ps be careful with microwave- my mother’s friend, who is pretty with it, put tin foil in hers and started a fire!
Is anyone familiar with Sunrise Assisted Living? Pros/cons? Thx
It is a big chain - it is the place my father is in. I would think the price, level of service, etc. would vary quite a bit from location to location.
The one he is in has a separate memory care unit and allows for various levels of service depending upon your needs. Of course, the more care you need the more you pay.
My father has been at his place for several years now. He has his own room complete with bath and kitchenette (fridge, sink, microwave - no stove). They provide all meals (in dining hall or room if need be) and have a pretty full schedule of activities.
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We found the best source of information is caregivers. Even if they haven’t worked at a particular facility, they probably have friends who do. It’s quite a network! They are happy to share with you their thoughts. They don’t pull punches, ha.
Care can vary even from level to level within a facility. We have heard repeatedly that my dad’s place is excellent for independent living but pretty bad for assisted living. 
We heard about differing levels of quality in a lot of places we visited.
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When you tour facility, pay attention to names of the various caregivers. Later when tour person isn’t ‘monitoring’, you may be able to talk to other visitors (who have a resident in the facility) and also getting various impressions from talking to caregivers at different levels. The CNAs spend the most time with residential personal care, but also pay attention to the nursing care. Is the atmosphere a happy place? Perhaps stop in at activities’ time and see about that. Getting a monthly schedule (or maybe the facility has it on line). How attentive are they to dietary needs (may be down the road your family member is losing weight, or may need a specific diet).
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Also look to see if the caregivers call the residents by name and seem to know them.
Very helpful. I’m touring two facilities on Monday.
You really can’t judge a chain IMHO. I visited three Sunrises and they were all different. Also, I have noticed that (at least where I live) there is significant turnover in administration in some facilities and that can affect care.
I think the best marker of quality is retention of the hands-on caregivers. If they stay thru different directors, that means they are committed to the residents.
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My dad’s hematologist scheduled him for a 4-hr iron infusion next week; at a facility an hour away instead of the one in their town. My mom called and asked them to find out if they could move it to the closer hospital! We were so proud of her, and said so.
Dad’s being evaluated for mutiple myseloma, judging from the tests. Now that we can open his healthcare portal, everything is easier, and he/Mom seem less stressed . One office was hedging about telling me stuff and I said look, he’s had two strokes, a pacemaker, pulmonary fibrosis and can’t recall his doctor’s names. I just need to drive them to the right building, not change their meds. And the nurse said oh honey, I see what you mean.
Finally got the doctors to make it clear they don’t want him on Plavix, so preferred sibling took the bottle home with him. So now we wait on the blood test diagnosis. It’s a sign of where we are that I think cancer is not the worst outcome available here.
Good you are there (and ‘preferred’ sibling) to help guide your parents on your dad’s medical situation.
With some of our healthcare portals (with MD offices) I have found out that ‘not everything’ is there.
It sounds like the hematologist will sort out what is going on. Your dad may do very well with some regularly scheduled infusions and the medicine regime/care evaluation by monitoring hematologist/Oncologist.
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My personal choice is a local-based non-profit over a for-profit facility. (I do not know the Sunrise philosophy). We visited numerous places for my parents. Many of the for-profit facilities we toured had beautiful dining rooms, gorgeous hallways, numerous activity centers (small theatre, art rooms, etc.), even pubs – but I saw few residents using them!
My mom chose a far more humble non-profit facility (run by an ecumenical organization), and stated numerous times that she was happy with the choice.
That said, I’m sure it ultimately depends on the staff and leadership.
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Faith based facilities (which some are Catholic with a religious order super involved in care taking and administration) IMHO can provide some of the best type of care for resident needs and are more budget friendly.
I agree that many very upscale looking facilities can not only be very expensive (and have lots of physical areas that most residents never use) but the relative cost for care needs are high.
We have an Eastern Star home here. Has all levels of care including private homes surrounding the bigger building. It is not shiny new, but has a lot of amenities that make it popular. They host a car show every year so I’ve taken tours. One nice thing is that is has Episcopal services (Eastern Star is an Episcopal organization) but also offer Catholic Mass to its residents several times a week.
There is another christian organization that runs 7 or so facilities in the metro area and a few others in neighboring states. My friend works in their corporate office and we’ve used their meeting rooms for our organization. One near my house is great, has all levels of care, a beauty shop, cafeteria, food served in room, rides around town, etc. Another one we used for an event is like a ski lodge with a gorgeous stone lobby - dining room, movie theater, stage and acting room, store, card rooms, library. I don’t think the residents EVER run out of things to do.
I guess I belong on this thread now 
The past few months have seen my parents’ health decline dramatically. My mother had knee replacement surgery a month ago, and opted to recover/rehab as an outpatient, too afraid of getting covid in a rehab facility.
Their home is not very elderly-friendly (tall narrow staircase, shower/tub combo located on second floor, slippery marble floors in bathrooms and the foyer). They have always steadfastly stated they don’t ever intend to downsize or move to any sort of assisted living situation (or even just a one story house). I have lobbied unsuccessfully for years for them to make some modifications to their home (the very least was suggesting they put a shower stall in their downstairs bathroom this past summer when they were renovating it). They are forever dismissing my concerns.
Since being home she has fallen twice. The first time, my father seriously strained his back trying to get her up. The second time she fractured her hip. Well, first she refused medical treatment when the EMT came to help her up and insisted she was fine. She refused my suggestion the next day that she needed to get checked out and told me “I’m just bruised.” So, she walked around on a fractured hip for three days before the pain was bad enough that she decided to go the ER. She is currently admitted to the hospital while they determine whether surgery is going to be required.
My father is in reasonably good physical health, but seems to be falling apart cognitively under the strain.
Between the two of them, there is just a seemingly endless stream of poor decisions and avoidable catastrophes. I am exhausted by them. I am sad and depressed and, if I’m being honest, a little angry. I am only admitting that here, as I’m doing my best to just be supportive and compassionate and hope that they see the light and start considering options. It ain’t easy!
Thanks for letting me vent here.
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Is your mother being treated for osteoporosis? Just curious. Is it possible your father fractured a vertebra? How old are they? What a story!
Can they live downstairs? is there space for beds? Is full bath upstairs?
Mother will probably need rehab now and they won’t want to send her home to this situation.
Do you have proxy or Power of Attorney? You are probably going to have to intervene. Even without legal ability to do so, I know some people who just moved their parent(s) without their agreement. I honestly don’t know how because my mother has a personality more like your parents!
In my mother’s facility so many residents tell me “My kids made me.” They actually are quite happy after a few weeks.
Social workers may be able to get them to go to a facility without you having to do that. Of course that also depends on finances.
So sorry!
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. My dad was resistant for years. Once he finally moved, he admitted it was the right decision and he loves the facility he’s living in (it’s very nice!). I don’t think he even realizes how long he fought my sister and me on this.
I called Dad yesterday and he was with my sister at his condo on the Texas coast. That made me happy to hear! But then he said he needs to go in for surgery on April 11 - they are replacing about 17" of artery in his left leg. It’s a two- or three-hour operation, then he will be in the hospital for three to five days, followed by rehab. “No big deal,” he says. Yeah, right, we heard that with him AND my mom, and boy, were the doctors wrong. My sister can’t get off work that week because she’d already planned a trip this coming week, so I’m going to fly down to Austin, even though Dad doesn’t think I need to. I’ve always loved going “home” before, but now that my childhood home has been torn down and my sister is struggling with depression, it’s not a lot of fun. But since she asked me to come, I will. Dad turns 85 on April 25, so maybe we can have an early birthday party for him, before I leave.
This is a difficult time for them, and us. My mother has decided to move closer to me and I’m touring CCRCs this week. Patient thoughts to all
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I’m not sure if she’s being treated for osteoporosis. The latest news as of last night is that they now no longer believe there is a fracture (did x-ray and ct scan of hip and spine) are doing MRI this morning - thinking they are looking at a soft tissue injury?
Unfortunately, no. Full bath is upstairs. They had a downstairs half bath renovated this past summer and I begged them to put a shower stall in then, but…they did not do it. Back story here is that my mom broke her leg 4 years ago, spent 2 months in rehab and then “lived” downstairs in a rented hospital bed in the living room for a few more weeks. So, they certainly knew what was at stake. I don’t know why they (mostly my dad) resisted, but it was ridiculously short-sighted.
This is what I am hoping for. I did bring it up to both of them last night that I don’t think it is safe for her to go home, and it is too much for my father to care for her through this recovery. They seemed somewhat receptive to this.
No, I don’t have any of those things. 
This decline has happened so quickly that having a conversation about it prior to this seemed, at best, unnecessary, and at worst, would just have evoked outrage and defensiveness from them.
I’ve always only semi-jokingly said that I am giving my 3 kids a letter addressed to me that will say " Cinnamon, if all three kids are giving you this letter, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM!!"
Because my parents would not listen/make good decisions. We moved them from the midwest to my farm in the northeast under cover of the pandemic. My mother (with Alzheimers) still has not forgiven me.
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If you have siblings, you need to make sure stuff is in place because if one becomes too cognitively impaired then there is trouble getting stuff put into place. Sometimes one sibling is effective ‘getting through’ to a particular family member.
If no siblings, maybe your spouse, another relative, friend, clergy - someone that can influence mother.
How much can parents’ doctors and medical team be on board with helping get things in place so the parents’ continual decline will not be a huge set back for everyone on the team?
Does your local aging have someone that comes in and does a ‘safety check’ for free? They can make various recommendations - about throw rugs etc. that they see are fall risks.
My parents died in 1995 (dad at 64 of cancer) and mom died in 2010 (age 77 of dementia). Dad had everything structured to be in A/B trust for surviving spouse (A) and (B) spouse receiving revenues but owned by children - then the trust is dissolved at surviving spouse’s death. The problem? mom didn’t want to sign because she thought she was going to ‘lose control’. When my brother flew in (dad was near death) and found out the documents weren’t signed, he got the lawyers to get the paperwork ready for signatures (and he was very forceful - NOW - get to the hospital) – he told mom she would have all the money she needed and not lose anything, and she needed to sign the papers to have things work right. Dad was so weak that they had him sign the most important papers first. Signed on Wednesday and dad died on Friday. Mom’s decline with dementia was where she needed in home help some years after dad’s death and then dramatic decline just before she died. Other local brother helped get the help at home and kept all the properties going well/cash flow continued.