<p>I started this thread by mistake in the Parent Cafe, decided it should be here and then got busy on a project and promptly forgot about it.</p>
<p>W and I are children/college grads of the 1960s/70s. We were by no means radical anti-war, but, obviously, anti-war sentiments were the general consensus among early 1970s college students and we were in agreement with that. I had a very high draft number but the draft ended before I could be called, which took the heat off me individually. I would say we had a mistrust of the military and our civilian government, in particular Richard Milhous Nixon.</p>
<p>S now hopes to attend a US Service Academy. He wants to get an education and serve his country. W and I support him in his decision 100% - it is what he wants to do. Neither W nor I come from military families, although both fathers served in WWII.</p>
<p>We no longer feel the same way about the military that we did in the early 70s, but neither of us is thrilled with the current situation in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our child could end up in harms way, defending his country and us.</p>
<p>How do we reconcile these 30-40 year old feelings with S's situation? Has anyone else here on CC wandered down this road?</p>
<p>A couple of thoughts, though admittedly I’ve not wandered your road.</p>
<p>Our country will always have a military. Your s will get a great education at any of the academies. </p>
<p>I would also encourage you to get to know the parents on this board with children in the academies. From what I’ve read they all seem to be down to earth and would offer you some great words of wisdom.</p>
<p>Would you say your trust of the military and the US govt. has changed over the years?</p>
<p>Hi UMDAD, Has your S had this dream for a long time or is it a recent decision?
It’s good that you are supporting him 100% rather than trying to talk him out of it due to your own misgivings. Is it the thought of him being deployed to the Middle East what is bothering you the most or is there something else?</p>
<p>Our S commissioned (NROTC) last May. He has wanted to be in the military as long as I can remember. So we have been pretty reconciled to it for awhile. There comes a point when you have to tell yourself…it’s his life,his decision…and be proud of him even if you’re quaking in your boots at the thought of what lies ahead. </p>
<p>There are many positives to military service. Have you ever read any postings on the SA forum here on CC (you have to look under the “colleges” heading)?</p>
<p>Maybe your child recognizes that having a strong military is actually a Pro-peace strategy. Our country is less likely to be invaded or attacted if possible aggressors know what they’d be up against.</p>
<p>The same holds for domestic safety and security. The more highly trained police that are around, the less crime there is. I was in NYC during a high security alert. There were armed guards EVERYONE. I bet no one dared to even shop-lift that day. lol</p>
<p>Are you against police or security guards? Don’t you think a robber thinks twice before going in to rob a bank if he sees there’s an armed guard already in place?</p>
<p>And…BTW…I don’t know what your child’s major will be, but his choice of major (and what branch of the military he’s in) will largely determine whether he’s ever in harm’s way. And, if you’re worried about your child defending your country for you and yours…then whose child do you think should do that? hmmm.</p>
<p>If he attends West Point, the Naval Academy, or the Air Force Academy, is is very likely he will be near combat action – if we are at war when he finishes school – no matter what his major is. Even some of the Coast Guard has been sent to combat areas.</p>
<p>However, he will receive a top notch education at the taxpayers expense. And…if he decides not to make the military a life long career, almost every large employer (and some smaller ones) will bid for him to come work for them.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to be admitted, and the life of a student in a military academy is not like the “typical” college life we experienced or might imagine for our children – but…for those inclined toward a service academy, it’s a phenomenal experience.</p>
<p>I know this post doesn’t really help the OP with the conflict of feelings about the military 40 years ago and now. But the attitudes of kids growing up with vivid recent memories of 9/11 and what’s gone on since are much different than those of us who came of age in the '60’s and 70’s.</p>
<p>UMDAD - I’m guessing we’re of the same generation. I drew #24 and never regretted serving even though I shared your deep mistrust of RMN. The way I see it, there’s country, and there are politicians. Your S has chosen to serve the former, and I applaud him for that.</p>
<p>PS, I’m sure my parents were very worried when I shipped out. But they never let on … a discipline I appreciate more with each passing year.</p>
<p>Several years ago I worked with a woman who had graduated from West Point. She had lived in a tent in Iraq during the first Iraq war, and had married a fellow graduate of West Point. If they are representative of West Point grads, then we as a country are indeed very lucky. They both were among the finest people I have ever met. My coworker could inspire the other workers to do their jobs well, and always understood the “mission” of the business. I would jump at the chance to hire another grad of such an institution. Eventually a transfer moved them away from us, but we were indeed lucky to have had such friends.</p>
<p>Of course this is difficult for you if your son has to go overseas at some point, but none of us knows how long we will live, and most soldiers do come home (thank God). I wish your family the best of luck.</p>
<p>you trust THIS guy, then? and thought well of tiger, too? time wounds all heels.<br>
hope your s sits this one out - as you did back in the day.</p>
<p>One of my daughter’s friends came from an old-line Quaker family and was educated entirely at Quaker schools. It shocked the heck out of everyone, starting with his parents, when he started talking about applying to a service academy at the beginning of his senior year in high school. Most people, including his close friends, didn’t really believe he was going to go through with it until he accepted an appointment to the Naval Academy.</p>
<p>He had a great experience there. It might be too much to say that his (very left-wing, very Quaker) parents were ever completely comfortable with it, but they absolutely respected the quality of character that he and his classmates displayed, the rigor and quality of the academics, and the rigor and quality of the moral education he was receiving. Of course, he hadn’t dropped THAT far from the tree, and he was probably one of the most politically liberal members of his Annapolis class, but he found a surprising number of kindred spirits among the students and among the faculty. In the end, I think his parents came to believe that the political and philosophical distance between what they believed and what the Naval officer corps believed was a lot less than they had ever imagined.</p>
<p>I haven’t seen either of them recently, so I don’t know where he is serving now. I know they are very proud of him, and somewhat in awe, too. (He was not someone who showed much seriousness of purpose before age 17. More just your all-round, cute, athletic, smart-enough, bass-playing-in-funk-band kid. Now he’s a lot more than that.)</p>
<p>But they were perfectly happy when their next child opted for Williams, too.</p>
<p>H is a West Point grad. I joke that I am the one at the WP class reunions with the duct tape over my mouth because I am a big liberal. However I am very supportive and appreciative of all of our men and women in the military.</p>
<p>Seriously, the education is top notch and I would support either of my kids if they chose this route.</p>
<p>As you might suspect I know several grads and on the whole they are truly a wonderful bunch of people.</p>
<p>It’s good you are supporting your child in his choice. I would find it difficult. I have always told my kids not to join the military because they would have to give up their civil rights, and they had a perfect example of a cousin who almost graduated from the Naval Academy. He was falsely accused by a fellow classmate of a violation, and the way he was treated left him and his very pro-navy family bitter and disillusioned. To me, it’s not being in harm’s way, but having someone else in control of your life that I have a hard time with.</p>
<p>In our family, H is about as anti-war as you can get.</p>
<p>We both were very upset when S decided to join ROTC (as a junior in college). However, we got over it, realizing that he was joining because it was something he needed to do. He really wanted to serve his country , and he didn’t want to sit on the sidelines without contributing to the security of this country.</p>
<p>He is now in an active combat zone. He is working as an officer in intelligence and has done some heroic things over the past few months. </p>
<p>This is an amazing experience for him. He will not make the military a career, but at least he had a plan, and executed it. It was not our plan, it was his. His military experience has already helped him mature very quickly, and better appreciate some things he took for granted before. He is actually now better able to understand the perils of war, and is much more in favor of negotiated compromise rather than combat. He understands that the military is now listening to some of the young educated leaders, and that they can impact the face of the military in a positive way. </p>
<p>We still do not support the war, but we do support him. He has shown that he is a man of true character, and we are very proud of him for that.</p>
<p>I don’t have a child in the service (congrats and best wishes to those of you that do) but in the 70s I met my husband, who had volunteered for 4 years USAF while the Vietnam war raged. It took me a while to understand that. Then after graduation we both worked for defense contractors, where all day every day we directly contributed to the ‘defense machine’. I’m over conflicted feelings now, mainly because I believe that without a strong defense America would eventually cease to exist - somebody would come and take over - and ours is the best system offering the best freedoms in the world. Diplomacy is important but some people won’t respond to that. Someday?</p>
<p>My experience is that the majority of parents with kids at Service Academies have no military experience themselves having come of age in the 70s at a time when few considered military service. In contrast, these are truly great kids who make our generation look like a bunch of half-wasted, cynical, self-centered cry babies.</p>
<p>As a parent, it is natural to worry about your child’s safety. While the military can be an inherently risky business, the US military puts forth a TREMENDOUS effort to keep its personnel safe.</p>
<p>If there is something else bothering you, let us know. I’ve heard a lot of rumors and stories about the military…some true, some false, and some just crazy! While I can’t speek to every story, I can give a decent analysis of some of them.</p>
<p>Interesting to find so many others of my generation who follow my dislike of things military. I disagree with post #14, especially the disparaging comment. </p>
<p>There is a huge difference today- no draft. My father is favorable to 3 of his granchildren being in various branches of the military (mostly straight out of HS) whereas my brother-their father and I are not happy (their mother has siblings who were in the enlisted ranks). One of the kids (the D) used the military to help fund college. One didn’t get into college and joined, left when his time was up. The third had it as a goal but since has become disillusioned. I don’t think this generation has the same sense of horror generated by the death count and political events seen in the Vietnam War or the draft.</p>
<p>Good luck to the OP- remember to love your son even if you don’t always agree with his decisions.</p>
<p>My undergrad school was one of the centers of anti-military, anti-Vietnam involvement, mostly before my time. It still has that kind of reputation, and a great deal of anti-war activism. </p>
<p>A few years after the start of the Iraq war, the alumni magazine did a feature profile on an alum serving in Iraq. He was heading up reconstruction efforts, building infrastructure, winning hearts and minds, training Iraqis to manage power plants and schools. He was tremendously enthused about his work and the good that it was doing. If you’d swapped around some locations and details, the profile read pretty much like a piece about someone working in the field for an NGO or even the Peace Corps. This particular officer’s story isn’t unique; I’ve heard other similar stories about other officers and enlisted men and women who enter the military to do this kind of service. It’s done a lot to make my own view of the military more nuanced. I’m sure I wasn’t the only alum with that kind of reaction.</p>
<p>We had Life Magazine with pictures of the Kent State shootings, and the photos of the faces of the servicemen lost, and others depicting the truth of war, that it’s a terrible and ugly thing. </p>
<p>In contrast, these kids sat through the televised horror of 9/11, the event that defines their generation, and as a group they seem to be as selfless and inspiring as their grandparents. Not since the the 1940’s have we asked so much of a generation, not only militarily, but economically. And they do so without protest.</p>
<p>You might want to read the memoir of Nathaniel Fick–sorry, I can’t recall the title–who is a Dartmouth grad who chose to become a marine officer a year or so before 9/11.</p>
<p>To me, the big problem with being in the military is not that one will end up in harm’s way defending the US, but that one will end up in harm’s way as a pawn of the military industrial complex or other cynical interests</p>
<p>*My experience is that the majority of parents with kids at Service Academies have no military experience themselves having come of age in the 70s at a time when few considered military service. In contrast, these are truly great kids who make our generation look like a bunch of half-wasted, cynical, self-centered cry babies. *</p>
<p>Yes, this is true in some cases. Sorry to the above person who found this quote upsetting. But if the shoe doesn’t fit you, you don’t have to try it on. The shoe will fit some.</p>