<p>THIS IS VERY LONG WARNING...</p>
<p>...I wish I was exaggerating what I was about to say. But I have literally no involvement in what I am doing in my own college. And yes, I have tried to fight it. The most I got my entire college career was ending up at this school rather than some school in Massachusetts that they wanted me to go to because it was cheap!</p>
<p>I was pressured into my major. I was undeclared my first year, but literally EVERY. DAY. I was getting told by my parents, and GRANDPARENTS that I was 'running out of time'. And that a New Media major would be right for me. Note that I commute to college by my mom driving me, I have a minimum wage job on the side of college that I use to have money for seeing friends but that is it. I have no license because I am not allowed to learn how to drive (because of an incident at 17 they use as an excuse to not let me). I would save up for drivers ed but that is excess of $700, so it can't be done soon. So I can't get away so easy.
Anyway, I am failing a class this semester. I am questioning my major choice - I liked ONE class last semester (I am a Spring semester sophomore) but feel like nothing I am doing is due to my own free will. My mom has my college pass word (I understand that for paying bills... but, she checks my email, my grades, even though I have BEGGED her to stop because it is intrusive and upsetting me). Due to one failing grade, she has found it fit to cut off my meal plan and make me pay for myself, so I can't pay to see my friends. Also, she does pay my phone bill (my high school graduation gift was my phone +her paying it) she is cutting off my phone as well so I can't talk to my friends because apparently removing anything remotely fun in my life will motivate me more in college. Also, I have a laptop and Xbox I play in my free time - she said those may be taken from me and sold to help me focus. I feel like this isn't helping me,, this is verging on abuse. I am miserable. The only redeeming thing about this college itself is the location (I have a boyfriend who lives 10min from campus, all my friends and places I hang out at are close) but this major, among the others at the school are not to my interest. I would transfer but I don't know where, or what I want to do even. At all. I kind of wish I could have gone to a community college or something before jumping into this university but that was another thing I was not 'allowed' to do by my parents because I was 'above that' and it was their money. I told them how some of my old friends from high school go to a community college, to which my dad claimed that wasn't really even college.</p>
<p>Yes, my mom calls my college. Registers for classes for me because she claimed it would be 'too confusing' for me. That included signing up for a class at the beginning of the semester without my permission - to which I dropped it yet she pressured and scared me into replacing it - I am taking 20 credits now and can't keep up and and now being told I am a "failure, do nothing but disappoint" and I can't take it. I can't get through to them. They keep saying it is their money I'm wasting, but I am honestly very depressed and am not enjoying my college experience in the least. I feel like my parents don't really want me to succeed in college for me or enjoy it, they see me as a reflection of themselves. I want to maybe take out my own loan and go my own way, but I don't know what I can possibly do. I can't get through to them. They think just taking everything fun away from me will make me succeed and not be a 'failure'. I can't stand it and am.... crying every day. Seriously. I think they have taken the term 'helicopter parents' to a new extreme.
Questions= Could I take out a loan for myself if my parents have already?
If I fail a class/multiple classes this semester, can switching majors, or schools, in any way redeem me. I feel I made the wrong choice
Should I possibly take a semester off to see what I want to do. How would I do this, would their be any acedemic penalty?</p>
<p>Thanks for the help and sorry for the essay I just wrote.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. If I were you, I’d see if taking some time off was a possibility. Staying in school right now will not be healthy for you and will not lead to any academic success. There will be some academic consequences but they will be far less than if you fail your classes. </p>
<p>I think you should really try to work towards your financial independence. Get a full time job and save up your money (not to see friends, I get that that’s important but that shouldn’t be your priority). Then maybe take a few different courses at a community college, paid for by yourself, and see what interests you. Start working upwards from there.</p>
<p>If all that you say is really true, I wouldn’t say it’s bordering on abuse, I would say it IS abuse. I’m sure your family loves you very much, but you are being held hostage. It really sounds like the only healthy option is what the above poster said, take a break from school for now and find a way to get yourself out of that house and on your own. You don’t know what you want to do because you have apparently never been allowed to make a real decision for yourself. I’m sorry you are having to go through this, but I’m guessing until you get out from under your families control, you will never be able to move forward. Best of luck to you…</p>
<p>Your parents’ behavior is disgusting. They’re doing nothing but trying to live vicariously through you. By what you’re saying, it doesn’t seem like they care about you at all – instead, they only care about using you to obtain a life that they wish they had. In other words, they weren’t smart enough to get as far as you are, so they’re using you to live a life that was out of reach for them. You’re not a failure, your parents are. </p>
<p>I’m just a college student so I don’t have much useful advice, but I wish you the best. Although I am fortunate to have parents who are not insane, I know far too well how damaging and poisonous tiger/helicopter parents can be to one’s life. If I were you though, I would tough it out and do WHATEVER it takes to succeed so in the future I could cut ties completely with your parents and let them live their own life.</p>
<p>It’s pretty easy. Accept the control along with the money or go your own way. Get a full time job, night classes and all that it entails. Harder yes, but liberating, and I think that your parents will respect you for it. Once you prove that you can manage by yourself then I hope that your parents will lighten up.</p>
<p>You need to get away from your parents. Maybe try posting your OP in the Parent’s Forum.
They probably can help with some great advice. Be warned, they will be very honest with you though. But they know a lot about loans and things like that.</p>
<p>Parents like this always exasperate me. They think they are helping, but they are stunting their children because they will never learn to do for themselves.</p>
<p>Are your parents rigid and inflexible, or do you think they are doing this out of a misguided attempt to help you? If you think it’s the latter, perhaps you could sit down with whichever one of them is most amicable and explain in mature terms that this is not helping. Don’t tell them they are ruining your college lifestyle; instead, make it about growing up: that you want to learn how to manage your own affairs like an adult and that their management of things you should be managing is not helping you do that, and also, that cutting you off from everything you enjoy besides school is only hurting your motivation instead of helping it. Let them know that you are miserable and that you won’t do well in school if you are miseraible.</p>
<p>You are beholden to your parents a bit because of money - unfortunately, since they are paying for you to go, a lot of parents will take that as their cue to have a bit more say in their child’s major and choice of school. You may have to make the most of where you attend and the major they want you to do, but can you double-major or minor in something that you really like?</p>
<p>You can’t borrow more than $5500 your first year, $6500 your second year and $7500 your third and fourth years. The total amount you can borrow to go to college is $31,000. Anything more than that, you need either Parent PLUS loans for or private loans that require a cosigner.</p>
<p>I agree with posting on the Parents Forum - they have good advice there.</p>
<p>I would join the military. That would solve so many of your problems at one time. You need some independence</p>