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<p>I’m going to disagree with this as a generalization. Most, if not everyone, has felt different from the majority of others around them in some way during their lifetimes, and is well aware of how that feels. It is a valuable experience that helps develop empathy, tolerance, resilience, among other things, and can strengthen (or change) our principles. It is not all bad.</p>
<p>At many schools, the way room draw works for upperclassmen is that students find their own roommates for the next year. The school has nothing to do with it. So, if the school referred to by the OP were like this, it would be up to the girl to obey her parents’ requirements.</p>
<p>For freshmen, many schools make room assignments based on their own criteria–and they often try to mix kids up. They might take into account things like whether the kids prefers a quiet room or a more social environment. I don’t know about other schools, but at Yale, where my kids go, I think Yale would probably not agree to requests that freshmen be placed only with co-religionists–and they certainly wouldn’t agree to requests that freshmen only be placed with members of the same race.</p>
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<p>At many colleges, if two incoming freshmen both request each other as roommates, the college will honor the request.</p>
<p>In some instances, an incoming Muslim freshman may already know another incoming Muslim freshman of the same gender. All they have to do is request each other.</p>
<p>In other instances, they may find potential roommates through the campus Muslim organization or through Facebook. The moment the acceptances go out for a particular college, there’s intense activity on Facebook, some of which is devoted to seeking compatible roommates.</p>
<p>I have even seen threads here on CC, on the forums devoted to specific colleges, where students have sought appropriate roommates or tried to find people to switch housing placements after the assignments had been made.</p>
<p>It’s not overwhelmingly difficult.</p>
<p>I’m not comfortable with a lot of the responses here to a third-hand story about a family which practices a religion not typically found on these boards. We don’t KNOW that the family forbid the girl from rooming with a Caucasian, we DO know that the girl’s RELIGION is a driving factor, and that’s a whole different thing. For a Muslim, it’s not JUST “culture”, it’s RELIGION, dictates from their holy book and religious leaders driving their actions, as it would be with an Orthodox Jew. In this case, different races are also involved.</p>
<p>My older D went to a school where she was the minority as a Caucasian. One of her closest friends was a Muslim girl from Africa. While she had grown up in this country, there were certain things she simply did not do because of her Muslim religion. She did not wear the PE uniforms, because women are not to show that much skin in co-ed settings. She played tennis for the tennis team in her full long dress and head scarf. She did not eat at our house as we do not follow Muslim religious laws for cooking. My D, however, was always welcome at hers. She did not sleep at our house because there were constricts about spending the night in a home with unrelated men. And that was OK with us-we got it-she had the right to practice her religion. She followed these same rules at other, NON-WHITE friends’ homes. </p>
<p>So I’m not getting all the animosity at this family for wanting their D to be better able to follow the dictates of her faith. Wouldn’t we want our own kids to do so, if we had beliefs we held dear? My younger D has a very strong faith, in fact, and has some schools on her list that do not allow male guests in women’s rooms AT ALL, others with strict anti-drinking policies. She knows this going in and wonders about the student reviews who complain about the strictness.</p>
<p>We don’t know exactly what the parents in the OP REALLY said, or why, and we can only speculate about the college’s policies. Perhaps all these parents want is for their D to have one less thing to worry about in following her religious training-having to work around a girl who is of another faith. </p>
<p>That’s all it was for my D’s friend, who, BTW, is in college-but lives with a cousin of her same faith off campus. She and my D are still friends, still meet for coffee, and have plans to go kayaking sometime. And yes, she’ll do it in her long skirt and head scarf, and that’s OK with my daughter.</p>
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<p>However, not all Muslims are conservative with respect to that, and Muslims have varied opinions on many religion-related things.</p>
<p>Also, Caucasian people can be Muslim; consider the country of Azerbaijan, and the regions of northeast Turkey and northwest Iran.</p>
<p>If the parents actually did make such a rule, though, it isn’t justified, IMO. There are white Muslims and non-white non-Muslims.</p>
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<p>Please note that this is not allowed by the Terms of Service, and we delete such posts when we see them.</p>
<p>My personal opinion is: wait for it… who cares?</p>
<p>I don’t think I have to be “sensitive” to the “needs” of other cultures, or any of that rigamarole. What that generally means is that I have to tolerate their intolerance towards me.</p>
<p>I’m done with that.</p>
<p>I don’t think anybody needs to “do anything” about any of it. But I also don’t think I need to “understand” a culture which sees me, as a woman, as less than. Sorry. I’m sick of the politically correct stand on muslims. I have no more use for fundamentalist muslims than I do for fundamentalist christians.</p>
<p>I love being an American, mainly for the freedoms that women have here. But, I don’t like the manipulation of being told to be tolerant of those who practice sharia and would no more tolerate my life than they would tolerate the rights of a dog. Sorry. I think it is a huge misguided element of liberalism. and I am a liberal. But, first, I am a woman.</p>
<p>I don’t find these beliefs and practices any more attractive than I find Liberty University.</p>
<p>My grandmother didn’t fight for the vote and my mother didn’t march for civil rights so that I could meekly accept the belief that I or any other woman is incapable of making my own life choices. Sorry.</p>
<p>I think the “white” reference is what has clouded the issue. This family is free to seek out a proper roommate based upon whatever criteria they feel is important. We may not agree with the wisdom of it, so we are also free to express our opinions about it. </p>
<p>What is disappointing to me is the attitudes of some posters on this thread that associate Caucasians with sex, drinking, drugs, “sick” culture, Girls Gone Wild, etc. Are there really people who believe that Asians, Blacks, Latinos and others do not also engage in those activities? Do they not believe that there are Whites, Blacks and Latinos who do not engage in those activities? </p>
<p>I actually don’t really care one way or another what some people think of other races. How they treat them is all that matters.</p>
<p>“Racism” when Europeans and Pakistanis/north Indians share the same roots? Would an Indian Muslim be acceptable? Parents who are footing the bills do have power over their children. Parents who threaten ostracism also have power. I feel sorry for those who feel threatened by any views outside their own. If core values and/or beliefs can’t withstand exposure to contradictory views they certainly lack something. This applies to restrictive religions of any kind.</p>
<p>I think these parents are likely misinformed as to values of many, if not most, outside theirs. Their perceptions are not reality. Despite the reputation of wild college students most will not fit stereotypes. Most young people experiment with alternate selves, I would not be surprised at what some students do despite their strict upbringing, or because of it. </p>
<p>I don’t care what anyone else thinks- as with everyone else, MY beliefs/values are the correct ones (or I wouldn’t hold them). You are wrong, I am right. My world- welcome to it. Try to change me and I will try to change you. Contradictions exist- people pick and choose what seems to benefit them.</p>
<p>As you can tell I’ll never win an election, you don’t want me visiting your church or talking to your impressionable young people. My biggest problem is that I care too much about the injustices forced on others- you gotta brainwash them when they are young so they accept all sorts of inconsistencies.</p>
<p>End of sermon. Poetgrl said it well. btw- anyone else appreciate the spell checker- it wants to correct CC names, sigh.</p>
<p>It seems to me that most people in the United States would disapprove of a desire to only room with members of the same race if race was all there was to it. It gets a bit more murky when you bring in religion–there might be more arguments if the person’s religion involves practices that might conflict with others (i.e., dietary rules if the housing is an appartment). If it’s just culture, I don’t see it at all.</p>
<p>Um, maybe the parents want their daughter to room with an Asian (Pakistani) because they are from the same culture and probably religion. It may be easier for the daughter to stay true to her values and beliefs. Honestly, how many of you would be comfortable rooming with someone praying Islamically at five AM? I myself am Muslim, and I hope that my roomate(s) respect the fact that I have to pray 5x a day; furthermore, I know that they may think its weird. </p>
<p>I don’t think there is anything wrong with the parents wanting their daughter to room with another Asian. Its similar to people signing up for cultural theme programs, they want to live with people that share their culture/racial background. If I sign up for the African American theme program at a college next year, will that make me racist?</p>
<p>Also, if a Caucasian parents said that they did not want their daughter to room with me because I’m black, who cares? I would be happy to have her change rooms, because it would not be a good situation for either of us. If we were friends, then we can still be friends. We just would not live together.</p>
<p>Sent from my SGH-T589 using CC</p>
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I’d care, and I’m white. I would find this totally unacceptable. Why the reverse seems OK to some people I can’t quite understand.</p>
<p>And in Muslim cultures there are some who see the West as oppressive to their women. It is all perspective. </p>
<p>I, for one, am tired of tip toeing around liberals. We’re all sick of something.</p>
<p>@buttafly
I’d rather someone tell me up front my race or whatever makes them uncomfortable. Tis better than them hating me/me hating them for a whole year. I’ve had waaayy too many people be around me KNOWING they were prejudiced. Ugh. Feigned knowledge and appreciation of diversity are the worst.</p>
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<p>You could always try to … step on them! ;)</p>
<p><em>gasp</em>
So mean. D:</p>
<p>LOL</p>
<p>sseamom - I do not share your view that the scenario you paint is one of a healthy friendship. Seems your family is doing a lot of respecting and accommodating and there is zero coming back your way. Your family is learning a lot about another culture and their beliefs, but is that being reciprocated? I would say it is being flat out rejected. That is a one way street that I would prefer not to travel. There seems to be a lot of judgments underlying some of those rules.</p>
<p>For those whose cultural or religious practices are very different from the mainstream, I don’t see a huge issue in seeking a roommate with compatible habits, especially if they’re going to share a one-room double.</p>
<p>When I was in college, I had a suite-mate who was a religious Jew. Among other things, she observed the Sabbath, which means that she could not turn electric devices, including lights, on and off between sundown on Friday and sundown on Saturday. (She had a lamp in her room on an automatic timer to make this practical.)</p>
<p>This was not a problem because she had her own room. But if I had had to share a double with her, we would have driven each other nuts every weekend. Her timer might not have coincided with my schedule, and if I turned a light off (deliberately or accidentally), she would not have been able to turn it back on until the end of the Sabbath.</p>
<p>It may be that there are similar lifestyle issues for the young woman described by the OP. Some things are just very difficult to accommodate.</p>
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<p>I think what sseamom describes is just fine. The person or family with the more restrictive rules has to host most activities, and the other person has to be the guest. It doesn’t work out well the other way. This was my experience with the suite-mate I described above (who became my closest friend at college, by the way). We remained friends for many years after graduation, and throughout that time, she could invite me to her events, but I could not invite her to mine under most circumstances (although she did come to my wedding and didn’t eat anything while she was there). It didn’t feel unfair. It’s just what worked.</p>
<p>@hunt and I am not saying that I agree with it. I would be upset and hurt. However, as a black person, I am used to this and would not be surprised. </p>
<p>@alexis I definitely agree. Let me know! I can’t stand fake acceptance.
Sent from my SGH-T589 using CC</p>
<p>If it were being rejected, the Muslim family would not let her daughter into their home. Lol
Cooking practices and such…how is that rejection? Heck, as an SDA kid I couldn’t go over my friends homes for dinner bc they ate pork! As a vegan (not permanent), I can’t go out to many places with friends bc they’d be going to Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, etc.</p>