<p>S was a little slow to start driving, but was really motivated by taking himself to all of his ECs before and after school. (And hating the big yellow bus.) </p>
<p>Now, he is frequent chauffeur to many of his non-driving friends because “his” car is considered reliable and air conditioned.</p>
<p>He drives '93 Volvo with 200,000 miles. </p>
<p>The same car I drove him in to pre-school. :Wipes tear:</p>
<p>D1 didn’t get her license until April of her senior year of HS. She went off to college a few months later, didn’t have a car, so rarely drove, and to this day feels uncomfortable – even highly anxious – driving. She needs a car – and driving confidence – for this fall and beyond. In the meanwhile, her younger sister also delayed in getting her license, but now happily shares the driving on long family trips etc. That doesn’t help…</p>
<p>Two non-driving sons here, too. Both are happy to take public transit or have me schlep. (I don’t mind – I always hear good stuff from the car rides.) S1 would miss his reading time if he had to drive. Driving in the DC area is a mess under the best of circumstances, so neither one is terribly anxious to get started. Because they don’t attend their local hgh schools, their drive is long and involves major interstates. No way. Most of their friends also take the big yellow buses, so no stigma.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, driving is one of those life skills I wanted to impart before they headed off to college. Still have some time with S2, but S1 may be 30 by the time he decides he needs a car!</p>
<p>eggmom
</p>
<p>My S drives a 93 Volvo with a mere 160,000 miles on it. It will be sad to sell it when he goes away to college.</p>
<p>My son, who is 19, has not gotten his license. He got his permit in the summer after his junior year. Then, he was sick most of his senior year and was exhausted much of the year. He did practice a lot last summer. Now, post-surgery, he has a lot more energy than he has had but I’ve suggested to him several times that he get started practicing so he can take the test before he goes away for the summer and then college. “Yeah, I should do that.” But no follow-through.</p>
<p>I was trying to figure out why. I think he has managed to do so well despite illness and learning disabilities by focusing on doing a small number of things at the 99.999% level and doing nothing else. So in his gap year, after SATs and college apps, he’s really only worried about a) finishing his novel; and b) the exercises the doctors and acupuncturist told him to do post-surgery. Not much else. It pays off at one level – he makes a quiet but powerful impressions. The Superintendent of Schools wrote a recommendation that said he was incredibly bright and talented and “will make a significant impact in our world.” [Nice, that]. Getting people to think of him that way comes from focus on doing a few things extremely well. As a consequence, much gets left by the wayside. Driving? Laundry? Shopping for clothes? He’ll do whatever specific chores we ask him to do with a smile, but nothing that we don’t ask. So, until driving becomes a focus, I won’t push. </p>
<p>My closest friend has written one of the best-selling business books of all time (and about 5 or 6 others that have done pretty well) and has an extraordinary life mediating behind the scenes in international conflicts. Wise, creative, gifted man. When we were students together, he ate only yogurt and bananas unless someone invited him over to or out to dinner. To the former, he’d say a gracious thanks regardless of the quality of the food. Contemplation and walking in nature were/are important. Girlfriends too. But little else. If girlfriends wanted to buy nice clothes (with his money), fabulous. If not, he’d wear what he had. His laser-like focus has worked out quite well. He’s stopped wars, inspired millions of people, has a very interesting life. Things have changed a little bit after he had kids, but his intervention in family life is still calculated: What can I do that will have the highest positive emotional impact with the least amount of my time? Incidentally, he’s a fine driver today.</p>
<p>So, could delayed driving be a sign of focus and a predictor of success? Who knows?</p>
<p>shawbridge–I really like that justification for our kids not cleaning their rooms, loading the dishwasher, getting out of bed on time, etc. (seriously!). It’s all about perspective, I guess, lol!</p>
<p>Later driver here too - tho now son loves it & wants to spend all grad $ on car (um, no).</p>
<p>well since I did not drive until I was 28 I would have to agree with you Shawbridge LOL</p>
<p>shawbridge–your friend sounds fascinating. I could see this ‘focused’ approach to life having positive results. hope it works for your son as well. wonder if this ‘theory’ has ever been studied–</p>
<p>Jolynne, I don’t think it is an all-purpose justification. It is the strategic pursuit of excellence. In his case, he spent the last two years on extremely low energy and had to summon everything he had to perform in the ways he chose. But, like my friend, it does leave others holding a bag or two.</p>
<p>lindz, my friend is an extraordinary guy. He’s been able to accomplish a great deal. Needs to have a staff (executive assistant (so do I), housekeeper/nanny (we did), and wife who doesn’t work and handles lots of stuff (he does; mine has an extremely active career but typically has flexible timing which is important). I know of at least one war that he’s prevented. And, many people say his books have changed their lives. We do an annual trip into the mountains that I call strategic planning for life, which has been very valuable to both of us. I find it opens up bigger vistas for me, focuses me on my family, and aspects of life I might otherwise neglect.</p>
<p>woah–very impressive shawbridge. great minds should really be studied so we can learn from them.</p>
<p>can you share what he’s written.</p>
<p>oh and I kind of figured he had a “staff”…one would need to hand off the day to day stuff</p>
<p>Thanks for the insight all! Glad to know D is not the only one dragging her feet on the license front! I on the other hand (H too) could not wait to get out licenses (day I turned 16 was at DMV!). S, on the other hand, (who I COULD wait to drive!!) is ready to start today though he won’t even turn 15 until the end of the month!</p>
<p>D says her reluctance is because a) she would have to pay for gas if she drove (not that she has that much free time to be driving all over the place), b) we go the same way anyway and her main reason c) she would have to schelp little bro around (not necessarily valid since his committments take place while she is still at school). We live outside of LA so public transportation is not really an option, luckily though she has friends that drive that she can get rides with. Even though she won’t have a car at school, we feel that living in CA, a license is absolutly necessary. Also too, the longer she delays I think the harder it will be. For a while she was saying that she would get it once she turned 18 to avoid all the teenage rules, etc. so we’ll see how quickly she gets that accomplished! I already told her we are not driving her to her job (that BTW she still needs to get!) Good luck to all you fellow parents of reluctant drivers! We’ll have to check back with each other about this! LOL!</p>
<p>lindz, </p>
<p>Getting to Yes, Getting Past No, The Third Side, Getting to Peace, The Power of a Positive No, … .</p>
<p>thanks Shawbridge–want to read about the Abraham Path Initiative. I do mediation, (in mental health/human resources field) so this is right up my alley. headed to library today, now have new books to seek.</p>
<p>last night I was talking w my s, freshman at Washington and Lee Univ–he’s interested in social economics–wonder if they offer social anthropology</p>
<p>With regard to driving. I guarantee that when your S or D NEEDS to drive they finally will get their license. I grew up in Northern CA, took driver training at HS and had a permit while in HS but never got my license (petrified of flunking cause only had a stick shift car to take test on). Then moved to San Diego and got another permit but once again never got a license. Went to grad school in Philly and never needed a car. Then I got a job in Detroit and knew I needed to be able to drive. Practiced driving on boy friends car, flunked first test and got my license in Philly one week before moving to Detroit. So, when you need to get the license you will. I would strongly suggest to young people that they get their license early. It’s a whole lot easier with parental support then trying to solve this problem with a very limited amount of money and time.</p>
<p>"So, could delayed driving be a sign of focus and a predictor of success? Who knows? "</p>
<p>Love your thinking (!), Shawbridge, and you and your friends sound like interesting folks. Maybe our kids will cross paths in the 5 college arena. </p>
<p>As for driving, I think often of my father-in-law. He was a New Yorker; he attempted to learn to drive as an adult. Disastrous! He gave up before ever trying to pass the driving test. Fortunately for him, he was able to use mass transit through the end of his life. It is not likely that our kids will even have this option. Mass transit in our area stinks.</p>
<p>lindz, I sent you an email with some other stuff to read (things I wrote).</p>
<p>PlantMom, I hope their paths cross.</p>
<p>My daughter got her license the summer after she turned 17 (last summer) and now we’re hoping we can teach her how to drive our manual transmission car before she heads out to the 5 college area. </p>
<p>She was so busy during the school year that she couldn’t find the time to take the classes or practice driving. Once she focused her attention on it, she figured it out and passed the test her first time around. Most of her friends do not have their licenses yet, it really isn’t necessary in our urban area. </p>
<p>We have found it to be convenient to have her driving so will be encouraging our son to get his license in a more timely fashion. Fortunately both D and S are very cautious and I trust them to be careful drivers. It has felt like it has taken a year for D to be a more confident driver, so I’m glad she got her license early enough to have access to a car and drive regularly over the last year. I can’t imagine she will have opportunities for driving once she’s away at college.</p>
<p>my s got his permit at 15, and his license the day he turned 16–saw it as a rite of passage…fortunately he was cautious by nature even as a toddler so I was confident he’d drive safely, never drink and drive etc. He’ll be 20 in the Fall – excellent driver. (I’m sure you know but auto insurance is outrageous for teens, when my son had his own car I paid over 2K per year for his ins alone)</p>
<p>my d got her permit closer to 17, and drives everywhere with me shotgun, but she and I agree why not wait to get license, while she’s a natural at driving…lets just say not cautious by nature 
so the longer she waits, the more that ol brain development has to kick in. she won’t need car in college so seems to make sense for her</p>
<p>Northernwoods, Your daughter is going to love Smith. My husband is on his way to the airport right now to pick up our D who just completed her first year. I can’t believe it’s over already! She has had a great experience all around and she’ll be returning to do research for the summer. We couldn’t be happier with the way her first year turned out.</p>