<p>Hi everyone,
Although this is my first post on CC, I have browsed this website for a very long time now whenever I had a question or needed help referring to my college process. Now though, I feel like I am in a very unique situation of my own and needed to post my own story to get personal help, so here I am.
First off, let me start by apologizing if this ends up being the longest post you've ever seen or read on this website, because it definitely has to potential to be - I may ramble, but it's because I have been so lost and confused about my entire college life and experience that I just need to get it all out there and get some help with it all. Secondly, if I am posting this in the wrong place on the website I am sorry, but I want as many people to see this as possible so that I can get a wide array of thoughts and opinions. Now, let me give you a rundown of my life in the past few months so that you can understand what I have been dealing with.
I'm not sure if this is relevant now or not, but these were my high school credentials:
-SAT: 630 Reading, 730 Math, 660 Writing
-ACT: 32 Composite
-South Carolina GPA (I'm from South Carolina): 3.967, graduated 69th out of 461 students in my class
-The only B I had senior year was an 88 in an IB course, everything else was all A's and I only had an average below 98 in one class (I did not take the easy route and sign up for all electives either)
-I was also captain of a sport and was in another club, just to have a well-rounded profile for colleges.
During the fall of my senior year, I took a visit to the University of South Carolina and applied there shortly afterwards. Unfortunately, right after this my grandmother got very sick and passed away only 2 months later, and a lot of time, effort, and money was spent on her during this time. This caused me to miss out on applying and visiting anywhere else, as I had neither the time or money to devote towards visits and applications before college deadlines approached. So, the plan was to go to USC and major in sports management. However, I had a very uneasy feeling about going and felt like I didn't belong there, because I had figured out that I really wanted to major in architecture, my original career choice that I had stuck with most of my life until being accepted to USC. At USC's orientation, I explained that I wanted to leave and go to school elsewhere, and they obliged.
In mid-June, I emailed President Barker at Clemson University and explained my situation, as Clemson is the only school in South Carolina with an architecture major. He was wonderful, and got me in touch with the right people and allowed me to apply. Keep in mind, this was mid-June, over a month past Clemson's final application date. On June 30th, I received my acceptance letter into the school of architecture and could not have been happier, and looking back now having known how selective Clemson is with that program, I could not have been any luckier. I went to orientation in July, moved in on August 20th, and that was where things began to fall apart.
Once I got moved in, several things started happening all at once that made things terrible. For one, I lived in an almost empty upperclassmen and transfer building, and I did not have a roommate. This made it extremely hard to meet people and make connections, as the few people on my hall were never there and partied a lot, so most of my time (and meals) were spent alone. I have always had a hard time making friends, and I only had one friend also going to Clemson - when we got there, she instantly made tons of new friends and kind of left me behind, which really threw me off and blindsided me because we were pretty close. Despite my concerted effort to be outgoing and make new friends to surround myself with, I was not successful. It was here, being alone, that I think I began to become depressed, and in a week I had lost almost 10 pounds and was only averaging 2-3 hours of sleep a night. I decided to take a visit home to see my family the first weekend, and I was confronted with more issues - my parents told me that their relationship was not doing well at all, and I knew that if they divorced their split income would not cover my costs at Clemson, which were still almost 1700 dollars a month after applying my grants, scholarships, and loans. This all became compounded and on August 31st, I withdrew from Clemson after having two days of sessions speaking with counselors and therapists at the university, 11 days after arriving.
As of now, I am enrolled at a technical college at home, and I really do miss Clemson, regardless of being alone there, because I am mostly alone at home too with my parents working and most people away at college. This has gotten to the point where I don't even like Saturdays because I don't want to turn the Clemson football games on, as it only makes me feel worse. I feel bad for wasting President Barker's kindness and time at Clemson, who could not have treated me better. This is where my emotions and confusion kicks in, causing a dilemma - first off, was I even justified in making the decision to leave? Was that the right call, or did I really make a huge mistake? Secondly, I need to transfer from my technical college to obtain a higher degree, and would prefer to do so ASAP, but should I go back to Clemson? Will they even allow me to do so? Taking architecture courses at my technical college is not an option, so I would be a semester behind - could I catch back up? How long would I have to wait to transfer? Or would I fall under the category of a readmission? Also, how can I explain all of this to my parents? They have no experience with college at all, and right now this is all they are looking at:
-I've been enrolled at 3 colleges already, and I just graduated high school in June
-Wasted Money: $400 in textbooks, $200 housing cancellation fee at USC, $150 for USC orientation, $300 for Clemson orientation, $300 non-refund on Clemson tuition, $3000 laptop, and all of the miscellaneous expenses on college supplies and dorm accessories.
-And after all of this, I'm still at home living with them.
All of these things are continuously running through my mind. I know this website has parents, high school students, undergraduate and graduate students from all over the country, and I am just looking for some sort of reasoning and help to make sense of all of this, and I would be so grateful for you help. Please.</p>
<p>ji1993 – you have been through a lot! I read through your post. This is what I think: you made a good save getting into Clemson if your goal is indeed to study architecture, but it sounds like you weren’t able to settle in socially at all, which means a potentially good school for you didn’t feel like a good school at all. You are smart to listen to your feelings. Listen to your dissatisfaction – don’t ignore it. But could you be happy at Clemson if you returned? I don’t know – you’d have to a) see about getting into a dorm with freshman and b) have a roommate. And it sounds like the lack of sleep just made you feel more down. I told D (college freshman) – tired and sad are cousins. The less sleep you get, the worse you feel. Which touches on your other point – how do you know if you’re seeing things clearly? You don’t always. But if (after you catch up on sleep) you do your own pros/cons chart, and you run it by a few people who know you (teachers, friends), your own path will become a little clearer. Or at least, you’ll know what you don’t want to do.
The parental thing is a HUGE stressor for you at this time (and it’s probably no day at the beach for them either). You need to just…chill. Take this semester very easy. My gut tells me that you should: consider re-entry at Clemson, but also look at other schools where perhaps you might be happier. You shouldn’t suffer through a school you don’t sync with just because they have the major you want. And FWIW, your choice of major might change.
I don’t know if I responded to all your questions, but hang in there. It seems like a big loss of time and money, but believe me – we have all done the same and more – and it works out.</p>
<p>Classof2015 - Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my entire lengthy post, I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to because it was so long. I really appreciate what you said, and you’re right - I really do think that having a lack of sleep was not helping with my situation, because now that I have been home almost a month I really feel like going back again. However, I am afraid of a repeat performance…despite that, the teachers at Clemson were great, the campus is beautiful, and the atmosphere is very nice, along with the fact that Clemson is a very well-respected school as far as getting a degree goes. I am just worried about the social aspect - honestly, I feel like if I would have just had one friend to accompany me or if my friend that was there had not ditched me the way she did, kind of in a ‘i’m done with this, fend for yourself’ way, I probably would have been alright…it’s just extremely hard to make connections and friendships for me out of nowhere, without having some kind of common ground, like I could have had with a roommate because at least we would have been living together. I am also worried about falling behind at Clemson, because I do still want to graduate and obtain my degree when it was originally planned…do you think I should try to reapply immediately, as in next semester? Or should I take the rest of this year at my technical college and ‘press the reset button’ next year?</p>
<p>OP, you are a terrific student — but you kinda suck at the “making friends” stuff. </p>
<p>Lighten up. You’ve learned a lot about yourself in the past year. Here’s what you’ve learned:</p>
<p>1) You like Clemson
2) You’re interested in architecture
3) You’d like to have a roommate
4) You don’t like to eat alone
5) While you had normal homesickness, now you are finding that you don’t want to stay in your hometown at the tech college.
6) You know how to reach out and get help (those meetings with university staff and that original bold letter to the Clemson president). </p>
<p>That is a lot to learn about yourself in a short period of time. I don’t think you “wasted” money – you learned a ton – and that computer will come in handy, no matter what. </p>
<p>I’d say work like crazy this term at the technical college. Work, not just at the coursework (which you have the skills to do) but also at the “how do I make pals” stuff. </p>
<p>Look at it this way: You are on home turf for this term and you can try as much weird and stupid stuff as you want and no one will be able to remind you of this once you get back to Clemson. Try ballet. Try yoga. Try intramural softball. Try a choral group. Join a religious group (try several flavors). Try cooking classes. </p>
<p>None of this has to be expensive. You can buy a Chinese/Thai/Indian/Mexican cookbook or a “how to” book and put up a sign at the student center that says “Greenhorn about to learn to cook/knit/macrame/play poker/juggle/play harmonica. Come join me on Wednesday evenings in Student Union room 2B and we’ll have some laughs.” On the nights no one shows, lay out your “how to” book and play some harmonica or juggle. </p>
<p>Please know that a January arrival back at Clemson might be tougher than waiting until next fall. It is do-able, but lots of folks already have their friendship set by January – at the same time, I promise you, there are students at Clemson who, right now, are lonely and would really, really, really appreciate a loyal friend. </p>
<p>I have moved many, many times. I expect that it will take six to nine months to make a good friend in a new location. It takes time. You have to be willing to fish and keep on fishing until you “land” a trophy pal. </p>
<p>I think you are so good at being a student that you’ve forgotten how hard it is to learn a new skill when you don’t have a natural talent for that skill (or you may have a talent, it’s just not developed yet). </p>
<p>Exercise helps. So does being in a green space (walk in the park!). Both of those can help with sleep aspects. </p>
<p>What would you say to a new student who showed up in a high school senior orchestra class with her new flute or violin (and no experience) and then was frustrated that she couldn’t play the same music as the other seniors? You’d say “For pete’s sake! Lighten up! Everyone else is ahead of you on this! You can get there, but you’ve got to spend some time building up this skill set!”</p>
<p>All you have done, so far, is stumble a bit. The first step from here is to pick yourself off the floor and quit kicking yourself for having stumbled. </p>
<p>Please. Build the “This is how I find my people” skill set and go back to Clemson. It’s a great school and you’ll love it once you’ve got the right skill set going with you. Good luck!</p>
<p>Olymom - Thanks so much for your insight! It is greatly appreciated, and I agree, I do suck at the whole making friends and meeting new people thing. It has been that way since the end of middle school - the people in high school I hung out with and were close to I met in middle school…ironically, with the exception of my friend who pulled the fast one on me at Clemson, haha. I am also aware that I strive to succeed and do what I can to get what I want, i.e. the email to Clemson’s president. However, I do need to improve in the social area, and I really want to, because I am aware that it is necessary to lead a fruitful and successful life. I was thinking the same thing about the whole January vs. August return to Clemson, but I am more concerned about missing too many classes that are essential to my major that I can only obtain at Clemson. I am also concerned about them actually readmitting me, as I have been told that they only accept 10 transfers per year into the architecture school. But once again, thanks for your opinion!</p>
<p>ji1993 – thanks for your words of appreciation. I’m glad you feel better with more sleep.
When I read through your response, I was struck by how many times you use the word “I’m worried.” And I think maybe you have set a very high expectation that can’t be met – the right school with the right major and where you will also find it easy to make friends. I think you have to let go of one of those goals. It sounds like you really like Clemson and want to be there. You may have to just be lonely for a while (I don’t think you “suck” at making friends – some people just find it comes easier to them than others). And I bet once you’re in your architecture courses, you will find like-minded people (I have to believe that architecture attracts other people who are more reserved/less social than, say, a business major). I don’t know if you should try and go back as soon as possible, or regroup. This is what you should do: take 2 pieces of paper. At the top of one, write GO BACK NOW. At the top of the other one, write GO BACK LATER. Then do 2 columns, pros and cons. Pros for Go Back Now would probably be: get right back into it; don’t fall behind. Cons would be: LONELY. Knowing NO ONE. Then decide which “weighs” more heavily for you. Same with go back later.</p>
<p>Don’t beat your self up for making a “right” or “wrong” decision. When you’re young, you think getting into college and having friends and being challenged is like being shot out of a cannon – sure, direct, and you hit your target. But life is more like what you’ve experienced – the cannon doesn’t work; you fly out but you land on Saturn instead of the Moon; you have to wait while they get a new fuse for your cannon – like that.</p>
<p>I’m sorry about your friend ditching you. Unfair, and unkind.</p>
<p>Me again. If you decide to go back now, figure out what you can do to make yourself less lonely. Is there a “Clemson Architecture Major” facebook group? If not, can you start one? Make it a place where people can share info about professors, etc. Maybe you’ll make a virtual friend before you resume classes.</p>
<p>I think it’s commendable that you were able to get yourself accepted into Clemson after the due date. That just shows how highly they thought of you. If you want to return there, I would focus on taking some of the classes at the college you are now that you would have taken if you had stayed at Clemson. That way you won’t be so far behind when you get back. As a Freshman, you would have been taking mostly intro classes and prereqs and would probably not have gotten that far into the architecture program anyway. My husband is an architect, and he spent the first couple years in the liberal arts program at our college before he was actually able to move into the architecture program - don’t know how Clemson works. He started out as pre-med but quickly changed his mind. So I don’t think you need to worry about being behind. And you can always take summer classes if you have to.</p>
<p>It is always going to be to hard to make friends, especially if you don’t have a roommate, but you have to hang in there and give it time. Join clubs, talk to people in class, get yourself out there. I’m sorry your friend ditched you - at least you found out what kind of person she was. </p>
<p>I hope things work out for you. You’ve had a really hard road at a young age. Why don’t you speak to the people at Clemson again, and see if there’s any chance that you might be able to apply again next year when you’re more stable on your feet. Explain the situation and let them know that you’re still attending college locally. Ask them what sort of classes you should be taking so you can be prepared to return in the Fall. That will give them a good impression of you again as a responsible, hard-working student.</p>
<p>Did you make a mistake leaving in the first place? Maybe. But you can’t go back. So just figure out where to go from here and make it happen. Good luck!</p>
<p>Parent here…to the OP…as pointed out above, you have learned a lot of positive things this year so far. Still, you have concerns. Is there anyone you could talk to there to help you work through the personal issues (parent divorce, etc) and how this is affecting you? I’m thinking perhaps a trusted clergyman (if you have one), or some other trusted adult. I think you need someone to talk to…where you can actually share your concerns to a listening ear and get a personal response.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for all the issues you have had at this important transition time in your life. You probably need a gap year or two right now to figure out what you really want to do. You can probably apply for a medical leave of absence from Clemson if it is not too late. </p>
<p>Concerning your friend that was also at Clemson, you really can’t expect someone from high school to stick with you going into college. Often they want to reinvent themselves, or start whole new relationships, get away from high school. High school friends go in different directions, and for some the distancing starts right away. I’m guessing he/she didn’t make a plan to go with you to Clemson and be your buddy, since you made a last-minute decision to go there. It’s not their job to ease your transition into college. You need to be proactive to make friends, as mentioned in other threads, such as join clubs/organizations, get an on-campus job, volunteer…etc.</p>
<p>Everyone - thanks so much for your thoughts and opinions on all of this, because it really does help me, just to have someone to listen (or read) about what has going on that can relate or understand what i’ve been dealing with. Classof2015, I was thinking about doing a pro’s and con’s sheet, and I probably will go ahead and do that. Honestly I really don’t think I was prepared for anything college had to throw at me, and it all overwhelmed me - and while returning home was expected to be a small piece of relief and regrouping for me, my parents chose then to explain their relationship situation to me, and it all became too much for me to handle. As far as the friendship goes, this directed to you as well tptshorty, I wasn’t expecting us to be joined at the hip when we got to college, but I was also not the one that was overly ecstatic that I was coming - she had already asked me to accompany her to parties, events, etc. and was making all the plans, and I just felt caught off guard when she acted completely differently even on the first day we moved in. Nonetheless, that is life, and I guess you just have to roll with the punches - as I’ve read before, ‘we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.’ To megan12, unfortunately at Clemson you are thrown into the architecture program right from the start, taking at least one architecture related course per semester. Since posting this, I have emailed the lady in charge of readmissions at Clemson and asked her where I would qualify, the timeframe for readmission and the process, etc. so I feel that I may be on the right track, trying to weigh my options and playing the ‘what if’ game with myself. To thumper1, sadly my ‘go-to’ person was always my grandmother, may she rest in peace. I have been struggling with finding someone to talk to about all of this, and you are right, I would really like to have a response from someone that is near to and understands the situation, but right now that is not the case - part of the reason why I am on here asking for advice. Once again though, to all the parents and anyone else that has posted on here since I put this up after 9 last night, thank you so much for your support and insight, as I could not have had a better place to turn to where people were so willing to listen and offer their thoughts.</p>
<p>You really would benefit from someone to talk to IN PERSON…not just on a message board. There are social service organizations in most towns that have counseling services. I would URGE YOU to find someone to talk to. Perhaps the tech college you are attending has these services. And check your health insurance too…sometimes that is covered.</p>
<p>Really…in my opinion, you need to see someone in person.</p>
<p>thumper1, I understand what you’re saying and can agree with it - I will definitely look into all of this. Like I said, I did get to spend a few days in counseling at Clemson, where they helped me with my decision to leave at that time, but I will look into finding someone here to talk to. This is directed to anyone, but do you think that this situation with the depression and whatnot could be classified as a medical withdrawal from the school? The university website does say on the scholarship FAQ’s that ‘there are instances where a student must leave school for documented medical reasons, including psychological.’ Would this possibly fall under this category? If so, and if I could explain this to the people at Clemson, it would be much easier to be reinstated.</p>
<p>^^^^^ Absolutely yes. Do follow up with that. The counselors at Clemson might be able to help you with this.</p>
<p>sopranomom92 - Thank you for responding on my post. If that is the case, are they able to go back and change a case from a regular withdrawal to a medical withdrawal after it has been done? Does anyone have any experience with this? I apologize for so many questions all the time, but I am just looking for answers.</p>
<p>I suspect that being a “medical” withdrawal means that you have spent some time with a medical professional to have your conditions documented (psychologist, psychiatrist)</p>
<p>You certainly can reach out to the counselors at Clemson for their advice. </p>
<p>I don’t know that you sound “ill” (although I am not a doctor and certainly want you to check out with professionals anything and everything if you think you might be) – to my “hearing” you sound like the kid that got overwhelmed on the first day of swim lessons. After many tears and a trip home, the same kid may withdraw from that session of lessons – only to realize later that he/she really, really does want to learn to swim. Another day (another session, another, warmer, pool) and the same kid is ready to take off and paddle. </p>
<p>I am curious, too, if you are “young for your year.” As a Cub Scout Den leader, I could often pick out the kids who had a summer birthday (which meant either they started kindergarten at, say, five years and two months OR a full six years and two months of age). Those kids would be very young for the year (OR, if they had sat out a year, very mature). </p>
<p>Sometimes I would be wrong on guessing a kid had a summer birthday. There are other factors that can make one be “young for the year” – a slower growth rate, a protective family, siblings or parents that are much older than most, or simply a quiet or shy nature all can make a perfectly smart kid be socially a bit behind the curve. </p>
<p>I was advanced a year in elementary school and I vividly remember the year that fellow sixth graders were getting into bras and I was still (secretly) playing with my Barbie dolls. </p>
<p>If you think that any of this might pertain to you, please ease up on your condemnation of the friend who blew you off. She might have felt like you were grasping (and wasn’t skilled in easing off). Also, if there is any chance this pertains to you, know that in six months time you will be much stronger than you are today. Six months can change a person a lot – especially when they want to grow. </p>
<p>Take that Arc. course guideline with a grain of salt. You may not be able to do the traditional four year Clemson path – but it remains to be seen if your tech college credits let you have breathing space – or if there is a paid summer internship in your future that cuts down on graduation time.</p>
<p>Olymom - Thanks for your reply. I actually am a bit young for my year, as I was also advanced a year in elementary school, and am not even 18 yet. Besides that though, I am the older sibling, my family is not protective at all, and my parents are younger than most of my friends I know (both just 41). I have been shy in younger years, but I feel like I have learned to overcome that a small bit as I now do not mind talking to people, I just have difficulty with keeping a conversation going or initiating the conversation itself. As far as the friend goes, I am really not trying to condemn her and I apologize if that is the way it came off as - regardless of those instances, she was an extremely good friend and we had some great times/memories. If I end up back at Clemson, I am sure we can and still will maintain a decent relationship in the future. Your words about being much stronger in six months are very encouraging, as that was also something I was and have been thinking about throughout this situation - when I return to a school that is not my technical college I feel like I should and will be much better off the second time around, hopefully having matured some after this whole ordeal. Also, you are right about the course guideline - I highly doubt I will be taking the traditional four year path at Clemson, especially after what has occurred in the last three months, it doesn’t appear that anything is coming in a traditional fashion for me, haha. Thanks for taking the time to post your opinion!</p>