@Knowsstuff this sounds like an odd situation. My parents have had many private duty aides in the last few years and before COVID I often spent a lot of time with them chatting. The majority of them were black. And several of them told me how nice and pleasant my parents were to them and then in conversation I heard how hard it can be to care for other elderly people who grew up in a different time and/or may have lost their “filter” a bit.
What I am trying to say is, these aides have told me they have been called every name in the book and it is part of the job when you work with elderly people. I am sure they have been referred to by many dated stereotypical phrases as well as more offensive ones.
It just seems odd that an agency would have such a reaction to a client saying something like “well all lives matter” (assuming your mom even said that). I understand how that is a racially charged statement to make, of course, but in the job this nurse has, it may be one of the lesser offensive things that gets said.
That was my first thought, too, that your mom may have said something that she thought was innocuous like “all lives matter” but would mean something different today. I’m sorry this happened. Your mom sounds lovely and I am sorry she was misunderstood or somehow got crossways with this aide. I agree that with older people, some with dementia, things must get said that are offensive.
So I have a bit of good news, maybe: my brother said he would visit my dad next week. I hope he really does! He has said this and not followed through, but before he did not promise with such specificity, so maybe this time it will happen. He left himself some wiggle room, but fingers crossed he goes.
It is odd. My mother has had every nationality come and care for her and never a problem. 2 nurses that have cared for her on and off for 3 years from the same agency said they are more then happy to talk to the CEO or whomever on her behalf. She continues to have people from the same agency come now daily without any issues. The whole thing is strange. My mother has worked with people of color her whole life…I am still waiting for the CEO to contact me about what the nurse actually wrote in her report. That should be interesting and I don’t even know if that has happened yet. My mothers care should be over soon but has used the same agency for almost 4 years off and on due to surgeries etc for home care. …right now I am doing nothing since they seem to taking care of her and she enjoys the people coming. She actually said the nurse that came out was nice and did a good job and why this is all so bizarre.
@lookingforward On what basis could this nurse even take anything to court regarding this in terms of mom? At most, a 91 year old woman said something she didn’t like or possibly misinterpreted. Don’t most health care workers get training on dealing with patients they find problematic for whatever reason? If anything, the nurse may have more of an issue with her employer, if they were trying to make her continue to work with a patient she did not want to work with. Not sure how that works. Hopefully, this gets resolved and does not escalate even further.
Yes, @Knowsstuff . This really does seem bizarre. Hope you get resolution soon and glad your mother is still being cared for.Your mother is lucky to have you in her corner!
Things are still status quo here. Both parents are really missing seeing people because they both were very upset on the phone that they cannot see me or my family. I’d be willing to risk it but I could not live with myself if we got other people in their community sick.
Mom is supposed to be discharged this week from the geriatric behavioral unit. I really am grateful for folks who work in these communities with dementia patients. And I cringe when I think about what people who do not have means do with their elders who decline cognitively.
Weirdest call from the social worker today: If the “provider” (aka “doctor) recommends that mom be transported home via regular ambulance, it is covered by insurance. It is is a “wheelchair” ambulance, then the full cost is on me. So many rules seem so arbitrary!
The way they explained it to me was that if he was well enough to go in a wheelchair van I could take him in my car. So van was a luxury. Of course he was so wobbly and had trouble maneuvering walker getting into and out of car with catheter etc etc that several times I paid for the wheelchair van and met him back at his assisted living room.
@Curiousreader I am sure that is the logic behind it, but I am not even sure if they would allow me to drive her (and certainly not with COVID restrictions). I was asked if I wanted to drive her to the ER one time when she was having delusions and acting too aggressive with the staff. Uh, no thank you, that sounded like an accident waiting to happen. Even though it broke my heart to have her taken in an ambulance, I know those professionals were more experienced in helping someone in her condition. Plus there were 2 of them!
Anyone have experience on the best tasting Boost/Ensure formula? My 81 year old mom has lost 17 pounds in two months. I thought she was looking much older on FaceTime, but now I know it was her face looking thin. After a lifetime of diet culture, she sees weight loss as a good thing and is resistant to eating calorically dense foods.
My aunt has pancreatic cancer and has lost a lot of weight. She has tried quite a few things, but she really likes the Boost chocolate and vanilla puddings.
My dad, while in renal failure, was not interested in eating much. As a diabetic, his first meal. other than his cup of coffee, was cheese and crackers at 2:00. His doctor suggested he make a milkshake with Ensure and a scoop of ice cream. When I questioned the doctor about the milkshake, she said he needed the calories more than he didn’t need the sugar!
Dad made himself a milkshake everyday; any flavor taste good with a scoop of your favorite ice cream!
I agree, add ice cream. I made my Dad a milkshake with protein Ensure and lots of chocolate after he had his tooth pulled last week. Only thing he ate for most of the day.
My dad has been put on Glucerna (he is T1D). Apparently a lot of seniors are losing weight during the pandemic. I wish I could see him in person to evaluate how he looks
My mom called an ambulance for transport to the hospital when she was having a new acute major pain and living alone. Turned out not to be a heart attack or appendicitis, or other major event, so was charged for the ambulance. Of course she had no clue what it was when she called!
For type 2 diabetes not on insulin, not sure I would trust a doctor saying the calories are more important than blood sugar. With a high blood sugar, calories aren’t absorbed!
Good to know about Glucerna!
For type 1’s on a pump, they can really eat almost anything anytime as long a blood sugar is low enough at the time of eating, and the dosing algorithm is correct.
Another outdoor visit today with my mother. The last time, they forgot to get her for the visit. She had trouble making it to the visiting spot. A nurse came out with a wheelchair. So we started 15 minutes late for a 20 minute visit.At the end of the visit, noone came to get her and the other family got really angry with me. Turns out the facility forgot to assign an aide. I did not have my phone with me.
I tried to have understanding of the other family’s anxiety about starting on time, but the anger directed at me was upsetting. I was no longer talking with my mother but waiting because she needed help to go back.
I talked with the facility and privately they told me this other family is difficult. The director put out an email letting families know that delays are inevitable and they are doing the best they can, and also mentioned that anger is being directed at staff.
Too bad. The staff is overburdened for sure. They have window visits, Zoom visits, outdoor garden visits and indoor apartment visits all going on.
Sometimes the less of 2 evils on the blood sugar vs calorie issue. It’s so important for the elderly to get their calories in and stay hydrated. Sometimes you gotta cheat to get this process going even if short term.
@sevmom. Thanks for asking. I didn’t post here since others have more pressing issues. Well the CEO called my mother and just asked her not to speak about the situation to any of the help coming out. My mother responded "I won’t but don’t even know what the situation was since I didn’t do anything wrong, so there’s nothing to talk about "…
They have sent someone daily so there has not been an issue and she requested Not to send anyone new. She really likes the 2/3 people she knows that have come out and is willing to wait longer in the day for them.
The CEO never mentioned the report and never called me to tell me about it, as she said she would. As long as my mother is getting care I am just leaving it alone. I run a medical business and have had issues with employees also over 31 years so from that perspective, I get it.
Ah, I remember that broken heart and guilt at sending my Dad in the ambulance or wheelchair van. But now with some perspective I know that he was fine. The EMTs and wheelchair drivers were so competent and so kind (and there were two of them) that I know my dad was safer and I think he enjoyed the attention. Also, we were always in danger of the assisted living deciding upon his return that he was too frail to stay. The wheelchair van would wheel him right to his room. When I drove him he had to walk all the way to his room with walker when he was tired–risking looking frail. After a good night’s sleep in his own bed he always looked stronger.
@knowstuff you are not misunderstanding. I was saying that if blood sugars are high, calories do not enter the cells. That is why high blood sugars can cause weight loss. High fat, high protein foods can slow the spike down certainly. As you probably know.
Maybe we’re talking about a “high” of 140. I have no idea. If above 250 absorption of calorie is surely a problem.