<p>Thanks for the advice! What is DE? I will have to look into that. </p>
<p>I agree that it’s hard to know what you want to do when you’re in eighth grade! I wasn’t premed until junior year in college. OTOH, hubby said he’s wanted to be a doctor since grade school. </p>
<p>I guess at this point speculating about the future is mostly for entertainment purposes…</p>
<p>My son has stopped talking about playing for the Red Sox, now he’s onto making movies. I have viewed countless scenes of my house blowing up, catching on file, fighter jets passing overhead…the important thing to keep in mind is that it is a good thing when they are interested in SOMETHING. It really doesn’t matter that much what; it’s the drive to immerse themselves in an activity and get to the point of mastery and excellence that’s important. And they really need to “own” their hobbies, ECs, schoolwork, etc., and not work solely to please their parents (although a little of that is okay :))</p>
<p>Well I guess DE must be distance education. My kids have done some online courses and it worked well for the older but not so much the younger. Not sure how much was age and how much personality- I suspect a little of both. </p>
<p>What DE courses have your kids done/do you recommend?</p>
<p>Thanks also for the tips for Lego loving kids… Another thing to check out!</p>
<p>I think DE may be dual enrollment. Have no idea how that operates or what it means for college.</p>
<p>I don’t think that most 8th graders can accurately predict what they’ll want to be when they go to college, but I do think that a child’s dreams can provide a window into who they are, and how they think about themselves at that moment in time. </p>
<p>I had the cutest conversation with one of our fourth graders at school the other day. He told me “It used to be that the only thing I wanted to be was an NBA player, but my dad told me you should have more than one plan. So, now I want to grow up, go to college and become an engineer. I’ll do that until I’m bored, maybe 20 years, and then I’ll join the NBA”. I loved the whole conversation, partially because we work so hard with our students to convince them that they can see college as an option, and partially because the idea of a 42 year old NBA rookie appeals to me at my advanced age. I don’t think that particular dream will come true for that particular child, but I do think we can listen to it and learn about what makes this kid’s heart sing (sports, and problem solving), and who he looks up to (Dad), and how thinks about his future (with confidence).</p>
<p>Jane, I think you’re right. Most of the now-adult kids I know showed some interest in the area they later chose to study or work at when they were young. My niece may not have really known what an “office job” was, but she did study business and works in an office when she grew up. And the Mythbusters didn’t exist yet when my S was little, but he ALWAYS wanted to know how things worked or how to fix broken stuff. I knew before he was in school that his cousin’s idea of heaven-office jobs, would be his LEAST favorite.</p>
<p>New topic-what are your kids’ schools doing for 8th grade promotions/end of year? Our school does an awards day for the whole school, and an evening promotion ceremony for the 8th graders. They specifically don’t call it a graduation.</p>
<p>Then they’re going on an overnight to Portland, for which they’re fundraising though various activities-parents’ night out is my D’s area of organization-watching the little kids is her idea of perfect. It’s a really affordable trip and it’s educational, so the PTO can help fund any of the kids who can’t afford it even with the fundraising. I’d go as a chaperone, but it would involve sleeping on the floor and my body can’t do floors anymore. The perils of being an “old mom”.</p>
<p>Hi everyone,</p>
<p>Just saying Hello to all of you. I’ve got a graduating HS Senior this year so my focus has been on her, but starting next year I guess I’ll start planning for my middle child- a son- who will graduating HS in 2017. Whoo hoo! It will be interesting to go down this path again and hopefully with more wisdom and less stress than the first time.</p>
<p>Moonpie, your posts on what to do when were amazing. I saved them in a Word file for future reference. You rock!</p>
<p>My kids attend a small school (well, the older two do and the youngest starts 6th grade there next school year) and there is an 8th grade retreat and then graduation. Not sure the date on that or what’s expected. </p>
<p>My son will be taking English 9H, Biology, Algebra 2 (they do the Algebras in line with each other so Geometry follows), Spanish 2, PE, whatever the 9th grade history class is and I guess something else. I haven’t a clue. I need to go look. There isn’t a lot of choice for 9th grade beyond the math/science track and the honors English.</p>
<p>Looking forward to getting to know all of you, although I’m not a frequent poster, especially once things get really busy.</p>
<p>Our school does a “graduation” ceremony for the 8th graders in the High School gym. My son went last year because the chamber chorus sang, and said that there are a couple speeches by kids, one by the principal, chamber chorus sings, band plays, they all go home. He says they don’t call individual names. </p>
<p>The main thing I know about graduation is that every kid gets 4 tickets. 2 for the bleachers in the gym, and 2 to watch a video feed in the auditorium, and every year the parent listserv is full of complaining, scheming and trading.</p>
<p>We went to last year’s middle school graduation as well because older son is in orchestra. There is a separate awards ceremony for the whole school. Graduation sounds similar to others, few speeches, kids in uniform but not cap and gown, everyone walks across the stage. Kids whose parents or relatives have a relationship with the school can have them give them their diploma. All followed by a small reception (coffee and donut style). </p>
<p>Jane your story of the kid who wanted to be an engineer and go to the NBA was so cute! </p>
<p>And I agree that while my kids don’t know exactly what they want to so, they are showing inclinations. Neither one will be a history or English major, or athlete or musician. Something STEM for sure. It will be interesting to see where they will end up.</p>
<p>My kids are at a school where upper school is 7-12 grade. 7/8 is considered Jr. High with 9-12 being High School. There are only a few distinctions between Jr. High and High school so the move from 8 to 9 is not considered a big deal and nothing is done to mark the transition (thankfully).</p>
<p>Our D’17 goes to a catholic grade school, up to 8th grade, so we celebrate 8th grade graduation, which is a school mass in our church, and a get together afterwards in the school hall with cake and a slide show of their past 9 years together. All the kids end up going to mostly different high schools, so the cake has eveyone’s name on it in frosting, and the high school they will attend, in their high school colors. Always a neat cake! Sometimes there is an after party for the graduates and immediate families, and it seems like the kids stay for awhile after the parents leave…but then the parents go back to pick up the kids.</p>
<p>Also, the 7th grade class and parents set up/serve cake and punch/clean up for the 8th grade graduation, so the 8th graders and their parents/famiies can enjoy themselves :)</p>
<p>Ourgirls,</p>
<p>That sounds like a really sweet tradition.</p>
<p>CuriousJane - it’s a great tradition! Another tradition in our parish is that the second Saturday in February the 8th graders receive their high school admittance letters…we live in a city that has a lot of catholic high schools and all acceptance letters are sent on Friday. Once your DD or DS get their letter you go and get balloons in their school colors and tie them to your porch (a lot of bungalows and smiliar type houses with porches in the area). Our parish school is small, and most of the kids live in the neighborhood, so we usually leave for 5:00 mass early that evening and drive around to see where kids were accepted. Of course it’s all known right away because of FB and twitter and all, but the tradition still stands. First communicants receive a large white bow that parents attach on their front door…I love our parish traditions!</p>
<p>That sounds great! Is your daughter excited about the high school she’ll be attending?</p>
<p>I have a question for all of you. What kinds of rules or expectations do you have for where your kids can go, and how often they check in, and what time they come home?</p>
<p>I tend to be pretty “free range” and we live in a safe area with great public transportation, and I’m happy my kid is gaining the confidence and the skills to go out and explore, but I’m starting to feel like we need some limits, so I’m wondering what other people do.</p>
<p>Today for example, he left the house slightly before seven a.m., and he hasn’t come home yet 12 hours later. I’ve called a few times to check in, so I have a vague idea of what he’s done. So far, he’s reffed 4 little kid soccer games, went to Chipotle, went back to the field to wait forhis BFF to finish reffing and then to the BFF’s house to play video games, and is now at “a party”. The party is at a friend of the Bff’s house, and he assures me that the parents are home, although I didn’t insist on talking to them. Maybe I should have? </p>
<p>Anyway, what are your limits for your kids?</p>
<p>CuriousJane -</p>
<p>That’s a tough one! We don’t have good public transportation where we live so the kids are pretty dependent on us to drive them everywhere. So the scenario you describe is essentially unheard of for us. I do remember one time S1 (13 yo) took off on his bike without his cell phone (bike ride was with my permission although in retrospect I wish I had sent his phone with him) and it was very disconcerting for me not to know where he was. He did eventually come home for dinner.</p>
<p>That being said, when I was 13, I had free range of a major city. School would let out before 3PM and I would be on my own until my parents came home. I would often take public transportation downtown, hang out with my friends, come home and finish HW (maybe) or more likely, watch lots of TV before my parents came home. Even before this, when we lived in the suburbs, I had free range of the neighborhood on my bike. </p>
<p>The trend these days seems to be a lot less independence for young people, perhaps to their detriment.</p>
<p>So — I think if your son has been gone for 12 hrs but you’ve spoken to him throughout the day, it seems like a reasonable amount of freedom for a mature 13 year old, if perhaps a bit more than what our kids are used to. I think there are some caveats… do you know his friends and do you trust them; same with parents of friends; same with son; and specifically, has son shown that he is reliable and trustworthy.</p>
<p>The worse case scenario of course is adolescent experimentation that veers into self-destructive behavior but I’m not sure that intense scrutiny of our kids necessarily prevents that.</p>
<p>I know the Bff and I’d describe both boys (mine, and friend) as pretty responsible, with a good head on their shoulders. I don’t know the kid whose house they’re at. I think my son just met him today.</p>
<p>I don’t have any reason to suspect that my son is experimenting with anything, and if he was I don’t know that a curfew would stop it, but I’m also worried that if I don’t set limits now, and then try to impose them on a sixteen year old it could be rough. Maybe that’s just borrowing trouble though. </p>
<p>I think we need some reasonable limits. I’m just not sure what they are.</p>
<p>Hmm. Going to a party when I don’t know the kid hosting would not go over well with us. It would make me uncomfortable - I would have at least wanted to talk to the parents, like you mentioned in your previous post. I might not have let him go. </p>
<p>One issue might be that limits that I have arbitrarily and unilaterally set don’t seem to be well tolerated these days, even for my 13 yo. Perhaps a heart to heart when he gets home, or even tomorrow? Find limits that mutually make sense? </p>
<p>Here is an example of a reasonable limit I might propose - when he goes out in the morning, he needs to tell you where he is going and when he is coming back… if there is a change in plan, he needs to check in with you to make sure it is OK? That way, if you had made plans expecting him to come home, he is respecting you by keeping to his previous word.</p>
<p>Also, that is a reasonable expectation not just for a 13 year old, but for any adult. Experts recommend similar guidelines for campers going to the backcountry. And when you’re sending your 13 year old out into the wide world, it may as well be backcountry.</p>
<p>On a related note - I agree that curfews alone will probably not make much of an impact on typical problem teen behavior issues (sex, drugs, alcohol). Nor is it possible to prevent all harm to our kids by supervision and curfews. Building good communication and trust are probably more important, along with education centered on values and moral reasoning with your kid. </p>
<p>It’s tough. Not easy to share, but we’ve already had to have a porn discussion with our kids because it’s being shared amongst the boys at school. Shocked and disappointed.</p>
<p>In a perfect world I would be more free range, as we live a block from a bus that connects to a major meeting point for other routes in one direction and a transit center in the other. But while D may BE 13, she LOOKS about 18, and gets way too much attention from much older men even when she’s with me. Seriously-I’ve been walking next to her and guys hang out of their cars and proposition her! So, she doesn’t do public transportation alone from the house. Maybe in a few years? Maybe never?</p>
<p>She is involved in many activities, and most are actually not within a reasonable bus ride, so we drive her anyway, and her friends are mostly in another town, so we drive her THERE. Basically, it’s a few years out that she’d be leaving in the morning and moving around throughout the day, just checking in. Her older sister was doing that at around 9-10th grade, though. That’s because she went to a nearby school, we lived on a different busline and her friends were all very close by. It’s hard to let go, but basic rules had to be set down and followed for it to work.</p>
<p>You have to have a series of ongoing conversations-about situations they might encounter, people they’ll meet, etc. and how to react. Give them the “you can call me to come get you no questions asked if you’re in a jam” speech. That’s important-because they know there’s always an out if they get in over their heads. And my older D DID use it once, at a party for her swim team where it was mostly older kids and she wasn’t comfortable.</p>
<p>We’re not at curfew stage yet, as D goes to bed really early being one of those people who needs tons of sleep. But her sister had to either be home or call if she was running late. If she called I did often let her stay out (we’re talking older-16-17 though). At 13, 12 hours out would be more than long enough for me.</p>