<p>Oops, I meant SAT IIs! What a scary thought, SAT 11s!!!</p>
<p>Wow, itâs late. Definitely meant score choice, although âsoreâ choice could be apt, I suppose!</p>
<p>I"ll take a shot at that philosophical discussion re: Disappointment. I am not sure there is any 1 thing we can do now to prepare them but you have likely done many little things while they were growing up. How have you modeled handling disappointment? The wrecked car, lost job, promotion not received, election results not as you wished, your favorite team failing AGAIN, etc. Do you rant and rave or figure out if there is anything you can do differently so that the results are as you wish next time? Are you able to say. âGood for them!â When somebody else achieves something big? Do you count your blessings or constantly crave what others appear to have that you do not? Do you define success yourself or let others (media, peers, society) do it for you? Are you able to define âenoughâ in your own life or will there always be more (money, fame, prestige, etc) that you MUST have no matter what it takes? If you have shown your kids that you (and they) have value and purpose separate from their accomplishments, they will handle all this. It may sting but they will get up and brush themselves off and go on to the next challenge. </p>
<p>Oh and hug them while they are within reach!!</p>
<p>I am worried about the disappointment also. I hate when I read here on CC about some kid who applied to every IVY and got rejected by all of them and how hard it must be for their parents to watch them go through that. I have already had discussions with S about how many of the schoolâs he wants to go to may reject him. All we can do is wait and see. </p>
<p>@mysonsdad and maybe require that they also apply to safety or match schools, so there are choices at the end.</p>
<p>On another note, does anyone here know anything about Chadron State College in Chadron, Nebraska?</p>
<p>@drmom123: tolerating disappointment is a hard one, especially if you have a kid who is used to getting a certain amount of pats and kind words for doing well. I wish I could offer a strategy for teaching it, but honestly, we live in a small town and favoritism and politics are a fact of life. S16 has been handling disappointment since middle school, when he discovered that his particular school was less meritocracy and more reliant on patronage and nepotism. I hate it. It feels like somehow Iâve lied to him by teaching him to work hard and do his best. And I have few illusions that it will get hugely better once heâs an adult, though he seems to be getting better at handling it with each instance.
How that will translate into the experience of college apps is anyoneâs guess. Iâve said over and over that Ivy = crapshoot and reach school = maybe/maybe not, but then whether that will translate into anything that will register in his brain is anyoneâs guess. </p>
<p>D16 doesnât care. She just does what she does and ignores the rest of the world. I wish sometimes S were a little more that way. But to be fair, he gets it honestly.</p>
<p>@petrichor11â : yes I think it is the struggle throughoutâŠand that S believes he is working hardâŠand still doesnât get that recognition or that âspotâ or that âgradeââŠand yes, the favoritismâŠand also just plain âLifeâ. @Cheeringsectionâ : I agree with you. It may be how we model our own disappointments and ability to believe there is yet another door, or option, or opportunity. Itâs just soooo hard to watch that growing pain time. I know it is important. and, yes, my S is one who has to walk into the wall before he recognizes he should have read the map or turned on those lights⊠: 
</p>
<p>Tolerating disappointment- I think what bothered our kids most wasnât disappointment itself, but when it went hand in hand with blatant unfairness. </p>
<p>@petrichor- I totally get where you are coming from! S '13 had a few big âless meritocracyâ issues in high school. One was downright horrendous and it happened when he wasnât many months into his freshman yearâŠstill just a baby, really and we werenât sure how it was going to go because he had to give up on a huge dream that he had worked very hard for and earned, only to have it snatched away. I wonât go into the awful details, but we had a lot of conversations about âcharacter building momentsâ. Itâs tough, because kids havenât had the benefit of seeing things work out over long periods of time, so perspective can be lacking. I told him that what happened could actually end up being a good thing down the road and to just hang in there and look for new opportunities. He did and he realizes if that hadnât happened he would definitely not be where he is now. </p>
<p>As for things not getting better when he is an adult, I think they really can, depending. Our kids had some rotten things happen while in school because people here just didnât get them, but we always told them if they are doing good things and someone has a problem with them, itâs that personâs problem. When they got away from our community in the summers and during the college admissions process, the things they got grief over here became the very things that got them positive feedback and great admissions results!</p>
<p>Ivy=crapshoot? I think yes, and no. There is definitely a pattern with the kids that get into several of the big 5âŠHYPMS. But there are many that get in at just one and feel so lucky. I suppose thatâs where it is largely a âcrapshootâ. It definitely felt like that, listening to the stories of S '13âs friends that got defered early and then admitted in the spring. I think it is helpful if they can just look at the places that meet their needs/goals and forget about the rest. I think S '16 will not apply Ivy at all, even though he would be in the ballpark. He just doesnât think he wants to be in the NE. The only hesitation we have is they are very generous financially. Petrichor, I think your D 16 has the right idea! Our youngest D was like that and in the end she chose a great LAC over big name universities. We are talking about some talented kids here, right? Just because they can do something, doesnât mean they necessarily should.</p>
<p>@arisamp- Sounds like you are doing all of the work for the guidance office!</p>
<p>@asleep- Loved the NFL analogy, but so true! Definitely agree about the âmore controlâ in holding on to those scores. Maybe that says something about us?</p>
<p>@critter: âwhat seems bad could end up being good down the roadâ-- yes. Iâve always liked that Chinese fable about âgood news/bad newsâ. Itâs seeming so for S16 at the moment even if he doesnât quite see it yet. Not being chosen for a specific role in his main, longterm EC has turned out to be a lucky thing for him after all. He now has no responsibility there (other than the usual) and can spend more time on his classes and a new EC that is turning out to be a source of real validation for him. Heâs taken on a lot this year and if he does well itâs worth the gamble, so the disappointment of losing the spot he really wanted (and even objectively should probably have gotten) is worth it.
Of course, tell him that!
The only downside to D16âs less intense life philosophy is that sheâll either end up at the state not-quite-flagship, taking out a gazillion dollars in student loans, or both. But hey, itâs only money, right?</p>
<p>Whew! First quarter grades are final and the nasty C turned into a strong B due to DSâs hard work. The best part is I did not even nag him about it!! It was a pleasant surprise :D/ Now, I just hope he can keep that work ethic clear through the AP exam. :-SS </p>
<p>Thatâs great news, @cheeringsection! I know you are proud that he turned it around with his own effort.</p>
<p>I just signed up for a couple of potential college visits today. We are going to Spokane for an ice skating comp next month, and want to look at Whitworth and Gonzaga (hopefully we can fit it into the schedule anyway.) I wish the colleges did Sunday tours, because that is our only day that is truly free and clear! </p>
<p>I know there are at least a couple of us waiting on SAT scoresâŠshould be posted at 1 AM Alaska time, so I will probably stay up (night owl, Iâd be up anyway, haha).Much more eager for the PSAT score, but hoping this will give us an idea of how she might have done.</p>
<p>Iâm torn between wanting to know how he did and wanting to remain ignorant.<br>
0100 Alaska time isâŠ0500 Eastern?</p>
<p>Yep, 5 AM Eastern</p>
<p>I promised S14 that I wouldnât look at his SAT scores before he checked them, but I cheated. Times two. </p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>Well, I stayed up, but it appears that D16âs scores are among the small percentage that are NOT online currently. Annoying and worrisome. Really hope there was not a problem with the test center.</p>
<p>S16âs scores are in. Not exciting, but given itâs the first time taking them and with virtually no prep, theyâre decent. Not Cal Tech decent, but easily Cal Poly decent. Heâll definitely take it again, plus the ACT.</p>
<p>AKFirefly, it looks like you are not alone. Iâve noticed several posts about scores not available on line yet. Hopefully they get the scores up soon.</p>
<p>How maddening! I wonder what the delay must be?</p>
<p>I know at least one other person at the same test center got her score, so itâs not a general test center problem. D16 will not be happy if she HAS to take it over. Was hopeful to have a satisfactory score this time.</p>