<p>Both of my parents really want me to stay at home and commute to University of Portland; a school that I applied to but I don't want to. So the situation is that I want to get out, to grow up, and just out from under the wings of my parents. I love them both, and wouldn't HATE to commute, but it would just feel like an expensive high school. I guess the reason my parents want me to stay around is becuase they have always had a certain life planned out in which I would always be around and near by. My parents will help (financially) at any school but both are really encouraging me to go to UPortland. I sometimes don't know how to explain this them to them because neither of them went to college so they take it the wrong way. Then when I tell them that I want to go to a better school they hit me with the, "Is everyone that goes to UPortland dumb, or not as smart as you. You make your education, not the the school." I know I will get mixed responses from people, but what's your advice?</p>
<p>I can see why the "better school" route may have rubbed your parents the wrong way. Having lived at home all your life, you may want to express a strong interest in experiencing life outside of Portland...living in another part of the country and meeting new people. Also, this will provide you an opportunity to mature and take responsibility for yourself in terms of daily living. After all, an education goes beyond the classroom...good luck!</p>
<p>I wouldn't want to commute to a college my freshman year because access to libraries, lectures and other events would be restricted by the time I would need to take driving and parking.</p>
<p>On the other hand, it might be considerably cheaper for your parents to let you keep your room and to feed you two meals a day than to shell out 8-13,000 for room and board. Maybe you need to talk to them about money one more time and make sure that that isn't what is concerning them.</p>
<p>You might try to explain to your parents that commuting takes time and energy away from studying. Commuters never feel like part of the college the way residential students do. The hard line is that "many students do it", but it is not ideal. Maybe living on campus at U of Oregon would be a possible comprimise...close enough to come home once in a while.</p>
<p>Do talk to your parents about the money. They might not want or be able to spend the money and don't want to admit it.</p>
<p>Well money is and is not that big of a deal. My father started another business last a few years ago and if the company performs even half as well as expected my parents could easily shell out that extra cost. Without it, they could pay for a probably 70 percent of the cost and the rest would become loans for me to pay off upon graduation. And honestly, I want to get the "college experience" as every college graduate, however that is not something easily explained. They see living in dorms as a way to have fun, and they don't want me having fun on "their money." Furthermore, in a tour of the college my parents don't understand quite why I would want to live in a dorm. My bedroom is about twice the size of the dorms and is already wired with high speed internet. However, I guess I will just pick a diff. college come April.</p>
<p>You really do need to let them know that an 'away' college experience is really a nice protected way to expand your horizons in a structured and suppored way. You might be eager to get back to Portland in the end, who knows? And you'll have lots of breaks to come home. Maybe pledge to spend summers at home? Commuting is not the best thing to do. It's important to focus your energy and turn to the college community and participate in it and contribute, and being at home really detracts from this. Also detracts from impromptu study groups and late nights at the library. College needs to be a mix of hard study relieved by some fun. Are you prone to partying or is there some reason they don't trust you? </p>
<p>I'd try to sell them of the advantages.</p>
<p>You also could offer to take out some loans to help pay for your dorm costs. Your willingness to help foot the bill would also help illustrate to your parents that you are not just trying to get them to pay for you to have "fun." Since you say that $ isn't a problem for your parents, you might be able to negotiate with them that if you get a "B" average, they'd pay off your loan.</p>
<p>I don't know if I mentioned I'm Romanian yet. That might have something to do with it because most Romanian families in Portland are pretty tight knit. For example, my cousin Laura got married like 5 years ago. Her mother, my aunt, babysits her grandchildren almost every day. My other cousin, Amy, Laura's sister, wed three years ago. Just as you might expect, my aunt babysits her children too. And this whole family will spend a lot of time together during the course of the week. This is true for most Romanian families. And finally, no Romanian is really smart enough or tries hard enough to go to a four-year University, other than Portland State University. So it was kind of a surprise when I told my parents that I was really interested in Emory, Pepperdine, and Emory (Oxford) because very very Romanian families have to deal with their children going off somewhere to college. In fact, I've spoken to a lot of Romanian friends who want to go to Portland State because they don't want to leave Portland, and they want to stay close to their family so they can get $ from their parents. So, I'm guessing there has got to be a cultural connection in there somewhere.</p>
<p>Hi Romo ... good luck with this ... maybe there is another way to have your parents hear your side without them thinking of your leaving. Do you have friends from school that your parents really like who have gone off to college (or will leave for college next year)? Maybe if they were at your house watching TV or something the conversation could flow into college and they could explain why they are headed off to school ... this might let your parents think about this without the emotion of your leaving included.</p>
<p>wait this is not a dear gradnma forum, jeez guys grow up and make your own decisions!!! Seriously look who you are asking!!</p>
<p>I am fool! I though maybe someone in this forum went through this already, and could offer good advice (which they have).</p>
<p>Romo1</p>
<p>I'm romanian as well (not that it makes a difference) and I do have to say that I know several really, really smart romanians in my community who went to the best schools :)</p>
<p>I do have to say, that while I don't have any specific advice, I think that you should really, really focus on trying to get away. I commute from home to my university and I hate it. It wastes my time (1.5 hours everyday) and also has made me always feel like an outsider. I've done my best to get invovled, but then get lip for being late and missing dinner. It's been a constant stress and disappointment in my life that I wasn't allowed to go away for school and as crazy as it seems, it's something that I really resent and feel like I've been cheated. Please, arm yourself with information about loans and how to pay for things and do your best to follow your dreams!</p>
<p>Romo1, try contacting Mike Costache or someone else associated with the Romanian American Professionals Network (RAPN).</p>
<p>This website states that Mr. Costache holds a degree in Economics from Pepperdine University and a Certificate in Arbitration, Mediation and Negotiation from Pepperdines School of Law. He is a member of Pepperdine's Alumni Board of Directors and Pepperdines Alumni Career Advisory Council. </p>
<p><a href="mailto:Mike.Costache@rapn.org">Mike.Costache@rapn.org</a></p>
<p>Romanian American Professionals Network (RAPN)
P.O. BOX 1701
Manhattan Beach, CA 90267 </p>
<p><a href="mailto:info@rapn.org">info@rapn.org</a><a href="818">/email</a> 519-7061</p>
<p>Not only might someone from RAPN provide advice from a cultural perspective about how to deal with your parents, but you may develop some serious contacts for future reference (i.e. mentors, internships, etc.)</p>
<p>I only glanced at this website. You can check it out in detail.</p>
<p>Also, search each college website to see if there are any Romanian student support groups that might advise you on how to deal with family issues.
There may already be a Romanian student organization on campus that can provide advice, moral support, etc. With their assistance, you may be able to prove to your parents that there is an extended Romanian family at Pepperdine, Emory, etc. just waiting for you to come!</p>
<p>I agree with you...it is very important to venture out away from the safety and security of family in Portland and experience college life, even if you decide to "come home" in a year or two.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>