No experience with seniors but we love ours. One thing to consider is the controls are pictures that may not be intuitive. If you try one, you might need to put a red dot next to the preferred function.
Also check that standing up turns it off even if the off button hasn’t been pushed.
A colostomy solved that one for us!!!
I am one of the very lucky ones re siblings and parent care. Both of us were remote from my mom in assisted living, then memory care. I was her POA (and guardian and conservator as things progressed) but he was always there at the end of the phone. He was supportive, even though he didn’t step up soon enough. I was pushing to get her into assisted living a year before he thought we should. But he didn’t block it. But managing finances and care from afar (usually visited every 4 to 6 weeks for 4 years) is not the same as managing with living there.
About 5 years ago my dad moved in with my brother. Dad is almost blind, (Macular dengeneration) but healthy otherwise. Bro had a younger kid (late baby) at home still. It has been wonderful for my dad. My SIL is a good cook and very organized. So they have the 24/7 care. Dad, however, doesn’t need much support mentally… just food, laundry, someone to read his mail, JUST all the life things, driving to barbar, etc etc etc !!! I have been spending this last week at my brother’s while he and his wife and youngest are traveling. They have had a few overnight trips leaving Dad home alone, but it is getting to the point where he shouldn’t be left overnight anymore. I think this is the first week long trip they have been able to have since Dad came. My dad will be 92 next birthday. His “secretary”, my niece, should be off to college. She took a gap year last year and is covid home this year. But she is gone and nearly launched. My bro will be empty nesters for the first time in 35 years…except Dad is here and heading to the more care needed years. I need to step up my gratitude to Bro and SIL , big time! Dad is also getting harder of hearing. He spends all day listening to books on tape. He said once that it was his childhood dream to sit and read all day with nothing else to do. Since he was a depression farm kid, he worked hard hard hard all his life.
I’m no help on bidets!
^ @esobay best thing my now 91 year old mother got when she developed advanced macular degeneration was what my sister and I call a reader. It’s a projection screen which enlarges the print, or pictures, even crossword puzzles large enough she can read them. Life changing for her in many ways.Highly recommend, pricey, but she uses regularly.
My grandmother used a jewelry maker’s magnifying lenses, like this
https://www.jewelrysupply.com/assets/images/optivisor-magnifier.jpg
She liked hands free, being able to sit wherever she wished. I think they come in different magnificactions and they’re relatively inexpensive.
Why a bidet? Is it a water spray?
Thank you thank you for the suggestions for macular degeneration. I have been talking all week with an 80 year old friend who has macular degeneration- just diagnosed- and type 1 diabetes. She needs to see her pump and CGM. She is terrified. Some diabetes devices have “voice mates” but a bit beyond her. I’ll pass both suggestions along!
@jerseysouthmomchess and @lookingforward … Thanks for putting those things out there. Dad is about two years past using the lighted magnifying glass. I should have thought about others less far along. We had a leader for some things in his cousin who was older and had MD. Her family also hooked her up on a giant GIANT screen TV and projected things on it. Plus she was a giants fan so always watched the games. Brother doesn’t have a TV so that isn’t an option. I keep trying to get my brother to get
audible and let dad listen on bro’s computer or I’d get him an ipad. Problem is getting any touch screen to START. Dad puts in the CD’s and tapes from the library by feel.
@esobay - This just popped into my head, but what if you set your dad up with a home device like Alexa and have your brother download the audible books but have dad voice command the playing of them?
@mominva, I have seriously been thinking of that. My DH doesn’t want “them” listening to us in our house so we don’t have them, but as I drove here, I found that my new iPhone “hey Siri” calls and starting audible worked really well. If dad could say Hey Alexa to start books then that would certainly be an option! Bro does have good wifi for downloading stuff… that is what I am on right now!
^ recently installed two alexas in my moms condo, she was having problems using hand magnifier making calls,
Alexa allows for making phone calls.
If she falls, she can use voice activated Alexa to call me. Assuming she is alert enough to do that.
Re: audible I tested it and sound was excellent, with voice commands to read slower or faster. We just haven’t gotten that far,yet. The Alexa echo 3rd generation has excellent sound compared to dot.
So I will preface by saying…get some popcorn! But I need some advice.
So my 91 year old mother home from the hospital and 100% mentally with it calls me crying on Tuesday. Her home health care service wants to change her to another agency since the new nurse that came said my mother made some remarks about Black lives Matter. In fact the nurse said my mother told her that black lives don’t matter and so on. My mother said she just talked to this nurse about the nurse. My mother knew she had a daughter, their planning on moving, lots of things about the nurses life in a 30 minute visit. I “grilled” my mother about what she could of possibly said to her. The nurse is black and made a report to the agency. My mother said she didn’t possibly say anything to her and doesn’t ever discuss race/religion with any of the nurses/physical therapist from the same agency. She talked to the CEO and she said she hasn’t talked to the nurse yet and is waiting for a written report but they do do not want to see my mom because of this.
So I called the CEO since I am the “doctor” son and we had a nice chat. I asked the CEO if she interviewed any of the other nurses/therapists from the last three years of that my mother has used them and what they said. She didn’t at that point. I also pointed out if my mother was racist I would be calling to apologize and trying to keep her company coming to my mom’s house.I also explained that she has always worked in black area’s of Detroit and Pontiac Michigan and lots of her customers were black. I was one of two white kids on high school varsity teams etc etc. It’s just not who she is or who we are.
She said she would have to talk to her legal department and I told her my sister wants to press charges of elderly abuse (she does but I don’t ).
My mother said the nurse was nice and she changed the leg wound bandages perfectly. My sister who is normally with her decided to run some errands…well that is not happening again with someone new.
So the nurses that have known my mother for over 3 years and 1 PT told my mother they will be more then happy to vouch for her.One was visibly upset when she heard about this. I asked the CEO to please talk to anyone that has dealt with my mother from her agency. Now, I know my mother was not pleased because the visit was supposed to be at 2:00pm and she showed up at 5:00pm. My mother is great at self advocating for herself and again, has all her faculties intact. Sure, forgets some stuff here and there but so do I…LOL…
So far the agency has sent the care people every day since. I kinda drilled home even one day of someone not showing up would be a medical/legal issue with the CEO. My mother is almost done with her care and I drove that home also. She is actually as strong as I have ever seen her and that is a complement to the care given and I let the CEO know this.
Yes, this is bizarre. So far there has not been problem with continuity of care. The CEO said once the nurse that made the complaint writes down exactly what she thought she heard then she will call me back to discuss. I don’t know if that has happened yet. Once this person does that then this becomes a legal matter. I was expecting a call today and that didn’t happen and I am good as long as my mother gets care.
So suggestions? Of course I just want the care to continue since she has a great rapport with the people coming to her house. We are all kinda in shock this even happened but it did. I call my mother daily to make sure things are still good. Honestly, she doesn’t need this aggravation. …
So, sorry @Knowsstuff . I would definitely try to keep this from becoming any kind of legal issue. You say your mother is 91 but very mentally competent so not sure you could make a case that she didn’t know what she saying. Hopefully, just a misunderstanding, and it gets worked out quickly. All the best that this gets resolved very soon as it sounds like it’s been a stressful few days.
Sounds like you have handled it very well @knowstuff. I’m glad some of the nurses that know your mom will vouch for her. I hope it all works out so there doesn’t need to be a change in agencies.
She didn’t say anything is my point. Trust me, I had an extra-long talk with her if she said any remark that could be taken the wrong way. She was completely confident she didn’t say anything… My sister did the same. This would be extremely out of character for her to do so. They didn’t talk about the marches or the riots in Detroit etc.
The problem that I can see is that you were not there, neither was your sister. It is one person’s word against the other, and that might not end well. Hope this is resolved quickly and there is continuity of care for your mother, as that is very important. Good luck!
I wouldn’t assume this can only go against your mother, who seems to have character witnesses.
Even if this accuser took it to court, does she have proof?
My problem is I know a woman who did try to accuse others, for her own gain (wanted a settlement from the employer.) It got denied. I don’t know more.
If your mom is innocent, hurt as it may, she has the opportunity to hold herself above this. As you did, you can be the advocate.
I hope for the best for her and you.
None of my visits at the assisted living are going well. I call my mother a few times before coming but she still forgets and goes to sleep or wanders in the building and noone can find her.
She has trouble making it, physically, to the visiting area, and arrives panting and crying. Yesterday my visit was about 5 minutes as a result, when all those factors are subtracted.
Plus, the facility forgot to assign an aide both on the way down and up. So there was a delay in ending the visit as well and another family got mad at me. Since she needed a wheelchair, and no aide had come yet, the other family would have been facing my mother at the window, not theirs, so there was no point in me leaving until help came. I understand their frustration and I should have called the front desk.
My mother cries when I leave and calls every night asking that we get an apartment together.
I am now foreseeing the possibility that she could die while our contacts are this restricted. Two visits a week, outdoors. Indoor visits are temporarily okay but distanced with masks of course. I think those are going to be withdrawn soon. We can’t visit outdoors once it’s cold. So how will we see our parents?
Many people on this board have advised me not to live with my mother, with such good arguments. I have my own health to worry about, and also want to see my kids, from whom I am separated by COVID- like many people.
I just can’t stand the idea that this could be my mother’s last year. She is clearly deteriorating cognitively and physically. I really feel a drive to take care of her, as if she were my child. I can’t touch or hug her.
Just useless venting. The nursing director at the facility is kind of harsh with families and that doesn’t help. I think she resents all the visiting, which impacts staffing and services I am sure.
I’m so sorry @compmom. I really wish things were different.
Is it possible for your mom to have hospice if she’s declining? Are the rules any different for visitors for hospice patients in her facility? (I ask because a friend’s elderly relative was recently put on hospice and they have totally different visitation rules within the same facility. She had to move rooms but the family is thrilled to be able to see her again.)
My mother was on hospice but has been off for almost a year. I suppose with her worsening dementia it is possible. Thanks for the suggestion.
A relative (the only one who understands) suggested that my mother and I could live in a CCRC together. Not sure if this is true but I might check it out.
The problem with an apartment is that many won’t choose us in a competitive market, since she is so old. I don’t know if it is liability or just that they don’t want anyone dying in their apartment. Then her walker would ruin floors, she would not be able to get in a tub, there would be no handraiils etc. etc.
So the only place that might work is a place already outfitted.
I’ll ask hospice- at this point I know them 
Thanks!