@socalmom007, I really think they will end up 3.5 hours apart. Don’t they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. This allows for more personal growth for each of them.
I love following your posts.
Best of luck to the entire 2017 class of kids and their super duper parents.
Last night my D17 walked behind me muttering about stress. I asked her (sarcastically) what she had to be stressed about, and she ran around the couch, posed like a cheerleader, and shouted “A-P-Tests! Choosing-a-college! Sum-mer-jobs!”
I thanked her for the show and offered her a tip. Sometimes it’s all you can do…
@SincererLove - if your D is serious about CS, I would go with MIT. We finished our Anchor day yesterday and DS liked it and leaning towards Vandy because of CV over U Penn. However MIT (for Engineering or CS) and Harvard (for premed) are different league and if you can afford, you should go for it.
@SincererLove - The way I look at it is - what is that 180K to you in the long run. Is it money that you could use in retirement or is it money that you expect the kids to ultimately inherit? If it is in the inheritance pile then I rather use it for my kids education today. All that being said, I was very surprised to find out last week that the cost of attending some universities has surpassed 70K. Good luck with the decision.
@SincererLove I’m not sure what to say. So few people ever will have the opportunity to attend a school like MIT. Do you think your D will look back with regret if she doesn’t go there? If you can swing it, I’m inclined to say go for it. Vanderbilt is an amazing school too… such a hard choice.
@BingeWatcher me too. We’ll see, but my gut is saying they’ll stay in California and it will be ok.
@SincererLove – I agree with @srk2017 if money is no concern - MIT for CS is superior – but I suggest checking the requirements bc CS is a wide filed - she should make sure it can be focused on her areas of interest.
@Fishnlines29 , $180k is the difference in costs, we have to pay room and board for either school. Vandy has extra $5k and $2k per year for NM.
Thank you so much for your comments and weighing-in.
D worked hard in the application process, just got rejected by Robertson today so Duke is out, with two clear winners…MIT and Vandy. Can you believe it… Besides panel interview, there were 6 mini (speed) interviews where you read for a minute and talk for 8 minutes, with all interviews done by outside consultants hired by robertson. Well, well, she definitely learned a lot during the process. “Success is not forever, failure is not fatal” ! The entire application process is filled with happy, sad and bittersweet moments. I hope she carries whatever she learned from the process going forward, after all, college is not a destination!!
Onward and upward!!
@socalmom007 Yes, I do feel it is a piece of the puzzle, although I am not sure how much anymore.
BF is a current college freshman about 45 mins from us, has not made many friends, is not involved in his campus. Is getting more and more miserable by the day. D and I talk all the time about it and have since the start of school. If she is not driving up to see him, he comes homes on the weekends to see her. They’ve been dating a year this June. My issue, he is not owning his campus and his involvement with her is part of it. How can he when half the time he isn’t there? But it falls on deaf ears. He was going to try and transfer to UD but then his first semester mid term grades weren’t where they were supposed to be. He is taking Calculus 2nd semester, needs a B+ to transfer, not going well - she is tutoring him. They both are aware that hubby and I are not fans of them attending school together. We feel that neither will get involved in campus, each own their campus and own their individual college experiences if they attend together. Now if she was through her freshman year, we’d feel different, but we want her to get in, get involved, do her freshman year, meet friends, get homesick. cry, laugh, start a new life. I’m sorry, but I feel like going to college, having that rug pulled out from under you, growing, is all part of the life cycle. Is that so wrong? They now say that he is ‘probably’ not transferring, but they talk out of both sides of their mouths. He has until May 01 to submit his application.
As a parent, I cannot tell you how miserable this whole thing is making me, my husband, my child. We came home after seeing 2 fantastic academic programs. With what she wants to do with her education, Pitt and Indiana both offer flexible programs that will allow her to create what she wants to study with her 120 credit hours for graduation. Where we felt the gen ed requirements of a structured LAC were perfect for our sons education requirements in Finance, we feel it stifles what she wants to study and how she wants to study. With S15, the possibility of graduating in 4 years in a high level business school with opportunities for job prospects were the focus. With her, she wants to go to grad school with a degree in Psychology, the focus is on being able to create the degree SHE wants in college, with fine arts, with Psychology, possibly with a foreign language and do it all in 4 years - for her the LAC requirements stifle some of that or add time on to the 4 years that will affect her ability for grad school.
A friend of mine had a very long discussion with her, she told me after that D was a true believer in this ‘feeling’ that folks talk about. She read somewhere before the college search that she would be able to see herself on a campus. Friend feels this is an emotional, like she feels she has to feel this feeling that she reads about. Well she saw herself on the first campus so bingo, feeling, it must be like that great moment - don’t look further.
These last few days, we forced her to look further. She told us tonight, she knows she can be happy at IU, she can see herself there. She knows it fulfills everything she wants academically. She knows UD does not, but she ‘wants’ to UD and cannot quantify why any more than that. She knows logically that IU is everything.
Then we proceeded into this overly emotional, bringing up the intent to commit page, blah, blah, blah.
I’m an accountant. I look at cost. I look at spreadsheets. I look at numbers. I look at results. I look at academics. I look at my kid, her personality, her likes, dislikes. She has told me time and time and time again, she wants to get away from here, she wants away from the HS mentality, she wants new, she wants fresh, she wants to create her future. I have listened to what she wants in a college, in its location, whether. Most importantly and has reoccurred time and time and time again - she wants a huge circle of friends. The vibe, the kids, the friendliness, aside from how she can mold her education versus following a set of gen ed requirements - hubby and I see her one place and she’s following some emotional, non-rational by her own admittance, ‘thing’ she read about.
I know my daughter, I have spent 18 years with her. You can tell me, let her go with the feeling, my gut tells me she will regret it, my gut tell me we have been through this so many times. But then, if we go based on what is the best place academically for her education, her future career goals, she tells me we will crush her spirit even though she admitted she knows it is best for her academically.
When we bring up gap year or local college for a year, she freaks.
This truly sucks. I wouldn’t wish this on the worst person I ever met my entire life.
@SincererLove, take money and prestige off the table and focus on personality fit. MIT’s"pressure-cooker" culture is not for everyone. Read everything you can find about the pros and cons of being an undergrad at MIT, because the cons can be extreme. There is also a disadvantage if your D decides to change her major. I say go with Vandy, enjoy the college experience, get a great education at an amazing price. Then go to MIT for grad school.
@NerdMom88 I love your D’s spirit with a sense of humor! How did she like UMD CP?
Wow, @CaucAsianDad your D really wants the college journey to begin! Good for her!
@STEM2017 How was your Hokie experience? I’m still disappointed that we won’t be able to visit the campus. But for the travel logistics VTech could have been a great fit.
D found some happiness in our mailbox today… a departmental scholarship. We have an agreement that if she receives any scholarships above the NMF Big Mac, I will put that amount of money in her bank account. She will be responsible for all personal expenses (beyond room, board, books, and travel), so she is very pleased to have a little money headed her way. We’re still waiting on some local scholarships, too.
@jmek15 I’ve been a slug about posting on D17’s visit. Overall, she liked the engineering facilities (and loved the neutral buoyancy tank) and really saw herself fitting in with the DCC Honors program. We were able to see the DCC floors and they are very nice – the rooms are bigger than I thought they’d be and the bathrooms look like they’re in a hotel, with decorative mosaic tile! I went to the health center and was able to get all of the answers about what they could and could not do for her, as well as recommendations for an area GI and a phone number for one of the school’s PAs who has Crohn’s. Overall, a great visit. The problem is, her visit with UAH was great too.
How was your DC’s adventure at UMD? Did it help?
QOTD: Tuition is due in August. If we opt for the payment plan, which is interest free, payments start in May. I have to look into the payment plan and see what other fees there might be.
@mominthemiddle I am so sorry, I can literally feel your stress. We are in the same situation, kind of, our daughter’s decisions are all wrapped up in her boyfriend. We adore her boyfriend, he’s a very high achiever and has big goals in life. My husband and I have been together since high school, chose colleges together, so I get it. But, their college search really hasn’t worked out well for them to be together. Every school one was accepted to the other was declined. My husband is frustrated because he has his favorite and he genuinely feels it is best for her. I have to remind him, if the boyfriend weren’t involved she’d be off to New York in the fall, as that was always her plan. Her romantic notions of going to school in New York City were truthfully no more rational than her wanting to be with her boyfriend of a year. I go back and forth, feeling like they’ll be more engaged at school if they’re there together rather than traveling to see each other on the weekends, then thinking the distance will be good for them to develop friendships separately and have their own college experiences. I’m not sure what the right answer is. They are truly planning on getting married right after college. Some people find that silly, but it is what my husband and I did too. I do see them as having the type of positive, respectful relationship that can last. There is truly no one in the world that thinks more highly of my daughter and treats her better than this young man, so it’s hard to poo poo that. What I’ve told my husband is we gave her parameters, a budget, scholarships requirements if she chooses an out of state private. None of the schools on her short list are bad, they are all fine schools with strong reputations. We need to let it play out and let it be her decision, or she will resent us and I fear the long term outcome of her college experience won’t be a good one.
@NerdMom88 S did like UMD quite a bit. He thought the engineering facilities were great, people were nice, campus was comfortable, and the weather a plus. Overall he could see himself there and was going to opt for Vertus rather than Scholars. Then he went to accepted students day at Purdue and liked it even better than UMD. I think UMD had a very supportive environment and Purdue is more ‘sink or swim’ but he felt like Pudue was a better fit overall. Paid the deposit, put the decal on the car.
QOTD I have no idea. I’m just not there yet.
@SincererLove - How did she enjoy her MIT visit as compared to her Vandy visit? Cost aside, which felt like a better fit and where can she best see herself?
The two schools are so very different, I can’t imagine being torn between them (other than for the $$, which is, of course, not an insignificant consideration).
FWIW, Vandy did not resonate with my D. She said that she felt that the “work hard/play hard” ethos was not one that provides the kind of balance she is seeking…she wants more of a work hard/hang out with friends and chill in the common room – with a side order of philosophical discussions and navel contemplation.
BTW, she thinks the MIT cross-admits on the HYPSM chats she has been frequenting sound like a lot of fun. She also likes the fact that you can get a Pirate Certificate and become an inductee into the Pirate Society in satisfying your P.E. requirements at MIT.
Trying to stay off this thread, but can’t resist the MIT discussion since we are deeply divided about it at our house as well.
For us, MIT wins in academics (accreditation in major and availability of minor) and funded opportunities (travel, research, teaching, community service, business, jobs) and our second choice wins in quality of life (food, weather, campus beauty, surrounding area, social activities, flexibility of schedule, etc.).
Fortunately for us, both have the same cost. In @SincererLove 's situation, I’d go with Vandy if MIT was over what they’d planned to pay for college and MIT if it was within budget.
@sincerelove I don’t know anything about Vandy, but my son had a similar choice a few years ago and chose MIT. For him, it was definitely the right choice. There is a ton of support at MIT. My son was offered a summer internship at a startup and the company asked him to propose his compensation package. My son had no idea where to begin and contacted career services at MIT. They arranged a meeting for him with their entrepreneurial dept. My son was amazed that 6 people from the department came to the meeting to help him.
@socalmom007 On the one hand we like him, he seems respectful to us, seems like a decent kid. But there are questions as well. He has, on multiple occasions, made derogatory remarks about food she is eating. Daughter does NOT need to diet, she is active, healthy, skinny. His family eats organic. One night when I ordered the kids Panera, I had to go rescue her from the comments about grilled cheese sandwiches - bread turns into sugar in your body becomes fat, cheese is all fat. I am an organic gardener, but I raise my kids to eat a healthy, well balanced diet - don’t obsess over anything but don’t exclude things - it’s all about balance.
Then there are the not so subtle things about college. I’ve never known a kid who knows so many negative facts or negative stories about any college D shows interest in, except for UD where he wants to transfer to. I’ve had to make a request that she try not to text him while checking somewhere out, and to please try to look through the ‘what’s good for me’ glasses but it falls on deaf ears.
He’s a nice kid, but then there are these negative things - we tread very lightly there because we don’t want to push her away from us. S15, however, took the blunt road with her when we had dinner with him at MU Monday night - her jaw dropped. Son told her exactly what he thought.
We asked for a pro/con list followed by a family discussion. I refuse to yell about this, I refuse to have this infused with drama - I want us to talk, I want her to listen, I want her to talk and us to listen and then all of us go think about things with no mention of college for at least 24 hours. I told my husband if she is still adamant, maybe a drive to UD this weekend would be a good thing so we could all check it out again. The admitted student visit ended early as the two of them were fighting and all she wanted to do was go home.
@mominthemiddle, oh I thought the bf was also going to be a freshman college student. Didn’t realize that he is already in college and wanting to transfer to UDel. So that is kind of up in the air too, right, and I think transfers might hear of admission results after freshmen decision deadline. Also he might not be guaranteed on campus housing as a transfer.
So that might be bad if D decides to go to UDel and then he doesn’t for one reason or other (if she is only wanting to go there because of him).
That’s why I was wondering if a gap year might give her some time to see how things with him will play out, before she starts college.
But it might also make her more dependent on him, if she is at home, and he is at college.
My D is 2 hours away from home. She and her boyfriend of several years make it work. She needed to go to the school where the pharmacy program is. They skype and try to visit once or twice a month.
I really don’t think your D would regret going to either IU or Pitt from what you wrote about major flexibility. I don’t know much about UDel, other than that it is supposed to be a good school as well.
Are any scholarships involved at any of the schools?