I am not surprised by this story at all @MaineLonghorn . I have been writing about my frustrations with assisted living for some time. My mother was actively choking when I pushed the emergency button AND called the front desk. Noone came for 20 minutes. Luckily I got a random aide from the hallway who have never done a Heimlich but managed to do one and the food popped out.
My mother was vomiting continuously last week for two hours and luckily I was there to be with her. And noone ever gets her dressed.
I am sympathetic to the aides who are scheduled and overburdened,. The facility only has one nurse on for 68 people. One nurse quit because she felt it was so understaffed that she could not do the job properly and did not want to lose her license. And this is one of the most elegant and reputable ALās.
I do tell my mother to call me on the cell phone, which she can mostly still remember how to use.
@busdriver11, Iām sorry to hear the news about your dad. I hope your mom continues to take steps towards finding her way forward.
My FIL passed away a couple of weeks ago. He had a UTI and was admitted to the hospital for ten days Infection resolved, but heād been in bed the entire time. They sent him to rehab t regain muscle strength. Of course, he caught Covid there. It did a number on his lungs, and my BIL said the rehab doc said we should consider hospice. FIL had signed a DNR, but kept telling us he wanted to live. We asked him what that meant to him, and he said he wanted to be home with his cats, recliner and TV. So, thatās what we did ā had home hospice at his apartment with meds to ease his breathing, and he passed away two days later. He knew he was home and was able to pet his cats and interact with BIL and the aide. It was as peaceful as we could have possibly hoped.
BIL and the aide kept my FIL in a safe bubble for over two years, and it went to pieces in the blink of an eye. The aide has been taking care of my FIL for the past three years (two hours twice a day), and she was very attached to him. We are truly thankful for her care.
Iāve been up in NJ the past three weekends dealing with getting the apartment cleaned out. I have enough detachment to know what to toss and what to keep, and I also found stuff of genealogical interest in the process.
Terribly sorry about your FILās passing, that is awful to catch Covid at the place where theyāre treating you. Iām glad he was able to die where he wanted, with his pets and family.
When I read about the shortcomings at these facilities, I am thankful for the quality of care my father receives at his assisted living place. He does pay top dollar and still has plenty of complaints with the service he receives. I think if something basic like dressing the patient every day and answering the emergency call button is not being done, you need to look for a different facility.
Overworked nurses and aides is no surprise - that has been happening pre-Covid. For profit or not-for-profit ā they squeeze on nursing staff. Middle management gets squeezed, even Director of Nursing (DON). I worked 5 years for skilled care and rehab facility that has a great reputation ā yet they also overwork the nursing staff. I was going to retire early, but outgoing DON (she was losing weight from the stress and had to get into a better job for her QOL) offered me a job where my duties were limited and it worked great for me and the facility. Important to retain RNs/BSNs. Glad I did stay on as it saved us on COBRA costs for 10 months when DH retired earlier than the plan, so I could carry the health insurance at the same rate that DHās company was charging for pretty much the same health care coverage.
"FIL had signed a DNR, but kept telling us he wanted to live. We asked him what that meant to him, "
You did him a great service. People deserve to be able to live and die on their own terms. My dad had a DNR also. To him that really meant āno extraordinary measuresā not ādonāt take care of me if I donāt feel well today. and quit trying to make me better.ā
Itās very hard. I think most people have very simple wishes like your FIL. They arenāt always easy to fulfil though. You done good.
@CountingDown - Condolences on the loss of your FiL. I am struck that the āwhat would that mean to you?ā question was asked and yielded a plan. It offered him dignity/agency and the family peace of mind. May his memory be a blessing.
My dad was ambulanceād to the local ER last night, and we congratulated Mom for knowing to call. But today, we had to call maybe 5 different departments and offices because they had transferred him to a satellite clinic one hour away without telling my mother, who was waiting patiently at home to get a call. Too patiently. I will admit that the doctorās office called a bit ago and apologized for the āoversightā
There are RNs/BSNs that often do what by licensure can be done by a LPN. Sometimes the quality of the individual is the difference, as well as lower turnover and other factors that can affect quality of care ā RNs/BSNs have more work options than LPNs do, and I have been exposed to a fairly broad number of LPNs in skilled care/rehab (and as a LPN educator) - many LPNs who job hop, try to work at several places/lots of hours and little sleep, have other draining lifestyle issues, etc.
Some facilities get higher ratings with more RNs/BSNs on staff. The one I worked at did - that is why the DON was getting creative in keeping me on staff.
So comment about āno point in spending more for a RNā may absolutely not apply. Certainly you know all the restrictions with Assisted Living situation on what is allowed by nursing staff - and I have previously worked at an Assisted Living as well.
There are minimum staffing regulations in each state with various facilities.
@travelnut, my BIL asked the question. Bless him! FIL just didnāt understand how he could no longer have Covid but be so sick. (Rehab didnāt test beyond five days from first positive, and assumed people were no longer contagious.) Neither BIL nor H wanted to tell him that he was dying. I told FIL that Covid had done a number on his lungs, but he didnāt get the implication. Going back to the hospital would have meant a horrible, painful, confusing experience, assuming he ever got a bed on a covid ward.
@SOSConcern FIL had PT coming to the apartment periodically during Covid. His doc made house calls. Was vaxed at home by the nursing agency. The rehab facility had 17 positive cases when FIL was exposed. When youāre 87, it doesnāt take much.
Spent the past several days herding parents through his hospital stay 2 hrs from the house. Exploratory procedures planned for next week if they can stabilize his lung function to find the internal bleeding without triggering another TIA.
Interesting part has been living with my mom24/7 (siblings unavailable so I came here from my home 200 miles away) and am astonished at how noncompliant she is about just about everything, but especially food. Not taking her meds correctly, says she doesnāt like the side effects. Not doing countermeasures recād because āoh, but I donāt need to todayā. Dehydrated and malnourished because she doesnāt want to drink more, she drinks āenough, go away and leave me aloneā or eat anything āI am fine stop fussing/I donāt have time/itās a waste of moneyā
she seems to understand they are both not eating enough, most especially him, but she insists itās all fine . As a hospital patient heās eating like a horse because there is plenty of food provided. here at home, they are eating a bowl of cereal, a lunch meat sandwich, and maybe a pork chop or chicken tender for dinner. He will eat some cookies later. thatās it. Heās 6ā1" and weighs 150 lbs. I asked if she thinks thatās enough and she says āoh yes, we donāt need moreā or āno, but itās fineā or āI know what I am doing and stop telling me I am wrongā.
Theyāve been anxious about his lack of muscle strength , but he eats nowhere near enough protein to regain any. Iām wondering how to get some authority figure involved, but even then, sheās just being so stubborn about everything I canāt see her changing (sheās very fond of mentioning that she is too old to change). Explaining things just makes her defensive. Sorry this is so long, itās been a day. or three. Or six.
@greenbutton ā itās so hard to try to get our elders to do the healthy things we want them to do for themselves. My mom needs some gentle coaxing but likes to please so she tries to cooperate. She tends to eat most of whatever is served and if we are all making a point of finishing our water or other beverage, she tries to as well.
I believe before she and dad went into the CCRC which had food for BLD, they were sometimes forgetting to eat meals and drink enough which of course caused dehydration and dizziness and other bad symptoms.
Is there a Meals on Wheels type program on their area?
