<p>My son had free reign on college. That was our agreement after I "suggested" the HS choice. (actually, I told him where he was going to go for HS - he wanted to choose another school for their football program). So, the deal was that he would get to choose any college he wanted. </p>
<p>Also, we weren't allowed to mention college until after midway through Jr year of HS - not a word - his rule. </p>
<p>It helped that he really didn't have any friends planning to attend any colleges outside of the top 25 - so the list of choices he considered were all fine with me. In the end, some of my favorites didn't make his cut. What could I say? We had a deal.</p>
<p>I'd recommend allowing the student to make the choice within certain parameters, primarily financial. There may be reasons why a student should not be far from home -- a sick parent or sibling, for example -- but I can't see putting distance restrictions on a kid that are not related to finances. The problem is, if YOU make the choice and it turns out you're wrong - either the school isn't what you thought or the kid is miserable - you will take all the blame. If the kid is wrong, well -- they're likely to figure out a way to fix it, transfer, etc.</p>
<p>My parents will have absolutely no role in choosing where I go. I'm willing to take out whatever loans I have to in order to get where I want. I look at it as the best investment I can make in my life. I figure that if I wanted to attend an Ivy League school, I'd more than make back the loans I would have to take out. I'm thinking the University of Michigan(in-state) is my top choice though, so I'm not too worried about money.</p>
<p>As a performing arts major, my daughter's most important choice was with whom to study rather than at which institution. Her initial list of possibilities was heavily influenced by her double bass teacher (a recent Curtis grad) and his principal teacher while there. The two of them had very definite opinions, some quite favorable and some rather unfavorable, based on first-hand knowledge. To their list, we added a couple of safeties (to appease her GC and because music school / conservatory admissions are never a sure thing) plus a couple of other highly-rated schools with teachers they did not know well enough to recommend or veto. Then she started doing visits and sample lessons.</p>
<p>At a few places, it became obvious that she would not get along well with the teacher, and these were eliminated from consideration at her request. She wound up applying to ten, then withdrawing applications from four (including the two safeties) after being accepted in the non-binding early review phase at one school. Again, it was her choice to eliminate these four.</p>
<p>Of the six at which she completed the entire admissions process, she was accepted to three. At one of them, we found out that the teacher she had in mind was about to leave, so she crossed that one off the list. She liked the teachers about equally at the other two, so secondary considerations started to come into play. One was in a major city but offered no scholarship money, had very run-down facilities and seemed to treat undergrads as second-class citizens. The other offered a merit scholarship covering nearly half of the tuition, had very nice facilities and she really liked the whole environment when she visited.</p>
<p>She chose the latter without any pressure from her parents. Had it gone the other way, I would have respected her decision but would have wanted to know a lot more about how she made it. Throughout the entire selection process, we attempted to help her in any way we could without forcing any of our opinions on her, and I think we mainly succeded. I believe she made the right choice.</p>
<p>i feel sorry for all the kids who parents are telling them what to do... my parents have no clue whats going on. They want me to go to an HBCU but ive told them thats out of the question. Most my college will be paid for by scholarship so i guess even if they did tell me something i would have no reason to listen. The only "top" school i applied and got accepted to is wisconsin-madison but im going to turn them down for one of 2 much lower ranked schools. I love the freedom that i have in choice and quite frankly i have zero need for parents</p>
<p>Momsdream, that is heroic of you, if you were really able to refrain from any discussion until 1/2 way through junior year. I am impressed with your integrity and strength - you should run for public office! </p>
<p>And posters, the phrase "free rein" comes from the equestrian world, and it refers to loosening the reins so that the horse has freedom of its head and neck. One could argue that the expression "free reign" applies to the belief of a certain administration that they can rule any way they like. ;)</p>
<p>This is how we are handling it, also. If daughter wants a school on the list after discussing all the pros and cons-it's on without exception. She has yet to make me regret that rule. But, dad has been able to argue a few schools onto the list in two different categories. Schools very similar to ones selected and schools that are presently good matches or reaches but outside her comfort zone.</p>
<p>At least one of these schools has moved to a position of serious consideration and there are more changes to come. At least , I can feel them coming. I think. Maybe.</p>
<p>S has basically carte blanche to go wherever he is able to go. Education is my ultimate gift to him and I would scrub toilets to enable him to pursue his dream. I have encouraged him to step out of the box and apply to a liberal school such as Reed or Oberlin since I am way too conservative for my own good. My other half wants him within a five hour drive--S says he wants to apply to Columbia in NYC. I say we'll do it surreptitiously because I don't need a big fight on my hands. I figure if he is admitted we'll deal with it then. His HSGC always repeats the mantra "it's his choice not yours".</p>
<p>Why do you have zero need for parents? It sounds like you must have a pretty miserable view of your family. </p>
<p>Why are you choosing to attend lower ranked schools? Is it for scholarship reasons? What adult is mentoring you in this process?"</p>
<p>I meant I have zero need for them in the college process. No, Im not choosing lower ranked schools b/c of scholarship, Im choosing the lower ranked schools b/c I like the lower ranked schools. Im a strong believer that these days you can get a great education and job from any of the top 200 or so schools so I really dont even consider ranking in my choice. Plus the two schools that Im considering are currently pouring money into the programs that Im interested in. There isnt an adult mentoring me in the process at all, lets be serious. If a kid is smart enough to get into college then they are smart enough to read all the guides and college material and decide what they want to visit. From the visit is where the choice should come, not some list of rankings.</p>
<p>thanks... finances already taken care of with 2 scholarships from my second choice school... just have to wait a few months for the rest to come in</p>
<p>I know my mom had hardly any input on my college choices, because she trusts me. I put together my list with my guidance counselor and did all of my applications. I don't think she knew everywhere I was applying most of the time, but that wasbecause when I went through where it was she didn't have any problems with any of them. She knew I wasn't going to choose some random awful school, and that I'm smart enough to pick the right place for me. Money is most deffinetly an issue, but things have always worked themselves out.</p>
<p>I'm a freshman at the University of NH this year. My dad told me my junior year what he wanted the final cost to be at the start of this year, since he knew what was in my 529, had a general idea of what my mom could afford to pay, and that he still has my sister coming up behind me. He knew, however, that with scholarships a more expensive school could be more affordable, so he told me not to rule those out. He also told me that he wanted me to look at some of the top tier schools and if I made it into Dartmouth, Bates, etc, he'd find a way to pay. He suggested schools for me to look at. To be fair, I did look at them, on paper, online, etc. I drove onto the campus of Bowdoin and Dartmouth, was uncomfortable at both instantly, so we left without touring. They just didn't feel right. So he suggested big schools. Penn State, UCLA. I shot those down simply because they're too far away. He didn't want me at UNH; it's only 40 minutes from home. I've been sick a lot this year (not homesick, but physically sick). It's been nice to be close enough to go home when I need to, versus only at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
My mom is the person I live with though, so she had the bigger part in the college search. That part was simply touring colleges with me, writing the application checks, and giving her very simple thoughts at the end of the tour. I made up the lists of where to tour, where to apply, etc. I did my applications without any nagging (biggest surprise ever), and had friends proofread my essays. When the acceptance letters poured in (and I was accepted by all 6 schools I applied to), the schools that I was still considering were within 3K of each other, and well below what my dad had originally considered a reasonable cost, once scholarships were figured in. Mom told me anyone of those would be fine.
Now, mom had made it known since I was born that she'd love me to go to UNH. Everyone in my family has come here. I always said I wouldn't, until I took the tour and realized that this was the place for me. My classes are going great, and I'm really happy here. Seems like I made the right choice, despite the fact that I never applied to any reaches because they just didn't feel right. Everyone thought I was crazy for "just going to the state school". But I'm happy here. And my parents really weren't involved in the college search. They said that in the end, no matter what they thought of the school it was me that had to be happy where I lay my head down at night.</p>
<p>I'm all about the kids freedom of choice... but i can't help but wonder what it would be like to have some one helping me out... it just... gets so hard sometimes...</p>
<p>D stated emphatically at the beginning of Jr. year that she didn't want to look at any schools outside of west coast, specifically not the NE schools. GC and teachers strongly suggested looking at NE schools, however. Since she'd never even been to that area of the country, I really pushed for her to at least go take a look. She did, grudgingly, and ended up applying to several schools there - and thanked me for insisting on looking. Two ended up being her 2-3 choices. In this case, because she was not familiar with the schools or the NE, it was probably a good thing we kept pushing. She did, however, end up at her first choice, west coast school.</p>
<p>I hopped in because I find the conversation interesting.. i didnt read all the posts but got the flavor. The OP was something to the effect do you choose college or let your child... first, I think many of us are learning that even if we wanted to control or children we couldn't --other and by purse strings and if we can --should we -- giving advice is one thing -but cant make them take it</p>
<p>My DS is very bright top 10% class, NMFinalist, Eagle Scout, clubs etc.... interested in Engineering. Visited Ga Tech , Purdue Texas, TxA/M, Texas Tech (texas residences) and West Point. </p>
<p>As parents -especially my wife was not on board about west point... it came down to Tex, but still hoping for an admission to West Point .... in June he was offered a prep slot which guarantees admission to West Point next fall...we thought he wouldnt want to do this --he did , hes there, loves where hes going and military lifestyle ... he was crushed when he didnt think he would get to west point.... we are on board ..and as christians we are -trying- to realize some things are out of our control and pray for the best</p>
<p>a rambling comment, but bottom line --i think advise, suggest, discuss, be firm on finances, but ultimatelt it will be there life and decision</p>
<p>monarchsfan, it is such a pleasure to read of your success. You handled all sides of the issue so well and ended up at your first choice school! Well done!! Good luck!</p>