<p>Congrats! Glad justice prevailed!</p>
<p>Try asking if you can just show printout from bank with xerox was of the checks. Our personal banking acct and H’s partnership account do make xerox of all checks corresponding to statement every month. They shrink it down so each check is about size of business card. The two banks I know of are both local banks and there is no charge for this additional service if you Maintain their set minimum balance in the accounts.</p>
<p>esobay-- Wells fargo can do what HImom suggested if requested on the account.</p>
<p>Also, if you do on-line banking, you can click on a link to a check which will show you the xeroxed copy which you can print when needed.</p>
<p>Congrats Eso. Once you have things set up, it will run smoothly. Hang in! We use Wells Fargo as suggested above for my mom’s conservatorship, the court accepts it. I don’t know if your state would take into consideration your mom’s finances in billing for her attorney fees. In CT, the state assigned an attorney to represent my mom in the preceedings and lowered his fee based upon my mother’s finances, they did not adjust the court costs. God knows, the poor attorney earned every cent he made!</p>
<p>Congrats eso on getting past one big hurdle. Like others have said, setting up the bank account shouldn’t be too difficult.</p>
<p>Thanks, all.</p>
<p>Mom’s old bank would do the small xerox thing (for $5 a month). I only use on-line banking and they stopped doing the xerox thing on the on-line statement (why? IDK, but at least the fee stopped at the same time). I can click and print copies of the checks, but what a PITA and I am not even sure that the court will accept. I have an appointment with the lawyer to get more details when I am next in her state.</p>
<p>ECmom , what kind of inventory did you have to give the courts? That is one thing I am more worried about in the short term. Wish I had sold more “stuff” before it came through. </p>
<p>The court also has to “approve” the lawyer fees; says don’t pay them until approved. WTH? If I were a lawyer, I wouldn’t do conservatorships then. I would have just paid the bill when it arrived. I don’t plan to be fast and lose with her money, and I have my brother to check on me, but I didn’t expect quite this level of reporting. </p>
<p>Your state may be different, too. Social Security doesn’t accept the conservatorship alone, I have to also have a statement from her Dr. saying she is incapable of handling her finances. Yesterday she asked me how old she is, and asked what my dad was living on (they have been divorced and estranged for 35 years) and when I said his retirement, she said from what He never worked. ummm yeah, he worked two jobs almost all their married life and worked all his second marriage, too. Where did THAT come from? </p>
<p>I hope everyone here is getting support and at least a venting post. I sure appreciate the outlet. People deal in different ways and the other point of view or the other horrors that are happening keep me grounded. I don’t have it so bad.</p>
<p>Glad one hurdle has been completed Eso. Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your conservatorship process. Now I know to hurry like heck to clear out my mom’s house before she needs the conservatorship. Inventory a hoarders house? Not if I can help it!</p>
<p>My mother thinks that an evil relative has replaced all of her things with the relative’s things. Thus she’s itching to throw everything out. Guess I’d better jump to use that delusion to my/our advantage.</p>
<p>My elderly friend had told me for years that she wanted her large selection of books packed up and shipped off to a nearby women’s prison when she was no longer able to live in her apartment. When I packed up everything after her stroke, I followed her wishes but pulled out some of the books that seemed as if they’d be valuable and boxed them up for friends & family. Approx twenty-five book boxes later, shipped off via media mail, my friend is now saying she’d prefer to have the literary criticism books back. I told her I had some of them (I do) and she seemed happy to know that they’d been set aside. Fortunately there hasn’t been too much drama about the disposal of my friend’s <em>stuff</em> as a lot of it has been forgotten.</p>
<p>It all just makes me want to clear out as many unnecessary items from my own house as possible. I have great compassion for those of you dealing with hoarders, such a difficult situation.</p>
<p>Eso, in my mom’s case, the court wanted a very brief inventory, house, (approx. value), list of any stock/bonds, social security amount, pension amount, bank account amounts, car and value, (none), any list of property, taxes, last years tax filing, and if she had any loans. They wanted to know about any jewerly or items above a certain dollar amount, ( I forget now what that amount was). They want a yearly report and the attorney also visits mom. After we submitted all of the items, the court discounted the attorney fees. That actually was one thing I would not have minded paying, he was VERY patient and kind to mom and she really gave him such a hard time.</p>
<p>I am so glad that this thread exists. It’s been very helpful to me to read what others are going through, and makes me feel less alone in the experience. My mom has been in AL for over 2 years. We recently sold (and emptied) her apartment. She wasn’t a hoarder, but there was so much stuff. We donated a lot of clothing, etc. For starters, I was wondering – any advice as to what to do with framed diplomas, certificates, photos with people I don’t know? My house has been overtaken by so many boxes of those items and more. Her apartment in the AL cannot accommodate all of the things, and I don’t think she would want to hang up the diplomas etc. There are also a ton of decorative items which we packed, but we really have nowhere to put them. What do most people do with all the stuff? Donate to charity? Sell them? And so many books – while most libraries etc. will no longer accept book donations. (Not to mention video tapes and cassettes.)</p>
<p>chesire2 I would keep all the stuff you or your family want and sell/donate everything else. I’m sure your mom won’t miss them as they are currently sitting in boxes.</p>
<p>I also want to say how helpful this thread has been. Usually it is just my sister on the receiving end when I need to vent. Looking forward - I understand what you are feeling. My mother seems to delight in psychological game-playing lately and having my sister and I jump through more and more hoops for her entertainment. She does the same thing with doctor appointments and shopping trips. She lives in my house , so I have to absorb more of the subtle insults and intrusions. I just want to say thanks to everyone for sharing support and suggestions. Good luck to all and hang in there. Be sure to take care of yourselves as well!</p>
<p>What would you do if say, your parent, started forgetting things to the point you were very concerned. Refuses to see a doctor. Seems like maybe Alzheimers. Has long term care which includes home care but I’d assume that requires a doctors note.</p>
<p>fendergirl. I shudder on the long term care thing. It took me one heck of a lot more than a Dr. note to get them to pay. They still aren’t and my mom has been in AL for 8 months and at level 3 care for 3 months. Read the policy very closely because there are probably words that say what the criteria for claims are.
What to do all dpends on how close you are, both physically and emotionally. I don’t think there is any one size fits all. Best advice is get a journal and start documenting. It is a long sad process.</p>
<p>foriobound, sorry your mom is living with you and making you jump through hoops. I know there was never a chance of me living with my Mom, even without my H’s hating her. He is raising a fuss about spending 6 hours with her at the wedding this summer. I get annoyed that he is acting so childlishly, but I also appreciate having a handy excuse…
I don’t see the benefit in letting anyone treat you badly. My Mom would, and has tried, and has gotten away with stuff, but not to the extent you and looking describe.</p>
<p>Esobay, thanks. It’s actually my grandmother. My parents are trying to figure out what to do. </p>
<p>She is messing up days of the week and not taking her medicine, or taking double because she forgets she took it already. They have it broken down in the day of the week pill boxes but if you don’t know what day of the week it is they don’t help much!!! She takes one day, forgets she took it, forgets what day it is, then takes the next day. Thankfully she’s not on anything major and most of it is vitamins. My family is taking turns visiting to keep her in line.</p>
<p>My mom asked me to call her the other day and then they were going to visit her the next day to see if she remembered talking to me. She didn’t answer so I left a message. The next day she told them she didn’t get a message and they checked and nothing was on the machine. So it either didn’t take my message or she forgot that she listened to it and deleted it.</p>
<p>She told my parents she was going to move in with them. They said this was news to them. It’s really sad so I’m not sure what she will do. She owns her house and has a companion there but he’s in rehab so she’s on her own right now. He can help with her when he gets home but he isn’t very mobile either. We really don’t like then being there alone. Any idea How much it costs to have a housekeeper or maid stop by each day? She could use help with cooking, cleaning, dishes and stuff.</p>
<p>She even forgot that she doesn’t drive anymore.</p>
<p>Just throwing this in.
Don’t know if this was covered in another post, but the first step includes a “mini mental assessment.” You can try these questions on Grandma, but the relationship and personalities, patterns of interacting, can get in the way. Someone earlier mentioned contacting senior services for direction, if there is no doctor relationship to rely on, to get your bearings.</p>
<p>Also aka Mini Mental State Examination. Here’s one: <a href=“http://www.dhs.state.or.us/spd/tools/cm/aps/assessment/mini_mental.pdf[/url]”>http://www.dhs.state.or.us/spd/tools/cm/aps/assessment/mini_mental.pdf</a></p>
<p>An issue we had with MIL was that, in addition to her social skills, her being in AL masked some of the problems (as your relative’s companion relationship can.) She never remembered, eg, meal times, but had new friends there who always came to get her. It wasn’t until they were moving closer to family, that they opened up to us.</p>
<p>Do you think her companion being in rehab could cause some stress-related forgetfulness? That is a consideration. Also UTIs.</p>
<p>I’m not sure. I don’t see her very often. She sent me twice as much money as usual for my birthday this year. I’m not sure of that was intentional or not. But I think they said she was starting to get forgetful when he was there too. I’m sure that him not being there is part of it. She’s stressed and says her nerves are shot. I’ll check out the link you gave me.</p>
<p>She was talking about how she wanted them to sell her house and move to a retirement community. But she has a dog and smokes so I’m not sure if that would be allowed there?</p>
<p>“My mother thinks that an evil relative has replaced all of her things with the relative’s things. Thus she’s itching to throw everything out. Guess I’d better jump to use that delusion to my/our advantage.”</p>
<p>jasmom: I read this to H who wanted to know if we could plant this idea with my mom and her hoarding…I would take full advantage.</p>
<p>fendergirl - It sounds like you grandmother may benefit from a retirement center. The advantage of a retirement community is the community. You can probably bring in help, the the retirement center offers social support as well. A friend’s parent convinced my parents to move to one by telling them how useful it was to have friends when going through various health and emotional struggles with aging. As to the smoking and the dog, I’m not sure if you can find one that would allow smoking indoors, but probably since most live in their own apartment. The center my parents are moving to will allow cats and dogs. Of course, only well behaved and relatively quiet animals can stay!</p>