<p>Just awoke…couldn’t sleep. Thank you everyone for the good advice! You have no idea how much better I feel knowing I don’t have to do the research today. </p>
<p>My understanding is someone from home care services is coming in today to evaluate Dad. We are waiting for the phone call to schedule an MRI. (He visited a neurosurgeon yesterday.) Thanks for the wheelchair and commode advice. I will probably go over there today and work on writing down pertinent information regarding their finances.</p>
<p>Again, thank you! I know I can face today because of your supportive comments.</p>
<p>FlyMe, I would be very careful about trying to assist your father in moving around until this is sorted out. There are ways that the professionals can give you to safely transfer or assist someone. It is very scary when someone begins to go down. We had that with my mother. She was only about 110 pounds toward the end of her life but she was sometimes dead weight. My sister or I almost went down with her on more than one occasion. We could keep her from falling but it was a real effort . Just be very careful.</p>
<p>Good point about transportation. There are also transport companies which will do this for $100 bucks or so (in my area). WELL worth it, IMO. Search “non-emergency medical transportation.”</p>
<p>Not only do they provide the transportation, they take care of the entire process, from getting the person out of bed and into a wheelchair or gurney, to delivering them right to the waiting room of the doctor’s office.</p>
<p>I just sent you an email - give me a call, it might be faster. </p>
<p>Most of the banks here want to see the original POA document and then you need to sign something for each bank (not each branch, each bank). Same thing with doctors. Either you sign something in their office with parent present or show them the durable health thing. </p>
<p>As for help in home - I have been using Visiting Angels for assistance with the one elderly couple who are in their home. I don’t know how willing they are to do transfers, but I have found them to take more initiative than the home health care staff at Brethren Village. Just a thought. Visiting Angels make it a point to try to assign just one or two people to care for someone, whereas at BV, the health care workers change from day to day. </p>
<p>Gosh, your dad (and you) have really had a tough time. Do they think it could be low pressure hydrocephalus? You know, my dad had a period that was much the same as your dad’s and it turned out he was having a brain bleed. Hope the MRI (dad had a pacemaker so he couldn’t have an MRI) gives you some answers. Dad went to Dr. Kuhlengle and he was really wonderful. </p>
<p>Hang in there! And let me reinforce what you have been advised about transporting - LH might have their own transport service and it would be better to have them transport, even if you are just following along. When dad had his second brain bleed I took him to the doctor and there we were in the parking lot, with my knee under his a$$, trying to get him from the car to a chair. It was NOT a safe (or sane) thing to do.</p>
<p>My sister and I asked the facility to come in and do an evaluation of my father. We were looking for some kind of assistance, either in home, or in assisted living. But they suggested calling an ambulance and sending Dad to the emergency room. Before making the call they primed my sister and me with the correct answers to questions we would be asked at the hospital. Apparently the objective is to have him admitted for three days so that he would qualify for rehab services that would be covered by his insurance.</p>
<p>So…he is now admitted at a local hospital. Because the head nurse from the home where my parents reside called the hospital and gave a very thorough evaluation to the doctor, we felt that the process went as smoothly as it could possibly go. So far, my father has had a CAT Scan, a PT evaluation, and blood work. They have ordered an MRI, but because of the weekend, it probably won’t be done until Monday. </p>
<p>Regarding transportation, you all are right to be concerned. Before the ambulance was called, the home care organization did all the paperwork necessary so that my parents will be able to use their services when needed. One of the services we requested was transportation. I knew after yesterday I was never going to take responsibility transporting him again.</p>
<p>They also emphasized to my parents that my father’s safety was an issue. This was something my mother needed to hear. (She is in denial and just wants things to go back to the way they were before Dad needed a walker.) I’m thinking that my father will go to rehab upon release from the hospital. I’m crossing my fingers that is the direction we are going in.</p>
<p>Thank you again for your support. Reading your suggestions and tips, along with WorknProgess2’s experience with her father a few month’s ago, helped me get through the day today.</p>
<p>So glad to hear that! It sounds like you got excellent guidance and advice, and your dad is in capable hands. It’s always comforting to me when the parents are in the “system” and I’m no longer the one making decisions, or trying to persuade them to get care!</p>
<p>Regarding the 3-day stay (or 3-night, I forget which) – you’re so fortunate that someone gave you that critical information from the get-go.</p>
<p>The 3 day stay has to do with whether or not Medicare will cover a stay in a rehab facility. If your father will be in the hospital through the weekend he should meet that qualification.</p>
<p>Hopefully you get the answers you’re looking for about what’s going on with your father. The not-knowing can drive you crazy.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s a Medicare coverage issue. One thing to be aware of–he has to be ADMITTED to the hospital, not to be under OBSERVATION. I’ve heard stories of people who were in a bed in the hospital for 3 days, but were under “observation,” so the 3 day admission period didn’t start yet. They got a nasty surprise when the stay in the rehab center was not covered. </p>
<p>Another thing about the 3-day stay, this tip was given to me by a home health-care worker: If you believe a Medicare recipient is being discharged too soon and the hospital won’t budge, you can ask for a review of the discharge. By law, the hospital must keep the patient – without charge – while the review is underway. Even if you lose the appeal, another day or so will go by, and the magical 3 days will probably be reached at which time they’re automatically qualified under Medicare for skilled nursing.</p>
<p>There are very specific rules for doing this: [How</a> Medicare Beneficiaries Can Fight a Hospital Discharge - ElderLawAnswers Articles](<a href=“Most Recent Articles”>Most Recent Articles)</p>
<p>Ellemenope - happened to my dad. He was taken to the ER, in a hospital room from thursday night until Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. I was informed shortly before release that he had not been admitted. What was really interesting, is that when I read the notes on my dad once he got to skilled nursing, the orders from the doc said “patient to be admitted at this time.” When I called hospital to question, they said that your status can be changed if they don’t come up with a diagnosis.</p>
<p>I verified with the hospital that my father has been admitted. The MRI shows a pinched nerve and they will administer steroid injections on Monday. That will get us the three days. Whew! I don’t have to do battle with either of those issues.</p>
<p>I had a private talk with the nurse, and she confirmed my suspicions that my father will need assisted living and will most likely not return to independent living in the future. It’s such a relief to know. My parents don’t know yet, and we will take that one step at a time, but it will be a comfort to have my father living in a safe environment.</p>
[quote]
When I called hospital to question, they said that your status can be changed if they don’t come up with a diagnosis./quote]</p>
<p>Bummer–and once you leave the hospital, the admitted/observation status can’t be changed retroactively. So it’s really a detail that needs to be nailed down at the time!</p>
<p>Sorry about your father, FMTTM…glad that the cause of his problem has been identified, though.</p>
<p>FlyMeToTheMoon-- Best of luck with your dad! What an ordeal…great to have the medical staff backing AL level of care; takes the onus off of you and your sibs. Take care!!</p>
<p>I appreciate this thread so much. Glad to have stumbled on it.
My parents have always moved a lot, moved away from our home town within a couple months of my husband and I getting married. They lived several states away. 10 years ago they announced they were moving “near” us to be close to their grandchildren, but they did not come close enough. They chose a retirement community 140 miles away. Driving takes 2.5 to 3 hrs depending on the traffic; it’s a very busy commute route. I told them at the time that this was going to be a problem eventually, when they might need my help. And they both poo-poohed me – they wanted the fancy clubhouse, the golf courses, the elaborate activities.</p>
<p>Fast-forward to now. They are in their mid 80s. Mom has had a heart attack, Dad has had a stroke. Both have had shoulder surgery and Dad had his knee replaced. Each time, I got a phone call telling me to get there ASAP to help them out. This past w/e, they were here visiting, and told me it’s just too hard for Dad to do the drive to our place anymore – understandable. Dad has minor surgery (outpatient) coming up next month; Mom no longer drives and Dad will be on medication so he won’t be able to drive to/from the doc. They want me to come up there to drive him to the doctor that day, which will entail spending the night, and me missing two days of work. They are too proud to ask neighbors to drive, and they refuse to call a taxi (too cheap to pay for it). I know this will be the first of many such calls. </p>
<p>When asked what their plan was for the next several years when surely there will be other reasons they can’t drive, they got angry – insist it is my job to go out there and take care of them. Yesterday I said they were either going to have to move to my town, or they were going to have to start using/paying for services such as rides to the doctor (they have neighbors who do this). Mom started crying and raving about how her friends’ children are always there helping their parents out (I wonder how close these perfect children live to the retirement community?). And Dad said “I guess it’s time for me to start stockpiling all my pain pills.”</p>
<p>^^^^^ Ugh SJR, that is awful, sorry you have to put up with the guilt.</p>
<p>My MIL gives my husband some similar crap about how he should be coming with her to doctors’ visits, should be visiting more, etc. They have never had a good relationship but he is willing to provide whatever financial help she needs (we already pay most of her rent) and talk to her on the phone once a week, but she feels that he “owes” her more time and personal attention.</p>
<p>Oh my, does THAT sound familiar!!! Do you think as we age the ability to recognize absurdity disappears? The cost of a taxi vs. the cost of YOU driving to take them to the hospital. I live much closer to my folks but SO many times I would think how much cheaper it would have been for them to call a cab and meet me for an appointment. </p>
<p>I have a suggestion. Won’t work, but it’s a suggestion. I would write a letter. I would tell them how much I love them, how guilty I feel about this, but here is what we can do given the distance. I love putting my thoughts to paper. I can make sure I say things just the way I want, and they are there without interruption. </p>
<p>You cannot feel guilty. I can tell you that this will be a LONG journey. As I have said many, many times before we have to pace ourselves as though they will live to 95. </p>
<p>I am utterly and totally wiped out today. I moved the last of the stuff from my folks’ apartment. I still have a van full of stuff to be taken either to my mom’s assisted living apartment or my dad’s skilled nursing room or my basement or to the cousin who would love to have something of Uncle Joe’s…</p>
<p>Some days I wake up and wonder how can I keep doing this.</p>
<p>My dad probably could be convinced to move closer. But my mother will not leave her 2 bridge clubs, her PEO group, her bunco group. Says she does not want to start over making friends. I wish I had the guts to tell them NO the next time they call me to drive out there to do something. This is exactly what I told them would eventually happen 10 years ago. One of my mother’s go-to sayings when I was young was, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” I so want to throw that back at her now.</p>