<p>Okay, so I'm moving to Irvine in September, which is about 9 hours from where I live now. I'm also the oldest, so the first to leave the nest. My mom didn't live with close family, moved into an apartment in college, and went to school in another country (she's not from the US), so she doesn't know about the schools in the states. My dad commuted from home the whole time. So neither of them know anything about living in a dorm or how to act about the fact that I'm going away. </p>
<p>In short, they're freaking. They don't know anything about living in dorms, moving out, or anything really about the typical college life. At random times during the day, they'll burst out with random things they've been worried about, and they say how they haven't been able to sleep because they've been worrying. They seem to have no faith in me and seem to think I'm going to succumb to every sort of temptation once I move out. Keep in mind that I've been good--I've never had a boyfriend (because I didn't want to, not because of their restrictions), never drank, smoked, gone to parties, any of that stuff. I know my beliefs and values and I plan not to compromise them even after I'm gone, but they seem to think I'll ruin the family reputation. It also seems to be affecting them that some people in our church are looking down on us now because I'm going to a public university rather than a private Christian college. </p>
<p>I don't really know what to do. I mean, I understand their worry for their first child, but not those about me being irresponsible. And it's all starting to get on my nerves. I've still got a month and a half before I leave, and I don't know how to deal. And I also don't want the fact that I'm going to a public "heathen" school (as some people in my church call it) to ruin their relationships with the people from our church we've known for a long time. Advice?</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s anything else you can do, then. Maybe talk to a family member or a trusted friend of the family who knows about colleges and ask them to talk to your parents?</p>
<p>Well, I’m an only child living in another country, so you can imagine how badly my mother was freaking out. I told her that I wouldn’t deal with her crap. Big improvement.</p>
<p>Ah, what a shame, I was going to say that if your parents work in a more public sector you can compare that with going to a public school, it would be harder for them to leverage the ‘heathen’ word in that situation, and might have given you a plan of attack when dealing with them. In this case, I’d just wait it out as RoxSox suggested.</p>
<p>StraightsJacket, I’ve gone to public school all my life, too. It seems I’m the only high school graduate from our church this year not going to a Christian college or the local community college. We’ve been trying to persuade our churchmates that I turned out alright even after public school for the past 13 years, and even that we’ve found a church for me to go to in Irvine, but no real effect…</p>
<p>Honey, even as a liberal adult, who’s been to college and grad school, did her share of partying and etc, and more, and survived, even had a great and productive life…I worry terribly about my kids, the influences and their decision-making.</p>
<p>Irvine, CA, btw, has a substantial number of Christians. If it matters to you, you’ll have many choices of big, friendly, conservative churches to go to. [edit: Now see you knew that. But, I mean, Irvine has a more obvious presence of Chritians than any other place I ever lived.]</p>
<p>Best thing is to let your parents share their concerns. Learn about the campus activities and share with them what you might join. Let them know about RAs, dorm rules (not that they always hold, but there are rules,) and campus security. Let them know you intend to call them regularly. And, that if there are wild parties, you and hundreds of others can head to the library. Try to allay their fears that you will be irresponsible with some info about how you intend to stay responsible. Each new concern they come up with, offer to take a look at your alternatives and then let them know. It’s hard for all of us to let out first ones go. I hope you do have a great experience.</p>
<p>So if they’ve been ok with you going to a public high school, why are they all upset now for college?</p>
<p>I went to a private, Catholic high school, and while many from there go on to private colleges, many go to public also, and most really don’t go to a Catholic college, and no one cares or has a problem with it.</p>
<p>iluvpiano, I think it might be the fact that I’m going to be on my own, and I think they believe all teens to be susceptible to “corruption.” It’s as if they believe that we can’t make good choices on our own if we don’t have a parent or other Christians to keep an eye on us.</p>
<p>Hauteclere, is there any way to avoid that? Because although I do want to keep in touch, I don’t really want them calling me all the time…I mean, I’m going far away for a reason…</p>
<p>However, if you go and you’re fine for a while (make good choices) and they notice that, they’ll likely drop that attitude or worry less if they see you can take care of yourself and not make stupid choices.</p>
D’you think having a sit-down with them and letting them vent would help?</p>