Even if it was just like “I don’t like it?”
Never. I did express my concerns about my younger daughter’s enthusiam for a career as an actor, however. Said daughter earned a BA in Theater, but – as my wife assured me – she always had a back-up plan and earned second BA. Where she ends up is still TBD, but I’m past worrying about whatever career she settles on. Whatever it is she will like, do well in, and will earn a decent living at it.
I have given advice some of which was followed, all of which has been accepted & acknowledged.
Oddly, some of my advice conflicts with boss’ advice. But I think that the boss wants to restrict mobility within the firm & industry as kid works in a highly specialized area which requires significant training & suffers from a dearth of available talent. As a result, I have become more aggressive in asserting & reasserting my advice because I do not want to see kid pigeonholed into such a narrow specialty practice. My advice focuses on degrees & licenses.
Yes. We were vehemently against our son joining the military and were quite vocal about it while he was a minor, but we are not against the work he will be doing in the military or whatever civilian career it eventually leads to. I am a bit sad, though, that the Army owns him for the next nine years, and I can tell that he is starting to feel the length of that commitment as he watches his high school friends now freely choosing where they want to work, live, etc. But, he doesn’t regret his choice and, at 22, he is an adult not a child, so our opinions are no longer relevant and we keep any criticism to ourselves. Even if we don’t fully understand his choice, we are proud of his accomplishments and of the depth of character and integrity we see in him.
No.
I’m not sure whether that’s because they didn’t have definite plans until late in college (after having chosen eminently suitable and sensible majors) or whether it’s because they made good choices and therefore there was nothing to criticize.
I did advise on little details, though. For example, when my daughter had a conflict with a first-round on-campus interview for a job, I suggested that she ask for a phone interview instead. The company said yes, and eventually they ended up hiring her.
Yes
My middle child has chosen a major and career path that is not an easy one for his natural abilities and frankly, I don’t see how it will make him content.
I spoke my mind, suggested various careers similar that also has traits in things that come a bit easier for him and told him we just want him both happy and financially stable. I don’t believe in trading happiness for money.
In the end, we’ll support him.
Not really. We’re another family that has an actor (getting her BFA in drama now.) She is a kid who has been on this path since childhood and could not and would not be able to consider anything else right now. She’s well aware of the difficult road ahead of her in her career of choice - the rest is up to her!
Yes. My kids wanted to be professional ballet dancers. I told them no. I would pay for all the lessons they wanted, but they had to go to college to get a different degree.
My younger kid wanted to practice law in the public sector. I was also very vocal about how it wouldn’t support the lifestyle she likes. It took few years of me saying it, but she has come around and realize how hard it would be to live on a public sector salary. I’ve made it clear that I was not subsidizing her. I know her aspiration and I think she has a plan on how to get there.
I questioned the wisdom of a Musical Theatre BFA for D’19 whose sole dance training consisted of Just Dance Wii games.
Yes. D21 is a natural singer. She has an outstanding voice. No training needed. Just like me at her age.
I did musical theater and sang in clubs for eight years before fully realizing that success in the theater was nearly impossible no matter how good I was. For every part, there were hundreds of people who could do it perfectly. I met people who had been on Broadway and then gone right back to the unemployment/auditioning line for years.
Growing up, I thought I was one of the best of the best…I didn’t realize that outstanding talent is actually common once you reach Chicago or NYC. The odds are never in your favor. And as a woman, if you haven’t hit major success by 30 or 35, it’s usually over. There’s little way to support a family or have any balance if you aren’t famous or wealthy. Employment is unpredictable and the competition is cutthroat. Not a friendly biz.
I don’t want that kind of life for my daughter. She needs a degree in something readily employable. She can sing all she wants in college and for fun. To try to make a career out of it though? No. She has major interests in certain academic areas, and I have encouraged those while emphasizing that if she wants to sing, she can do it on the side.
I wish I had been so guided at her age. I loved math and English, but wanted the constant applause so I chose theater. I wish my parents had made me realize at a young age just how run-of-the-mill great talent is once you step outside your little hometown. I would have been happy pursuing academia and could have skipped the years of scrounging in the couch cushions for change to buy peanut butter. Once I finally went to school for my BA, I fell in love with certain sciences and wished I had focused on them from the get-go.
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No. It hasn’t come up.
I will be working hard to bite my tongue if our kid decides to borrow heavily for grad school with less expensive options on the table.
Nah, we have let our kids follow their passions but have counseled S not to quit his day job with the fed govt as an EE, even tho he earns 2x as much in his part time gig. So far so good. D is also a starving artist, whom we support.
No. But somehow I have two practically-oriented children born to two parents who both studied literature. I have counseled my much, much younger sister against her chosen profession. Didn’t work and she’s an exploited adjunct with no health insurance. Sigh. Maybe unbeknownst to me, my kids heard the advice I gave her.
I like to think of it as honest career counseling from an objective source?
Boy, scary how many Musical Theatre/Drama parents have already commented. We haven’t criticized our daughters choice to get a BFA in Musical Theatre but we have definitely told her how hard it will be to succeed in that profession. We are pushing hard for her to get a minor, but we also know she is extremely employable and will find her own way in life one way or another. Actors make great salespeople…
Our DD briefly considered applying to conservatory for piano performance and composition. We (DH and I) would have fully supported that decision as she was a very accomplished pianist and composer from a very young age, and it was obviously a true love.
But, friends, neighbors, extended family started talking her out of it from the moment she verbalized her plans. It was horrible. People told her she’d be driving beaters, be poor, miserable, and living in our basement forever. DH and I tried to temper the messages of the nay sayers, and told her to follow her passion, but once the music teachers in her life started telling her that if she was equally as good at something else, to do that, it was totally over.
We always wonder would would have been if she had followed her heart instead of her mind…
Also a parent of a theatre major, but kid’s university sent multiple notices to those accepted into the theatre program that pay would be low, and illustrated that warning with pay per category (directors, writers, actors, etc.). Fortunately ended up as a triple major.
From a parent’s standpoint, it was healthy to let kid get theatre out of system.
I purchased this reference book, “Occupational Outlook Handbook,” and had my kids look at various careers that they may be interested in. I had no objections or concerns about the career path they both chose – for now, anyway, as things can change while they’re still in college – except for the cost and the difficulty of preparations to get there.
Yes, when S was in high school and adamant that he didn’t want to take the SAT in junior year because there was no way he was going to college, I decided it was time to find out just what he did want to do. He had no idea. He moved from a very good high school honor’s program into the local technical school because he didn’t want to do the homework necessary to keep good grades at the first school. He then refused to “major” in the fields that have high demand in our area (with matching pay)…HVAC and plumbing. Decided to take horticulture. He did well but he made it clear that he didn’t enjoy the work. So, fast forward to spring of senior year. Asked if he could live at home and start a seasonal landscaping company. No was the fast answer followed by three choices, all of which had to happen prior to Labor Day after hs graduation: 1) take full time classes at the community college and work a minimum of 20 hours and live at home 2) join the military, or 3) move out and get an apartment however he thought he could do that. He joined the Air Force and has done quite well. Now a software engineer working on the ICloud near DC.
We told our daughter she could major in whatever she wanted, so she picked photography and art history. We also said she’ll have to support herself after graduation, so she should think about that! She graduates a year from now. We’ll see…