One can always decide not to replace the generator/battery when it ends its life cycle. I just had my battery replaced last fall, but at some point, I won’t do the surgery again. The new battery is supposed to last 8-10 years, so I’ll probably get it changed next time, but after that, no.
Might be something one wants to make explicit in an advance directive while one is still competent to make these decisions.
@gouf78, I will ask about the pacemaker but my understanding was that the docs did not want to put one in because they thought it was more likely to damage than help. She has atrial fibrillation as well.
The amazing thing is the decline. My mother had Guillane-Barre syndrome when she was 78. The doctors told us that she was unlikely to recover. Well, she worked incredibly hard in rehab and then started going to the gym almost every day. They had someone take a large format Polaroid photo of her and put it in the gym (implicit message: if she can do it, so can you.). She was doing 1 minute planks at age 95. For most of the pandemic, she would walk in the hallways of the senior facility. Now she needs help walking outside and can’t walk much in the hall.
But, @compmom, I take your point that she could live for a long time.
Now that my dad has miraculously recovered, he seems to think that he’s invincible. He wants my mom and himself to stay in their huge, three-story house indefinitely. My sister and I REALLY want him to put it on the market NOW while it’s a seller’s market in Austin. Plus, my sister is a school teacher and could help them move this summer. If Dad puts off the sale, his health could decline again and a move could be very challenging. Ugh. I know Dad - he won’t listen to us.
This is so tough @MaineLonghorn. There are moments when I am almost grateful for dementia (just kidding but… I do remember professionals telling me that things got easier as their cognition worsened).
It will continue to be a seller’s market in Austin! I saw a very recent article where they are ‘afraid’ Austin will become another San Francisco.
IMHO let them continue to enjoy their home. You can lay out the option on being available to help over the summer, etc.
My mother had hospice in her home for only 5 days and then died. My mother-in-law only went to skilled care for 14 days before she died. My H and his family had to pitch in once her 75 YO caregiver had a stroke. MIL fought going to skilled care, reasoning my H could take care of her 24/7 (which was what he was doing at that time, while being 860 miles away from our home).
The house doesn’t have to be ready to get sold right away - it sounds like your parents have assets and are safe/have their needs met with services at home.
Just keep the dialog going and keep an eye on the situation.
Yes, it was really easier when Dad was so ill he couldn’t make decisions. I think my sister and I did an excellent job of managing his affairs. But of course, I’m happy he’s back to his old self!
Thanks for your thoughts - good to consider. I know my sister’s just worried about a repeat of the events of 2020, which were almost unbearably stressful for her. She would rather get our folks situated before it’s a crisis situation.
Right after I wrote that my mother called demanding her “check thing.” She means bank account. She gets little attacks of wanting financial info and then, luckily, forgets. I tell her I am her executive assistant and she loves that and then lets go. A couple of years ago this issue was much harder!
Today I told her the bank office is closed (true) and that the statement is online and sorry, I am out of ink. I read her all the figures until she was overwhelmed and said she trusted me. Strategies!
You are so wise to try to get ahead of the need but because the need isn’t there at the moment you are prevented from being proactive. It’s a tough balance!
My in-laws (90 & 91) moved to a senior living place a few months ago. They eat three meals a day in the dining room ( it was in their room before things opened up). They are thrilled not to have to do dishes and to have their place cleaned once a week. They had a health scare last summer so I think they wanted to move so that if one goes, the other is set up and not lonely.
FWIW, I appreciate your sister wanting to move your parents when things are calm. It’s hard to put out fires. Hard though if your parents aren’t willing. I’m sorry it isn’t easier!
Thank you. I will never forget trying to arrange my mother’s housing while planning my dad’s funeral at the same time. At one point, I was on two phone calls at once. Of course, Dad didn’t see the efforts that were being made at that point.
I am glad your dad is doing better but I hope you can persuade him to make a planned transition to a new home. We dealt with the same problem with my folks. My baby brother was the one who broke thru and got my folks to look at apartments and assisted living. Over a period of months they were able to wrap their minds around a new life in a new place. They enjoyed a planned, slow move over a summer, with lots of help from us kids. They had two years together in an apartment before my mom died. If my dad had waited to sell the house and move until she died it would have been so so much harder.
That said, I understand trying to respect their wishes and give them just a little more time in their home.
Wondering if any of you have addressed this situation:
My father is disabled from a stroke. He understands everything perfectly, but his ability to communicate has been negatively impacted. He wants me to contact the credit bureaus and have his credit frozen so that no one can steal his identity and take out loans or get credit cards. He is financially stable and will never again need to buy a car on credit (no longer drives), take out a home mortgage, or get any new credit cards.
I have power of attorney-will the credit bureaus allow me to request this freeze?
I think you can online for each
Right now the credit reporting companies will do a freeze for anyone with very little paperwork required. There have been so many breaches they pretty much have everyone’s frozen anyway.
You have to set us an ‘unfreeze’ code, so make sure you take good notes and secure the info.
I provided P of A to my mother’s credit card companies but for freezing a card, you might not need to. Call them!
Thanks, everyone. Got it done!
I was concerned about my 89 year old father’s financials (paying bills, etc.). He seems more and more confused (wrote about it in this thread a while back). I talked to a few different employees at his assisted living about it (case manager, director, etc.) and they were less than helpful. He has a trusted lawyer who has power of attorney (I don’t). Today I get a call from the assisted living that my father has a balance due and neglected to pay them for something. Guess what, now they are interested in contacting his lawyer to have him take care of his finances.
@kiddie are you good with paying the lawyer to do all of dad’s finances? I paid my parents bills and it did not take a whole lot of time and I liked having the control over their money. But if you are not POA I guess that could be an issue unless your dad will sign one for you.
There are other family issues to consider. A few years ago my father removed my sister as his executor (and made it his lawyer instead), when she and her husband accused my father of spending their inheritance. We are the only kids and are completely estranged (haven’t seen or spoken to my sister or her family in years now). I think it is in everybody’s best interest to keep POA with the lawyer instead of a family member.