Parents Moving..

<p>I'm in my 2nd year of college now, and I will be home for around 6 weeks this summer. For the rest of the summer, I will be out of the country on an intensive summer language program. I will be returning to the United States in late August, staying in my "new home" for 2 days, and then heading back to school. </p>

<p>I just received news that my parents are selling their house because of financial matters and to make my brother's transportation easier ...and will be moving to a different town while I'm away. Until I was 15 (2nd semester sophomore year HS), I lived in the house where my dad grew up. Then, because of changes in work, we moved to a new neighborhood and a new house. It never really began to feel like home until I started returning from college breaks. I planned on moving out after graduating, but I am not really ready to lose the notion of having a 'home' so early on. I will essentially not have a "home"--besides school-- until after graduation. </p>

<p>As parents, do you have any advice for me to make this transition easier? I am being cooperative, but it is really hard to pretend to be completely content.</p>

<p>Thanks to all of you.</p>

<p>Chihuahua, I know several adults that this happened to while in college and, to a person, they all expressed how difficult it was. I don't have any personal experience with this, but I bet it comes up a lot at your college counseling center. Maybe you can schedule an hour or two with one of the health center counselors and they can advise you. Good luck during what seems to be a rough patch for your family.</p>

<p>Think of 'Home' as where your family is rather than the mortor and bricks or stucco. At this point the 'house' is probably just a place you'll crash every now and then when you're not at college or some summer excursion. The important part is the ability to be with your family and really, what difference does it make where they're at? It sounds like they have some sound practical reasons for making their move and of course, it's their decision and move - not yours.</p>

<p>It is surprisingly hard on young adults when their parents move. It may be a full decade before you've established your own home town, career, and live in a place you like a lot. </p>

<p>We've had to move many times, including once while a son was mid-college.
He was able to come home and help us move, in fact, fairly insisted on helping because it was so unnerving that his remaining stuff would "be moved" (passive tense). While home that week, he at least got to know the new town by driving many errands for us, then surprised us by putting in a lot of effort to paint the guest room that he'd use whenever he did visit in the coming years. He made it "his room."</p>

<p>If you can involve yourself during the weeks you are home with packing your own things, or have a chance to visit the community your folks are moving to just to spend a day there, it's helpful. Study maps on computer so when you drive into their new town, you feel prepared. Take their move seriously, even if some other folks tell you it means nothing now that you're in college. That's not really true. It still means something.</p>

<p>Will you have a room in their new house, or will it be a kind of dedicated guest room that you'll sleep in when you visit? It makes a difference how it's set up.
Even though we had two kids in college during our last move and one almost out the door, we still decorated the rooms with new bed linens that I had them choose, hang their pictures not mine. When guests come to stay, they sleep in X's room, or Y's room, although I can count on my left hand the number of times my own kids have really slept there.</p>

<p>If you take a summer job in the new community, you can make a very limited bond with it, but I'm afraid it just won't compare to the place where you went to high school and more. Try to visit the home town sometime in the next 5 years, take some pictures, because you'll want to look at it sometimes for no particular reason than to remember it accurately. </p>

<p>The best thing is to be honest with how you feel, as you were in your last paragraph. People respond differently to change. My D happens to love moving because she likes to discover a new place. There could be some places to visit in your parents' new community that are really interesting tourist spots, so when you visit them don't just hang in their living room but get out and learn about their new town. </p>

<p>I did that and felt that I "adopted" New Hampshire when my folks moved there 35 years ago, although I never actually lived there more than a few weeks here or there. </p>

<p>Once when I was very sad about too many job moves affecting our kids, pne said he decided that "home" is wherever his parents lived, and not the place he grew up. When people ask him "where are you from?" he now answers, "Everywhere," because it's easier than reciting all of his (and our) locations. As the above poster said well, home is where your parents are there to welcome you. Home is with them.</p>

<p>Encourage your family to take a great picture (not on moving day, but well before) with you, them, and siblings if you have sibs, in front of your old house. Keep a copy and ask them if they'll hang that in their new house. It
might mean a lot to everyone after the move is done. If not, at least you'll have your own copy to hang.</p>

<p>Other than that, it's just a sad and strange change because you didn't decide it and yet it affects you. I understand this, if that's any help whatsoever.</p>

<p>Chihuahua, I so understand what you are talking about. In my case my parents picked up sold our house and moved half way around the world after my junior year in college (with my two younger brothers)! </p>

<p>Try and accept that decisions your parents make are not always easy even for them and especially when there are financial reasons for the decision. They probably realize that you have grown attached to where you live.</p>

<p>What you have to do is make this work for you. You are growing older and maturity is about building your own life. You just are being asked to do it a bit sooner than you might otherwise have wanted. Remember that houses are just things and they don't change the relationship you have with the people you are close to. Whether the physical building is the same or not, you will always have ties to where your family is.</p>

<p>Chi:</p>

<p>Sorry to hear this is happening to you.......it is a rough adjustment. We moved and downsized when my daughter was going into her second year of university. She struggled with it, esp as she was the one with no room- another college D came home for the transition from UG to grad. Of course, the sad D has maybe spent 1-2 weeks in total days here each year, but when her sister moved out she was excited to go through the stuff we'd packed and moved and put it in her room.</p>

<p>You'll have to come to terms with the lack of old stories and old friends in the town, but like a dog or a cat, realise home is where your people are. you trips home will not be HS reunions, but could become nice bonding times with your family.</p>

<p>It really is somewhat threatening to your sense of stability, you want to feel like everything is home, unchanged, and "safe" whilst you are out in the college world being brave. It is like a security blankie!</p>

<p>I preferred the place my parents moved to my home town.</p>