@MACmiracle yes, the not turning in homework worries me also. We have made it very clear to S20 that we are not planning to pay thousands of dollars a year for him to not turn in his work. He will need a better way to track things than just in his head 
I would also like him to be relatively close to home and he seems to want that also, but I donāt think he actually wants to live at home. He also wants a large university where he wonāt have personal relationships with professors. I get that because I wanted that also and went to UCSD. But without teachers or parents to keep him accountable, I wonder how he will do.
Hereās hoping lots of maturation occurs in the next year!
@tutumom2001 and @MACmiracle at the beginning of oldestās high school career, we stressed out a lot more about our childās GPA (currently around a 3.5 uw, 4.1 w). Handing in work and studying for classes that arenāt as āinterestingā are the culprits at our house. For the first year of high school, we (the parents) stayed on top of these issuesā¦and oldest finished that first year with close to a 3.8 uw average.
Then spouse and I had an epiphany. Oldest would be leaving for college in 3 years and neither spouse nor I wanted to go back to college, or ride herd on an adult in college. So we stopped supervising and pushing for assignments to be handed in and studying to be done every night. We decided it was time to let oldest sink or swim.
Sophomore year was rough in lots of way (we are grateful we all came out of that year stronger) and the GPA definitely took a hit. But it was our childās grades, our childās work and not the product of us pushing and pulling across a finish line. Oldest learned a lot about how hard they could work and how they could fix mistakes made and move on.
Junior year was stronger (at a 3.5 now, as I said). And oldest is completely responsible for their own homework, their own writing, their test prep. I am a lot more confident that oldest is ready to actually go off to college and be able to be successful independently. Oldest found a job independently and not only doing well at school but getting a lot of positive feedback at a job that they love (and pays surprisingly well!). The pride oldest has now in their school work (and paid job) is immense, in part because it is all their own work and effort.
We had to let go of what we knew was possible for this particular child (standardized test scores are amazing) and accept and celebrate the child we have. We have fully embraced āLoving the kid on our couchā. We are now approaching senior year and this list of colleges to apply to has been made, work (I assume) is being done on the essays necessary and grades continue in the same vein for a student who loves what they love and tolerates what is required.
Good luck, I know from experience it can be frustrating, exhilarating and occasionally funny as heck to deal with a high school age child.
@beebee3 I am so impressed and completely agree with you!!!
My older kids think that my D20 is āgetting off easyā because I donāt bug her about her grades or test prep. My theory is that I want her at a college that she will thrive at. I have seen way too many (really too many) kids come home after a semester or two because they couldnāt take the rigors of their college. I want her to go somewhere that she will be able to live her life, be happy, and do well, all without me bugging her. I wonāt be there. I wonāt have the connections. Iāve already graduated college. I donāt need to do it again. Sure I could push and punish and get her test scores and GPA up near perfect heights (I believe that she had the ability) but what happens when Iām not hounding her. Sheās making her own choices now, and honestly is taking a ton of ownership and Iām thrilled. She doesnāt have the choices in college selection that the other ones had, but she had choices based on her performance and I think sheās going to be very happy and thrive at nearly any of the schools on her list.
She is certainly a student who āloves what she loves and tolerates what is requiredā.
Thanks for making me feel like Iām not the only one 
My S20 is also a bit of an underachiever. He ended up with an A- (89) in AP Lang because he didnāt turn in three assignments. He said he didnāt think he was close enough for them to make a difference.
And now I found out that his underachieving could have a significant financial impact. His second choice right now is Washington State and they changed their WUE award. It was $10k for an UW 3.0 or higher. Now itās $11k for 3.4 or higher and $7k for 3 to 3.39. Heās at about 3.32. He easily could have been over 3.4 with a bit more effort.
But on the plus side, I was playing with the NPC for Arizona (his top choice), and according to that, theyāll give him an extra $6k when our daughter is in college, sheās a year behind him.
@MuggleMom Yes! We want oldest at a school that will be the right match. I have to admit I am loving oldestās college list as it currently stands, and we have found so many schools that are absolutely incredible. There are so many great schools under the radar which have brilliant professors, good facilities and room for students to stretch (academically and otherwise).
You are exactly right that taking ownership is the highlight we have seen with our childās development. And, having gone to a Top 10 college myself, I saw a lot of exceptionally smart, not-ready-for-prime-time college students drop out, or get discouraged and not realize their potential at a school that wasnāt the right fit. We didnāt want to drag oldest along to a school selection that wasnāt right (but really impressive to others) through excessive oversight.
@Johnny523 The search for merit is real. We spent a lot of time investigating where to find merit that would make schools our oldest liked affordable for our family. Again, we were lucky that oldest decided small LAC was the way they wanted to go as we were able to find several schools that fit all the parameters oldest had (the list of wants/requirements was ridiculously long and detailed - which ironically made it easy to narrow down to about a dozen serious contenders) that also offered great merit.
I think it helped that we were open about the financial budget early. We tried to make sure a school didnāt hit the college list if we knew the finances were a no-go. Some great schools oldest liked were dropped (not without some angst on the part of oldest), but I think being open about our finances constraining choice (just as much as GPA and test scores can) helped us a family navigate what can be stressful.
@beebee3 The whole system fascinates me. There are so many different things to look at. Heāll get some good merit aid from Arizona, although itās expensive to begin with. And something else to factor in is that they have an accelerated masterās for environmental science in five years. So if he gets into that, it saves a year of grad school costs, which is significant.
But like everyone else, weāll see what he gets offered and what makes the most sense.
@MACmiracle Try taking black tea bags and soaking them in cold water as compresses around the eyes. A good strong black tea (like an english tea) I believe its the tannins that help with the sunburn. Can also make a strong tea concentrate and use strips of soft cloth soaked in the solution. old wives remedy but worth a try!
@Johnny523 I can empathize that situation is frustrating to you, (D20 needs just one more point on ACT to earn more scholarship $ so trust me I get it!)ā¦but let me add to my voices of stressing that the kids need to take ownership NOW of assignments etc.
My nephew was classic under achieverā¦super smart kid but wouldnāt turn in homework ābc I ace the tests so the homework is stupidāā¦he realized senior year how much more scholarships he could have gotten if only he had turned in homeworkā¦which of course was a little too late. BUT he is now successfully finished his first year of college with an excellent GPA in aerospace engineeringā¦the lesson finally stuck. Similar thing happened to my DH (we started dating his freshman year of college)ā¦only he LOST his full tuition scholarship bc he learned this hard lesson freshman yearā¦ ;/ So while the lower scholarship money is painful- hopefully your son can learn āthe lessonā in high school and KEEP the money, even if a lower amountā¦
@engineermomof2 Thank you ā¦ at least I have hope for the future! She told me last night about how hard sheās studying and how her āteachers donāt teachā blah blah blah. Well, yeah, if you skip class, donāt hand stuff in and get behind in reading, school becomes much more difficult.
It really is amazing how grades improve when you do the reading, go to class, turn in your assignments and keep up with things rather than cramming for the exam the night before. (sarcasm intended)
@engineermomof2 We let him take ownership starting freshman year. Weāve monitored his grades to make sure he wasnāt struggling or falling behind and heās done fine for the most part. He didnāt know what he wanted to go into until this year, so I donāt think he understood the importance of grades until now that heās really getting excited about college.
@SweetSoulMusic have you considered UNC-C? And ECU has MechE and I hear great things, its a small department and a very close knit group.
My S20 is in exams this week and I donāt feel good about them. He started new job life guarding and I donāt think he studied enough. GPA may suffer. He is also taking the ACT gain on 6/8 and he isnāt doing any prep work, He really needs to gain a few points for the one reach on his list (NCSU)
And I really worry about this child getting things done on his own freshman year away from home! I know they grow up a lot in the next year but this child canāt even put his laundry away. I do not want to spend the money to send him away and then find out at the end of the year that he hasnāt gone to class or done his workā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.
Is anyoneās kid taking the SAT this morning? Good luck to all taking it! My son finished finals yesterday. Heās exhausted and this is not an ideal day to take it. But hopefully heāll improve a bit and wonāt have to take for a third time in August!
Anyone know if smaller LACās for the B+ student typically require supplemental essays? We havenāt narrowed down our list yet as we are taking a lot of summer tours but was just curious how much time my D will need to allot to extra essays. I know on the regular 2019 thread some kids were writing 20+ extra essays but iām assuming the higher tier schools require a lot more than āaverageā schools. Right now we are looking at schools like Hobart, Marist, Dickinson, Univ of Scranton, Elon, and several others.
Also, are there major differences between the Common App and the other app (I forget the name)? I know at least Elon uses the āother oneā and am wondering how much of a turnoff that will be for my D.
Finally, are people getting emails already to start applying? My D got two last week saying their applications are open. Iām tempted to have her do one, just to get a bird in hand and get some practice with the whole process.
Elon now uses the common app.
@MAmom111 I have not seen many supplemental essays required at the āinclusiveā (meaning admission rates greater than 50%) LACs. One exception is if you are a test optional applicant, you are often asked to write some short additional essays.
@Marcie123 I gave my D the option to retake the SAT today or write a killer essay before she leaves on a trip to Europe in two weeks. Iāll need to remind her today of what her decision was and that she better get writing!!
@murray93 Iām going to give him June off. He is in a summer basketball league and plays almost every day. But July we have two college trips planned and Iām going to give him deadlines and hopefully the common app essay will be finished by end of July. We did brainstorm some ideas and settled on something that I think may be good. Weāll see when he starts writing.
@MAmom111 Most of the LACs oldest is applying to do have at least one āsupplementalā essay on the common app - usually a āWhy Us?ā question. I missed seeing those the first I investigated the college app and I have a feeling that write those well will be trickier than the common app essay prompt.
The āWhy Usā essay seems to usually have a hard cap of 250 words (at the schools oldest is applying to) and I think writing clearly and concisely is a lot harder than it looks, especially with an open ended question like āWhy Us?ā.
@Marcie123 S20 is not doing the SAT today as he is taking a Kaplan course at school in July and will test again in August.
Just as well too, because we spent last night in urgent care and heās on crutches today with his left foot in a boot after a horrible sprain and possible torn tendon. He was jumping at Sky High (really hate that place).
@thedreamydaisy sorry to hear about your sonās ankle. I hope he heals quickly and the pain subsides soon.
@beebee3 my daughters had a harder time with the common app essay than the supplements. My oldest didnāt like writing about herself. She felt it was bragging. My younger daughter had many meltdowns during her common app writing. Ultimately, I loved her essay. It was fun and quirky but really captured her personality and what she was trying to convey in her application. Neither had problems with the supplements because they were more straightforward and not as personal.