“Helping” you IS being overprotective. But you’ll get no place by trying to convince them of that.
This is a form of gaslighting. It’s a type of psychological manipulation to meet their OWN needs, not yours. They fail to see that your needs are not the same as theirs. They want you to continue your dependence on them. That’s why they keep telling you that your (and everyone else’s) thoughts about it are wrong and they are right. They are redirecting you every time you label their behavior as overprotective. They are redefining their actions as “helpful,” and implying that you are misguided not to want to accept their “help.” They are denying you the right to your own reality and perceptions, discounting your feelings. They are trying (even if subconsciously) to wear you down so that you start to question your own view of the situation.
My sense is that they are not doing it out of malice They are doing it likely to keep a sense of control over their OWN lives. Your moving out and going to college may feel like abandonment, that their own lives are spinning out of control. So they have to make it seem like they are moving for YOUR sake instead of their own.
I have a hunch that this is not the first time they’ve used this subtle form of manipulation. Maybe in the past the stakes were lower, you were younger, you just complied.
Fortunately, you appear to be very grounded and are not falling for it. You are firm in your perceptions and reality. Your task is to KEEP that grounding. Don’t allow them to undermine you or wear your down. Keep your bearings.
Ultimately, you will not be able to control their actions. But you can control your own.
Keep one word in mind: BOUNDARIES. You have to set firm boundaries for yourself. Opposite of the other advice on this thread, stop engaging with them on the topic. When they raise the subject, don’t engage. Don’t try to discourage it or explain your feelings because the more you engage, the more you “feed the machine.” Just disengage.
If they move near your college, decide what your boundaries are and stick to them. Do not sign the FERPA release that allows them to log into your college account to see your course schedule, grades, etc. Do not enable any release of information. Answer their voicemails and texts twice a week, say, Sundays and Wednesdays, via email. Have one phone call a week at a scheduled time. Do not ever go to their new house except during school vacations. Do not ever meet for lunch or dinner. Limit contact to the equivalent of what it would be if they lived in the midwest.
Of course they will try manipulation. Aunt Mona is visiting from out of town, you should come over to see her. Dad isn’t feeling well and mom has a business trip, you have to come take care of him. NOPE. Every time something like this comes up, you will have to check it against your standard: Would you be doing this if they still lived in the midwest? If not, don’t do it locally. Respond to them very dispassionately, not with anger or defensiveness. Be matter-of-fact.
This all might sound harsh, but it is the only way to keep your sanity and sense of self.
But she’d have killed me, and it wasn’t very practical for my work anyway. She says I’m free to move there now that she’s done with her degree! I actually would consider it if I could afford it… but it was all more about being charmed by the location than anything else. Not like the OP’s parents.