I need to get my kids to understand that it’s on them when the teacher isn’t clear, or when something isn’t on Moodle or Chalkable (the two systems currently in use, tho’ Google Classroom is on deck for one school). They are quick to blame everything but themselves - I don’t know where it comes from, because it certainly doesn’t work with us - and they somehow think that absolves them and it’s all butterflies and pandas.
Planning: My son19 takes a photo of the homework written on the white board in class every day. They use Google classroom too, and I think the homework is noted in there too, but I’m not certain. He then uses the Notes section on his phone to remind himself what he needs to do every day. I’ve told him that there are probably better IOS Apps for tracking homework and assignments but he is comfortable in his method so I just let him go with it. So far he has done pretty well managing everything, but sophomore year seems to be more demanding than freshman year was.
He is taking H Geometry and H Alg 2 at the same time and it is a lot of work. Throw in H Chemistry and he is really doing a lot of homework every day. He does not have a lot of free time left as he is playing soccer and involved with robotics too. Busy!! I am impressed with how determined he is to get it all done and not slack.
I like the idea of taking a photograph of the board, if the teacher allows that. DD uses a planner and it helps her.
There will always be that one teacher who isn’t clear, forgets to share, never uploads grades, won’t respond to emails or other forms of communication. I guess that’s when the Nerd Herd has to step in and compare notes… 
Did I mention how much I loved the expression “nerd herd”?
Our kids aren’t allowed to turn on their phones in school at all, so that’s out.
@Gatormama Yep. Personal responsibility big over here. No blaming others. At all. Certainly not the teacher. There are bad teachers but you still have to learn the material. Last night, our S19 couldn’t figure out the pre-calc and said something about the teacher rushing the class today and I told him to get his face in his textbook or get on Kahn. They all have to learn that they are each in charge of their own learning. When that didn’t work, he ended up just Googling the concept and finding another source that helped.
If they learn one thing in high school, I want our kids to know that. I don’t mind that they need to still be reminded. They are young and these are teachable moments!
@homerdog For Calc help with D17, I found Calcchat to be a lifesaver. www.calcchat.com allows you to find your textbook, and then provides step by step solutions for all of the odd problems in the book. It certainly helped refresh my memory and allowed me to point D17 in the right direction.
We also take personal responsibility in our home, but I don’t agree that the teacher is never to blame. We dealt with a teacher who would put conflicting assignments on the board and in the portal , would change due dates without notice or have conflicting dates in the board and in the portal. My son spent many days emailing her for clarification. Sometimes he’d get a prompt response , other times not .
We found Yay Math on you tube to be helpful for additional instruction.
@carolinamom2boys I guess I didn’t really mean to say that the teacher isn’t to “blame”…just that it doesn’t help to blame her/him. It’s an attitude thing. I think it’s ok to acknowledge that the teacher can make a class difficult for so many reasons that seem unfair but to spend any time saying “it’s not fair” doesn’t help. Once our kids start talking like that, it’s down the rabbit hole and hard to get anything done.
Believe me, I still hear “it’s not fair” about many things from both of our kids, but they just have to push past it. I really don’t like the victim mentality.
The positive out of the situation was he learned that he had to check behind her.
As a college professor, I would like to thank you for your efforts in this direction, @Gatormama (and I presume that sentiment is shared by K–12 teachers, too). When we look out at a sea of student faces who aren’t saying that (or even looking like) they’re not getting what’s being requested of them, we have to take that as them understanding what’s being requested of them, because we only have a limited time to cover what we need to cover. It takes a student being willing to ask for clarification to clue us in to needing to explain more.
^^^^^^^^^ I teach D21 the same thing. It is her responsibility and we can’t not expect the teacher to read the kids’ minds.
D21’s friends say she goes up to the teachers all the time to clarify and raises her hand in class more than any kid.
Also D made a 63 on an assignment because she was out sick the day it was due. She tried to hand it into the teacher during class but the teacher has a strict policy of only accepting late work before or after class.
She forgot to turn it in during those times and he deducted 30 points for lateness.
We had a great conversation about policies and how important it is know each teachers’ policy and follow it.
boy that 63 hurt, but I bet she never turns in another assignment late!
Teaching her self responsibility and being pro active are life long skills.
Yep, it’s critically important. “But it’s not FAIR” does not cut it outside of third grade.
D has a Chinese teacher who actively dislikes her. D is loud and boisterous and not at all feminine in most behavior (though she insists she doesn’t disrupt class or anything) and we suspect the teacher might disapprove of her non-girly attitude from a cultural perspective.
But the teacher also cannot control her class, D says, and D says other students in the class routinely talk constantly and act out and that it’s hard to learn anything because of all the noise – I have to believe her after going to back to school night and seeing that a “new rule” this year was that the students could not line up at the door before the bell rang. Really?! She had to make this a rule?? … This was her first year last year, btw…she’s very young – anyway, we tell D she has to work doubly hard in this class, and the teacher’s disapproval matters not one whit, because this is the only Chinese class and she’s gotta get through it.
It is absolutely on the kids to capture the information and, in the absence of poorly given information, to figure out a way to get it. The reality is they will have bad bosses, unreliable co workers and the only person they can count on, is themselves. It is up to them to get the information regardless of how well, or poorly it is presented or available to them.
I have zero tolerance for victim mentality. Life isn’t fair and the sooner they learn that well, the better in my book.
With 4 kids I have only attempted to intervene twice when there was clear teacher error/issues and frankly in both cases I got absolutely nowhere but my child did.
In the latest one (AP Physics last year for my S17) had it not resolved itself I would have run it up the flagpole. There is a huge difference in my book for missed instructions/unclear, failure to respond on the students timeline and in that case, having kids take a very very difficult semester final that they had been told the entire semester had the ability to improve their grade (if you did better on the semester final than your cumulative grade in the class going into it, the higher grade would prevail as your semester grade) and then never actually grading the final, telling kids how they did, or it impacting their grade at all and final semester grades being recorded without it. While I do understand family emergencies and sick leave…the failure to communicate at ALL about it, at a certain point over weeks and breaks, became unacceptable to me.
The only additional intervention I have done is when my child was struggling in a class and that’s a different animal entirely. I’ve never received anything but support from teachers. In those cases I cannot always count on my child to attempt to get themselves the help they need and I will, if I have to, force the issue. As with the above, only twice ever, with 4 kids.
Bottom line is there are some times when it is ok, and appropriate, to be their advocate. Most of the time though…99.9% of the time…it’s on them!
@eandesmom, are there multiple areas on your grades website? I know on the actual ‘grades’ section of ours, you only see assignments/tests and current quarter grades. But, there’s also a ‘transcript’ tab where you can see everything and that includes their gpa.
@LexieAnn I am not seeing a transcript tab. The only way to even see the grades is from a small link at the bottom of the dashboard page, it’s not on own page that has a dedicated link.
Well darn, @eandesmom. It was worth a shot!
It definitely was! I’ve emailed the counselor
Just had back to school night last night and the constant refrain from teachers was encourage your kids to advocate for themselves. The highlight of the night for me was when S19’s pre-Calc honors teacher, who also had him last year, stopped me on the way in the door to tell me how absolutely delighted she was to have him again. She said she really appreciated the unusual way his brain works and that he is willing to speak up and share his thoughts in class. Since he only pulled off a B last year despite a very firm grasp of the material I had been afraid she would be frustrated to have him again so it was wonderful to hear. When you have a quirky kid it is priceless to have teachers who clearly understand him even if they give him the grade he deserves based on the well defined grading procedures. After back to school night I feel very blessed to have the school and the teachers he has this year.
DS19 has been recommended for Governors Honors (Trumpet) from our school. This is a surprise because usually at our school they recommend all 11th graders not any 10th graders. His older brothers were recommended in 11th grade (English & Acting) but they didn’t end up getting picked. It will be interesting if he does.
Hi,
Took S to our first college fair last night. We are in STL region. We prepared by getting a list of engineering programs from his counselor. I had prepped him before we walked in on what top engineering schools were there and he did seem to visit them with his friends. I wandered around solo and talked to AL, Purdue, Wash U STL, Minnesota, and U of Dayton. I did approach Vanderbilt and spoke to a graduate briefly. That was a nice touch. Mo S&T was mobbed and its a given, so I didn’t worry about it.
He is pretty independent and capable. He seems to be learning how to study in high school. He’s got really solid grades and rigor, so engineering is not unrealistic. We’ve got cost in the conversation from the start. I think the biggest hook for him was showing him Alabama’s out of state merit program brochure as we ate dinner. University of Dayton does a nice job too with merit aid too. Minnesota he could come out with no debt as they are so crazy affordable for a Big10 school (compared to Michigan and UIUC anyway).
He took the ACT and will take pSAT next month. I am praying he tests well. I mentioned taking a prep course and he was very open to it.
At dinner he mentioned he read a NYT article on college rankings being meaningless and did a writing practicum on it for Comm Arts this week. He was also totally open to going to a summer Engineering camp when last year he was not.
So he’s engaged.