<p>ML, that reminds me of something a woman said about my dad in rehab. Apparently, a therapist complimented him on some exercise, and a lady said, “Oh, yeah, he’ll probably get released early for good behavior!”</p>
<p>Called my parents early this morning (6:30) while walking the dog, and my dad answered. He said he wanted to go for a walk but that my mom wouldn’t take him (she drives him to the middle school since he can’t drive, and he walks the track). That made my mom mad because she got on the phone, sounding really tired, and said, “We’re going!” I have a feeling if I hadn’t called she wouldn’t have taken him as she said they didn’t go yesterday. My mom is in good physical health, and I’m sad that she’s being an obstacle to him getting better. This is definitely taking a toll on her.</p>
<p>Its very difficult when your parents deteriorate at different speeds. Dad has advanced Parkinsons. Mom is fairly healthy except for some minor aches and hearing difficulties. We had many family meetings on the stay-at-home vs. going-to-continuing-care argument. Mom could stay in independent living; however dad’s condition is so bad that he’d have to be several building away in the skilled nursing area. It was much cheaper to stay in their home. We have wonderful 24 hour live-in care for dad. Sound like an ideal solution, right? Not really. Mom is still bitter, resentful, angry, stubborn, controlling, and many unprintable things about dad’s situation. There are times we’d like to send mom to the facility and just let dad live out his days in peace.</p>
<p>My mom refers to their AL as “the institution.” Tongue-in-cheek, though; they love it there.</p>
<p>My dad had a hard time the first few weeks. He seemed to believe he was in some kind of prison or psychiatric hospital (one with parties and friends and good food, where he got to keep his dog, and his daughter came to hang out almost every day). One day about a month later, though, he looked around the apartment and said with a smile, “This is home.” Two years later, they don’t even remember their last house.</p>
<p>They do seem to adjust. My mother hated AL at first and swore I ruined her life by moving her there. Once she adjusted, she liked it there, made friends, liked the staff, etc. When I first had to move her to a nursing home, she hated it there and kept asking when she was going back to AL. She’s adjusted to the nursing home and even sometimes has nice things to say about the food, the activities, and some of the staff.</p>
<p>Can I bring up a new category? My parents ( 79 and 83) are the “young” folks dealing with another family member, age 98. Is there a Super-sandwich generation?
It’s causing huge amounts of stress to them physically and emotionally ( thankfully not financially). They can’t just pull out, senior family member has enough money to be a target for scams and abuse but insists on aging in place so needs protection. She refuses the idea of moving the responsibility down a generation.
Sigh.</p>
<p>Does anyone have power of attorney for the super-senior? Or you could see an attorney about getting the super-senior declared incompetent. From what I understand, it’s not easy, nor should it be. But sometimes it’s necessary. Then you, or someone, could make decisions about getting a paid caregiver in, to relieve your parents. Or better yet, move the super-senior into assisted living or skilled nursing.</p>
<p>Regarding the money, that’s one reason we talked our parents into putting their portfolio with a professional investment management firm with my brother as trustee. Mom and Dad no longer have control of their money, so they can’t accidentally give it to a scammer.</p>
<p>Haven’t had a chance to read much on this thread for the last few days, but I did tonight. Thanks to those who wrote about the successful transition to assisted living their loved one has made. I am hopeful that fil will transition successfully to assisted living, which should happen if he “complies” with his PT regimen. He is another one who is mentally alert and enthusiastic at 89. Conversations are hard, due to his hearing loss, but not due to difficulty understanding. Still drives.</p>
<p>But he is another one who fell, but had “forgotten” the life alert button. He was outside on his patio for three hours. He is on blood thinners and is very lucky that he did not have internal bleeding and that he did not fracture anything. That said, he was significantly dehydrated and weak. It amazes me how weak he really is physically. He really needs the walker now. He has been annoyed at having to go watch TV in the day room with all those old people. He still wants to go home, “take care of some stuff,” and then move into assisted living. But, I think he will go to assisted living if he makes progress at the skilled nursing. If not, he may need to have live-in help at home…or…move somewhere with a greater level of support. The assisted living place he was thinking of is in his immediate neighborhood, so it is close to all of his familiar places. He does not want to move near H or SIL, but when in hospital, he complains that we do not visit more. It is over an hour in bad traffic, over 2 for SIL, and everyone works. If he lived closer and was in a hospital, we would see him every day. (Actually, we did see him daily for the first couple of weeks. Then, he would ask about SIL, state how daughters are better because they take care of the parents (but where is his D? Not there! ) Oh, and he comments on how smart she is, how she has made the right decisions in her life. He really is a charming guy, but when he gets on a roll with this, I want to smack him. Very painful for H. since sis was the favored kid all their life. ) These dynamics just are there behind the scenes, waiting to make their cameo…</p>
<p>This is one of many hospitalizations due to first heart issues, and then … falls. Never a fracture, but he has had internal bleeding in the past. Does not learn, but seems cognitively ok… just stubborn? Is this where H gets it? Ok, I can tell when I start writing in fragments that it is way past my own bedtime, so good night all you lovely folk.</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay, agreed. I was wondering what happened to it, and based on the lack of posting in the last two days, it looks like many others have “lost” it also. I hope others soon find it.</p>
<p>Rough day. I took my father to see a Neurologist. This is the third in a string of new doctors that he has seen as he looks for the miracle cure for his lack of mobility that presumable started due to lifting a heavy piece of furniture in July. It has effected his mobility, so he is currently using a walker. The neurologist didn’t say much, except that Dad needs an MRI before he can determine what is going on.</p>
<p>However, when I returned him to his cottage, he had a great deal of difficulty walking from the van to the house. Essentially my mother, the neighbor man, and myself were holding him up as he slid into the house. He kept saying, “I’m going down, I’m going down.” I’ve never experiences anything like it. He had no control over his legs.</p>
<p>We are in the process of getting home care services to come to their home to help him with bathroom needs and dinner tonight. My parents are still resisting.</p>
<p>The other thing is, I brought up the subject of Power of Attorney. They said they took care of that a few years ago. But then they wondered if I needed to sign something since they named me as POA. Anyone know?</p>
<p>I don’t recall signing my parent’s power of attorney document, but it is possible that it is done differently in different states. Why not ask to see the document and actually read it? This way you’ll know if it’s been completely filled out and you will know where to find it when you need it.</p>
<p>Bookreader, I will. Today wasn’t the day,however. I just received a call that my father is now in a wheelchair. My brother went over, and together they decided that was the best option. That was after my brother tried to help Dad get to the bathroom, and it was very difficult, to say the least. The retirement community where they reside is lending him a chair tonight, and then tomorrow my mother will go buy one for him.</p>
<p>Also, after I took Dad to the doctor, he wanted me to do some banking for him. He proceeded to explain how much money he had, and where it was. My eyes glazed over, and I didn’t catch much of what he was saying, because I knew he was preparing me for “the end”.</p>
<p>FlyMe–so sorry about your father’s decline. In any case, someone (you or your brother) needs to know where his accounts are, where files are (hopefully in good order), where the P of A is, the will, and so forth. For both parents, because you never know. You may just end up doing banking for your parents for years because it’s more convenient and reliable. Paying bills, too.</p>
<p>Talked with my father today…he’s been in his new “senior housing” apt. for a week. He sounds great…his voice is noticeably stronger. Says the hallway from one end of the building to the other is 1/3 mile, which is a great indoor walk. He uses a walker but as long as he’s moving instead of sitting in a chair it’s good for him, and better than being trapped in his home as was sort of the case before.</p>
<p>And he says they have activities every day, even if it’s just coffee & discussion in the common room. Tonight he was going to hear some Baptist choir sing for the residents.</p>
<p>Flyme, I’m so sorry this has happened to your dad. Is he having any problems with hand or arm agility? If not, would you feel comfortable asking him to write down all the info he was telling you? He might feel more in control putting it on paper, and then you have a record instead of trying to remember .<br>
For some men of that generation, writing up a report is easier than telling. Maybe then you could , in his presence, " put it away in case we need it someday", like in a file drawer.</p>
<p>FlyMetotheMoon, So sorry about your father. You may be able to get a wheelchair paid for if the PCP or the neurologist authorizes it . Medicare or his insurance may pay for it as being medically necessary. A prescription for a wheelchair could potentially be written in the morning and a medical equipment company could deliver one that same day if all goes well. That has been my experience but not sure if that is universal but may be worth asking about. Again, so sorry. Take care.</p>
<p>Flymetothemoon, so sorry for your bad day, I second the WC script as in NY medicare covers 80% when prescribed. Also get your dad to that MRI asap to determine what is going on in his spine, if there is increasing pressure on the nerves to point weakness/ paralysis or you Dad begins to lose bowel or bladder control it is emergent and your dad should be seen by a neurosurgeon. I am a home PT and treat many people post these types of injury. The sooner a source of pressure on nerves is relieved the better the prognosis for good recovery. Re home safety you can also get 3:1 commode( also covered with script) which can be used bedside or as a raise toilet seat, the WC should be a light weight companion type not the one with big side wheels which are heavy meant for being self propelled, the other is light and fits thru doorways ect better but to person must be pushed. Also get your MD to call in a homecare agency who can send an RN and PT to evaluate your Dad’s needs.</p>
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But then they wondered if I needed to sign something since they named me as POA. Anyone know?[/qipte]</p>
<p>No, you don’t need to sign anything as the attorney-in-fact. My father just executed a new one today, so I’ve had a change to look at the document recently.</p>
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He uses a walker but as long as he’s moving instead of sitting in a chair it’s good for him, and better than being trapped in his home as was sort of the case before.</p>