<p>Hey parents, I've been reading this forum for a little while (I find it massively interesting) and I've been struck by something. So, so many of these posts say "My S or D is a non-partier" or "My child drinks very rarely" or something similar. There are just so many of these that I am led to the question: where are all the parents whose children drink as much as the "average" student? I recognize that here on CC there may be more parents of students who go to schools with less drinking, that makes sense. I recognize that I go to a school with a heavy drinking culture and my perceptions of normal may not be the national norm. However, there just seem to be too many parents of "non-partiers" here for that to add up. We all know that many college students party and binge drink - where are their parents? Are they just not on CC?</p>
<p>So how do you know your child is a non-partier? I know that I drink "like a typical college student" and my parents are both aware of this and know that I am responsible. Are there no other cases like mine? I'm not suggesting your children are lying to you, I'm just wondering, since many people do go into college fervently anti-partying and they can change their tune, sometimes quite a bit. I was just wondering where parents got their information and how sure they were about it. Please do not read into this any lack of respect, I am honestly curious.</p>
<p>I am certain that my two oldest children do not drink or do drugs. Their grandfather died of alcoholism related issues and their aunt struggles with substance issues. My H and I have never hidden that from them and it is openly discussed in my home, even with my 12 year old.</p>
<p>My son (20) dropped friends who began using drugs. Drinking he tolerated a bit more but was never dumb enough to get in to a car with a drinker. His bf from middle school died last year of a heroin OD.</p>
<p>My daughter is an RA and is the one the kids call when they’ve had a problem… She has had a sip of wine at the holidays and hated it. I have told her that I drank in college (legal age was 18 then but I started college shortly after turning 17) but she has no interest. </p>
<p>Do I expect them to never drink? No, but the older they are when they first start out, the better shot they have at defeating the family curse.</p>
<p>My 16 year old also does not drink. He’s a control freak and won’t even take Benadryl because it makes him tired so he’s not in control!</p>
<p>I have told my kids that if they choose to drink, they should do so responsibly and that if they tell me they have, they will never be judged by me. I have also told my D to be careful about date rape if she chooses to drink.</p>
<p>DD1 doesn’t like the taste of alcohol so we know she is not a partier (she is over 21 and has tried various drinks). DD2 is very controlled and never partied in HS or College.</p>
<p>I understand your statement that you mean no disrespect, Rox, but my D attends the same school as you & I would bet the house on her non-party status, which to me means no alcohol or drugs. From reading your previous posts on the UW-Madison forum, I’m just not sure what your point of this query seems to be. Are you totally unaware that there is a large contingent of students outside of your Southeast dorm/State Street underclassmen party crowd? Believe me, it exists, in larger numbers than you would ever imagine. There are over 40,000 students at your University.</p>
<p>If you are strong enough to handle the Saturday & Sunday hangovers & still function enough to be able to hit the books to your potential, more power to you. Some can handle it. I was at another Big Ten U. many moons ago and was just like you early on, thinking that anybody that didn’t party wasn’t having any fun, but by junior and senior year I changed. That happens too.</p>
<p>Whatever, Rox, it’s all good–enjoy your UG existence & be careful!</p>
<p>Well, lots of my students do things/have done things that would shock their parents. So, if you’re suggesting we, as parents, don’t know our kids’ activities as well as we’re claiming to? You’re probably right. The next question. You’re right? So what.</p>
<p>I assume my kid behaves like most of his peers, and as I did back in the day. I wasn’t an “Animal House” type but I wasn’t a “lips that touch liquor will never touch mine” type either. I hope my S is moderate and responsible in his more festive moments, but actually I have no way of knowing, as he is not living at home. As long as he is passing his courses, not getting arrested, and staying healthy, I don’t expect sainthood.</p>
<p>My D lectured ME about not lecturing HER about not drinking before she went to college. I lectured HER about being less judgemental about those who indulged. </p>
<p>She is now a junior, and told me all about what I believe to be her first drinking experinece. Not so bad, as those go,and I think it was because she is fairly mature in most ways.</p>
<p>Her and her friends celebrated New Year’s Eve at my house, and did not finish the first and only bottle of champagne. </p>
<p>My high schooler does not party much at all. How do I know? He’s home most of the time. I know where he is when he isn’t home and he’s rarely, rarely out at night when the parities happen. I would like for him to socialize a bit more. Worries me. I’m not celebrating the fact that he doesn’t party. </p>
<p>Now my oldest ones were a whole different story.</p>
<p>I drank and partied in college. Not excessively I don’t think. I find it quite odd that neither of my kids like the taste of alcohol at all. I assume if they won’t taste it at home and wrinkle their noses in disgust they still aren’t drinking with their friends. I know some of my younger son’s friends drink and some don’t.</p>
<p>I know that one of my college children parties, and one does not. They know that I don’t have any objections to people drinking in moderation, but have only contempt for typical college party scenes, in which getting plastered is mostly a way to engage in connection-free mindless sex (or attempts at it). The third child is still in high school, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t party, but I’m not 1000% sure. I hope not - I don’t think it’s wise to start drinking (more than an occasional glass of wine with dinner) in high school.</p>
<p>I also recall seeing some research abstract that claimed most college students think more people party and get drunk on their campus than actually do. I think it would be a good idea for college kids to see that they have a real choice in the matter, and staying in control is not for uncool nerds only.</p>
<p>My son is 21. He was home from college for New Year’s Eve, and went to a friend’s apartment. When he got home, he was sick. The next morning he was still sick. When his girlfriend came over to the house later, I asked what on earth he had been up to, and she said, “well, you know he doesn’t drink. Someone talked him into having two drinks last night. So he got sick.”</p>
<p>That is how I know he doesn’t do a lot of drinking.</p>
<p>My daughter is 19, a college freshman. Her boyfriend goes to school in Canada, where she can legally drink. Her boyfriend is amused that she won’t drink when she visits him, even though she can if she wants to.</p>
<p>That is how I know she doesn’t drink.</p>
<p>RoxSox, I am an alum of your school. Madison has more to offer than drinking. I hope you discover that some time.</p>
<p>My family history is littered with alcoholics who died young from alcohol abuse. Both grandfathers before 50, one grandmother lasted a little bit longer. Lots of aunts and uncles, and cousins. My kids know all about this. If they had turned out to be big drinkers, I’d have to think they were stupid. They are far from stupid, I’m happy to say.</p>
<p>And I agree with the poster above who thinks you don’t understand that there really are a lot of students who don’t drink, or who drink very little.</p>
<p>When I asked my freshman son whether he ever goes to frat parties, he responded “No, why would I want to watch a bunch of kids getting drunk?” We have beer and wine around the house, he has taken small sip once or twice, made a face and never wanted anymore. Seems to have absolutely no interest in alcohol or other mind altering substances. He is very comfortable in his skin and appears to have no desire, nor need, to loosen his inhibitions or lose control in any way. </p>
<p>Both he and younger DD have repeatedly lectured me on the evils of imbibing my 1/2 to 1 bottle of beer with dinner. I told them to give it a rest and they stopped. </p>
<p>I am sure he does not drink. </p>
<p>I, on the other hand, drank plenty in college and beyond. I think at least part of it is that we always have had some alcohol around, used casually and very sensibly and has never caused any trouble around here, it is just not a big deal to the kids. No mystique. He won’t eat chocolate either :).</p>
<p>Between 40-44% of residential college students binge drink at least once every two weeks. The percentage is higher for white students, and for males. And on some campuses (UWisconsin and Penn State come to mind), that percentage is significantly higher. 82% of all students drink (higher for males and whites), and that includes those on totally dry Christian/Mormon campuses. The Duke Medical Center found that almost 12% of Duke undergraduates had at least one alcohol blackout within the past year.</p>
<p>(By the way, all those percentages are lower than in the early 1980s - mostly because campuses were whiter back then.)</p>
<p>So clearly, those responding on CC are an unrepresentative sample.</p>
<p>My kids are both control freaks and really HATE having things in their bodies that make them feel out of control. They have refused to take Rx meds because of this reason. They like very expensive beer and wine in moderation (especially on an older relative’s dime). They are otherwise not all that interested and have refused alcohol many times when we’ve offered it (don’t like the taste much). We know they aren’t much into partying because when they’re in HI, they prefer to spend time with us than go to parties.</p>
<p>Yes, we can be deceived, but I think many of us are pretty closely attuned to our kids. Also, my kids have pretty delicate systems and they and we are concerned that they could get quite ill from over-imbibing.</p>
<p>I’m not suggesting that drinking is the only way to have fun. Mine was a question of numbers, is all. There just seem to be a lot of parents who are adamant that their children do not drink, and I wondered how that added up when there are many college students who do drink. My personal lifestyle has nothing to do with why I asked the question, nor did I mean to suggest that only nerds do not drink. I meant it in the most respectful way, not even advocating one lifestyle over another.</p>
<p>I also recognize CC is not a very good random sample, and that my own experiences may give me a more skewed version of your average college student.</p>
<p>My D did not drink or party in high school and did not want to attend social occasions in high school when she knew drinking would occur. </p>
<p>She is much more relaxed about it now in college and has consumed moderately while in college. She can take it or leave it. She really dislikes how many drunk people act so never wants to get that way. She tells me about different drinks that she has tried but seems more like she is trying alcohol to see if there is something that she likes. Most of it she doesn’t. i just keep telling her to be safe and be smart and careful. She does not have a car so she cannot drive.</p>
<p>I know that my older daughter, now 24 did not drink or smoke pot in college because all of the loans are in her name, and her teaching career would have been destroyed if she’d been caught doing either. She drinks once in awhile now as an adult, but the district she teaches for has a morals clause about public behavioral expectations. For that matter, I know that even though her boyfriend stays with her every weekend (he’s still in college) she’s still a virgin. Know this because her GYN insisted on doing tests for STD’s when she went to him complaining of severe pain two weeks ago (“can’t the idiot see I’m a virgin?” - turns out she has kidney stones, by the way, diagnosed by a better doctor after an ER trip).</p>
<p>Number two daughter is an RA. If she were caught drinking/drunk she’d lose her job and have to pay back her room and board, plus she’d be kicked out of her PA major and risk her very large scholarship. Not risks she’s willing to take. I know that some of her of-age friends can get pretty drunk, but she is always the designated driver (says it’s more fun to watch them be drunk). She did drink wine while in Italy and Spain during her school-sponsored trips, and is eager for her 21st birthday in a couple of months because she enjoyed the wine now and then.
But drink to get drunk?? She’s a very committed Christian and very set on her career plans, so I don’t see it happening.</p>
<p>My daughter signed a detailed behavior contract in order to be placed into, “substance-free” housing. She thinks it is one of the best choices she made upon entering college. If she really was ‘partying’, there was no way that she could have stayed in her dorm. Now she is a Housing Resident (“RA”) in a sub-free dorm; part of her job is making sure that students abide by the contract they signed. And, this is at Hampshire College, which has a huge ‘stoner’ reputation!</p>
<p>Our son never tried to deceive us - he would probably acknowledge having used enough ‘substances’ to average out our daughter’s lack of use.</p>