Parents of HS Class of 2024 3.0-3.4 GPA

Parents Forum Class of 20xx Community
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We are in the midst of planning spring college tours right now. NMSU has an open house on 3/25 that D24 signed up for, but then we realized right afterwards that is the same weekend that a relative is coming to town for the weekend to visit. So we’ll go tour NMSU over spring break in March instead.

NM Tech (New Mexico Institute of Mining & Technology) has a “Research @ Tech” day on 2/20 (Presidents Day), so D24 is signed up for that. They have a BS program in Biology and then an interdisciplinary BS degree in Biomedical Sciences that are options. It’s affordable and she’d qualify for 1 or 2 merit scholarships. But all of their BS programs require a full year of engineering calculus and a full year of engineering physics. So I think that will be a big detractor for her. I also think that she’ll say that there’s not enough to do in Socorro, NM. However, we’re going to check it out anyway. It would be a great school for a kid who’s into sciences and is hoping for plenty of hands on research experience (they use undergrad research assistants ALL THE TIME).

D24 is also signed up for the 4/10 Outback Day at Austin College. That will be a bit of a trek/drive for us, but it’s do-able and D24 will only have to miss 1 day of school (4/10 is not a school day for us, so she’ll just miss the day after).

During spring break, we’re going to tour UNM in Albuquerque and NMSU in Las Cruces. So it looks like I have some hotel stays to start making now.

D24 has been rather resistant to this whole process and every time a college tour comes up, she says that they’re “SO BORING!” :joy: I have to remind her every time about the philosophy of “try before you buy” just like if you’re buying a car. I think that, like a lot of 11th graders, the reality is starting to set in that coming up soon, it’s going to get real and she’ll be leaving the nest…and maybe she wants to hang onto the last vestiges of childhood. :slight_smile:

when do everybody’s kids head back to school after winter break?

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Sounds like a great plan to get those visits in. These kids will be grateful they had a chance to visit after the fact (at least I keep telling myself that):rofl:. Our kids go back on 1/3. Then they are off again the week of president’s day for February Vacation (we are in MA) and they get another week third week in April. We are looking at University of Miami in February since we will be there anyway, and then April we have scheduled Clemson, UA, Auburn, and possibly UGA. These are clearly on my mind as I have been having weird “college visit” dreams​:grimacing: D26 will be along for the ride so hoping she retains some of the info/vines from campuses so we do not have to do all the same visits again for her.

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We were down in Charleston over the holiday and took a self-guided tour through the College of Charleston campus. What a stunning campus! I fell in love with it (full disclosure: I adore the city of Charleston and think it would be my dream location to attend school). D24 was less enamored. Aside from the chik fil-A on the ground floor of one of the Residence halls and the insomnia cookies right around the corner, she didn’t seem too impressed :woman_shrugging:t3:. Just as well, I suppose, as CoC is not at all in our budget. Fun to look, though.

We were planning to see JMU in March, but after returning from SC, I can see that D24 doesn’t seem keen on being too far from home. JMU is about six hours from us…I may scratch that from the list. Trying to focus on schools within a three hour radius.

D is registered for the March SAT. She begins an 8 week tutoring for test prep next week. She opted to pay extra for the score report, so if she’s not satisfied with her scores, she’ll take it again in May.

Can’t believe how quickly junior year is flying by!

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Got an email this morning from D24’s physics teacher as a heads up that she got a bad grade on the most recent test. This would have been the test that was taken just before Christmas break started. Of course, D24 forgot to attend that teacher’s student hours after school yesterday, so it’s good that she has a tutoring session for Physics at school tomorrow. The teacher is allowing test corrections, due on Monday.

I know that D24 has dreams of becoming a PA. The physics requirements for bio-related majors are probably going to be the thing that kicks her butt at the lower division level.

Thinking of maybe having D24 take a 1st semester “physics for health science majors” class at the local community college this summer if she doesn’t get a spot w/the summer bio-research internship program (well, CC class + a part time job). Our local CC class size for physics and calculus classes is in the 18-24 student range.

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If you do decide to go down that path, see if she can audit it instead of take it for credit? That way she doesn’t have the pressure of needing a certain grade but will get additional exposure and practice on the subject.

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“I know that D24 has dreams of becoming a PA. The physics requirements for bio-related majors are probably going to be the thing that kicks her butt at the lower division level.”

I recently helped a relative going through a BS Nursing program with some Chem problems, and they were every bit as hard as what I saw in Engineering. A PA career takes it even further in terms of science requirements. I guess the pitch I would make to my kid is that the “dream” is right now: This is when you either hit the science so hard that you get it down solid, or slip into always trying to catch up through the many years of science courses ahead. Now is the time to make an adult decision – one way or the other – regarding your dreams, and then set priorities accordingly.

IMO she is in a good situation if she does decide in the affirmative this early on. It’s easier to catch up with HS-level science than college-level, where the material keeps getting harder.

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Talked to D24 yesterday on way home from school yesterday about the idea of taking 1st semester physics this summer at the community college.

At first, there were the “Why’s.” :joy: This is normal for her. “WHY do I have to do this? WHY do I have to go to school in the summer?”

So I spelled out the “Why.” And explained that at the end of the day, it’s her choice, BUT if she ends up with something like a C at the end of the year for Honors Physics, it’s not going to look great on her college applications, especially since she says that she wants to pursue something in the health sciences like biology or biochemistry or a related major.

Also explained my thinking that IF she ended up with a lousy grade in Honors Physics, but then could, let’s say, get a B in the community college physics class, then next fall, when she applies to different colleges, she would also submit that CC transcript in addition to her HS transcript and the CC class would be a way to demonstrate that she CAN handle a class like that. AND if she ended up at a public university, that CC physics class just might end up getting her credit for 1 semester of college physics towards her bio/biochem/related major.

…thus also freeing up her schedule to take something else that she IS interested in.

AND explained to her that the local CC class size for this physics class is 18 students. And that it’s ultimately her choice, but if she wants to go ahead and, let’s say, go to U of A and take their big physics lecture & lab class where there’s probably 200-300 students in the lecture section of the course, then go for it…OR you could take it at the CC that’s 20 min from our house and only have 17 other students in the class with you and a lot more individual instruction.

Then she said, “FIIIIINE! I’ll consider it. BUT I’M NOT GOING TO LIKE IT! THIS SUCKS!” :joy:

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Unrelated to the topic I posted about above, I have a question for you all.

How do you handle your spouse/co-parent or other family members who want/demand/expect the 11th grader to be totally gung ho & “driven”, and spouse/co-parent/other family member doesn’t want really to be involved in the process?

Because this has been a big source of disagreement between DH & I lately.

What DH, ideally, wants to have happen:

  • D24 talks regularly, openly, & passionately w/him about the different school-related stuff that she’s really interested in
  • D24 to rigorously succeed in everything with little to no pushing or guidance or help from us or her teachers
  • D24 to actively and constantly seek out ‘extra stuff’ to do
  • D24 to work a 10-15 hr a week part time job in addition to taking 5 AP classes
  • D24 to come to him with a plan of the specific colleges she wants to go look at and why she’s interested in them
  • D24 to want to drive herself places all of the time like he & I did when we were teenagers back in the Stone Age
  • D24 to not sit in her room at all watching Youtube and Disney+.
  • D24 to sit & listen with rapt attention whenever DH lectures her, and not give any lip and not push back on anything and immediately change course and do as he’s told her to.

Honestly, I think that my DH is unreasonable. I know that my kid is:

  • very motivated to go to college
  • totally lost in how to figure out where to apply
  • totally lost in how to figure out what schools to go tour in person
  • totally lost in how to even ask for help
  • afraid to ask for help
  • a little overwhelmed w/the whole process
  • in this in between phase right now where she wants to start to branch out and do her own thing, but doesn’t know how to do that

DH’s favorite topic lately has been D24 working this summer. He is, frankly, upset that D24 applied for the summer biomedical research internship program “because that’s not a real job and she won’t get paid.” Good grief. It’s 35 hr a week. There’s a complicated application and interview process. It’s 8:30 am-5 pm Mon-Fri for 7 weeks. IT’S A JOB!

I asked DH if he wants to go w/us in April when we go to the open house at Austin College on 4/10. Also told him that I’m thinking of taking D24 out of school an extra day so we can tour Southwestern Univ as well. So does he want to go along? Yes, but only if D24 doesn’t whine about going, if she doesn’t whine about it being ‘boring,’ and if she actually shows interest & excitement.

DH went to community college, stumbled a lot, took 10 years from start to finish to actually graduate with his bachelor’s degree, and only considered 2 4-yr universities as possibilities to transfer to. He had zero parental guidance with any of that, had to fund it all himself and support himself while doing so. His parents’ idea of providing guidance & advice was to tell him to do his HW and “go to college.” Had to figure it out all on his own.

We got into a big argument about this earlier today. He’s also the sort of guy who goes into “Let me tell you what to do” mode. And that method just flat out does not work with our kid. This is also a guy who regularly talks about wanting to get his “ROI” on paying for our kids’ college education.

For now, what I’ve kind of settled on is telling him that he can’t go w/the kids & I on the college tours if he’s going to be Negative Nancy and Lecture Larry the entire time. That he needs to keep his mouth shut while we’re actually on the tours and don’t say anything until D24 actually expresses an opinion about the school. But even that is a challenge…because he now thinks that we shouldn’t actually take her on any further college tours at all until she “shows some drive, like she cares.”

AAAAHHHH!!

Open to advice. Thanks for reading my novel.

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I don’t have any advice, only empathy. My spouse sounds a bit like your in terms of needing to be the self-starter who figured out college alone, including paying for all of it. So the idea of paying more for a better fit is a bit of a foreign concept; my spouse just thinks that the kiddo should figure it out. Since we still have a ways to go until we really start the college search and visits, some of the issues your and your DH are having haven’t come up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they do.

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One piece of advice from our school’s college counselors that was invaluable was to schedule a weekly meeting to touch base about college and never speak of it any other time. This allows kids the time to be mentally ready for talking about college on Sunday afternoon for example (when we set our meeting time) but otherwise to not feel ambushed or pressured to talk about it. My dh had different concerns than yours, but dh would randomly bring college things up whenever he was thinking of them. Invariably it was when S23 was thinking about something else or was busy with something that needed his attention. It made it seem like S23 didn’t truly didn’t care but in that exact moment he wasn’t prepared to suddenly have dad asking him serious questions about his future. Once we settled on the once a week meeting, it went much much better. Sometimes we would have an agenda but usually they were just check in type sessions where everyone was on the same page mentally (let’s talk college for 15 minutes) and no one was distracted or unprepared for the chat.

Good luck!

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oh, that’s a great idea! I’m going to do this.

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great advice and i have been following the weekly meetup with my D24 on college related topics off late. I listen to her usual wishes, rants, likes, dislikes that she spouts throughout the week about colleges, majors, career paths etc. and try to educate myself about those topics and be ready to provide clarifications or guidance as much as possible in our weekly .

Since both my wife and I didn’t go to school in this country, this whole college prep process is new to us and completely different from what we experienced in the stone age :grin:

Thanks to the great advice i have been seeing on various topics both on 2023 and 2024 forums, i am able to relate to what other parents are going through with their junior/senior year child’s journey.

@sbinaz - I can totally relate to your DH’s points of expectations vs. reality for DD. Except in this case my wife has similar expectations for our D24 although she has softened her stance a bit off late.

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I’m HS class of 25 parent, but this sounds like my DH–although he doesn’t care about college! He is Lecture Larry, his whole family communicates this way. It is, odd. I don’t have an answer, but here are a couple of things I do with a Talker spouse.

  1. I point out what she’s doing well. “She gets all her homework done without question or lecture from us. She’ll figure life out. She’s motivated to do what needs to get done.” I point out the obvious developmental steps: “She’s a teenager, of course she wants to watch Netflix. I didn’t sit down and study all night either when I was 15. I didn’t do that until grad school. You can’t fast forward a teenage brain, so don’t bother trying.”

  2. The second he pauses for breath, I jump in and redirect to fun questions or questions that make her the expert: “Where should we go for summer vacation?” “I know you were going to change seats in science, whose table are you at now?” Jump in with gentle questions that make her the expert!

  3. In my painful moments, I describe what I’m seeing and point out how I think it is negative to her and their relationship. I’ve said, “Do you want to talk at her or have a relationship with her? because those are different things.” I also may or may not have said to him when I’ve been beyond annoyed, “Do you really want to teach your daughter to sit there and listen to a man and not speak? Because, I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

My husband is fear-based parenting to a T and may or may not have some spectrum in him. That is, I don’t think he does this because he’s an ■■■■■■■. He loves us and thinks his value is his knowledge and expertise; he just can’t help himself. I give him a lot of grace just like I do her because that’s where they are both at, developmentally speaking.

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thanks very much for the suggestion to limit college discussions w/the kid to once a week. D24 thinks it’s a great idea and we’re going to limit the duration to 15-20 min tops. I’m even going to set a timer because when DH joins into the discussion, he can go off rambling for a very long time. I pinky promised to D24 that even if DH is babbling on and on, if the timer goes off, then the discussion ends and we will pick it up the following week.

For now, we’ve settled on Sunday evenings at some time after dinner.

D24 said that if we limit it to once a week, she probably won’t feel so annoyed about it because “then my parents won’t be nagging me at random times about it all the time.” :joy:

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D24 & I chatted this evening. Limited it to 15 min. :slight_smile: We agreed on her doing a couple of things this week. She was surprised that it won’t take very long. I told her, “that’s the idea…to do a little bit at a time and over the course of several weeks, you’ll eventually have more info than when you started.”

So this week, she’s going to:

  • pick 1 major at 1 college and look up the course requirements for that major. Take notes in a spreadsheet or in a notebook.
  • (since she’s interested in being a PA) look up the admission requirements of 1 PA graduate program and put the info into a spreadsheet or in a notebook.

She said, “Oh, is that it? That’s not too bad.” :joy:

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“Do you want to talk at her or have a relationship with her? because those are different things.”

Yes! I’m not sure why this is so hard for my dh. He loves to tell stories about his college experience, which is fine, and can be entertaining, but is not helpful at all in figuring out what’s right for S24. S24 is totally different from dh, and we need to just listen to him!

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S24 just registered to take the ACT in April. He will be at the same site as the December test which I think is good since he will be familiar with everything. But it was very surprising to see that there were only half the number of test sites available for April as December. Glad we did not wait any longer to register. I guess some sites only offer a couple times per year. I know our HS is a site for SAT but only in June.

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@sbinaz - parent of a 23 kid here but my husband can be similar. I find that a lot of what DH says is just talk. I mean - I would also love if our daughter had her eyes on the prize 24/7 and didn’t behave like a teen but…she IS a teen and we both know she’s a great kid. So mostly, I just smile and nod and move along. Unless you feel like he is really persistently and unfairly negative? I also find with DH - if I criticize D23 he’s quick to play devils advocate and stick up for her!

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I value the information I have received in this community. My son is a junior and we are planning trips to a number of different colleges in Minnesota. Ohio, Pennsylvania and the Carolinas this year.

Our son is looking for colleges that have good academics but are not so taxing that he can’t have a balanced life. He would love to participate in club or intermural soccer. Any suggestions for colleges that offer a well balanced environment. He likes small so would prefer under 3000 if possible. he is very interested in study abroad and international opportunities. He thinks he may want to major in Spanish and international studies.

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In PA, check out Dickinson. They have a strong international studies department and 2/3 of students study abroad. There are about 2,300 students. They live in campus housing all 4 years (upperclass students in school owned houses and apartments) so even though it is a small school, it is very social with high student involvement b/c everyone is on campus. They have a holistic approach to admissions and don’t use standardized test scores. They tell you not to even send them b/c they won’t look at them.

Dickinson:

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