<p>In previous threads I was helpfully pointed to threads discussing Asperger's, and of course I know how to use the search feature.</p>
<p>I'm interested in hearing from parents whose HS or college kids may have OCD or significant anxiety issues.</p>
<p>(These issues, combined with some other things, make others think my kid has eau de Autism or Asperger's Topping, but those are not his actual dx)</p>
<p>Separate from an academic match for schools, there are issues of housing, eating etc, and of course we are working with him and doc to make him as flexible as possible, but I also would like to hear from other parents who may have had to deal with kids with privacy, boundary, possible ritual, issues.</p>
<p>could you elaborate on what you mean by privacy and boundary issues relative to OCD? (I know about ritual, and it’s logical that OCD can be manifest in generalized anxiety, but I hadn’t heard about those other two aspects.)</p>
<p>For the vast majority of colleges and unis living in close proximity to hundreds of kids is part of the college “ritual”. Every kid can tell stories about what “bugs” them. This type of situation could maybe be compared to entering the workforce and working in a bullpen or open space or cubicles. There are colleges and unis with singles available to freshman but you need to look carefully. There are threads that aren’t easy to search, but are around maybe search on difficult roommate or something like that, from parents who had students with difficulties either with roommates or themselves living in a dorm situation. </p>
<p>Depending on how extreme the anxiety and OCD tendancies are you might consider a commuting situation as an adjustment period. It’s not just kids with issues these days as so many families choose separate bedrooms for their kids they don’t have the experience of having to share personal space and getting accustomed to living with someone who has different personal habits.</p>
<p>Most colleges have singles available and if your child has a diagnoses that makes it difficult or impossible to have a roommate, the college can usually accommodate that need. At Some you will have to pay extra for a single.</p>
<p>Is housing your only concern or are you worried about social issues or adjustment issues for your son?</p>
<p>My d has anxiety issues along with migraines, insomnia, and ADHD (the last makes her unlivable for others). FOr all these reasons, we need to make sure she has a single. Other than that, she is on a medication that helps with it and she will probably see a psychologist too.</p>
<p>Ds LAc gave her a single- even though we didn’t know to ask for it- made a huge difference I think- she had a single all through except for senior year- when she had a 2 bed/2bath townhouse- ( with the same roommate she has currently 4 years later- so they get along well)</p>
<p>Other D had a shared room freshman year- she currently lives off campus this year with a roommate in a 2 bedroom.</p>
<p>Schools have varying levels of support so I think it is important to be upfront as to the students needs.</p>
<p>On the one hand, my S had an offcampus roommate sophomore year and beyond who had numerous OCD and Aspergers issues, but the group of boys liked each other and as he said “worked around” his issues with separate sets of dishes and so on to avoid triggering him. He washed his hands often, but they considered that his problem not theirs. They also made him the treasurer because he kept the best financial records and paid all utility bills on time. He had his own bedroom that they never entered. He shared his self-management protocols with the housemates and because they were NICE KIDS they helped him cope. As my son said, “we protect him from his OCD.” Compassionate.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I watched a cousin’s teens during a family visit in which 3 brothers – one with significant issues–were pressed into sharing one bedroom for a weekend. Obviously they didn’t at home, but when our family’s housing arrangement required it, they had no choice. There were some difficult scenes, for example when one brother accidentally touched the other’s bed while unpacking, so it became “contaminated” and the boy with issues refused to sleep in it. (I thought: it’d be hard for a roommate to avoid ever sitting on or touching his bed and telling all his friends not to, etc.). Later that evening, the older brother, home from college and weary of accommodating his younger brother forever, went into a rage and threw over all the boy’s bedcovers onto the floor. Coming back home and having to deal with it again on a college vacation triggered the older brother into a rage. The dad was working hard on the entire situation and required the OCD/Aspie son to sleep in the “contaminated” bed after changing sheets, rather than upset more cousins by asking for trades to an unmade bed, which is what his teen son most wanted/demanded. He did not get his way that time, although fresh sheets were obtained for the same bed. So yes, it is complicated. Getting a single might be absolutely necessary as a starting point.</p>
<p>I have anxiety/OCD issues and autism. Usually if I can manage my symptoms at home, I have no problems at school either-- it’s either going to bug me or it isn’t, only EXTREME unhygienic environments have the power to change the severity of my symptoms, usually it’s independent of the environment and more based on my current stress levels. The only issue would be if I had to live with someone who was really disgusting-- I deal with the typical cluttery slobby college student pretty easily, but people who go above and beyond that are deeply mentally damaging for me to be around-- my older sister, for example, is a hoarder who lives in such complete filth that she has had CPS called on her, THAT I cannot handle even more so than normal people. I got lucky that my roommate my first year was just the standard college aged slob, and after that I got a single. Now it is a non-issue, but these things vary greatly from person to person.</p>
<p>^Thank you for your post and sharing your own situation.
I think over the next few months I will try and understand my son’s particular needs a bit more. Many individuals with anxiety/ocd keep their taboos and rituals (e.g. counting, saying words, touching) very private, which I think is tied up with his not liking to do very much in front of other people.
My mother only admitted to me that she had significant mental and other rituals a couple of years ago, in her 70’s – she had kept them secret her whole life – but it was part of the reason for her irritability, if we as kids had interrupted her, and it was often what she was doing when she was “just smoking/on a smoking break.”
(And note, there is a very, very strong genetic component to ocd/anxiety spectrum!)</p>
<p>For me, MOST of my rituals (I am primarily a checker) have become so habitual that they are not noticeable to me unless someone points them out (which only my mother does, nobody else seems to notice), if I am VERY stressed then some more bothersome ones begin to interfere with my life and it can get bad, but when the stress period goes back down they go away. Usually if OCD symptoms are low, general anxiety symptoms are higher, they seem to switch off. This is all exactly the same way as it was when I lived at home, there is no perceptible difference, if anything I am a little bit better at school-- logistically my dorm is safer than my parents house and there are fewer things I feel compelled to check.</p>
<p>Like I said, it’s different for everyone. When one has these kinds of issues they need to take a hard look at themselves and figure out what needs to be done to ensure their success. Lying to yourself or trying to minimize symptoms does no one any good and spells disaster, so if he feels he needs the single room or whatever he needs to make that arrangement. I think you can generally expect a worsening of symptoms right when he moves that may change when he settles down. That may not happen for him but if it does I would not be too alarmed at first, it is normal for students to be more stressed during that period and stress tends to manifest a little differently in people with OCD.</p>