I have never, and would never, say something like that to my child, or frankly, anyone else. Even if the comment is accurate, I don't find "woulda/coulda/shoulda" criticism helpful at all. I think people - even teens - know when they didn't give it their all. They then change their behavior - or not. It's up to them.
But, sometimes, not giving it one’s all just means that maybe it wasn’t meant to be anyway, and maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that there was a different result.
And maybe there were good reasons for not doing what it took to get to be “the best”…
And sometimes, people give it their all and it still does not work out as intended - so how does saying “You should’ve…” help, except to make that person feel worse for no good reason?
Besides, like I said before, getting into UMich is not exactly akin to slumming it.
OP’s parents could have paid lots of money for the Ivies, too… But OP did not get into the Ivies. And it sounds like OP is looking, and moving, forward with what’s been dealt… His parents need to do the same. Shaming and nagging and silent treatments won’t change what’s already happened. Parents need to wrap their head around what’s actually happening now - their child is at UMich, a very good and well-respected university, and is being responsible about moving forward with realistic goals.
The parents should be proud and beaming. But yes, I guess it is a matter of perspective.