<p>I'm reading some of the threads on the 'regular' college boards about kids in the class of 2011 applying to colleges. I thought I'd start a thread on how it feels to be a not-so-involved parent, just because our kids aren't sitting at the kitchen table sweating over their applications. </p>
<p>Does anyone else feel that this has all been taken out of our hands? I've read one or two of my D's essays, suggested a school or so (maybe a few more than that!) worth looking at, and asked her about deadlines. But it's all at rather a remove. I don't really know what's going on with it all. The GC office sends general info out but I don't know if I should call up and check on the process or what. </p>
<p>Depending on the quality of the college staff at bs, the ratio of their number to seniors, ED vs. regular decision, and the personal predilection of you and your children, the involvement can vary wildly. I got involved over the winter break when I proofread her essays. She applied regular everywhere.</p>
<p>I went through this last year. Somehow things worked out well without me! I did not read the Common Ap including the essay and any supplementary essays. His college advisor reviewed the essay and Common Ap.</p>
<p>I did get involved with the college list because I arranged visits. The college advisor tweaked the list again with son, and provided his opinion on whether the college was a reach, match or likely and what he thought of the overall list.</p>
<p>Consider this a dress rehearsal for things to come. Once they turn 18 and go to college, you cannot even force a flu shot, and grades do not come to you. If you want to see them, you have to ask nicely.</p>
<p>Thanks, both of you. I wrote a letter to the GC reminding him that my D can apply to other schools (I think she was confused about our financial contribution) in addition to the 3 she already has.</p>
<p>Unless she is in early at a college she loves, she should apply to more than 3. The other exception would be is if one is a financial safety like your state public that her stats place her in and she loves the college. Otherwise, 3 are too few, and I’m surprised that a GC would suggest that. See, you’re still needed!</p>
<p>Burb – I noticed already that while the bs apps all have places for the parents to write essays about their kid, the colleges don’t care a thing for our opinions, only for our checkbooks! </p>
<p>I think my daughter gave her GC the impression that any but public In-State schools just wouldn’t even be possible financially, despite our having filled out forms that said otherwise. My daughter is very persuasive! I’m encouraging her to look into other places. Our biggest hope right now is that she finds a good PG school, as she will graduate at 17. But somehow she started to feel that her only options are a big public college or another year of bs. There are plenty of private schools that we can afford and that would be happy to have a great, hard-working and involved student, even if she deferred for a year.</p>
<p>^^I believe our children are at the same school, correct? I am surprsed that your daughter is looking at those big schools as I feel there is an overwhelming push from guidance to apply to the selective LAC’s. I feel very uninvolved in the process and every time I try to get involved, my son tells me it’s between him and his GC. Luckily, the GC is excellent and very approachable.</p>
<p>keylyme – Correct. I think she may have told her GC not to bother with private schools because she got the impression we could not afford them. I guess she overlooked the price tag of where she has been for 4 years! </p>
<p>I have posted elsewhere that I feel like we should have made things more clear (though we talked to her in depth last spring about all this) and that I was afraid it’s too late to apply to other LAC’s. Nice people are assuring me that it is not, so maybe I’ll breathe again. </p>
<p>But it’s reassuring to hear that someone else feels they are not as involved as they would like to be and not just me being worried. It’s not a total news-blackout, but it’s close. She only just happened to mention in the car on the way to the airport on Monday that we may see acceptances/decline letters on Dec. 15th and that I should not open the envelopes or even mention them until she is home again that week. News to me. </p>
<p>Thanks for the heads up on this thread–I wouldn’t even have considered that I’d be out of the loop when it comes to this. Memo to self: remind my kid when the time comes that the person who’s footing the bill gets informed about the college application process. I don’t remember my parents pushing me toward any particular school, but they certainly knew where I was applying and why. </p>
<p>Same thing for college grades, though as a college teacher,I know all about that parental dilema. While I understand why grades don’t go to parents, it’ll be a given in our house that handing over that grade report is a prerequisite for me writing the tuition check. Students can also sign releases with schools, allowing parents access to grades and teachers,something I wouldn’t hesitate to do if I thought my kid was wasting my money by playing video games rather than studying (my end of semester pessimism is rearing its ugly head…).</p>
<p>Classical-I am in agreement with you, and my loving d knows it. If I am out of the loop, so is my pocket book.</p>
<p>In terms of colleges, having d who is a new sophomore in the northeast, we take the time when I am there to just tour schools. No interview, but hopefully a guided tour so we get a feel. This summer we traveled to the Boston area for vacation and right away my d told me 2 school that we saw would not work for her and dont ask again. My d can give me this directive when she also gives me 3 reasons for her decision. I let it go–tons of schools out there.</p>
<p>We started looking at colleges a while ago, but I am a college teacher, thus anal, I guess.–lol</p>
<p>I want to know which colleges are being selected for apps, but that’s as far as it goes.</p>
<p>Once in college, I don’t care to know any grades. I feel at that point, if you raised them right, they will know what’s important and the sacrifices his parents have made to pay for a good school. A few reminders of that wouldn’t hurt, but I’m not going to want to see grades.</p>
<p>Right now DS is so proud of his grades on exams and papers he’s eager to share his good news. When that stops, maybe I’ll have reason to worry.</p>
<p>I do remember when I was enrolled in ivy college applying to med schools, I didn’t care to share my transcript with my parents and they respected my privacy and didn’t ask. They knew I was working my hardest, and put in my time, so the grades no matter what they were were a moot point.</p>
<p>I don’t think I’ll ask to see college grades but I do want to keep our communication free and open. I hope she’ll share them and I hope she’ll tell us if she runs into difficulties. I never want her to feel she’s on her own with nothing at her back. I’ve been there and it’s a darn scary place to be. </p>
<p>On the good news front, she is interested in doing a ‘college visit’ to a private in RI and possibly one in VA, though that one is very rural. It’s all about options.</p>
<p>You all have bright, well-motivated kids, so not asking to see grades will probably be fine. </p>
<p>On the other hand, over the years, I’ve seen too many bright kids do mediocre work or fail out of college every year, simply because no one’s paying attention anymore. And many years ago, my bright, prep-school brother failed his first semester of engineering school and was put on academic suspension–early intervention from his mom and big sister got him on the right track and he graduated on time (in environmental science…). I had a college boyfriend, on the other hand, who failed out of school and lied to everyone , including his parents, about it for a year–continued living in his fraternity house, going to student functions, etc. </p>
<p>There’s a continuum between overbearing, helicopter and completely hands-off parenting, and I suppose we all land in different places on that line. My kids–at least so far–have felt supported, not smothered by our interest in their successes and failures–and my experience as a teacher tells me that knowing how a kid is doing in college is probably a good thing. Mom calling a college teacher to argue about a grade, on the other hand, is not…and yes, it happens. :D</p>
<p>keylyme – Don’t ask me…I’m just the mom. ::Sigh:: She literally mentioned this as she was getting out of the car to go into the airport. Not a lot of time to ask questions. If I had to guess, maybe it has something to do with them being in-state public schools in the same system who give their answers at the same time?</p>
<p>I know she’s talking to the GC tomorrow. I hope she’ll call to tell me what happened but I’m not holding my breath. I’ll ask her about the Dec. 15th thing then.</p>
<p>Novelist- The state schools might be “Early Action” where you get an answer by December 15th, but the acceptance is not binding. Sometimes the prep schools like you to get a couple “in the bag” early, because it takes some pressure off. Early Decision is binding, and there are two rounds. Some kids apply Early Action and Early Decision! I can hardly wait to go through all of this again! (Not)</p>
<p>My daughter’s school has a 2 day program in February for parents of 11th graders, kicking off the “college counseling journey”. My daughter is SO smart and wonderful but SO clueless. We are going to make some college visits in Dec just so that she can see the difference between small, medium, large. She wasn’t even sure which state my alma mater (Yale) was in. As that bit of ignorance is probably grounds for disciplinary action at Andover, a trip to New Haven may be in order!</p>
<p>After a discussion with my d and a message from her GC, it looks as if she is satisfied with her college choices. No real reaches but enough rigor to make it interesting! She is going to apply to two OOS schools as well as the In-state ones she has already sent off the paperwork to. Sounds like after 4 years away, she wants to be closer to us…the fact that we now live at the beach couldn’t have anything to do with that!</p>
(Not)</p>