<p>Yes my grades are good, my test scores are even better. I am definitely considering applying to schools that could give me much more merit based aid and I’m also exploring options that don’t include attending a 4 year university. Just to clarify, my parents are ALLOWING me to live in the house until I graduate, but whether or not I decide to stay is entirely up to me. I have other places to live where I could finish high school and graduate. The rift between my parents and I is more than just arguments, there has been/is abuse and I have no interest of keeping an unhealthy relationship like that in my life. I will likely be leaving the house as soon as I have gotten back on the right track as far as my plans for the future go. When I meet with the A&M financial aid advisor, I will discuss dependency override and go from there. Thanks for everyone’s help, I’ll post an update once things get moving.</p>
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<p>Agreed with others…it doesn’t matter that your parents will not pay for college now…what matters is that they “could” pay for college.</p>
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<p>I’m not a lawyer here…but how would a student who is LIVING with his family prove that he has been abandoned financially? If he moves out…HE is abandoning them…they are not abandoning HIM. In addition, he is over 18. While the college financial aid forms do require parent information, and there is an expectation that parents will provide some financial contribution to college costs…the is NO LAW that says they MUST do so. There are many other students in this situation…parents won’t pay for one reason or another. That is the family’s decision.</p>
<p>I’m sorry…I do not support emancipation for a student unless there is a very good reason for it (abuse). If you are doing this when your family is wealthy and just won’t pay…I view that as gaming the system. I know this is not going to be a popular post…but there it is. A family with a $99K EFC who won’t contribute to college costs and the student says they parents don’t see eye to eye needs to resolve their differences…not take need based financial aid from those who have NO WAY to meet their college costs.</p>
<p>I think a more pragmatic approach is necessary. Maybe some would say this is manipulative, and maybe it is. </p>
<p>I would try to get back on my parents good side (hey, we’re only talking about a few months here and then you’re off to college and will rarely have to see them).</p>
<p>I would keep my nose clean and my mouth shut for these few months to get them to change their mind about paying. </p>
<p>If my parents expect me to do a few chores here and there, I’d do them. If they expect a curfew, I’d honor it. If there are chores that I can do without being asked, I’d do them. We’re only talking about a few months!! </p>
<p>If necessary, I would find excuses to be elsewhere a lot…study groups with others, studying at the library…a part-time job…a summer job…whatever it took to ensure that the next few months would involve minimal but PLEASANT interactions.</p>
<p>If one (or more) of your parents’ siblings or your grandparents could help intervene, that would be good.</p>
<p>Are both of your parents equally upset with you? Is there one parent that you get along better with? </p>
<p>Believe me, if you don’t at least TRY to resolve this, you will spend the next few years wishing that you had.</p>
<p>Lastly…and I don’t know if this is relevant or not (probably not)…are your parents immigrants? </p>
<p>Others may disagree, but I would like to see your schooling paid for. I also don’t want you to be the only kid at graduation without anyone there to celebrate.</p>
<p>The OP has said his/her parents are abusive . . . Financing college will just be one more way for his parents to control him, make him dance to their tune, and make him feel like crap. His mental and physical well-being is worth more than ANY college education. That kind of thing just gnaws away at you. </p>
<p>Absolute worst case scenario, he could work until he hits 24 and then go to college. Still better than living with abusive parents, IMO.</p>
<p>OP, please do not get your hopes up for A&M. You need to be realistic and seriously consider other options. </p>
<p>Look at this from the FA officer’s point of view:</p>
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<li><p>EFC is $99,999, OK this is a wealthy family that is full pay. </p></li>
<li><p>Student says parents were going to pay until recently, now refuse. </p></li>
<li><p>Student alleges abuse and abandonment. Is student living in parents house? Yes. Does student have option to stay? Yes. Has the alleged abuse ever been reported to the police, DHS, clergy, school and documented? I assume no. </p></li>
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<p>Given the above it is extremely doubtful you will get any sort of consideration. You will get the $5,500 Stafford loan and any merit scholarships they have given you. Subtract these and money you can earn from the COA, and then add living expenses for breaks and the summer. This is what you are short. Banks will not lend this to you nor should you take on that kind of debt. </p>
<p>I urge you to consider the other options I and others have outlined before it is too late.</p>
<p>I realize that the OP says his parents are abusive…and they may be. However, since he’s continuing to live with them I think it would be best (in the long run) to try to make amends until he goes away.</p>
<p>Yes, some controlling/abusive parents might continue their behavior during college, however for some it stops once the kid is out of the house because the “bad chemistry” is not present on a daily basis. My BIL and my FIL fought like crazy because of their personalities (in my opinion, my FIL was verbally abusive to my BIL…and my BIL would bait him (which is no excuse for verbal abuse.)). However, once my BIL went away to college, that ugliness disappeared. The daily “we don’t see eye to eye” nonsense went away. </p>
<p>The two would “bait” each other in regards to politics and curfews and such, to the point that they’d nearly come to blows. It was NUTS and awful. But, again, once BIL went off to college, the nonsense stopped.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why some of the posters are doubting the OPs version of this story. Some parents are vindictive and withholding and will turn even a college education into a weapon. That said, I don’t really know what is going on either.</p>
<p>To the OP, I’m sorry about all of this. I think you should visit the financial aid offices at the schools you wish to attend personally and explain your story. They’ve seen things like this before and sometimes they can do more for one person whose story they believe than they can do as a general practice.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten some really good grades and you deserve to go to college. But as one of the earlier posters pointed out survival is paramount. If you really are leaving your home right after you graduate you will need to figure out where to live and how to support yourself. That might end up taking precedent over college, at least for now.</p>
<p>I don’t doubt the OP’s story about the ugliness that is going on (or vindictiveness). I agree that some parents will turn college into a weapon. But, some parents don’t. Some parents calm down and act more civil once the kid is out of the home.</p>
<p>I’m just suggesting finding out if this set of parents would turn it into a weapon. If they don’t, then the kid will have a paid education. If they do, then he can finish the fall semester, quit school, and pay his own way thru CC, etc. But, at least he’ll have known whether or not they would use college as a weapon. Hopefully, they won’t. Hopefully, once the kid is out of the home, the “bad chemistry” will go away.</p>
<p>I am already seriously considering other options, but it doesn’t hurt to see if I can make A&M work. I understand getting my dependency status changed is extremely difficult but I don’t think it’s as unrealistic as you say it is. I am already making the plans to live in another household for the rest of my senior year, I will be moved in by the time I meet with the financial aid director. Do I have the option of staying in the house? Yes, but it is an abusive environment that I’m not willing to stay in. I am not going to use abandonment as reason for dependency overturn, however, I feel escaping an abusive household is reason for me. I’m not going to post the details of the abuse I have dealt with because that is personal, but I will say that I have very compelling reason to leave the household and I’m confident the financial aid advisor will see this as well. I have a number of people that can provide testimonies for my situation, although the abuse was never reported to any authority and I will let the financial aid advisor know my reasons for not reporting the abuse. It would have been better for me to disclose the situation more accurately in the beginning of the thread, but I was not really comfortable disclosing that kind of personal information. I understand it is difficult for many of you to give me advice on the situation when you do not know every detail, but I truly appreciate everyone’s input and it has been EXTREMELY helpful.</p>
<p>Also, I am confident they will use college as a weapon against me. They use their financial power over me to do exactly what Naturaly said…control me, make me dance to their own tune, make me feel like crap…there’s a lot more issues present in my relationship with my parents than just not seeing eye to eye. If I am to ever gain control over my own life and be happy, then this is something I have to do, and I am willing to do anything I have to in order to do it. I don’t want to sound cheesy, but I am now becoming a young adult, and it’s time to man up and take responsibility for myself and my future. In order to do that you have to make sacrifices and take risks.</p>
<p>Nbeasle hasn’t provided a lot of details (and that’s JUST RIGHT), but I do know a family whose child came out as gay, and the family was not willing to pay for college unless the child agreed to go to counseling and take other steps to “become normal” (their words, not mine.)</p>
<p>He moved out. </p>
<p>I’m not sure if you’d consider that abusive, but I certainly understand why the young man moved out of the household.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids – I cross posted with you. I didn’t think you were one of the posters doubting the OPs version of the story. I also thought you had a good point. Maybe the OPs parents will calm down and come around to paying for the OPs college education.</p>
<p>Nbeasle – I know what you’re talking about when you say money being used as a way to control but that doesn’t mean your parents would withhold a college education necessarily. Some parents, even very controlling ones, would realize what a disservice they are doing by not sending their kid to college and they won’t go that far.</p>
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<p>Next fall, come hell or high water, you will be in control of your life. It might be in a college dorm with your parents footing the bill or it might be working at a minimum wage job and barely getting by.</p>
<p>It will be a lot easy and more pleasant to begin your adult life in a dorm of a good college like the ones on your list. You’re a good student, you’ll love being able to pursue a college education. Then in four years you’ll graduate and be in a good position to enter the real world.</p>
<p>The other route, being on your own at a very young age, is a lot harder. I know people who have been put in that position and it wasn’t easy. They slept at friend’s houses, worked at dead end jobs, it was a very difficult route to go.</p>
<p>This is not a time to make sacrifices and take risks, not if that means risking your college education. If you can possibly make some sort of peace with your parents and they then pay for college I’d advise you to do it. You’ve made it this far, the finish line is in sight, you’re almost out of the house and on your own.</p>
<p>You might want to read “Toxic PArents” by Susan Forward. She has a lot of specific advice on how to make and keep boundaries.</p>
<p>Or you can take a gap year and apply for ROTC scholarships next time around, and choose a school where they also cover room and board if you get an ROTC scholarship - I think BU was one place that did it.</p>
<p>I know how you feel - my parents at least told me up front, but they told me that they had not saved any money for college and furthermore if I decided to live on campus (away from their thumb and religious influence) I’d have to go on my own. And I did! They have turned around and supported me in other ways since then, but it sucks. I did everything I could get some scholarship money for school, including applying for (and getting) the NROTC scholarship. I didn’t use it though, because I got another scholarship from Spelman.</p>
<p>About joining the military, though - it’s true that you can join the military and get GI Bill benefits, plus tuition assistance while you’re in, and they have intraservice scholarships you can apply for that will have the service pay for your schooling. However, be careful and be sure it’s something you want to do. You shouldn’t join the military JUST for the school benefits - it’s service, and you will have to spend 4-6 years in uniform (however long you sign the contract) doing your job. You may get a super-sweet job, but military members typically work 9-5 and sometimes you work odd hours (my fiance, in the AF, works 7 am-7 pm 4 days a week, and is off 3 days, and every three months it changes from day shift to night shift). It can be rough to try to take classes while full-time military, especially between deployments and TDYs. Consider it carefully.</p>
<p>And yes, getting your dependency status IS as unrealistic as the above posters have said it is. It is not easy.</p>
<p>I’m definitely keeping all this advice in mind. I’m not getting my hopes up for A&M but I will just have to wait and see what happens after meeting with a financial aid advisor. I will be moving out in the next 1-2 weeks and moving into a healthy home where I can finish off my senior year. I will be working part time during the year and as much as possible during the summer to save up money before the fall. My plan B right now would be to share an apartment with my friend, work, and attend community college classes and see about transferring into a university after a year or two.</p>
<p>hey,
I’ve been reading your posts and I’m in the EXACT same situation… everything except for the part about abuse… I need to go to Rice and my parents now refuse to pay anything… I just wanted to talk to you and see where you are… it would be nice just to talk to someone in a similar situation…</p>