I’m just joining this thread for the first time.
@MaineLonghorn - I’m sorry about that all. just reading through this.
i’m in a new position that seems so contrasting.
Still driving my 15 yr old HS kid around - and now driving my 79-yr old Mom around. She’s lost her driving abilities. Looking forward to reading and learning in this thread in this new part of my life.
take care all -
Welcome to the sandwich generation - lots of us here still caring for children while having to care for parents also. You can get good information from people on this thread.
Wow, so sorry, @MaineLonghorn! It’s a lot for you and your family to process. Glad you can be together and your sister was with your mom.
You are right, no one knows what the future will bring. Take care of of yourself and each other!
I had to see what happened @MaineLonghorn.
Wow with the turn of events. It is life, one day here and another day not. I sure didn’t see this coming. Making plans for mom’s continued stay and dad’s funeral, and now mom is having the funeral and dad is continuing on. As you say, turning on a dime.
Deepest condolences for you and your family’s loss.
Hugs to you and your family @MaineLonghorn. I am glad that you will be able to get to TX for services and be there for your dad. I hope the move goes as smoothly as possible for him. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We are sending you hugs. Please know that you have lots of supporters on here.
I am so sorry. Hugs to you.
So sorry for your loss, @MaineLonghorn. What a lot to navigate, both emotionally and logistically. You and your sister have been there for your parents, with unpredictable circumstances for each of them. Wishing you comfort and peace as you remember your mother and help your father with his transition. Best to your family.
It’s very hard to lose your mother. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss; you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss, @MaineLonghorn . I’m glad you are surrounded by family and will be able to be with your dad and sister soon.
Thanks again, everyone. To my relief, I found the long black dress that I love so much and it fits! I have lost a lot of weight but was afraid it would be too snug. I know it’s just a small detail, but it was another stressor. I hate shopping. I asked my husband if he could be responsible for finding a suit and shoes for our older son when we get to Austin, and he agreed. I think that would have put me over the edge.
I had a nice talk with Dad yesterday. He still has his upbeat, positive attitude. We had a video chat and he let me know which of his books that I took last year that he would like back. He picked only five or so, thank goodness. Those things are heavy. We also talked about some of my mom’s jewelry. He said my sister and I can split it up however we’d like. Mom had some beautiful items. Sis and I have very different tastes, so I think we won’t have problems deciding who gets what. Oh, one funny thing - Dad said something like, “And of course you’ll be taking Mom’s fur coat…” “Uh, no, I don’t think I have a need for that!” He was surprised, but I would not be comfortable wearing it. I know it’s valuable, but if I took it, it would just hang in the closet forever.
Oh I have not been on for a few days, my condolences @MaineLonghorn. It’s never easy, I am sure, whether expected or sudden. Please take care of yourself and let friends help in any way, if possible.
I hope the funeral goes as well as can be expected for you.
@MaineLonghorn I’ve been away. Adding condolences to the group! It is so hard to lose a parent. Maybe expected in life’s events, but they hold a place no one else can ever fill. I hope you have many happy memories to share.
@MaineLonghorn …will be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you peace…
Thanks for all the thoughts. Dad ended up overdoing it on Thursday, even though we begged him to be careful. He slept in on Friday, and when his caregiver tried to take his blood pressure, it was so low she couldn’t get a reading. I about passed out when she told me to call 911 and the paramedics couldn’t get a reading, either. I won’t drag out the suspense - after spending a day in the ER, they decided he was just dehydrated and released him. But it was a VERY scary couple of hours for my sister and me. 
He missed the visitation on Friday night but was allowed to attend the funeral on Saturday. The service was beautiful. I really think it captured my mom’s best qualities beautifully. The remarks my sister and I made dovetailed together. The foster child Mom had the longest, who is now 35 (!!), spoke about the impact my parents made on his life (after caring for him for eight months, they continued to help him and his birth mother when they needed it). He had stayed in touch with Mom this past year in particular. He flew out from Las Vegas just so he could speak at her funeral. Finally, the minister did a great job. He and his wife are good friends with my parents, so he knows her well and told some great stories about Mom.
It was in the 90s for the burial service. We kept it short, but Dad still got overheated. They managed to cool him off and we got him home safely. Now he is insisting on going to church this morning, even though the minister told him he should stay home. Grr. My sister and I agreed we don’t want to fight this battle, so I will take him to church, then take my husband, daughter, and son to the airport so they can fly home. I told Dad he’ll have to find a ride home from church. I’m going to turn my phone off so he can’t call and say he needs me. I am beyond exhausted and want to crash after coming back from the airport.
It’s still surreal. We’re going through my mom’s beautiful things, picking out what we’d like to keep. My daughter video chatted with her cousin, a Fulbright scholar in Uruguay, for HOURS. The girls looked at each figurine, piece of jewelry, item of clothing, etc. to see what they’d like to have. Then they asked my sister and me if their selections were OK. It was actually a joyful process to see how many items of Mom’s they wanted to keep! My petite daughter found a LOT of Mom’s clothing she loved! Mom was larger so her clothes fit loosely on D, but I guess that’s the style (and as my friend pointed out, D is so cute that ANYTHING looks good on her). So that was the highlight of the day. I also took my family to show them Dad’s new unit. It really is beautiful, and the facility is gorgeous, so that was fun.
The low point is realizing that there is no way Sis and I can go through everything and figure out what Dad needs to take when he moves in on Thursday. Ugh. Sis is coming over tomorrow and we will have to strategize. The problem is that Dad’s not strong enough to walk around the house, pointing out what he wants to take, so the selection process will be laborious. Oh, well, one step at a time. I will stay here until next Sunday.
Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, prayers, and words. They really have helped a lot.
@MaineLonghorn — so glad even with the hiccups, you had a lovely service for your mom. I’m glad you are taking care of yourself so you can continue to help your dad and Sis.
Hang in there. If your dad doesn’t have everything in his new place on Thursday, more things can be brought afterwards. Take some deep breaths—you and Sis will get it done.
The much overdue service for my parents was yesterday as well. What a relief to be finally able to gather together and celebrate their lives with family and friends. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I drove Dad to church (he attended against our advice) and dropped my family off at the airport. The house is too quiet. Thank goodness for my BFF. She’s coming to get me to go out for lunch. I’m feeling emotional today.
