Five staff members at the CCRC have tested positive. None have had contact with IL residents, and no residents have tested positive. But it’s hard. We haven’t seen her in over 2 months.
My mom went to the hospital last night, feeling weak, thinks it’s her heart. Until/unless the hospital determines it is an “end of life” situation we can’t visit. She has tested negative for Covid.
Our hospital has gotten pretty good at separating COVID patients from patients with other problems. @MomofJandL I hope your mom gets a quick diagnosis and treatment and heads home soon.
My MIL was taken to the hospital from the sub acute rehab where she has been recovering from a stroke and blood infection that happened about 6 weeks ago. She has a gall bladder abscess and infection, is in renal failure, and there is fluid in her lungs. She is not a candidate for surgery and I fear this is the end. She has seen no member of her family since the end of the first week of March (except for a window visit with my H, me and her great grandson a week ago) and while the local hospital may now allow one visitor at the doctor’s direction, she has 4 children who are local. My H is her medical proxy and POA. His siblings resent this and are huffing and puffing and making demands he can’t meet. His eldest sister has not called or visited in the last 3 months and tonight she’s demanding to visit. No matter the situation, it’s all about her. My MIL is not in good shape, has only one kidney, persistent blood infections, and is 87 years old. I fear this is going to be the end and I am so sad for my H that it will happen in this pandemic environment. We are in a suburb of NYC that has not even reached Phase 1 of opening up.
@runnersmom , I am so sorry your husband is having to deal with so much stress. His mom can’t help being sick, but the sibling bickering is just so hurtful and unnecessary. The stress of the pandemic just adds to the pain.
My mom’s case manager called and discussed plans for discharge and rehab, which sounds like good news. No schedule for discharge, but nice to imagine they expect it. We can’t visit her in the hospital, and can’t visit her in rehab, and can’t visit her if they send her back to her Independent Living apartment, though. Unless it’s end of life. So the only way she can see us is to die. That can’t be a good message to send a 94 year old.
@runnersmom , I am really sorry for you and your DH dealing with this, especially right now.
I hate the no visiting rules, even if I understand them). I hate worse that they impact people who DON’T understand.
There just isn’t any silver lining to this situation
@runnersmom - So sorry for what you and your husband are going through. End of life, if that’s what it is, is difficult under any circumstances, but covid restrictions and problematic siblings only make it worse.
@runnersmom I am so sorry to hear this development. That is one of my biggest fears, to not be able to see a loved one in a crisis. I hope your siblings-in-law have a change of heart and start to respect all the work (physical and emotional) your H is doing
For those of you with elderly parents in the hospital - What are the hospice rules in your states? In FL, we were allowed to be with my mom regardless of the restrictions being placed on other visitors (at the very beginning of C-19). My friend’s mom died last week with hospice in OH and every member of the family was allowed to come say their goodbyes and two daughters were with her when she passed. May be something to consider if your loved ones could potentially qualify for hospice (it doesn’t mean that it’s a death sentence. My grandmother had hospice for 2 years).
Probably crowded today—avoiding crowds & people is best. Will avoid taking mom to cemetery today—another day will be less crowded and safer for her.
Thanks everyone. Today she is in guarded condition - they don’t know if they can even place a drainage tube to alleviate the pain from the gall bladder abscess but apparently the surgical team was coming in to evaluate her. Visits (she is not on hospice) are limited to imminent end of life scenarios and they told my husband she did not qualify for that today. I will see if hospice is a possibility. Any drama with his siblings is expected but doesn’t make it easier to handle, especially in my H’s current emotional state. The nurses offered him a FaceTime visit today and while she waved at my grandson she could not communicate with H but had previously told the nurse my H was her brother, not her son…and she doesn’t have a brother. Clearly they will be looking to him to make medical decisions. It’s going to be a tough week, even if she fights through this.
@runnersmom I would definitely contact hospice, at least to have that discussion. As you know, a patient does not have to be imminently dying to qualify. And they do look at the “general picture” so a combination of serious issues that aren’t immediately life-threatening would probably still qualify.
The only issue with hospice is that you go on Hospice Medicare, which is different from Medicare. Hospice Medicare only covers comfort care. The drain for the gall bladder would qualify if it reduces pain. Imaging is not covered, for instance. You can go off hospice for a day, for imaging or other non-covered services, and then go back on, according to our local hospice.
So going onto hospice IS a decision point between certain kinds of diagnositce and treatment paths versus palliative care only.
Interesting, thank you @compmom. I mentioned hospice to my H this morning and did not get a great reaction but I agree that is where we are at the moment. The hospitalist he talked to yesterday asked him if he would be surprised if she said she didn’t think his mom would last 6 months and he told her he would be surprised if she did. My instinct is for palliative care but it is, of course, not my decision.
@runnersmom, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I will second @compmom about hospice. It is SO helpful. We didn’t have to take Dad off hospice when we wanted him to get an X-ray of his lungs - he just paid for it out of pocket. My sister and I insisted on it because we were so confused - everyone kept telling us Dad was going to pass away at any time, but he was doing well, so we wanted to see how his lungs looked. That was back in January and he is still going strong. So he has been on hospice for four months and nobody is talking about taking him off yet. He is paying for other procedures now, such as work on his vocal cords. He’s about to start speech therapy to try to help his raspiness, also.
It was hard to convince Dad to go on hospice, but now he knows it was the right decision. My only other advice is to consider more than one hospice agency. The first one we had was large and not very responsive. We found a very small group that is AWESOME. We can call the hospice nurse DIRECTLY, 24/7. We don’t have to go through a call service - that was a pain.
People are scared of hospice because it is so strongly associated with the idea of death. Our local hospice even changed their name, taking that word out. It really can be a good option even when a person still has a fair amount of time left. Hospice will tell you the earlier the better.
These were the issues you listed: stroke, blood infection that happened about 6 weeks ago, and blood infections are persistent. Gall bladder abscess and infection, renal failure (only one kidney), fluid in her lungs.
How many of these conditions are being treated or have been treated? How many are still present?
If she is not a candidate for surgery, then I would think hospice could be a good option. Maybe you could askif Hospice Medicare would cover antibiotics at all.
My mother went on hospice for a few months, then went off. She was not a candidate for surgery for what was either severe diverticulities, or colon cancer. They did allow a procedure later on (gentle sigmoidoscopy) that showed it was diverticulitis.
She got on hospice for dementia, technically, but they told me it was the overall picture of congestive heart failure and colon issues. The services were fantastic.
She stabilized and went off hospice, at my request. Then when her colon blocked, I again had to decide about hospice versus surgery. Since hospice was going to involve putting in a vent surgically for comfort, we went the surgical route. She is stable now but has been at death’s door a couple of times.
I guess what I am saying is that people may go on and off hospice for years, and it is not uncommon for people to improve while on hospice due to the level of care.
Talking with them will be helpful even if you decide not to go that route. They do a lot of education of families so people don’t picture a deathbed scenario and understand what is offered. I found them comforting even when we decided against during the last crisis.
Tough to be the decision-maker in the context of conflict. I have POA and an invoked medical proxy. One of my two brothers also has POA and is secondary proxy. Luckily we get along. My other brother causes trouble and conflict (and moved across the country) but luckily he has no legal standing. Nevertheless I include him in my frequent emails to them, and tell him that our decisions will be by consensus. So far that has worked, thank heavens. I think we are all familiar with the sibling issue and sympathize with your husband’s position.
Oh, @runnersmom - so very sorry. BTDT. Dysfunctional sibs only make it harder 
Bad news is that my mom seems to be getting back to the “hospital delirium” state she was in last time in the hospital. Good news is that means she can have a visitor.
One at a time, screened, visitor has to stay in the room - you leave the room you have to leave the hospital.
One of us will be there this afternoon.
Another recommendation for hospice. My mother was on it for 2 years before she died, although her condition was not good at the time she started. The hospice nurses had more time to speak on the phone and I had direct access to them if necessary.
I also agree with @MaineLonghorn to check out more than one hospice agency. I was fortunate that the nurse at my mother’s nursing home had used hospice for her own husband. She made it clear that there were some agencies she would recommend, and others she wouldn’t.
For sure research the hospice programs. Often the hospital will give you their “preferred provider” aka the one that is owned by the same healthcare system. Sometimes that’s fine, other times not so much. IMO, look for a community based not for profit program over the large for profit “chains”.
Perhaps your DH would accept Hospice as a means to allow visitors, some people are less able to confront the issues at the end and hospice can be a sticking point, but if he could tell himself, and others, it was merely a tool to get the family in, would that work?
Definitely check out your Hospice options, I was seriously unimpressed with the hospice in my area, two parents, 10 years apart. Many of the people were wonderful, but the ‘system’ was not great for us. I am actually left with a fair amount of simmering anger (transference, much?) toward how Hospice did NOT help me when they could, or should, have. Yet, my in laws in another state, I had fantastic help from Hospice. So, the issues were all about Admin, 90% of the Hospice help in person was great.