I guess you have more docs or hospital ‘aggressive’ treatment – not the case in my area.
Yes a blockage, they need to act.
The doctor says my dad might get out of rehab a week from now! The caregiver texted that he’s doing great, very competitive when PT has him playing some kind of game.
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My point was, even with hospice, “they need to act.” The doctors who gave me a choice between surgery and hospice did not seem to know that.
Without hospice, of course they need to act. Noone can die bearably with a GI blockage.
@compmom I admire how much you try. You never give up, even when you’re working so hard, and it seems impossible. You really deserve a major vacation!!
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awww same to you and everyone else on this forum dealing with difficuties…
I met with doc and we are testing anemia/iron again next Tues. and then more iron infusions (last ones were in January). I have been hoping my mother could have one more season in the sun.
There is a time when medicine prolongs suffering. We are not there yet, but close. These situations are so nuanced and decisions can be hard.
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Sometimes the constant decision making is much more draining than any of the physical work.
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I was exhausted after just one week of making decisions for Dad in the hospital. I do worry about my sister burning out when he eventually declines again.
GI did indeed call up Dad and talk about their plans on the phone, not having spoken with any of his other doctors. He has a hazy sense of they want to scope him some more; after a lot of pleading with Mom to allow me to contact their doctors, during which she was basically just keot saying “No, don’t you dare we will be fine” I acquiesed rather than agitate her.
This morning, preferred sibling cheerfully informed us all that he had “found” the pertinent details (I had texted those to my sibs,having retrieved them from Dad’s online docs in his medical portal) and Momhad asked him to call the doctors for her. And then she called me to say how dare I try to “make” siblings help find a housekeeper “don’t you think you can make me have one” and I just said well,okay, it’s totally up to you.
So I sat and told myself over and over “it’s not about your feelings, it’s not about your feelings”. On the bright side, at least sibs are all agreed that we need more info.
I found myself saying that a lot last week.
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Me too!
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So I sat and told myself over and over “it’s not about your feelings, it’s not about your feelings”.
Well I just want to say I want to honor your feelings @greenbutton, and MaineLonghorn, and deb922 and me and everyone else here. We are all trying to take good care of our parents, who are often difficult or even mean, which can be triggering for many reasons. Over a period of time it is harmful for us to just sort of stuff them down and move on. So here’s to at least acknowledging them.
I have done everything for my mother for quite a few years but my brother is the “favored” one so @greenbutton your post was certainly something I could relate to. These lifelong patterns continue regardless of who is doing the work. It can be hard and it is good to recognize.
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Thank you. When my dad is difficult I try to remind myself of everything he’s done for me so it’s my turn to help him. I’m sure I was a difficult teenager, after all.
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Following up on my earlier rants, my father was finally released from the rehab back to his assisted living yesterday, more than 5 weeks after he went there. Frankly, I don’t think he ever needed to be there.
I had to fight with people at the rehab all week long - social workers and the doctor. The doctor actually said to me “why are you in a rush for him to leave?” I told him my father wants to be in his home just like everybody else in the world. The social workers lied to me several times, misquoting what the nurses at his assisted living told them.
They were even deliberately miscounting the days of required isolation after his positive Covid test. The initial “he needs to isolate for 7-10 days”, became 10 days from the result day (not the testing day - which added a day), which they kept making 11 days (not including his first day in isolation.)
I am very happy that chapter is over. A separate rant is the fact that I didn’t even get so much as a thank you from my father for taking care of this for him.
Oh, gosh, lots of hugs. I can relate to everything you wrote (except in my dad’s case, it was people insisting on releasing him too soon). My dad didn’t say thanks, either.
I have two parents with dementia (different kinds). One always says thank you and expresses appreciation, the other rarely does (and is nasty to boot). It makes such a difference! (Although I know the lack of gratitude is out of my Mom’s control ).
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My friend’s dad was the nicest man I ever met, but dementia changed that. They had to put him in memory care when he started hitting his wife. Sometimes life is so unfair. Hugs to you, @cinnamon1212.
My mom has had dementia for years. Fortunately she is very nice and grateful to everyone. Dad was just exhausted and confused and angry. He was harder to help. Mom loves being with all of us.
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Unfortunately my mom, too, (despite being so nice before dementia) is the type who acts kind of nasty often and resentful and snippy, sometimes paranoid, etc. I also am always reminding myself it’s the disease. But I sure wish it manifested itself in a sweet, loopy way instead of a kind of mean way 
. It definitely makes it all hard. But as mentioned above, it also helps to remember how they were (and what they put up with with us! ).
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I just found out that one of my mom’s much younger friends, I believe she is around 74, is being moved to assisted living by her husband. She had early onset dementia and I believe the husband was not able to care for her as she needed. At least for the last year she has had full time help at home while he was at work. I am guessing things have progressed fast and he isn’t able to keep her safe at home any longer.
Husband is going to stay with her at the new place for the first couple of weeks to help get her settled. My guess is this is going to be much harder on him that her.
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My mom and my mil do not have dementia. Both have become much more argumentative and critical as they’ve become older.
My husband and I had my in laws to our house and we went out to dinner. We live about 1.5 hours away and my in laws don’t get out much so I thought it would be nice for them to have a change of scenery.
It was really a lot for them. My mil was feeling under the weather which we didn’t find out until she got to our house. So I know she was tired and out of sorts. But she made some extremely, very critical comments about the granddaughters, she has 2. My bil was there and he wasn’t happy, and neither was I. It was really uncalled for.
A long winded way to say that even when there’s no dementia, that elders can make some cutting comments. Sigh!
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