Well, the good news is that the lawyer has been to see my father and they are working together to sort out everything. The bad news is things are more of a mess than I imagined. My father doesn’t even remember where he has all his bank accounts.
What?!? That doesn’t make any sense at all. They have zero right to any of your dad’s money. That’s just crazy. He could spend it on 100 Porsches if he wanted. I’m glad he removed your sister as executor!
Yep, the whole thing was pretty crazy. They objected to his going to an assisted living facility where they would “steal all his money”. It was completely my father’s decision, and a good one, as at that point he was having a hard time caring for himself.
I really think that if I had POA, things would get ugly. I could very easily imagine them going after me for whatever decisions I made. The neutral lawyer doing what my father directs and includes in his will and other instructions is the best thing.
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Oh, my goodness, it’s a happy day. My dad called and said he and Mom have decided to sign up for the retirement facility that my sister and I liked so much last spring. It’s near their house, so it won’t be a big adjustment - they can go to the same grocery store and other shops. They will keep their caregiver for now, too. They’re going to move in within a month, hire a company to hold an estate sale, and then put their house on the market in July. I will sleep so much better knowing they’re in a safe space. Their house is too much of an obstacle course!
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Great news! I know it was a big relief for me knowing my mom was safe.
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Oh, it’s so nice that they will go there together; I remember the stress of thinking about moving your mom while your dad was so, so sick.
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Just want to offer a high five to all the folks out there caring for parents. This thread was so supportive when I lost my dad in March. For those of you still doing your best, hang in there. You’re doing a great job.
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Wow, that is such a fabulous decision on the part of your dad!!! I bet your sister is feeling really good right now, even though the next few months will be a lot of work. So happy for you, @MaineLonghorn! 
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Great news! Will it be the unit they reserved earlier?
Thanks, everyone. No, my mom would have been in a one bedroom unit. This one is two bedrooms. It has a patio and access to the grounds where they can take their dog for a walk. My dad wants to take it but then get on a waiting list for a bigger unit! I think it’s hard for him to think about living in an apartment after living in houses most of his life. I think he will be surprised at how roomy it feels, though, since their house is so full of stuff.
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Asking for advice: Yesterday my mom fell and broke her hip. She had surgery today and they put in pins and a plate which the surgeon told Dad was going to be better than a hip replacement. (? ) She’s 88, healthy (no “underlying conditions”) but not as active as she once was. Any thoughts pro/con for inpatient vs home rehab? My sister and BIL will be there by morning, whichever way it goes.
Inpatient is better - they can spend many more hours a day during physical and occupational therapy than at home. Also, with inpatient there will be trained staff to assist with everyday things that family cannot do as easily (simple stuff like dressing, bathing, etc.)
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A 96 aunt in law fell and broke her femur. She is receiving in patient rehab and seems satisfied. Very mentally aware, just unfortunately missed a step.
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I’m jumping into this thread in hopes someone can recommend an automatic pill dispenser for my elderly MIL who is having a lot of trouble keeping up with her meds.
We live quite a distance away from her although BIL and SIL are very close and check in on her regularly. Heard from them today that the illness MIL has felt the past week seems to be due to the fact she suddenly quit taking her meds, some of which have bad side effects if stopped cold turkey.
I’m searching for an automatic pill dispenser with an alarm to help her keep up with the doses. BIL reports that she gets very anxious trying to figure out what pills to take. I need something that is very simple for her and only allows access to the pills needed at that time of day. There are many choices on Amazon and the internet so would love to hear if any of you have had success with a particular kind.
If there is any thought that family might be helping at home, then use the inpatient rehab to save the family that extra energy expenditure. Once you start, it can become overwhelming. Also, at least starting with in patient rehab would give health care professionals an opportunity to make sure things are healing up correctly in the early days.
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What does the doctor recommend?
This. Is your father fully capable of taking care of your mother? How long are you sister and bil planning/able to stay to help out?
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My mother is in assisted living, not in a house. I took her out of inpatient rehab after fracturing her pelvis, because after her two hours of therapy she was in bed 22 hours/day at the rehab. But excellent PT and OT do home visits to her assisted living and there are hallways to walk down. She spent more time out of bed at the AL but I think the therapies were better overall at rehab, so it’s a mixed bag. Another factor in the decision was that she has dementia and I wanted to minimize confusion from being away from the AL.
Good thoughts, thank you. We haven’t thought this through farther than today when Dad will hopefully have some questions answered by the Drs.
Unless family is prepared to do fulltime caregiving, i would suggest inpatient rehab to get her stronger before she returns home. Hope recovery goes well!
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He thinks he is, but has no experience. He’s 91. My worry is that he’ll hurt himself trying to lift her. To which he says “Oh bu!! s***”.
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