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<p>Unless the student is considered financially independent in a financial aid sense, or has a full or near-full ride merit scholarship, the parents can control the student’s college education by withholding the money (or cooperation on financial aid forms) if the student does not comply. That holds regardless of the reason behind the parentally-imposed constraints (including if the reason is a noxious one like racism).</p>
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<p>I heard that line many times when I was a college student. It generally came from far-left non-white activists who held the most racist (or prejudiced or bigoted) views against white people (while calling every white person that they disagreed with “racist”).</p>
<p>Whether you call it “racism” or “prejudice” or “bigotry”, it is something that is undesirable in a diverse society (or any society, really).</p>
<p>My impression from reading the original post was that the Pakistani girl comes from a Muslim family and the convervative, pro-Muslim family would prefer that their D rooms with another muslim. I see it more as pro-Muslim rather than anti-Caucasian, but wording was probably changed from as the info passed from person to person before it made it to this post. Pro-Muslim family would probably be against D rooming with non-muslim, be it white, black, hispanic, or also asian. They are trying to shield and protect their religion and culture, which I understand and respect. But, if you insert pro-Jewish who wasn’t allowed to room with a white, black, hispanic, or also asian person, people would start getting upset and calling it narrowminded or racist, so I can see that there is a double standard going on.</p>
<p>Since they kids are selecting their roommates for soph (or higher) year, people can select roomies for all sorts of reasons. It would be more drama if the Pakistani girl was trying to change roommates during frosh year due to religion. Since it’s just a roommate selection, I don’t think that the white girl was crushed. It’s not like they still can’t be friends.</p>
<p>“Imo, the parents are clearly racist, but they are within their rights to be racist.”</p>
<p>I am not sure about that, but I would suggest that most members of the cultural majority in this country today don’t feel that way. Or if they do feel that way, they would not express it. I can only imagine the firestorm that would ensue if the situation were reversed.</p>
<p>This is only racism in a crudely reductivist sense; I think it’s really about the preservation of cultural values. One of my D’s best friends in HS was Chinese, and my D was basically the only American friend she had. The girls weren’t allowed to have sleep-overs, but friendship with my D was tolerated by the girl’s parents because my D didn’t party, didn’t date, and was serious about her schoolwork. D’s friend is now pre-med at an Ivy, living as an upperclassman with other Chinese girls.</p>
<p>I don’t see it as racist. The parents want their daughter to have all the support necessary to help her continue to live within their religious values system. A non-Muslim roommate exposes their daughter to violations of dietary laws, modesty laws, and the like.</p>
<p>It is no different than my not wanting my daughter, who needed a lot of study time and whose medical license could be denied for any history of legal issues, to room with her freshman year assigned roommate who kept alcohol in the room and frequently brought in guys in the wee hours of the morning.</p>
<p>Take the race out of it, look only at the values and religious practices differences. Parents would probably not mind a black or white Muslim roommate.</p>
<p>So, it’s ok for a Muslim to say they don’t want to live with a Caucasian but it’s not ok for a Caucasian to say I don’t want to live with a Muslim…makes sense…not.</p>
<p>"@harvest Are you suggesting schools should revamp diversity policies as such they benefit minorities bc a few of this group dislike the majority?
Srsly? Um, all of the people on these campuses are biased in some way. Every single person."</p>
<p>No, I am not suggesting that, especially since it is apparently the parents request and not the students. But some of the views on this thread do raise some interesting issues as to how much diversity is actually valued on college campuses. I don’t know how pervasive this attitude might be, and I would like to believe, as other posters have noted, that perhaps it is the “preservation of cultural values” and not a rejection of Western culture or thought. I think the whole purpose here is to encourage tolerance and peaceful co -existence among people who may not share similar beliefs or customs. </p>
<p>The vast majority of our college campuses are beautifully diverse. Further, these communities are created intentionally during the admissions process. I think that this diversity makes these instituions stronger and better places to receive a comprehensive education. But I will also say that this formula only works in practice if the various cultural groups are not self segregating. I do see a certain inequity in a university policy that encourages and actually rewards a diversified applicant pool, but then after gaining admission to that community, some refuse to participate in the acceptance of cultures other than their own. But then I suppose that might go both ways.</p>
<p>In any event this will be my last thought on the matter as I fear this thread is in danger of being shut down soon.</p>
<p>It’s not good to note racism in ways that could themselves be racist. A lot of “them” and “us” on this thread. Comments about domineering fathers, girls as possessions, sick culture, narrow-minded intolerance for diversity, how one should just walk out of the friendship, etc. It makes blanket assumptions- and I think, based on stereotypes. Us and them. I think even the gentle comments should be examined for this. </p>
<p>Yes, apparently the other family started this. No, it’s not good to summarily dismiss OP’s friend’s dau for being white. She may be a sweet gal. Nor would I dismiss the other gal for having her parents. Or assume the parents would be meddlesome or are angry isolationists. We don’t know they insulted the white gal, we don’t know if this is as simple as the Asian gal had several choices and the parents pushed for a same-culture match. But, oh my, are we inflamed.</p>
<p>Honestly, if it were my college kid, I’d say, “Honey, you will run into people with all sorts of preferences. You can’t control everything. If she’s your friend, if you are close enough that you thought of rooming together, you can still be friends.” </p>
<p>I don’t see that the other parents have made trouble for OP’s young friend, insulted her (we’re assuming, we’re feeling it; it hasn’t been stated) or denied the girls access to each other. Just the rooming part.</p>
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and to all those saying that this isn’t only being called racist, because it’s not the dominant race</p>
<p>we’re not talking about being contaminated by other cultures, we’re talking about keeping cultural influences present in the lives of minorities. two very different things. the dominant race is constantly surrounded by his/her culture. the minority race is not. therefore, the minority race has to take extra steps to keep both his/her original background and the dominant one in his/her life.</p>
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it does make sense. as a Muslim, I’ld be uncomfortable with a Caucasian friend bringing boys back to the dorm and things like that. I understand that her personal life is none of her business, but at that point, it would be affecting me as well. what would a Caucasian get upset about besides being racist? praying? fasting? those are all private things that don’t affect her.</p>
<p>in terms of this situation, some people need to stop assuming that the parents are oppresive and racist. in the end, the daughter is in college, which shows that she did choose to follow her parents in the end. I used to say things like “my parents don’t let me date” before I understood how it was coming off to others. yes, that’s true, but they’re not holding me against my will. saying “my parents didn’t allow me” is just the easiest way to say it without having to launch into a long explanation of why you’re not doing something.</p>
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thank you</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want my children to room with partying, non-studious, sex-in-the-room roommates. (For that matter, they don’t want that either, and they have chosen compatible roommates.) That’s not racist. There are students of all races and ethnicities who would share our values. Designating the desired racial/ethnic make-up of a roommate, on the other hand, is racist. It is seeing individuals as a stereotype of their ethnic group, whatever that is.</p>
<p>On the other hand, as lookingforward said, sometimes you just have to let things go. My friend’s daughter, a Christian, and her Muslim friend wanted to room together. They are both non-drinkers and conservative in their personal behavior. The parents of the other girl, although they accept the friendship, wouldn’t allow it and said that she had to room with a Muslim roommate. The girls shrugged, marked it up to overbearing parents 
, and remain friends.</p>
<p>stressedouttt – I just read your post. I understand wanting to maintain cultural values. I’m certainly all for maintaining moral values. (See above.) I completely agree on these points. However, your assumption that any “Caucasian friend” would be bringing boys back, etc., would be just as unfair as a Caucasian person assuming that a person of another race would act a certain way. That’s where you should look at the individual, not the ethnicity.</p>
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<p>From those who know, how do Muslim freshmen ensure that they are roomed with another Muslim?</p>
<p>Since this is a friend of a friend story, it seem best to me to discuss it as a hypothetical question: what do we think about a Pakistani parent who insists that her daughter must not room with a person of a different race? I think it’s a fair comment that the reactions to this question seem oddly reversed from those I tend to see when a conservative, fundamentalist Christian parent asks about the dangers of attending a “secular” school–there, the advice is typically that the student needs to be exposed to all sorts, to become more broad-minded, etc., etc. I don’t see why being a Muslim should insulate a person from the same comment. In my view, parents should avoid stereotyping others by race or religion–but perhaps it’s fair of them to try to encourage their kids to room with people who won’t drink all the time, use drugs, and use the room for orgies.</p>
<p>I think it’s more preservation of culture/ values. I’ve had Asian and African friends whose parents did not want me to befriend them at first. However, after their parents saw that my mom and I held their same values, friendships were encouraged. I could have written them off as racist, yes, but I would have massively misjudged.
But that’s me. <em>^▁^</em></p>
<p>Did someone mention self segregation? There are SO many more reasons for that. I can’t even begin.</p>
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It could be, or it could be raging racism. Who knows? This is why we have to discuss it in general terms.</p>
<p>I will note that when people want to preserve their culture by displaying the Confederate battle flag, most people don’t accept that explanation for their actions.</p>
<p>And plenty around us, of whatever backgrounds, are not intolerant. And many find cultural differences to be one of the riches of our county. Some are selectively tolerant. And, some are still driven by fears. </p>
<p>I just think it’s too easy to be defensive, come up will all sorts of reasons which sound logical or sensitive, but are still limited - and from that, to get aggressive about the others around us.</p>
<p>No mainstream person can truly imagine what non-mainstream go through. Some of it is rough, no question. But, I think both sides should examine their statements. And what their perspective truly is. Recognize their own trash-talk. Sorry. I’m outta here, for now.</p>
<p>How is that a culture, though?</p>
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You mean the Confederate battle flag? It’s a symbol of Southern heritage and pride, and shared history and sacrifice on the battlefield, etc., etc., etc. Others would describe it differently–something which can be done with a lot of other cultures.</p>
<p>If you want to preserve your culture in college, then by all means join or create a group dedicated to that purpose. I don’t see what picking your roommates has to do with that, though.</p>
<p>Doesnt take long for white Christians to take criticism in a situation they arent involved in. </p>
<p>It is reasonable for the parents not to want their daughter to show up on Girls Gone Wild, and if the school is going to mandate that students living in their housing then it is reasonable for the parents to request an accommodation where their student isnt exposed to boys sleeping over, drug and alcohol use etc. </p>
<p>Maybe they could have formulated the rule in an less offensive, racist way but perhaps its the best way they were able to articulate it. The best solution would have been for the parents to try to find other co-religionists they considered sufficiently devout before the semester and give the school names of kids to pair up.</p>
<p>@hunt </p>
<p>Ohhh, I see.</p>