical care to cleaning to replacing hearing aid batteries to making sure old food was thrown out. Even with expensive assisted living I end up doing the showers.
I will say that staff are stepping it up. My mother’s facility has eliminated the coffee, muffins and fruit table on the second floor. Everyone now has to go to the dining room or order in. Two days in a row now an aide has brought my mother a muffin milk and coffee because she is not really able to remember to order. Other aides probably won’t but I call this one"Saint X."
Our city paper says this may go on, in waves, through to the end of 2021, until there is either a vaccine or adequate treatments, or both. I wonder if I will start thinking about taking my mother out soon. I would need to switch from a very small one bedroom apartment to something larger.
This will peak and decline and at the next trough, perhaps we can get better at testing, tracing and isolating.
I can’t imagine those of us with parents in facilities being separated from them for this long.
I am going to see if I can meet my mother in the driveway. But that doesn’t address the caregiving needs. For now, we will pay the private nurse at $200/week.
We paid my mom’s first month of rent on March 10 before everything changed. She has not moved in a single piece of furniture or eaten there once. Do we ask for a refund? Do we not pay for April and risk doing the unit? It’s a beautiful apartment with a unique layout, balcony, and gorgeous views. Ugh.
@MaineLonghorn - it is hard to plan when many variables are in flux. If your mother will likely benefit from being there, keeping the unit or at least the institutional relationship is important. Vacancies in a popular place may be highly variable and are definitely unpredictable.
In most of the senior living complexes I know, one pays for the unit, even when it is not direct use. Reflects the reality that the unit is theirs and awaits them; it can not be rented to anyone else. Since your family has a more personal relationship with the place, you could ask the relevant person what options you have now. (Perhaps the room is paid for with a dining credit issued.) They likely have specific policies in place, but may flex given circumstances.
All the best. Your head must be spinning with what is going on.